December 1, 2002 EhBC Online Discussion

<ModBot> [This message is automatically generated] Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. Tonight's discussion topic is "Communicating During a Scene". The discussion is unmoderated. Enjoy!
* jewel`{F} hopes we all communicate better during a scene than we are now
* Sweet1` 's only way of communicating in a scene is thru body language...
<Sweet1`> lol
<Sweet1`> i lose my ability to speak
<ravenswolf> personally i have enough trouble communicating when my head is screwed on straight
<yummy> i've communicated during a scene by trying to climb off the bench - body language right?
<Sweet1`> lol
<yummy> he was being cruel, tickling
<yummy> i reacted
<yummy> he was not amused
<ravenswolf> doesn't much sound like you were either yummy
<yummy> ravenswolf it was a natural impulse, i wasn't tied down, so it was my normal reaction
<yummy> i wasn't told not to move either
<yummy> after a short "discussion" i lay back down and the scene resumed
<jewel`{F}> most of my communicating is done through either body language or the different sounds He hears come from me
<yummy> with a bit less tickling i'm happy to say
<yummy> what kind of body language jewel`{F}?
<jewel`{F}> moving towards or away from the toy, becoming more relaxed or tense
<yummy> ah
<yummy> do you clench if you fear the toy?
<Capt_suzq> lol
<jewel`{F}> most of the time i don't see the toy, Master is very much into sensation play so most scenes i am blindfolded
<yummy> you can fear without seeing it though
<yummy> maybe not on the first whack but on the second
<jewel`{F}> so far i haven't found a toy that Master uses that i don't like
<yummy> so he never uses one harder than you like?
<yummy> a whack never really just hurts?
<jewel`{F}> He will push limits yes, and some things are supposed to hurt
<yummy> okay so i guess you don't ever anticipate the toy
<yummy> kneels how do you communicate ........ verbal or body language?
<kneels> i think i do a pretty blatent job with both yummy
<Capt_suzq> lol
* jewel`{F} giggles
<yummy> you kneels?
<yummy> how could we communicate better?
<kneels> and also..Max and i dont tend to do the "role play" type of if i say "oh god please stop"...i mean it...he may or may choose to continue pushing me through it...because after all i havent called it....but i communicate loudly on a literal i think i am probably the easiest to read
<yummy> so the communicating isn't instead of a safeword?
<Lady_Meadows> have I missed much?
<yummy> nope Lady_Meadows, just talking about communicating during scene
<yummy> body language and just plain conversing
<Lady_Meadows> thank you yummy
<yummy> what kind of communication do you prefer Lady_Meadows?
<kneels> no..i wouldnt want to confuse it with a safeword...a Dom should never ignore a safeword...if i am screaming bloody murder that i am in pain ...i cant take it...etc etc...this is what is going through my head..yet i still am willing "to submit" to the pain..i am still ok..if i wasnt..i would have used a Dom can either lighten me through somehow..or just keep pushing me through to the other side
<Lady_Meadows> to me body language is most important
<Lady_Meadows> the body doesn't lie
<jewel`{F}> if there is good communication going on, whether through the Dominant watching the sub's body language closely or actual verbal communication, i would think that a the safeword although there if truly needed would rarely be used
<Lady_Meadows> granted with a new partner words are important till you get to know ther persons body language
<yummy> do you think communication can substitute for a safeword
<Lady_Meadows> no not at all!
<kneels> no yummy
<jewel`{F}> not completely substitute for it no, but a couple that play together alot may not use it, but it is still there
<yummy> i was asking not saying that it shouldn't be there
<kneels> agreed jewel..i am so easy to read..and..stick with the same Sadist...that no i have never needed one with doesnt replace the need for one..for example..he knows that i am in alot of pain..but he also knows that i havent called it either
<kneels> i understand yummy
<kneels> so instead of worrying..he can just enjoy my pain
<yummy> i hope you can both enjoy it kneels
<jewel`{F}> Master started out very slowly with me, getting to know my body, its reactions, how i react emotionally etc, that He can read me very well
<kneels> well..somethimes i have a different opinion at the time yummy
<kneels> hiya abi
<Sweet1`> lol @ kneels
<yummy> do you talk as well jewel`{F}? talk about a scene before hand or recap it after?
<jewel`{F}> we have spent alot of time talking about interests, likes, dislikes
* yummy looks at the Doms, do you like to have scense recapped... a post mortem so to speak?
<jewel`{F}> as far as talking about a scene before hand no, afterward yes, we will talk about how it went what i enjoyed most, if there was something i would rather not do again
<Capt_suzq> Sir prefers a recap the day after
<Lady_Meadows> I love to talke about it afterwards it teaches me more about the person I'm playing with...
<Lady_Meadows> a brief recap that night and perhasps more detail the next day
<yummy> what is the most surprising thing you have learnt during the recap Lady_Meadows?
<Lady_Meadows> hmmm
<Lady_Meadows> I'd say were the person wanted to go the next time...
<Lady_Meadows> what they fantasized about
<Lady_Meadows> while in that sub space
<Lady_Meadows> it gave me an inight to the person that I may never have gotten otherwise
<yummy> what did they fantasize about?
<Lady_Meadows> bondage with well as puppy play
<Lady_Meadows> I hadn't realized just how much that person wanted to be crated and trained
<Lady_Meadows> once in this coming down state, and seeing how he gravitated to this place at me feet like a puppy I understood how safe he realy felt in that role
<yummy> that type of play would bring about some challanges in communications
<abitbent> i think if two people know each other well... body language is more a visible que... too much verbal can often be a distraction for a sub,, and i'm sure for a Top as well.
<Lady_Meadows> in what way are you thinking yummy?
<yummy> well communciation during puppy play is very likely not using words, at least on the subs part
<Lady_Meadows> true
<yummy> all the communcation would likely be body language and moans and sounds
<Lady_Meadows> I wasn't ready back then to go there with this I never did experiace the full scope of puppy play
<abitbent> rolled up newspapers communicate very well..
<yummy> peeing on them you mean abitbent? that does make a statement
<abitbent> lol yummy
<abitbent> a few whacks get's the point too.
<yummy> so how else do you communicate during a scene
<yummy> what works the best for you?
<yummy> what have you found to be totally pointless?
<`abi> I'm probably the only person who gets space checks with math questions
<yummy> i've seen that `abi
<yummy> its scary stuff
<`abi> well, I don't know if you've seen it used as a space check yummy
<yummy> i've seen it in a scene
<yummy> you did math problems
* jewel`{F} whisper to `abi 14 7x8 is 56 sis
* `abi nods ... but we also use it close up as a head check
<`abi> my ability to process equations is a pretty good indicator of where my head is
<`abi> and how far back I am in aftercare
<yummy> k so what i have seen is the play side not the check in side
<`abi> correct yummy
<yummy> so you don't use math as a scene check
<yummy> that was a scene in and of itself
<`abi> what you saw was a scene in and of itself ... or at least part of one
<yummy> nods
<`abi> but we frequently use it close up, without the tension, as a check of where I am
<`abi> a way to communicate which is more reliable than "I'm fine"
<yummy> which do you rely on more... talk as a check in or body language?
<`abi> if I can process 11 x 12 in the middle of a scene, I'm probably still good to go
<ravenswolf> don't think i can process that outside of a scene
<`abi> but if I can't do 3 x 3 then I'm probably close to a limit
<yummy> you do better than me when i'm not playing `abi
<abitbent> you'll have to write a book about it abi... Travellers guide to subspace.
<Sweet1`> i'm the opposite, if i can articulate the answer, i'm not in a good place
<yummy> personally i wish subspace had a sign 'you have now entered...."
<abitbent> lol yummy..
<`abi> well, I'm in a good place in both cases Sweet1` ... but the important thing is to be able to identify which place I'm in
<abitbent> for me... everythign get's very quiet. i can't hear anything sept perhaps the percussion of the crop and my Mistress's voice.
<Lady_Meadows> lol yes and a light We Dom/mes can see go on so We know your there, yummy
<yummy> ooh what a good idea Lady_Meadows
<yummy> so anyone else have anything to say on communicating during a scene (is anyone against?)
* `abi looks at the ModBot
<abitbent> thanx cyberBernie
<`abi> did you want us to think them or share them?
<abitbent> communication is always good as long as it's working.. in what ever form that may take.
<yummy> well maybe it wants us to use mental telepathy as the method of communication
<yummy> isn't that the most pure way to communicate
<yummy> what do you do when it isn't working abitbent
<abitbent> talk and talk about it after a scene... or say "Holy fuck that hurts... stop it."
<yummy> is that your safeword?
<abitbent> lol
<Lady_Meadows> lol
<yummy> i hate getting told "ow" is not my safeword
<yummy> like i need to be told
<abitbent> lol
<Lady_Meadows> and you think that will make me stop boy???
<abitbent> lol Lady Meadows
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<ModBot> Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion.