November 21, 2004 EhBC Online Discussion

<ModBot> This message is generated by Moderator Bot, ModBot for short. I've set an automatic message that reads as follows...
<ModBot> Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. Tonight's discussion topic is "Making it Real -- Moving from Online to Real Life". The discussion is unmoderated. Enjoy!
<Justice> good to meet you
<paperclip> don't be giving me that reputation sillygirl!!
<shareena> hi sillygirl
* sillygirl sillygirl
<paperclip> hi uke hey dana_foreveralways
<paperclip> hiya catsbrat{CM}
<catsbrat{CM}> hiya pc
<paperclip> :)
<MsMaple> Well can I begin and ask how many have met a SO online?
* MsMaple raises both hands
<catsbrat{CM}> i met CM online
<sillygirl> i have
<dana_foreveralways> met my Former online
<sillygirl> that went to real twice
<paperclip> yes i think so
<lucy{H}> i have met people online, but never had an online relationship..if that makes sense
<dana_foreveralways> it does lucy{H}
<MsMaple> lucy{H} so you just made friends online?
* starla{TDM} met her Master in toronto He in Canada..damned if i didnt marry Him
<paperclip> :)
<starla{TDM}> He in florida even sorry
<dana_foreveralways> the majority of people i know offline met online... lol
<lucy{H}> no, but i only used the internet as a way to meet people...not as the main conduit for a relationship...if they were interesting i'd meet them in person fairly quickly
<shadow46x2> apologies for bothering, but i was hoping to get a definition, or a meaning behind S/M from people
<catsbrat{CM}> was gonna say isn't Toronto in Canada lol
<dana_foreveralways> lol
<starla{TDM}> sorry over whelmed tonight lol He was in florida and me in toronto
<shadow46x2> eep....apologies for mentioning something off-topic
<paperclip> lol
<lucy{H}> shadow46x2 check out this link, it gives a definition
<shadoe> starla was online and moved to offline.. and she's documented it
<catsbrat{CM}> CM was my online Dom then gradually became my r/l Dom
<starla{TDM}> yes shadoe i have ...
<paperclip> ok...i'll say this, the one person i dated from meeting online was someone i would have met and did meet offline...i find i'm much more openminded about connecting with ppl in my local community online than i would be those who live long distances away...make sense?
<shadoe> and i met Himself online.. and moved to off..
<paperclip> i do think i'm still old fashioned enough that i tend to disregard to a degree those who are online as far as relationships go. i don't judge others, it's just something i personally am not comfortable with myself.
<catsbrat{CM}> as soon as i told my first Dom so long ..........CM took over and has been there since
<paperclip> :)
<shareena> i met Anticipation online. We chatted for a short while (2 weeks) and then went r/l.
<sillygirl> i think if u have been abused or hurt physically it is easier to go from online in steps to off
<paperclip> i have a question.
<dana_foreveralways> i met and got to know the former online then we met and started a long distance relationship... the transition was easy for as i think because it was never an "online" relataionship... just two people talking and getting to know each other...
<sillygirl> yes
<sillygirl> more what i meant
<sillygirl> what is your question pc
<paperclip> do you think r/l'ers tend to not take onliners as seriously?
* paperclip points up
<sillygirl> yep
<catsbrat{CM}> alot don't
<lucy{H}> i think so...just my experience
<lucy{H}> while i don't judge others choices i know an online only relationship isn't for me
<starla{TDM}> alot dont
<sillygirl> same here
<sillygirl> but i like the getting to know someone without the initial expectations of sex
<paperclip> do you think online presents a problem though? how many have chatted with and connected with someone online only to meet them and feel the connection fizzle out?
<catsbrat{CM}> me too sillygirl
<sillygirl> after talking enough it is easier
<lucy{H}> many expect cyber sex pretty soon though
<shareena> i have paperclip.
<sillygirl> my connections are never physical but that isi me
<lucy{H}> that has happened paperclip...which is why if i find someone to be interesting i'll suggest we meet within a couple of weeks of initial contact
<catsbrat{CM}> i have..........i liked this one guy online but met him in r/l and he was totally opposite what he was online
<sillygirl> i dated to others...ugly people
<shadoe> that happens all the time paperclip
<lucy{H}> that way if there's nothing there neither of us have invested a great deal of time or emotion
<shareena> i agree lucy{H}.
<paperclip> agreed. if i feel even a slight interest in the person, i suggest it even sooner than a week. want it as soon as possible.
<sillygirl> i am a slow poke...i gotta be friends first determine compatibility
<paperclip> i think my issues with online are that you really only get to know the good that comes with a person. you don't get the day to day problems and dealings the person has. things that are impossible to find out on a computer.
<sillygirl> not necessarily true
<lucy{H}> you also don't get an idea of what the person is really like in a fac-face interaction
<paperclip> explain
<paperclip> right
<lucy{H}> met one guy online that was great to chat with...we had fabulous chats
<lucy{H}> then when we met in person having a conversation was like pulling teeth
<dana_foreveralways> has done that also... meeting someone right away... and it never worked out as well as taking the time to get to know them without the uh... physical pressure... lol
<sillygirl> what i mean is his response to u as friends
<sillygirl> if they arent patient..bye
<sillygirl> on the phone if they lose temper..bye
<sillygirl> i have alist
<paperclip> i truly believe there's more to it than that sillygirl...i have friends...i want to know that i'm attracted to the person BOTH mentally and physically.
<sillygirl> i dont want to be friends like that either
<lucy{H}> do most people go from online, to phone then to in person?
<sillygirl> what attracts is different for all
<paperclip> i do lucy{H}
<_dove> not necessarily lucy{H}
<sillygirl> for me it is mental
<lucy{H}> i hate talking on the phone conversations are perfunctory at best...would much rather talk in person
<paperclip> i find you learn more with each step
<Symmetre> people can bullshit like wild online or on the phone. It's different when you can see their eyes
<starla{TDM}> nods
<paperclip> :)
<sillygirl> certainly so
* lucy{H} agrees with Symmetre
<MsMaple> Symmetre, hello
<sillygirl> i am picky as hell and i guess why this works for me
<Symmetre> those little things tend to show up in real life ... you know ... unmentioned spouses, kids, pounds ... al of it
<sillygirl> heheh
<paperclip> lol
<paperclip> yeah
<Symmetre> MsMaple ... webcam or no ... I have no use for online relationships whatsoever
* Symmetre points out it's really hard to get a blowjob through a monitor ... even if it is a nice new LCD one
<sillygirl> i will agree on one thing..i will not cyber is gotta be real
<catsbrat{CM}> if it wasn't for online relationships i wouldn't be collared to CM and happy
<paperclip> what are we considering an online relationship? when you make and meet first contact online then move to r/l? or keeping it online only?
<Symmetre> when it stays online only
<_dove> Well the topic is transitionning from online to real time........
<paperclip> ah
<starla{TDM}> me to catsbrat{CM} online is not the greatest but i met my Master/husband online and did the online relationship for a year
<sillygirl> there is got to be trust
<paperclip> and you were satisfied throughout that initial year starla{TDM}?
<catsbrat{CM}> mine with CM was online only for almost a yr then went to r/l slowly
<starla{TDM}> hell no paperclip lol
<sillygirl> and a willingness to learn about each other and a promise to meet
<starla{TDM}> online sucks big time going to real was like ahuge weight had been lifted from my shoulders
<paperclip> lol
<paperclip> as far as i'm concerned sillygirl, you can do that in person too
<sillygirl> sure
<sillygirl> but if you cannot
<dana_foreveralways> had no trouble moving from online to offline because there was no online fantasy relationship... just talking about common insterests outside of bdsm..
<starla{TDM}> the transition from online to real was easy fabulous wonderful
<paperclip> :)
<sillygirl> it doesnt invalidate a relationship pc
<paperclip> no but why settle for less if you don't need to?
<sillygirl> i do what i want
<Symmetre> the problem with an online situation is you don;t know where fantasy ends ... you have to take the other person;s word for everything
<paperclip> true
<sillygirl> not what othiers think is the only way
<_dove> For those who *did* have an online relationship and moved to real time, what was your biggest surprise?
<sillygirl> the emotions =)
<Symmetre> her name was John
<lucy{H}> LOL
<paperclip> lmao
<sillygirl> lol
<dana_foreveralways> lol
<sillygirl> we had built up something online..meeting and playing was intensified
<catsbrat{CM}> how easy it was to go from online to real life
<sillygirl> that too catsbrat{CM}
<dana_foreveralways> what a lovely sound the clicking of a leash to collar is..
<sillygirl> and both i was as attracted offline as on
<sillygirl> heheh
<sillygirl> yup
<sillygirl> if i were doing this vanilla no online at all
<sillygirl> i can meet lots offline
<sillygirl> but i am very picky when it comes to the lifestyle and looks do not matter
<paperclip> why does it not being vanilla make a difference sillygirl?
<shareena> no sillygirl...they don't matter.
<catsbrat{CM}> CM is exactly the same in real life as he is online so that made the trasition easier
<paperclip> i disagree with that LOL
<sillygirl> because there isnt thie level of trust required pc
<sillygirl> yes so is mine
<paperclip> trust isn't required in vanilla dating?
<paperclip> i'm getting off topic. LOL
<sillygirl> not like in bdsm
<starla{TDM}> catsbrat{CM} i think you and i are in the majority i think alot of ppl that go from online to real is not so good
<paperclip> hmm
<starla{TDM}> not majority good
<paperclip> we'll discuss that another time LOL
<starla{TDM}> miniority
<sillygirl> where your being harmed and feeling safe during play matters
<starla{TDM}> sheesh sorry have too much going on here
<paperclip> i don't play on a first date just as i dont have sex on one either...well rarely LOL ;)
<sillygirl> i can date anyone in vanilla
<sillygirl> irl
<sillygirl> i wont in bdsm
<_dove> Why is it different sillygirl?
<catsbrat{CM}> before CM took over my r/l i use to met and play on the same day
<sillygirl> because of the mind control and my needing to give it up
<sillygirl> because of play
<sillygirl> alot of things
<_dove> but you will meet these folks in r/t right? Like in a public place?
<paperclip> you need more self control, not dating on line LOL
<sillygirl> going to a omovie isnt a big deal
<catsbrat{CM}> but now i have rules if i wish to play with others
<sillygirl> being tied up and feeling safe is
<sillygirl> yes
<sillygirl> i need self control pc?
<paperclip> lol
<paperclip> was teasing you.
<sillygirl> like with anything we all have different needs
<sillygirl> i will also meet people irt
<sillygirl> but getting to know them i prefer online before play
<paperclip> so what did you do before the internet became a big way to meet others?
<sillygirl> i only started being involved in bdsm recently
<shareena> actually it was the net that gave it a name for me. I realized that there were others out there
<catsbrat{CM}> i stayed at home doing nuffin at all
<shadoe> i think in some respects online has some very good advantages
<sillygirl> yes shareena
<paperclip> i agree shadoe
<starla{TDM}> yes yes shadoe both good and anything you have to weed it out
<Symmetre> I went to events ... still have an old Betty Page Social Club t-shirt around here someplace
<paperclip> ok, i have another question
<shadoe> obviously you can't show up for dinner..drink some wine and hop into bed for wild nooky and sleep
<sillygirl> lol
<sillygirl> =)
* Symmetre realizes he has dated himself with that slip ... doh!
<starla{TDM}> lol
<shadoe> you have to stay at the machine and *gasp* .. talk
<paperclip> do you think ones acceptance depends on how they got their start in the scene?
<shareena> how so paperclip?
<sillygirl> i personally do not care but i know others do judge
<_dove> There's tolerance and intolerance on both sides i think
<sillygirl> yep
<paperclip> i'm asking for opinions... do you think those who started in the lifestyle r/l..are less accepting of seeing online relationships?
<shadoe> i think that leads to knowing and understanding each other
<sillygirl> i have seen people leave the community because some didnt deem them worthy and other instances where nosey folks drove them away
<_dove> online or real time sillygirl?
<sillygirl> that is where the problem is
<sillygirl> both
<shadoe> hmm..not necessarily less accepting paperclip.. but not understanding because they havent done it
<paperclip> ah
<sillygirl> exactly
<dana_foreveralways> that could be said for any group though sillygirl
<_dove> i agree shadoe
<sillygirl> yes and i am saying i have seen two leave
<paperclip> nice explanation shadoe.
<sillygirl> because they started online
<sillygirl> no ones business
<shadoe> thank you
<paperclip> :)
<sillygirl> i am poly
<_dove> i started strictly online and have been welcomed into the community here with open arms
<sillygirl> i have a woman irl and a man i am getting to know online..was friends for 3 mths and a bit more now
<MsMaple> sillygirl is there a prejudice against ppl who meet online?
<sillygirl> yes
<Seville{s}> yes there is but no more than any other level of prejudice
<sillygirl> sadly even if they have scheduled time outside of online
<paperclip> ok, that opens up another aspect of the topic..instead of assuming relationships what about the community itself..there are many local channels (like this one) where ppl who will become part of the community start out. has anyone experienced probs with that transition?
<sillygirl> to what?
<_dove> MsMaple - i have not felt that prejudice at all from those i've met (many of whom are here tonight)
<sillygirl> rt?
<sillygirl> go to another room ;)
<paperclip> no, the to real sillygirl
<paperclip> going from local chat rooms to actually meeting the community in person.
<sillygirl> meetin from a channel no
* starla{TDM} slips out hearing the call of her Master
<_dove> i've done that paperclip with this group and it was wonderful. There are some folks that visit the channel that go out of their way to make you feel welcome when you "come out"
<paperclip> :)
<sillygirl> this channel is where i started
<sillygirl> awesome people
<_dove> Yes they are, and if you are sincere about making a go of it in real time, they will bend over backwards to help you
<sillygirl> i have found it easier to meet other poly on line
<sillygirl> and it makes life easier to go real
<sillygirl> i cant do monogamy
<sillygirl> most are
<krista-F> i am blessed to have good friends from both the real world and the online realm
<sillygirl> same =)
<krista-F> and many that are both
<paperclip> :)
<sillygirl> heh yup
<_dove> Sounds like the transition was fairly easy for all of you.
<sillygirl> i originally came online to learn what bdsm was by chatting with others and listening
<sillygirl> but when someone talked poly ears perked heh
* Symmetre has many acquaintances online .... have to meet people to call them friends tho
<sillygirl> from there got to know a few and will be meeting soon with nothing lost..always friends
<sillygirl> i need to be part of an aresnal of slaves..not an easy task
<paperclip> i think i agree with that Symmetre.
<krista-F> oh crushed
<sillygirl> heheh
<paperclip> lol
<Symmetre> krista ... how can yo be friends with someone you've never even met?
<_dove> i found one-on-one a fairly easy transition..... i found coming into the community quite nerve-racking
<sillygirl> i think she meant she has..were online still are but also real now
<jewel`{F}> i'm sort of backwards, i met Fyre offline first, He then introduced me to the community online, from there i have met and made many good friends
<krista-F> and i had a woman who is a paraplegic drive from texas to come and visit me.....i had never laid eyes on her.but my was a friendship i value a great deal..
<sillygirl> that is what i meant
<krista-F> all meeting her did was allow me to see her physical body
<krista-F> i knew her heart...and i still do
<_dove> i definitely have friends online that i have never met.
<dana_foreveralways> nods with drista
<dana_foreveralways> erases the d and adds a k... sorry
<krista-F> she is the most wonderful woman.....and nothing....time nor distance.changes our friendship Symmetre..and yes she is vanilla
* Symmetre has been burned once or twice too often to be so trusting
<krista-F> you need to deal with a better class of people Symmetre
<sillygirl> with friends Symmetre?
<sillygirl> i agree
<krista-F> those are NOT friends..those are people you met online
<sillygirl> yep
<paperclip> but i think that's part of the problem, how would he know what class they are from being online?
<krista-F> BIG difference.......there is no instant friendship....
<krista-F> time = trust pc
<sillygirl> i dont call them friends because of the stigma on most parts concerning the label
<Symmetre> I deal with wonderful people krista ... but I don't trust anyone who won't meet in rl
<_dove> Are you talking friendship or potential relationships Symmetre?
<krista-F> you are talking about something totally different Symnetre
<Symmetre> and of those who will .... friendship comes with time
<sillygirl> for me it is financial atm
<krista-F> i like my friendship first.
<krista-F> before i consider other avenues
<sillygirl> i live in windsor and i want to meet some in kw and to where i will be moving
<jewel`{F}> i have to agree Symmetre, when there starts to be excuse after excuse for not meeting offline the trust level really goes down
<sillygirl> money is tight
<paperclip> yeah jewel`{F}
<Symmetre> I think you can come into contact with wonderful people this way ... which is the first step in becoming friends. But I believe friendship takes some face-to-face time ... relationships even more so
<_dove> For the most part i agree Symmetre, there are exceptions
<krista-F> we are different in that view Symmetre.
<paperclip> for me personally, i agree with Symmetre.
<jewel`{F}> here are many i would love to meet, and have tried to work something out, most times it is just a matter of timing or distance
<sillygirl> i have met some wonderful people locally here
<Symmetre> everyone has their own views ... which is why the world is such a wonderful place ;)
<sillygirl> that started on yahoo
<krista-F> indeed....
<paperclip> ooooooooooo how diplomatic of you Symmetre
* Symmetre is the picture of diplomatic immunity
<paperclip> lmao
* arhiannah snorks
<paperclip> lol
* Symmetre and poster boy for wholesome goodness
<sillygirl> heh
<krista-F> i need to be more discriminating perhaps
<arhiannah> lol
* paperclip tussles arhiannah's hair since she's not allowed to say hi for another 6 minutes ;)
<sillygirl> i think what is important is for people to support others in the lifestyle no matter how different they do things from yourself
<arhiannah> ;)
<paperclip> :)
<krista-F> my god..i went to ari's house for dinner.once and i hardly knew god.what was i thinking!!!!!!!!!!
<krista-F> p~~~~~~
<sillygirl> lol
<arhiannah> hey!
<arhiannah> i'm surprisingly normal when i wanna be!
<arhiannah> :P
* jewel`{F} snickers
<paperclip> lol
<arhiannah> shaddap jewel`{F} *bonk*
<jewel`{F}> key words in that is wanna be
* arhiannah turns herself in circles looking for the *kick me* sign taped to her ass
<arhiannah> ;P
<ModBot> There are only about five minutes left in the formal part of tonight's discussion. Does anyone have any last-minute thoughts on the subject?
<catsbrat{CM}> :ox no comment
<arhiannah> ahem
* Symmetre wonders if the ModBot is nekkid
<jewel`{F}> its okay arhiannah we loves ya
<arhiannah> i dunno Symmy but i am ;)
<paperclip> lol Symmetre..she is and looks like Britney Spears
<Symmetre> woohoo!
* Symmetre pops a boner
<paperclip> lol
<arhiannah> LOL
<paperclip> omg
<paperclip> wait is that an online boney or r/l? ;)
<catsbrat{CM}> lol
<krista-F> try neverending pc
<paperclip> y = r
<paperclip> lol
<Symmetre> well, since I only know britney in magazines and TV and illicit websites from singapore ....
<paperclip> lol
<paperclip> i think someone should let the bot know the discussion has been thrown out the window LOL
<krista-F> gee.....she ain't your friend im guessing then
<ModBot> Well, that's it for the formal part of the discussion. The discussion log is now closed. It should be processed and uploaded to the website soon. Please feel free to continue chatting informally. Have a good night, everyone!
<ModBot> Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion.
<krista-F> im only teasin ya Symmetre...i consider you my friend even if the feelings are not returned.for i have spoken to you of things many of my real time friends will never hear of from me