December 28, 2003 EhBC Online Discussion

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<ModBot> Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. Tonight's discussion topic is "BDSM and Family Time". The discussion is unmoderated. Enjoy!
<Symmetre> yay ModBot
<DarkAngel^> ya ,, what he said
<cynful_cynthia> Good Evening MasterGuny
<MasterGuny> hi cynful_cynthia
<DarkAngel^> well so much for what he said
<becky> lol
<Symmetre> so what about bdsm and family time?
<cynful_cynthia> What do you mean exactly?
<Symmetre> well, that's evidently tonight's topic
<Symmetre> how do people divide the two?
<Symmetre> how do you reconcille quality time with vanilla relatives with a bdsm lifestyle?
<delyssa> very carefully, in my situation.
<cynful_cynthia> Ohhhhhh well.......I generally polite and bored but manage to remain charming
<Symmetre> lol
<becky> ummm my only close relatives know about my lifestyle interests so it isn't an issue really... i just make time for everything
<Symmetre> when family comes to visit, or when you visit vanilla family ... how do you discreetly maintain a bdsm dynamic with your partner without
<Symmetre> oops
<Symmetre> without putting anyone on the spot?
<spirited_sassy> when you get up to do something for your Master make sure that you ask everyone in the room whether they want or need anything
<cynful_cynthia> I make sarcastic remarks like ummmmmm yes, those people with gential piercings must be crazy....who are their parents!!!!!!
<DarkAngel^> very good point spirited_sassy
<Symmetre> are there any little clues or coded communications between you and your partner to keep the dynamic clear without alerting vanilla relatives?
<DarkAngel^> may I PM spirited_sassy ?
<Symmetre> for instance ... with a former partner of mine
<Symmetre> I would jokingly address her by her full name .... first, middle, last .... when we were kidding around .... yet she knew I was quite serious when I addressed her that way
<cynful_cynthia> yes, we do that also
<DarkAngel^> nice signal Symmetre
<spirited_sassy> yes DarkAngel^
<Symmetre> it worked like a charm DA ... relatives always thought we were kidding around
<spirited_sassy> and we use hand signals and eye contact
<cynful_cynthia> I think in my family the younger generation is more understanding
<DarkAngel^> ty spirited_sassy
<Grey_Wolf59> yes eye contacts can be so significant
<Grey_Wolf59> and effective
<Symmetre> more understanding in terms of acceptance, cynful_cynthia? Or do they pick up on things better?
<cynful_cynthia> both, Symmetre
<spirited_sassy> my kids know the lifestye i lead
<Symmetre> interesting
<spirited_sassy> i live with my Master and sister
<cynful_cynthia> mine as well, one takes it well, and lets me know when kink fashion is on sale......the other...says I am a freak and would be embarassed if anyone else knew
<QuietSoul> sorry I'm late
<spirited_sassy> my boys just don't want to know details
<DarkAngel^> It's ok QuietSoul ,,, we dont take attendance
<QuietSoul> lol
<Symmetre> m aybe we should take attendance .... with appropriate punishments for tardy girlies
<spirited_sassy> my family just find it funny that i will wait hand and foot on someone other then them
<Symmetre> heh heh
<Grey_Wolf59> heh heh heh spirited sassy
<QuietSoul> if I was a girlie I would say sure, but since I am not I'll pass thank you
<QuietSoul> anyway
<Symmetre> lmao!
<cynful_cynthia> Some of my family have seen me work on fetish clothing designs and have seen me exit the house wearing it
<QuietSoul> I think BDSM and family time can blend together if all were in the lifestyle, such as if the parent introduced the children to the lifestyle.
<cynful_cynthia> I would not want my children at events as I would not my children in my bedroom while I was having sex
<MasterGuny> when I go home my slave will do things like sit at my feet or get my food for family just thinks Im being spoiled
<QuietSoul> However, a child going into the lifestyle on their own and trying to explain it to parents who wouldn't understand and might "freak"
<QuietSoul> would have a difficult time explaining to them their choice
<QuietSoul> I think you can balance both though
<spirited_sassy> we also get crap from our parents for serving our Master
<cynful_cynthia> yes we all play roles....parent, co-worker, child............
<arhiannah> i don't see it as balancing anything..i have issues "introducing" minor children to this lifestyle...if at some point..when he's of age and wants to know, then by all means i'll explain it..but until then, it's none of his business...
<spirited_sassy> and it is sometimes hard to explain in todays society
<QuietSoul> yes it is
<MasterGuny> I do not believe young children should know
<shareena^> it's private imo, just as I wouldn't share my sex life with my children
<MasterGuny> I am uncomfortable with a sub that involves them..I have known a few
<spirited_sassy> if you play in your home though the noises a child hears might need explaining
* cynful_cynthia remembers finding the ping pong paddles under her parents bed, still......I would not discuss the lifestyle with them
<QuietSoul> with technology you could explain that the noises were a DVD
<MasterGuny> if you are in a co habitation relationship do it when there other parent has the kids
<MasterGuny> or when they are out at a sitters
<MasterGuny> or when at a party
<QuietSoul> i agree
<arhiannah> noises can be dismissed...imho..."goofin' around" my house..i don't play when my son is home...
<spirited_sassy> ever try that with a child who is old enough to know better but still not of age?
<Symmetre> that's the scary part .... when kids hear stuff then talk with their friends
<Grey_Wolf59> Off to work... night all
<spirited_sassy> screams are hard to explain to a 16 year old without some explaining
<cynful_cynthia> My kids don't want to know, I don't think my sexual preference is thier business anyway
<Symmetre> yepper
<shareena^> what about gags
<shado> it's illegal to gag kids
<cynful_cynthia> How about sending the 16 year old out to the movies?
<MasterGuny> I went to a house where the kids were helping mom make floggers and paddles..I never went back
<spirited_sassy> lol shado
<Symmetre> lmao!!
<MasterGuny> but even with kids you can share a tug of the hair a slap on the butt etc
<spirited_sassy> my son's are 20 and 17 and wanted to know
<QuietSoul> surprising with all these shows now about sex, all these music videos showing sexual imagery and these stupid, dumb and worthless Reality Shows we still think as a taboo subject. Yet most teens have probably experimented more sexually then we probably did when we were their age.
<spirited_sassy> they got general info not specific
<spirited_sassy> i agree QuietSoul
<QuietSoul> But with the internet especially they have access to all this info now
<QuietSoul> so I hardly think BDSM is a really hush hush subject anymore
<spirited_sassy> i sent my to sites i thought were good info instead of letting them surf at random
<delyssa> it might not be hush hush or as taboo as it used to be, but I still don't think kids should know the specifics of their parent(s) sexual preferences, vanilla or otherwise.
<cynful_cynthia> The trendy stores sell fashion that could be worn to any BDSM event
<MasterGuny> I would rather leave what goes on in private private
<MasterGuny> I never new of my parents sexual preferences nor do I want to
<spirited_sassy> easier said then done MasterGuny
<QuietSoul> Yes discussing what mommy and daddy do in the bedroom is not appropriate
<cynful_cynthia> I agree
<QuietSoul> Kids don't really want to know.
<spirited_sassy> not specifics but damn it i want them to learn from me not others
<QuietSoul> They can't see mommy and daddy "humping" or doing anything remotely sexual.
<spirited_sassy> kids want to know they ask questions and i don't lie to my kids
<Symmetre> thing is though, a little knowledge is a very dangerous thing. Kids pick up bits of imagery from music videos and such ... and blindly accept these icons without any idea of what they really mean.
<spirited_sassy> so that is why we as parents need to explain
<cynful_cynthia> If my children were interested I would tell them to buy books on the subjects
<QuietSoul> That's why some kids are so screwed up. The media has created this HUGE mental Mind F--K
<QTIP> i can't accept that kids don't really want to know
<spirited_sassy> i agree QTIP
<spirited_sassy> if they ask they want to know
<QuietSoul> ture
<QuietSoul> true
<delyssa> As a teenager, I might have wanted to have some questions about sexuality answered, but I would not have wanted to know about my parents sex life.
<shado> you just have to listen carefully for what they really want to know
<QuietSoul> but I think the June and Ward Cleaver days are long behind us and a relic of a different generation
<QTIP> ...or you ask to clarify what info is required
<spirited_sassy> yepper QTIP
<spirited_sassy> not saying anything just lets them think that it isn't ok
<QuietSoul> some might think that "the family that plays together stays together."
<spirited_sassy> lol
<QTIP> stigma
<shado> no one ever thinks their parents had sex...i know mine didn't cause i'm adopted
<spirited_sassy> i don't want my family to watch but i want them to know what i am doing and that i am safe
<MasterGuny> you have to remember the age etc unless you want to be in a custody fight
<spirited_sassy> and what i'm talking about is not the sex aspect
<QuietSoul> well i've done things that if my parent's knew about they would just freak
<QuietSoul> like "mom, dad guess what i did four years ago...I drove down to New York and was in a fetish video" somehow I don't think they would be able to handle that.
<QuietSoul> so in some ways it is a double edged sword, we don't want to know what our parent's do, but yet they really don't want to know what we do privately.
<spirited_sassy> most likely not QuietSoul but what do you do when mom and dad see said video?
<Johncin> you might be surprised what parents can handle QuietSoul
<QuietSoul> tell them I didn't get nominated for the Oscar
<shado> lol
<spirited_sassy> lol
<QuietSoul> but I had fun
<cynful_cynthia> I just don't want to be the type of parent that says.......Do as I say......not as I do. So best not to let them know all that I do
<shado> how about the Golden Globe
<QuietSoul> Globes
<QuietSoul> bad pun
<spirited_sassy> would it not be better just not tio do cynful_cynthia?
<QTIP> i'd moved into a rental with my cousin. i heard my cousin telling my father, "let me get him, Uncle Ed." my dad walked into my bedroom to find me under the covers with my gf. quite an eye opener.
<cynful_cynthia> I sometimes think that.....but I still feel I was born *this way* I see that my children are different and I respect that.
<spirited_sassy> my parents where not those types and neither am i, if it is something i would not wish my kids to do i just don't do it
<jewel`{F}> i can't say that i am totally open and honest with my kids, but when a 13 yr old comes and asks me questions i answer her as honestly as i can with out going into intimate details
<QuietSoul> i guess it depends too, if you live the lifestyle 24/7 or just come out to play casually once in awhile, I think that would effect what you and wouldn't tell your kids and how you would balance a family life.
<cynful_cynthia> right you can talk about kink with out talking about your specific kink life
<MasterGuny> so if your child was gay you would be gay spirited_sassy?
<spirited_sassy> exactly cynful_cynthia
<spirited_sassy> not the same thing is it Guny
<MasterGuny> oh? it is your sexuality we are talking about
<MasterGuny> theirs may be entirely different
<spirited_sassy> i would except it the same way i hope they would accept that this lifestyle is not something i choose but something i am
<spirited_sassy> not it is not
<MasterGuny> so one should not reflect on the other
<spirited_sassy> my sexuality
<spirited_sassy> bdsm is not all about sex for everyone
<MasterGuny> it is a part of your sex life
<MasterGuny> or do you only practice bdsm outside the bedroom?
<spirited_sassy> yes sex is part of my sex life your right about that
<spirited_sassy> for me it is part of everyday not just the bedroom
<MasterGuny> but its not something you need to share with is a choice
<spirited_sassy> not a 5 year old no
<spirited_sassy> but a child who is old enough to ask "mommy why do you always sit at daddy's feet and get him everything he asks for"
<QTIP> i learned shame from my family concerning sex. i also learned shame from my parochial school upbringing. it took me years to leave that baggage behind.
<MasterGuny> my mother did that for 35 years I never asked
<spirited_sassy> why do you think that is?
<spirited_sassy> that you never asked ?
<jewel`{F}> it is part of who i am, it is part of my relationship with Fyre, the kids will see parts of it, my sitting on the floor in front of Him, my serving Him first at a meal, they see the devotion i have for Him as well
<MasterGuny> because we kids were on the couch and dad had the chair
<spirited_sassy> so you mother was a slave ?
<MasterGuny> don't know never asked
<cynful_cynthia> I made sure that my children knew I that I was thier Boss, I would not have a child of mine ordering me around
<spirited_sassy> and you followed in daddy's footsteps without ever having asked?
<MasterGuny> she was a stay at home mom that looked after my dad first but we never questioned it
<MasterGuny> yes
<spirited_sassy> ok but mine does and i should lie to her?
<MasterGuny> no its all in the details of the answers
<spirited_sassy> exactly
<MasterGuny> you could simply say I like sitting here
<spirited_sassy> i can answer questions without giving away everything
<cynful_cynthia> Depending on her age.....I would not tell her. Young children are not capable of understanding somethings
<cynful_cynthia> Good answer, MasterGundy
<spirited_sassy> yes you could and for a young child that would be enough but the older the child gets the more detail they want
<ModBot> There are only about five minutes left in the formal part of tonight's discussion. Does anyone have any last-minute thoughts on the subject?
<MasterGuny> but if you answer it early enough they won't challenge it because it has always been like that
<MasterGuny> they do question change more
<spirited_sassy> yes they do but as they grow they also become more curious
<jewel`{F}> when they happen to be out babysitting and catch KinK on tv they do tend to start asking more detailed questions
<spirited_sassy> unless of course they have no freinds
<spirited_sassy> nods to jewel`{F}
<QTIP> sex and sexuality is human
<jewel`{F}> it is easy enough when they are home with you to control somewhat the information they see
<QTIP> we either learn from those we love or we learn elsewhere
<jewel`{F}> but they have to go to school
<jewel`{F}> socialise at friends homes
<jewel`{F}> even babysit
<cynful_cynthia> you can answer questions about kinds of sex that you are NOT into....I would simply answer the same way
<cynful_cynthia> I would not say ......well......dear....Mommy has been a pain slut for 27
<spirited_sassy> the trick is to only answer the question not explain the lifestyle
<spirited_sassy> exactly
<ModBot> Well, that's it for the formal part of the discussion. The discussion log is now closed. It should be processed and uploaded to the website soon. Please feel free to continue chatting informallly. Have a good night, everyone!
<ModBot> Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion.
<jewel`{F}> i would much rather they came to me and asked me about it, than to get the information from the wrong sources