December 19, 2004 EhBC Online Discussion

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<ModBot> Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. We're having an open discussion tonight, with no set topic. The discussion is unmoderated. Enjoy!
<Breathes> still searching for a topic
* Marlin wonders what the topic is?
<sSinnergy> hello _dove, kierana
<Justice> anything you want Marlin
<sSinnergy> well, i am interested in learning about peoples struggle with privacy and public play
<motoki> how so, sSinnergy?
<Marlin> public as in a play party event?
<Marlin> or at the Walmart?
* jewel`{F} grins at Marlin
<jewel`{F}> does the grocery store count?
<keilei> it was a struggle in Walmart tonight
<sSinnergy> well, public as in play, yes... it's something I/i struggle with as a private person
<Marlin> yes
<sSinnergy> 'cleanup in aisle twelve?' sorry coudln't resist
<motoki> as in - feeling shy, sSinnergy?
<jewel`{F}> twas aisle 3
<Breathes> or do you mean privacy as in identity while at play party
<sSinnergy> yes, i feel shy in public, but i do worry -- that's tru Breathes
<motoki> i find focusing on the one i'm with helps me tune out everyone else
<Marlin> at a fet night there is no obligation to play in front of an audience
<Breathes> it probably doesn't help when you never know who might be there
<spirited_sassy{CP}> if you worry about identity at a public play party then it isn't for you
<Marlin> and what happens there stays there
<sSinnergy> motoki... when i met you at guelph, i felt pretty comfortable, but it's different going from a munch to a scene without taking risks....
<sSinnergy> true, i've fought with public scening... but i love it!
<motoki> yes it can be - still, i find focusing really helps
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i agree motoki........i use Sir to keep focused
<Breathes> I wonder if what end of the flogger you are on can also affect how a person feels about public play
* motoki nods nods
<Breathes> I love public play, but I'm a ham
<motoki> i don't know Breathes - i'm only on one end
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i don't think so Breathes
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i have been on both ends and no it doesn't make a difference
<kierana{DRFL}> not sure Breathes...Master tends not to like playing in public...just not His thang, but doesn't stop my playing in public as long as He trusts the Person on the other end of the flogger being used on me...*smiles*
<motoki> i get so focused that after playing (at a public event), it literally surprises me that there are other people there, let alone watching
<sSinnergy> see, right now I/i'm not in a 'play' relationsip... not a sub or a dom (I/i have switched with different partners).... perhaps that's part of the problem.
<Breathes> comfort and trust is a big part of it
<motoki> especially trust methinks
<motoki> many times i've been uncomfortable but still focused
<motoki> rarely am i as focused if i lack trust
<Breathes> although I think comfort comes with trust
<sSinnergy> trust and (if Dom''ing) responsibility?
<Jaysker{princess}> trust in yourself some as well i think
<motoki> there's nothing like a single tail to dissolve any comfort that came from trust
<kierana{DRFL}> lol motoki
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i have expicit trust in my Master but there are times when i am uncofortalbe
<spirited_sassy{CP}> uncomfortable
<spirited_sassy{CP}> damn fingers
* `abi notes that responsibility falls equally on the bottom
<Breathes> especially when the sub's comfort is part of the Dom's reposibility...although I thpught what was meant was physical comfort with playing in public not physical comfort as in pleasure or pain
<spirited_sassy{CP}> yep agreed `abi
* motoki agrees too
<kierana{DRFL}> same here spirited...not really comfy playing in public, myself...but very rarely uncomfortable enough to not play...for me, it has to do with what ppl see when i'm scening
<Breathes> or who the people are, maybe?
<motoki> i've heard that quite a bit - concern about what people see
<spirited_sassy{CP}> there are people around when i scene????????
<Marlin> many do not like the idea of being "on display"
<motoki> i'm more concerned about coping with what's coming my way
<`abi> just me spirited_sassy{CP} ;)
<krista-F> i;m like you spirited.......the pope could be in the front row for all i care
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i don't Marlin BUT Sir does so i do it for him
<motoki> ok well if the pope's in the front row, that changes everything
<kierana{DRFL}> doesn't matter who it might be, Breathes...couldn't care less about that...but what they see when i'm scening...i have issues with how i look
<sSinnergy> ummm, yes it can be very demanding just anticipating..... (yikes ;-)
<`abi> yes, his hat would get in the way of people's view motoki
<krista-F> i am so not caring about others and their opinions
<krista-F> i am doing what i want to do .with someone i want to experience it with
<kierana{DRFL}> yes, but you are absolutely beautiful and luscious, krista!!!!!
<krista-F> could be just the 2 or us...or 200.....not an issue......for me
<krista-F> LOL.......that is funny!!!!!!!!!!
<krista-F> but i love ya for saying it hon
<kierana{DRFL}> truth, babe!
<`abi> I think that if scening publicly didn't offer something that scening privately didn't, that people wouldn't do it
<spirited_sassy{CP}> that's right
<_dove> i agree abi. It's also not for everybody
<Breathes> unless it was the only option they had
<motoki> i know that i like public scening because it affords me a certain sense of safety
<`abi> quite true dove
<sSinnergy> it's safer in public sometimes...especially if you're new
<Marlin> I agree
<krista-F> yes.....for me it experience.....a person....i might not have the chance to play with in another manner
<motoki> of course, that can backfire too
<`abi> it also has a completely different energy
<Breathes> such as full house and no money for hotel, a public play party may be thier only option
<spirited_sassy{CP}> yes you can feed off others energy
<motoki> and it's just fun to socialize at play parties once you get to know more people
<krista-F> exactly motoki...i often attend on my own....and do not play.....i go to see friends..
<krista-F> and catch up with them
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i go to watch
<motoki> i've attended alone a couple/three times or so - felt weird, but that's just me
<Breathes> watch and learn
* spirited_sassy{CP} is a watcher
<`abi> and that's sometimes also the downside motoki ... I am often in absolutely no kind of headspace to socialize .. it's one of the things I find most difficult about public play
<motoki> i find watching is a double-edged sword for me
<kierana{DRFL}> same here, motoki...Wwe don't play at parties, usually...but you can find me with my hood on or chatting with friends
<krista-F> i enjoy well
<sSinnergy> (blushes) watching is not a bad thing...
<motoki> i'm drawn to watch, but then stop because i don't want watching another scene to influence how i respond within a scene
* Marlin does not watch, he leers
<Marlin> :o)
<motoki> hmm i never realized that before i just said it
<spirited_sassy{CP}> lol
<kierana{DRFL}> watching and learning is always a good thing...:)
<`abi> why not motoki?
<motoki> because i want to be authentic
<`abi> and response to something you've watched isn't authentic?
<spirited_sassy{CP}> hey when that whip hits it is an authentic owie
<motoki> no no - i mean that if i watch something .. like how another processes a certain type of scene ...
<motoki> i don't want to end up "copying" inadvertently
<motoki> hmmm very strange
<`abi> okay....but why would you do that?
<motoki> it wouldn't be done purposefully
<`abi> I know ... so why would it happen?
<_dove> i've learned a ton by watching other submissives in scene
<krista-F> i find the proccessing of pain to be internal.....not external
* motoki lies down on psych abi's couch
<spirited_sassy{CP}> it is individual
* `abi chuckles
<motoki> well see it all started when i was a little girl
<sSinnergy> it's not about pain for me so much as mental process (smile)...
<`abi> I'm just curious motoki ... it was an interesting comment
<princess{Jaysker}> Question is, motoki, what does it matter if you DID react in a way related to what you'd seen?
<motoki> ok seriously...
<Marlin> watching a scene can have an influence on the watcher
* motoki power thinks
<krista-F> ya......i just say.....i wanna do that!!
<princess{Jaysker}> Granted you feel it does - why is it a problem?
<motoki> i think it's just that i want to experience it before i watch it
<sSinnergy> and i know what motoki means, I/i react diffently with everyone
<sSinnergy> to the point of submitting to some and dominating others.
<motoki> gee whiz there's lots to it - hmmm
<Marlin> I have seen people space out simply watching
<_dove> If that were the case for me, i'd have had to wear a blindfold at the first DAL i attended
<motoki> it's more than wanting to be authentic ...
<sSinnergy> well, wearing a blindfold for a whole play party wow that would definitely be an authentic experience
<motoki> it's also that the vast majority of play parties i've attended, i've been with one person and itnently focused on them from before the party started til long afterwards
<kierana{DRFL}> lol sS
<motoki> so even when i watch others in those circumstances, i'm only partly watching
<motoki> the rest of me is focused
<_dove> sSinnergy - that was in context to motoki's comment about wanting to experience something before watching it
<sSinnergy> (writes that down on a piece of paper for later)
<princess{Jaysker}> that's a different thing, then, motoki.
<sSinnergy> LOL oh, sorry _dove
<princess{Jaysker}> that's more about the detachment one gets from subspace - and from that pov, I'd agree completely.
<sSinnergy> still...writing writing (grin)
<motoki> well, for me, detachment from sub space is another thing altogether
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i agree motoki
<`abi> I think the idea motoki is not to get caught up with the idea that there is a certain way that one should expect to respond
<princess{Jaysker}> sorry - not detachment =from= subspace, but detachment 'cause you're IN subspace.
<motoki> yes, that too, abi
* motoki nods to princess
<sSinnergy> hi catsbrat
<catsbrat{CM}> hi sSinnergy
<_dove> In the few play parties i've attended i have yet to see 2 people react the same way
<Marlin> exactly abi people react differently
* motoki still doesn't know what the reason is that she prefers to experience first, watch later LOL
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i have been to tons of parties and everyone reacts differently
<sSinnergy> it's always been a different experience for me... i'm afraid of when i get the same reaction from something so extreme.... unless it's a bomb of a party or somesuch
<_dove> Doesn't have to be a reason if it works for you motoki
<motoki> yabut i hate having free-floating reasonless actions
* motoki snickers
<_dove> lol
<Breathes> its not reasonless just ambiguous
<princess{Jaysker}> You mentioned not feeling authentic - is it something more off that branch?
<motoki> probably
<`abi> glad I could help keep you awake tonight motoki ;)
<motoki> lol abi
<princess{Jaysker}> Are you worried perhaps that seeing something, and then later noticing yourself doing it, will cause you to be self-critical? Wondering, in the scene, whether you're behaving authentically or showing off?
<`abi> what, motoki overanalyze? never!
<princess{Jaysker}> LOL
<motoki> well, that would be a logical assumption ... but i know for a fact i've never stopped and wondered that in mid-scene, so i don't think so
<motoki> shaddup abi LOLOL
<princess{Jaysker}> :)
<princess{Jaysker}> Just wondering.
<Breathes> I can feel the love
<Marlin> most people I have played with do not usually remember what was being done to them afterwards
<motoki> i find it blends together
<`abi> that's what marks are for
<motoki> but i can also pick out specific parts
<sSinnergy> (grins at 'abi)
<princess{Jaysker}> certainly true in my limited experienced, Marlin.
<motoki> lol abi
<sSinnergy> Bernie!
<BernieRoehl> Hi sSinnergy
<Marlin> makes it easy for me I just tell em everything was Fantastic!
<`abi> it's too late Bernie ... your topic (whatever it was) has been hijacked
* BernieRoehl makes himself comfortable, to catch up on the discussion
* BernieRoehl smiles @ abi
<Marlin> there was no topic listed by the bot
<kierana{DRFL}> Marlin...i only remember the toys used during play that i really hate...Master likes to use them when i'm close to sub-space, just to see how close i am...the rest of the session is usually a free floating dream
<Marlin> ok thats something I must work on then
<Marlin> hehe
<kierana{DRFL}> *grins*
<sSinnergy> (waves to vanessa`)
<vanessa`> :)
<sSinnergy> so, what KEEPS folks from their subspace...? what ruins from outside?
<kierana{DRFL}> sometimes it's stress, sS
<Marlin> well once subspace is attained it becomes akin to a dom flogging a dead horse...not much point except for the sheer pleasure of it
<motoki> the only think that's ever kept me from my subspace is the Dominant with whom i'm playing - it's their choice when & if i dive in during a scene
<motoki> ^thing
<sSinnergy> that error could be freudian, motoki (wiggles one eyebrow)
* motoki lies back down on the couch
<Breathes> the couch or the rack?
<motoki> either will do
<krista-F> i was going for the bondage bed personally
<princess{Jaysker}> hate to say it, but i'm bailing early - a good friend just arrived, and i'm headed offline for a chat. G'night all.
<kierana{DRFL}> since this is a "freebie" night, can i ask what is the difference between a "Trainer" and a "Mentor"? i have my own opinions, but would just like to hear from others
* motoki would like to hear that too
* _dove too
<krista-F> well.......i can speak of my experience
<sSinnergy> shush, motoki, no talking on the couch
* motoki was thinking from the couch, not talking
<krista-F> My former Trainer...also mentored a girl
<krista-F> mentoring...consisted of adivsing her....guiding that case
<vanessa`> my opinion kierana{DRFL} is that a mentor guides and answers questions but never has physical contact in the sense of play. a trainer would have contact in the sense of play.
<sSinnergy> in that csae amentor sounds like a sponsor, but in a good way (grin) a confidante of kink
<krista-F> Training...was more learning protocols.....rituals....service.....and this was all real time and hands on.....
<sSinnergy> hi shadoe
* motoki waits for the Websters and the Oxfords to come out
<krista-F> it was the same man....but our experiences were very different
<vanessa`> oh and one thing that would definately keep me from subspace is the Dom turning to me and saying it's now my turn to do the flogging hehehe ;)
<kierana{DRFL}> ok...that's pretty close to what i've got figured out...but was told by a sub that if i wanted a mentor it meant that i would be disloyal to my Master, which isn't how i see it
<sSinnergy> nothing intellectual can be a betrayal, unless your telling tales 'off the rack' so to speak kierana{DRFL}
<krista-F> not at all....but most girls have a mentor before a Master i have found
<_dove> i would agree with you kierana{DRFL}, i don't think it is a question of loyalty. The mentor may also be submissive
<krista-F> good point dove
<sSinnergy> good poinnt -d
<sSinnergy> arg.... damn shortcuts... ditto krista-F _dove
<kierana{DRFL}> i never thought of that dove...*smiles*
<sSinnergy> and Doms can have mentors too, let's not overlook that
<sSinnergy> got me through a lot of questions early on
<krista-F> i wish more did to be honest
<sSinnergy> (nods to krista-F sagely)
* Marlin learned from a corespondence course
<sSinnergy> it can interfere with an insecure Dom's sense of Domness, but it's a great way to 'check' yourself
<vanessa`> lmao
<Marlin> was on a matchbook cover
<vanessa`> lol
<krista-F> i work on a D/s educational site.....and a lot of it is geared towards educating Doms as well as submissives
<kierana{DRFL}> rofl...
<Corporal_Punishment{pb_ps}> education is a good thing for everyone krista-F.
<Marlin> yes krista but doms are supposed to know it all
<sSinnergy> well, everybody loves a know-it-all Dom
<krista-F> i am a firm believer in "enlighenment through education"
<Marlin> hehe
<_dove> If someone is a know-it-all, i'd like to know so i can walk away
<`abi> it's all about where you get your matches Marlin
<vanessa`> ok, here's my question for the evening....when does it become unnecessary to have a safe call with a person? after a first date? after a few dates? after the first time you play? etc etc?
<Corporal_Punishment{pb_ps}> agreed dove
<kierana{DRFL}> i like a Dom who admits there's something they don't know...makes them approachable
<Marlin> in my formative stage I found many many that were more than happy to share information
<motoki> <--hasn't ever used safe calls
<vanessa`> no motoki??? why not?
<Breathes> safe calls should end only when you finally feel safe...and maybe not even then
<motoki> because my safe call is the thing that exists between my ears
<vanessa`> hmmm
<Marlin> when a synergy between the dom and submissive has been achieved vanessa`
<kierana{DRFL}> vanessa...i would say that you wouldn't need safe calls if you get to the point where you have built up a trust with the other person
<sSinnergy> when entertaining a sub, a safe call is a gesture of trust.... and i've never been smart enough to tell when y'can trust
<sSinnergy> oh wait, i get to squeeze between a dom and a sub? Perfect!
<vanessa`> lol
<Breathes> knew that was coming
<Marlin> lol
<sSinnergy> (looks down) nope, not yet LOL
<motoki> i'm not saying that the way i do is good bad or ugly, it's just worked well for me
<vanessa`> oh boy lol
<motoki> ^the way i do it is
<Breathes> hands over empty box of kleenex..that'll teach him
* vanessa` tries to think of another question
<kierana{DRFL}> how many doms does it take to change a lightbulb?
<vanessa`> lol
<catsbrat{CM}> none they get their subs to do it
<Breathes> depends on if He wants the bulb to change
<`abi> 3 to do it and 2 to stand around discussing how they could do it better
<kierana{DRFL}> NONE...real doms aren't afraid of the dark!!!!
<Breathes> what abi said
<Marlin> change comes from within
<vanessa`> lol
<_dove> 1 to tell a submissive to do it lol
<sSinnergy> (chuckles)
<Breathes> or is it 1 to tell a slave to do it?
<`abi> slaves would just know to do it
<sSinnergy> depends on the level of commitment
<_dove> LOL
<vanessa`> lmao kierana{DRFL}
* kierana{DRFL} chuckles at all the answers...we are a very wierd bunch of aminals
<sSinnergy> and they make creative use of the broken glass...
<catsbrat{CM}> that we are
<krista-F> :)))
<Breathes> actually one Dom, He just tills it to change itself and then waits
* Johncin grins
<kierana{DRFL}> ummm tilling is for soil, Breathes...really!
<ModBot> There are only about five minutes left in the formal part of tonight's discussion. Does anyone have any last-minute thoughts on the subject?
<sSinnergy> never used a tiller before, cum with a leather handle?
<Breathes> said I was a Dom, not that I could spell
<Marlin> lol
<kierana{DRFL}> rofl
<sSinnergy> erps, me ditto on that spelling thing
<_dove> We have 5 minutes to come up with a topic
<_dove> lol
<Breathes> I know
<Marlin> Imme ah pour spalar two
<kierana{DRFL}> where is the mistletoe being hung this yr?
<Breathes> why don't Doms get thier subs to come up with lists for nights like this
<catsbrat{CM}> why is the sky blue?
<sSinnergy> next to the chest nuts roasting
<motoki> wavelength & atmosphere
<vanessa`> lol Breathes
<_dove> hang it where the lightbulb should be
* kierana{DRFL} covers the chest nuts and runs away
<sSinnergy> swats at kierana
<Marlin> its a scattering of whitelight rays by the atmosphere in the blue end of the spectrum catsbrat{CM}
* kierana{DRFL} neaks up to it again!!!!!!!!! please???
<Breathes> sky looks more yellow over the desert
<sSinnergy> Not when you ask, dear
<Marlin> dust particals in the air Breathes
<Breathes> actually do it when she asks
<`abi> if you know what colour the sky is, then the blindfold doesn't fit right
<kierana{DRFL}> lololol awwwwwwwwwwwwwww *pouts* not making you any Baileys' this yr then
<Breathes> with a hugh padle with holes in it
<Corporal_Punishment{pb_ps}> lol@ abu
<Corporal_Punishment{pb_ps}> abi even
<Marlin> hehe abi
<catsbrat{CM}> ty Marlin i always thought it was so ya know when to stop mowing the lawn
<Johncin> who comes first, the sub that gives themselves, or the Dom who takes ?
<sSinnergy> swats kierana{DRFL} better make me something creamy, girl (smiles)
<sSinnergy> well Johncin, I think most relationships work back when you put the other first from both sides
<Marlin> shucks I was expecting the chicken or the egg question Johncin
<Breathes> who comes first/ whomever the Dom decides should
<sSinnergy> but it's an old debate
<`abi> the submissive doesn't cum first unless she has permission Johncin
<sSinnergy> LOL I/i was trying to be serious!!
<kierana{DRFL}> wooohooo abi!
<ModBot> Well, that's it for the formal part of the discussion. The discussion log is now closed. It should be processed and uploaded to the website soon. Please feel free to continue chatting informally. Have a good night, everyone!
<ModBot> Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion.
<Marlin> exactly abi