November 5 2000 EhBC Online Discussion

<DarkAngel^> well ,,,, with no topic ,, perhaps we might talk about our first experiences in the lifestyle ?
<Opal``> no topic??
<Opal``> why not?
* this_lil_kitten opts outta THAT one...
* DarkAngel^ Welcome to our regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to say something, but remain anonymous, you should change your nick. We recommend using hebron.in.us.dal.net as your server, to minimize lag.
<this_lil_kitten> go right ahead, all
<DarkAngel^> who can log for us ?
<this_lil_kitten> I can, I've got the channel logged anyway
* gentle`willow has log on always
<northlad> I would if i could but i cant so i wont
<DarkAngel^> ok this_lil_kitten ,, pls send to Bernie Malkavian...God help you....If you ever require the help of a Malkavian...God can't help you...)
* cuddlesub{B} logs for blackmail purposes later
<cuddlesub{B}> jk
<DarkAngel^> well ,,, who wishes to start ,,,,
<this_lil_kitten> and I'm not going anywhere (can do)
* DarkAngel^ pokes cuddlesub{B}
<cuddlesub{B}> well...mine was boring so i'll skip lol
<this_lil_kitten> same
<DarkAngel^> lol
<DarkAngel^> well I started ,,, just exploring during marriage
<northlad> DarkAngel^, do you mean the first time we did something and knew it was in the lifestyle..or we did it and didnt realize yet
<northlad> i have different stories either way :)
<DarkAngel^> a little try here ,, a spank there
<DarkAngel^> tell us northlad
<northlad> well give me a few minutes to figure out which one makes the more interesting story, i'll happily go second
<TheWolfe> evening mum2be-brat
* DarkAngel^ Welcome to our regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to say something, but remain anonymous, you should change your nick. We recommend using hebron.in.us.dal.net as your server, to minimize lag.
<TheWolfe> and everyone else
<DarkAngel^> well I think it was my wife (ex) who asked for a bit more ,, but once I tried a few things ,, *evil smile* ,,
<DarkAngel^> since then ,,, I dont think I could ever go back to vanilla ,,, I have tried
<canplay> was married for 13 years and ex would not try anything ,, that is why He is ex
<this_lil_kitten> I understand that competely DA, same here (though I did for a while, and hated it)
<roxy{R-d}> same here canplay
<DarkAngel^> I have heard simmilar storries candie[G]
<northlad> my first experience was with my first girlfriend, i was 23 and it was my first sexual relationship
<DarkAngel^> damn TAB
<canplay> found D/s shortly after and new i found what has been missing
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> Greetings A/all
<northlad> we had just finished having very ho hum, normal sex and we were cuddling :) she asked if i ever spanked someone before
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> mine was on a vanilla date .. didn't know guy was a Dom
<northlad> i thought it was a trick question and truthfully said no, she got this gleam in her eyes and asked me to spank jer
<Nsty^n^{blush}> g'nite everyone
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> when He slapped my ass and called me girl i thought who the hell does He think He is
<northlad> her :) and so i did, really really soft, she kept saying harder, harder
<DarkAngel^> that happened actually with my last slave ,,,,,, I couldnt hide my nature ,, or needs ,, and she was turned on
<DarkAngel^> so I corupted her
<northlad> by the time my hand hurt, she was very happy and i found out i really like spanking :)
<DarkAngel^> kewl northlad
<DarkAngel^> it is very special if it is something that both get ,,, uhhh ,, interested in ,,lol
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> i started asking questions and He explained His lifestyle and the rest is history
<northlad> since then though, i find more pleasure from being the spanked
<DarkAngel^> I do wonder how my ex is though ,,*innocent chuckle*
<northlad> whether by luck or what but I've only been with 4 women, each happened to enjoy the lifestyle and i never knew until we were togther
<DarkAngel^> she is happy with a nice guy ,,,, I just hope she isnt holding back her needs
<northlad> my ex is probably being tied up in Toronto somewhere :)
* gentle`willow has always had fantasies... but went to meet a vanilla friend from IRC in ThunderBay over the new year... and spent a week there.... while he was at work.. i was looking at his bookshelves and discovered screw the roses.....lol....the rest is history...it was like i'd found home when i found that book
* `dark_angel{Thadius} listens
<DarkAngel^> kewl gentle`willow
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> it was during that separation from Franklin the discovery was made now a new and final voyage has been made with my Master and husband
* DarkAngel^ has a nice little collection ,,, SM101 and Screw The Roses are good books
<northlad> i didn't know though what i felt was normal until my last girlfriend. I thought i must be a freak to like this stuff
<roxy{R-d}> lol gentle willow that is where i had my 1st experience in T-Bay
<northlad> and i assumed the 3 previous women were just freaks like me...i was so naive :)
<gentle`willow> did a lot of reading and exploring online.. then coming out to the community was another big step ;))....
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> vanilla sex is not a norm any longer
<DarkAngel^> that is why a friendly comunity is oooohhhh sooooo good to find northlad
<DeusExMachina> What's the KW discussion tonight?
* gentle`willow giggles at roxy{R-d}... h'm.... perhaps we should compare notes LOL
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> I write about my experiences..emotions..feelings and share them with my Master...thus making it easier for him to take care of my needs...find my limits...and I him as well, without crossing the line..into distrust or fear..
<DarkAngel^> it is open DeusExMachina
<this_lil_kitten> Question: Do most here find their first experience was somering they sought out, or was it more of a "by chance" "it found me" experience? I may hod a double standard/stereotype, but I would assume that most Dominants 'looked' for it rather than 'found' it while the situation might more often be the vice versa for submissives.
<gentle`willow> we didnt play...he's not into the lifestyle.....he's just curious.... he's actually a bit upset that i took off with it LOLOL
<northlad> agreed, DarkAngel^..that is why I'm happy to have found this den of pleasure :)
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> by chance for me
<roxy{R-d}> it found me
<northlad> by chance for me
<DarkAngel^> was an exploration thing for me ,,, after I seperated ,, I was surprised to find the world vanilla
<gentle`willow> by chance for me also...however.,.. i do feel it's always been a part of me...and sooner or later i'd have put a name to it regardless.....
<northlad> gentle`willow, i agree its more fate then chance really in my opinion
<canplay> that is true for many that i know gentle willow,, had feelings but just didn't know the name
* `dark_angel{Thadius} nods as she listens
<DarkAngel^> I even tried to sub once ,, I must say ,, it didnt last more than a min ,,, since then I found the group (EHBC) ,,, and havent turned back since\
<gentle`willow> i agree northlad... what it has done is give me a better understanding of why i've travelled the path i have ;))
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> i think i always had the urge but was fearful of the feelings
<DarkAngel^> that shock/thril/power ,, the first time a loved one ,, in the throw of passion ,, asked to be hit ,,,MMmmmmmm
<northlad> i was afraid to tell anyone..pain gives me pleasure..i thought i'd be rejected as abnormal
<DarkAngel^> god what a moment
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> but fear is good...for not all Doms/Domme's are Worthys..I recently spoke with a girl who had been cuffed in metal cuffs and lost all feeling in her finger for over a month..
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> fear teaches caution...and in this lifestyle..caution is always good..
* `dark_angel{Thadius} sits quietly..
<DarkAngel^> damn `dark_angel{Thadius} ,,,, it is not good hearing of such losses of trust
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> now that does nothing for me da
* `dark_angel{Thadius} nods softly..
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> one must know thier partner and trust is erned and then given..at least for me..
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> earned
<DarkAngel^> a loss of control ,, is a failure to properly cherish the gift
* `dark_angel{Thadius} nods in agreement
<TheWolfe> what is a worthy
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> total agreement
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> that one must ask themslves..what doe sWorthy mean to you?
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> who is worthy of you...?
<canplay> in some chat forums a W/worthy is just a term to describe the O/one that is worthy of Your gift (be it Dom or sub gift)
* `dark_angel{Thadius} smiles to her sister canplay...and agrees
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> one who is trusted cherished loved honored etc
<canplay> i am aware the some do not like that term,, but it is not meant to demean anyone
<TheWolfe> I've never heard it before
<DarkAngel^> I think W/worthy goes both ways ,, and is a personal thing
<canplay> that is a good sign then TheWolfe.. means You don't chat too much online *laffs*
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> i think it goes both ways
<DarkAngel^> me either in this context TheWolfe
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> one example can be a collar..how many of us see the velcro collar? on one day ..off the next...A Worthy would not collar one they dont know they are compatible with..not only for thier sake..but the emotional well being of the submissive as well
<TheWolfe> so a worthy is a possible candidate?
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> In my humble opinion a Worthy will earn that place...by showing you such skills..respect...and appreciation of the beauty of Submission
<DarkAngel^> Mmm not to me TheWolfe ,,, I think there are many worthy's ,, but still ,, I would not collar ,, I am looking for my ONE
<gentle`willow> i think it goes deeper than that TheWolfe if i'm catching this correctly...... a W/worthy is O/one who has EARNED the right and respect
<DarkAngel^> worthy to me is a verb ,,, only a description of a persons values
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> good point DA
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> thanks autumn
* canplay nods to gentle willow
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> you do not have to collar some one to be worthy
<gentle`willow> for me personally it's not about collars at all
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> yes..anybody may offer a collar...but a Submissive has the right not to accept the collar as well...
<DarkAngel^> well autumn`breeze{JFC} ,,,, should you not be worthy ,, and they of you ?
<canplay> first D/s chat room i went to T/they told me a Worthy was another term for Dom/me ,, since then other rooms say Dom or sub,, but is mainly a cyber term
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> i am worthy of being a friend i am worthy of being a good submissive collared or not
<TheWolfe> oh cyber, that's why I have never heard it before
<TheWolfe> not based in reality
<DarkAngel^> yes autumn`breeze{JFC} ,,, and I agree with those too
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> yes and a female who has a child means she is a mother...but not necessarily a good mother..
* DarkAngel^ doesnt cyber ... but I am sure I can learn from those who do
<canplay> yes TheWolfe.. that is why i said "good for You" for not hearing the term before,, means You are not a cyberer lol
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> just another example..
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> they are worthy ofbeing a good Dom or sub
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> but it must be earned that is what it comes down too
<this_lil_kitten> I think "Worthy" would arise from the fact that there are a lot of wanna-be Doms/subs out there. Some are just abusive weirdos looking for a partner to 'consentually' walk on. Worthy would be one who is legitimately 'worthy' of their title, yes?
<DarkAngel^> well I can say ,, that I think my first few experiances ,,, made me hungry for more ,, and this group I found 3 yrs ago ,, has helped me in my growth
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> anybody can cap thier names..and demand respect...but...the truth lays before them..in the respect H/She returns to them in service..devotion and loyalty..in all H/she teaches and guides the submissive with
<canplay> i agree this_lil_kitten,,but ,, when speaking of online,, no one knows who is truely worthy in my eyes
* `dark_angel{Thadius} nods to canplay..and agrees
<DeuxLeMax> well we kinda kicked the hell out of the word worthy now didn't we
<northlad> As a person on AOL i agree there is too many people who think a capitalized names equals respect
* canplay nods to DeuxLeMax
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> there is alot of ppl misusing D/s
<northlad> if you go to a chat room there, its sickening how they treat you
<gentle`willow> after a time tho... canplay... you get a feel .... it gets easier to tell those that are genuine from those that are HNG... they can only keep the charade up for so long...eventually they reveal themselves
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> oh yeah agreed fully
<DarkAngel^> now ,,, on the net ,, how woould a sub find one R/l who is for them ,, and Worthy ?
<canplay> i do not look online for a Dom at all
* DarkAngel^ <---- big HNG
<`abi> under the w's DA
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> respect is earned and given by both the Worthy and the Submissive..and all good things happen to those who wait..it is safer...always
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> that is very hard
<northlad> through time, a lot of communication
<this_lil_kitten> exactly, but the person on the other end of the screen can drop hints to convince you of either. Either they 'guide you' or 'use you (in a negative sense)' and same for the submissive, they submit to you or they just do whatever the heck you say what they think it is you want them to say, simply because they are taking on a 'submissive' role
<DeuxLeMax> naaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, under the blankets
<TheWolfe> so a Worthy is a Dom/me?
<DeuxLeMax> and here i thought it was a Ken Worthy damn you learn new stuff daily
<DarkAngel^> I am not framiliar with that terminology TheWolfe ,, I assumed it was a variant
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> there are alot of very naive subs out there
<TheWolfe> perhaps a deviant
<canplay> i feel a danger of seeking online,, seems many just hear what they want from a perspective partner and do not truely see the person
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> A Worthy is a Dom/me who earns the respect to be called one...and not a poser..not a danger..or discredit to the lifestyle in my opinion
<DeusExMachina> Who is ken Worthy?
<kandlelite> hmm i must say something here, i did meet a wonderful Dom on line and He was Worthy, taught me many things and treated me with the most respect, there are some very good and nice Doms on line
* DarkAngel^ <--- deviant
<canplay> only way to find out is real life
<TheWolfe> so if one is not Worthy, what is one
* elegantsarah{DEM} agrees with kandlelite
<kandlelite> ty elegantsarah
<canplay> yes kandlelite,,but you must meet them in real ,, not carry on an online relationship
* autumn`breeze{JFC} agrees but with safge calls set up
* `dark_angel{Thadius} nods to autumn....for sure
<this_lil_kitten> Well, having found a r/l partner online, believe em, I was careful to read between the lines and judge for myself whether or not this guy was a jerk in caps or a genuine, decent Dom.
<kandlelite> yes i agree to with what you say canplay
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> and when the Dom says you can call me any time on my cell phone but not at home big hint here !!!
<canplay> yes this_lil_kitten,,, you must be careful,,but you do not know for *sure* till meeting real
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> wake up subs He is married!!!!!
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> and a public place is important as well...
<DarkAngel^> well ,, I think ,, one can be not for a certain sub ,,, but the search continues ,, I do hope there is ONE out there I am WORTHY of ,,
<this_lil_kitten> exactly. autumn`breeze{JFC}, or "I travel a lot, so I can only see you on weekends..."
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> meet where you are safe...a coffee shop...etc...not thr persons home etc..
<DarkAngel^> the rest TheWolfe ,, I hope to be friends and supportive of
<canplay> when asked of first experiences,,i do hope i a hearing of real life and not online experiences?
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> that way you can also bring along a friend as well
<this_lil_kitten> well I screwed the meeting part up to hell then lol...
* `dark_angel{Thadius} waves R/L
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> oh yeah the travel story
<Nitarc> So, please tell me then, how does a 'decent Dom' like me find a r/l partner on line if there is so much falseness around?
<DeuxLeMax> geeeeeeeeeeeez abi i would love you opinion on this matter
* DarkAngel^ has been in a few Tim Hortons
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> oh by the way there is a Dom in Windsor area with that story
<this_lil_kitten> dinner, then a munch, then uh.
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> i think Timmys makes a pile of money
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> time Nitarc and gut instinct..if something feels wrong it probably is...as wel as using ones head and being honest
<canplay> oh i think many would like to know that secret Nitarc :))
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> Time reveals all truths...
<this_lil_kitten> yeah, they should be making donations to BDSM organizations for the business...
<`abi> I'm sure you would DeuxLeMax
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> this Dom is good ..but munches are a good neutral area
<roxy{R-d}> lol lil kittenm
<northlad> for me personally the key is not looking for a sexual partner online but a friend, and if in time we see we have the same lifestyle, lucky for us :)
<DeuxLeMax> well by all i have to work on my worthiness
<Nitarc> Well, I am honest and open that's about all I can say on that matter. I don't believe in telling lies. That gets to be too much work to keep all of them in check.
* puellula`Lupi found a friend first and a Master second :)
<DarkAngel^> Munches to me are not a meeting area ,, I go to relax ,, and chat with friends
<kandlelite> lol NItarc
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> hats off to Nitarc
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> and to hug DA
<canplay> my Dom found me via alt.com ,, chatted online long enough to exchange phone numbers and set up a date to meet,, has never carried it online
* `dark_angel{Thadius} raises her coffee to Nitarc
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> here..here!
<this_lil_kitten> it was actually. Even in a coffee shop, you meet, you drink your coffee and chat, you go your separate ways... unless one follows the other and does something um, bad to them. It's safer, IMHO, to have people around you that KNOW that you just met this person off the net, etc.
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> and you are one of The Worthys who give us a good name..
* `dark_angel{Thadius} smiles softly..
<DarkAngel^> good for you puellula`Lupi ,, and of course TheWolfe ,, a comunity success story
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> Franklin met His new sub from bondage .com and she has become a beautiful memeber of our family
* puellula`Lupi smiles Thank You DA
* kesha{AL} whispers ... met her Master online.. and married Him 2.5 years later :)
<DarkAngel^> yes ,, I met her at the Party autumn`breeze{JFC} ,,, a nice trio
<elegantsarah{DEM}> I met my Master over the internet as well but it's not just kinky people that are doing that.....many are
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> she is a sweetheart
<Nitarc> My problem seems to be that I live in an area that is not close to those in the scene. I live in Thunder Bay, and although I travel to SW Ont regularly, it is hard to meet someone because others think I am playing some sort of a game. It is understandable i guess, but it also gets frustrating for me.
<DarkAngel^> true treu elegantsarah{DEM} ,,,,,,,, it has changed the lifestyle ,, mode it ,, well semi more open ,, people still have to search ,, find ,, ask
<DeusExMachina> You have a Master, elegantsarah{DEM}???? DRAT!!!!
<puellula`Lupi> lol
* `abi chuckles..you're not so bad off Nitarc ... I know a submissive in Lake of the Woods :)
<DarkAngel^> darn ,,, and I was going to hit on her too DeusExMachina
<DeusExMachina> Right in the actual lake?
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> and sadly..there are those in the world who view our lifesyle as being devient...thus W/we must look after oourselves and each other. Truth is ...some try to kill what they dont understand..
<DarkAngel^> sounds like she is uuhhhhh perma-wet
<kandlelite> lolol
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> sad they don't know what they are missing the closness our community has.... the vanilla world
<Nitarc> Seems as if I am not the only one out here in the hinterland. At least that sub can go to WPG in a matter of two hours.
<DarkAngel^> well ,,, I cant personaly look at women the same ,, I still flirt terribly ( ok , I am not a good flirter) ,, but I know I dont realy want them ,, so it is a relaxing fun thing now
<elegantsarah{DEM}> the fact is, I don't think there are many more liars in this lifstyle than there are in the vanilla world. However, the pool of prospective partners is definitely smaller. What will really hold a relationship together is not mainly the D/s but all the other shared interests and values
* `dark_angel{Thadius} pokes D.A. fibber an dlaffss
* `abi laughs ... last I heard...she was flyin 'em in
<DeusExMachina> Agreed, pet
<puellula`Lupi> agreed sarah
<DarkAngel^> true elegantsarah{DEM}
<this_lil_kitten> I wonder though. There are creeps everywhere, but in this community specifically; one can be a submissive who is so terribly naive, that she/he makes themselves the perfect susceptible target for some creep. And I think that the danger is increased dramatically by the fact that a seasoned 'jerk' knows that he's got better odds of meeting his 'dream doormat/victim' in BDSM than in vanilla. Sad, but true.
* DarkAngel^ pokes his namesake back ,,, but in directed locations
*innocent grin*
* `dark_angel{Thadius} gigglessss...
<puellula`Lupi> i am happier about the fact that TW and i share the same priorities, can enjoy the same non-s/m activities, we both enjoy my children, we can hold a conversation that is on the same level etc...if we didn't have that the D/s would have gotten old a long time ago
<elegantsarah{DEM}> I diagree......I think there are as many creeps who misuse their partners in the vanilla world
<kandlelite> agreed elegandsarah
<DeusExMachina> this_lil_kitten: There are people like that in ALL lifestyles that prey on the naive
<canplay> yes this_lil_kitten .. seems most feel bdsm is all sexual and that is focus
<DarkAngel^> true true puellula`Lupi ,, one reason I am looking for not only a sweet submissive ,, but a real person as well
* kesha{AL} thinks she interrupted a private discussion ...goodnight all ; kesha wishes You well
<this_lil_kitten> that's what I said... there are creeps everywhere, but a sure-fire "target" is a naive submissive.
<DeusExMachina> Wait kesha{AL}
<DeusExMachina> Or not
<puellula`Lupi> i think the real psycho creeps however...do know they can get away with more among the kinky naive ppl than the vanilla....don't scare off quite as early on
* `dark_angel{Thadius} nods to kitten
* autumn`breeze{JFC} agrees fully
<DarkAngel^> Mmmm well ok ,, there are alot of those in our conunity ,, I am looking for one who there is a real click with too ,,,, I am looking for my life partner
<this_lil_kitten> the type who figure, "I'm the submissive, so I HAVE to do what He/She says no matter how much I detest it."
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> but the type of "DOM"who feed off a naive sub is not really a Dom
<puellula`Lupi> no, they are not...but to a naive sub....
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> thats a bully kitten and not a Dom...
<this_lil_kitten> exactly, their seasoned predators
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> big difference..
<puellula`Lupi> they don't realize that
<this_lil_kitten> they're. even
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> they are creeps looking for kinky sex
<DarkAngel^> Mmmm autumn`breeze{JFC} ,, I will be honest ,, I seek to "feed " off a sub ,, but one who is fuffilled by "serving" as such ,, I know I NEED my ONE to fuffil myself
<northlad> i had a bad experience as a naive sub, well i am still very new at all this so i'm still naive in many ways..
<DarkAngel^> well that is the way it feels to me ,, I am un-fuffilled
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> but You Sir are a Dom
<this_lil_kitten> same, and there are submissives that feel they just have to submit, no questions asked, and these Dom wanna be's can find them, abuse them. That's what I was talking about.
* `dark_angel{Thadius} is fulfilled..and very happy
<Nitarc> Well, I prefer to see the relationship between Dom/me and sub as a 'journey'. There are many different paths, to take, but ultimately all must end in pleasure for both in the relationship - on all levels.
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> You do not go into chat rooms and troll
<DarkAngel^> I seek to COMPLETE my one ,, as she will complete me ,, thus I express my desire to give ,, and take
<elegantsarah{DEM}> Well, I have to say that the pain I felt by being shafted by a vanilla was no more painful than the pain I felt by being used by a Dom
<Nitarc> Sounds corny I know, but that is the way I look at it.
<DarkAngel^> I do too autumn`breeze{JFC} ,,, lol,, mingling is a human thing
<canplay> my pain in D/s seems deeper then the vanilla pains of bad relationship,, i feel it is because i gave so much more of myself as submissive
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> lol i will be looking for You Sir
* autumn`breeze{JFC} agrees with sarah
* DarkAngel^ mingles ,, has an ad ,,, chats ,, looks at others ad's ....
<this_lil_kitten> I agree canplay. I was waiting for someone to say that so I didn't single myself out :)
<canplay> i have not had this depth in vanilla,, therefore not nearly as painful
* bottoms_up38 peeks in and realizes there was a discussion...i heard there wasnt going to be
<elegantsarah{DEM}> well, I think when you get emotionally involved, the pain is the same
<DarkAngel^> took them all off when I thought i had found my ONE ,,,, alas ,,, didnt feel good in re-erecting them again recently
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> i think the pain is deeper
* DarkAngel^ poke bottoms_up38
<canplay> after one year of Master, He knew more of my inner feelings then hubby of 13 years
* bottoms_up38 grins... and enjoys DA chattering away
* puellula`Lupi has had emotional vanilla & D/s relationships....both have and could carry the same type of pain
<this_lil_kitten> My vanilla ex used me infinitely more than the D/s... but if you ask me which one was more painful? YOu put a much higher level of trust into a D/s partner, I think the heart takes a much more severe beating when it goes sour.
* `dark_angel{Thadius} nods to canplay...understanding..
<bottoms_up38> agreed canplay... i opened up more in a D/s relationship
<DarkAngel^> that is the trust ,, and as a Dom ,, I feel the gift more so
* roxy{R-d} agrees with canplay
<canplay> i wished i could have brought hubby into lifestyle,, may have saved the marriage
<puellula`Lupi> i think it depends on how emotional the relationships is...and a vanilla relationship can be (and hopefully is) just as emotional as a D/s one
<puellula`Lupi> although i know that is not true for everyone
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> D/s more trust more emotion etc...
<this_lil_kitten> I totally see your POV,. canplay.
* BLiSs201 got hurt in my marriage, i'm more guarded now even though i'm in a very committed bdsm relationship, i think it has to do with the individuals involved
<kandlelite> hey i wished the same thing canplay
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> and the trust is the gift he offers me...love..support guidence..knowledge..honesty at all times..
* autumn`breeze{JFC} has hubby as Master
<canplay> i envy you autumn *smiles*
<kandlelite> how very lucky you are autumm breeze
<TheWolfe> I think d/s relationships move faster than villa, but the effort is the same put into each, is it not?
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> it is hard at first but it si becoming a beautiful life canplay
<DarkAngel^> one day ,,,,,,, one day
<puellula`Lupi> it can be the same...it should be the same...but often ppl don't put effort is wither lol
* BLiSs201 thinks about TheWolfe's "faster" comment
* bottoms_up38 doesnt want to agree with that faster bit either
<BLiSs201> faster doesnt necessarily mean deeper but it sure can feel that way
<puellula`Lupi> i agree that it is faster
<puellula`Lupi> exactly bliss
<DarkAngel^> I have found it more honest ,, and in that ,, perhaps faster
<this_lil_kitten> In my vanilla relationship, I was very emotionally involved. Still, I felt with the D.s that "I TRUSTED you, and this is what happens?" whereas with the vanilla, it was "you JERK! What the heck makes you think you can treat me like that"
<canplay> i think the openess and honesty makes it faster
<Nitarc> So, if someone has some insight, how does an honest Dom who lives outside the major population areas let someone know that He is not a player? Any thoughts or suggestions?
<elegantsarah{DEM}> I think you may expose yourself faster.....you are sharing what were often "shameful"desires
<BLiSs201> i find that people play/have sex much more quickly in bdsm...there is little courtship, and then feelings are very intense, but not necessarily deep
<TheWolfe> example: the questions asked about intimacy tend to come up faster in a d/s relationship, do they not?
<this_lil_kitten> yes, TW...
* bottoms_up38 crosses my arms and growls to myself *Grin*
<puellula`Lupi> i have found that so Sir
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> my Master sends an e-mail list two miles long when he has proof of an abusive Dom/me...communication soon beats the demond..
<puellula`Lupi> hi genigrrrl
<BLiSs201> hi genigrrrl
<genigrrrl> hi there puellula`Lupi!!!, hey BLiSs201
<puellula`Lupi> i have found that many Doms ask for openess from their sub....
<`dark_angel{Thadius}> Greetings genigrrrl
<genigrrrl> how was your weekend "off" puellula`Lupi?
<canplay> i have had intimate questions asked on day one with bdsm ,, while vanilla many take months to go there (if at all)
<BLiSs201> do they give it too puellula`Lupi?
<this_lil_kitten> I don't think you can get into a relationship along the BDSM lines and two months into it have one partner go "but I thought this was going to be 24/7?" or "I don't LIKE pain!!" It's an early topic of discussion.
<DarkAngel^> well A/all ,,, the discusion can continue ,, but just making note the 10 pm bell has gone
<puellula`Lupi> and give very little of that in return...leave their sub vulnerable and not themselves...
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> part of a good D/s relationship openess
<puellula`Lupi> which can be very harmful when things fail
* BLiSs201 AGREES WITH puellula`Lupi