September 28, 2003 EhBC Online Discussion

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<ModBot> Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. Tonight's discussion topic is "Playparties... What Do I Expect?". The discussion is unmoderated. Enjoy!
* BernieRoehl smiles
<BernieRoehl> A topic that's been on my mind lately
<BernieRoehl> So... what do people expect from the average play party?
<jewel`{F}> i had so many people telling all sorts of different things to expect before my first play party
<DarkAngel^> I never know what to expect
* Kilted_One that ppl take out their dead before they leave??
<yummy> good equipment, knowledgable DM's, comfie place to socialize, okay music
<sinfuly_delicious> lol
* yummy prefers no dead at play parties she attends
* motoki hopes for a very welcoming atmosphere for newcomers!
<jewel`{F}> expect the unexpected
<sinfuly_delicious> has only been to one, so is not really sure of expectations
<Kilted_One> would there be a different expectation for a semi private party to a private one??
<firestar{LO}> this one expects to socialize with old friends and meet ones
<yummy> semi private means to me that there are less single men drinking at the bar
<sinfuly_delicious> lol
<firestar{LO}> more freedom at a private party, i would expect
* motoki isn't sure of the difference
<yummy> semi private you know that everyone is known or vouched for
<BernieRoehl> A play party is typically held in a rented venue, whereas a private party is in someone's hoe
<yummy> can't just wander in to watch the kinky folk
<motoki> oh
<firestar{LO}> private, being exactly that "private" either your name is on the "guest list" or it isn't
<Kilted_One> a semi private party is one that is not open to the general public, tickets are normally sold ahead of time and a pvt party is by invitation only
<BernieRoehl> A fetish night is open to anyone who pays at the door
<motoki> so private parties in someone's home aren't as common i take it?
<DarkAngel^> well they are common,,, but most just dont hear of them
<motoki> lol makes sense
<firestar{LO}> private parties in homes are much more ummm inimate imho
<BernieRoehl> It depends on what you mean by a "party" -- some couples get together to play privately, and that happens a loot
<BernieRoehl> (lot)
<firestar{LO}> intimate
<yummy> its not considered in good taste to go on to those not invited that you were at a private party
* motoki nods
<motoki> well - i really don't know what to expect
<BernieRoehl> I'm facinated by what peoples' expectations are before they attend their first party, and what shapes those expectations
<motoki> let's see...
<motoki> having never been to a play party, and having been to only one bdsm club in my life..
<motoki> my expectations are that people will mostly know one another..
<Kilted_One> I have held several parties (pvt) and public (with the help of shado over there <winks>) and the content or "what to expect" is sort of pre-determined in the public ones but it is far from difined at my pvt ones
<AndrewDom> evening all
<motoki> that there probably won't be a heck of a lot of "scening" going on, but likely some ...
<jewel`{F}> i was told to expect fancy fet wear, hard playing all sorts of things, most of which i think people exagerated
<motoki> that i won't know what to do and will feel like i stick out like a sore thumb (LOL)
<DarkAngel^> well some try to make sure they dont attend any party without meeting or saying hello to everyone motoki
<yummy> motoki, wear BLACK
<yummy> as much black as you can
<yummy> you'll fit in
<motoki> and that people will seem pretty normal and not some extravagant leather-wear/goth whatever thing
<krista-F> my very first play party was DAL a few years ago
<yummy> black pants/skirt and top work
<krista-F> and i was planning to wear a t-shirt and jeans.
<motoki> i wore black pants and a dark top to the club i went to
<yummy> really krista-F?
<yummy> you fit in right motoki?
<krista-F> yes..had not a clue
<motoki> not really
<motoki> it was a gross club - guys walking around whacking off
<krista-F> nic aka rawlove took me
<AndrewDom> that must have been 23 years ago krista-F!!
<motoki> had to watch where you stepped
<Sweet1`> sometimes as little black as possible works too <g>
<yummy> the more play oriented the event, the less fashion oriented folks are
<yummy> a thong only
<DarkAngel^> lol ,, well the events I attend dont allow that motoki
<motoki> that's refrehsing to hear!
<motoki> one guy approached me and wanted to "be my dom"
<motoki> i left shortly after that
<krista-F> ewwwwwwwww. that could have ended my attnedance right quick
<krista-F> the whacking off part.not the thong
<DarkAngel^> try different events motoki,, many in this area are much safer and well run it sounds like
<motoki> i hope so
<Kilted_One> hell I dont even allow that at my pvt parties....I have to walk on the carpets after the party is ended
<motoki> lol KO
<`abi> but I think that you can reasonably expect to see alot of people scening motoki
<motoki> that's good
<DarkAngel^> spoiled sport KO
<motoki> i'd like to feel that i can fall into my roll without "sticking out", if that makes sense
<Kilted_One> and you thought that I was just in party mode with the black lite DA??
<Kilted_One> and what would that "role"be motoki??
<motoki> submissive
<motoki> (but not doormat)
* Kilted_One nods...ahhh terminology...getting into your "headspace"....
<motoki> yes exactly - i guess role isn't the best word
<abitbent> *ahem* the headspace is just fine at your place KO
<Kilted_One> lol
<Kilted_One> ty abitbent, Im sure you have "been" there
<abitbent> ;-)
<firestar{LO}> mmmmm "headspace" it's sure has been awhile.....
* sinfuly_delicious slips back in
<DarkAngel^> the parameters of what is allowed ,, is similar for each type of event (private - house, semi private - closed event, and public - fet night)
<motoki> what do those who have been around the play parties a few times "expect" of those newer to it?
<DarkAngel^> what is allowed is based on what the host will accept, what the venue will accept (the same for a private home) and what local laws allow
<yummy> most tell you rules before, even private parties
<yummy> normally no surprises unless you choose not to read them
<AndrewDom> adn if they don't they should
<AndrewDom> feel free to ask
<krista-F> i did that once........not a good idea
<AndrewDom> what? ask?
<yummy> ask or not read?
<jewel`{F}> motoki i think if you were to go in with an open mind, are polite and respectful you will be welcomed
<krista-F> didn't do either.....duh
<krista-F> i thought i knew much more than i did in those days
* motoki has already read all the stuff on the websites
<Kilted_One> if I were to meet you at a semi pvt party motoki, I would expect nothing more than normal respect and curtacy...ohhh and of course a hug and a smile <smiles>
* motoki smiles
<sinfuly_delicious> and dont sit still in one place
<DarkAngel^> I am more shy than KO ,,, I only hug after meeting the person for the second time ,,lol
<jewel`{F}> He gives great hugs too motoki
* sinfuly_delicious smiles at Kilted_One
<motoki> mmm - sumthing to look forward to
<`abi> generally motoki .. if you remember the rules from kindergarten, you'll do fine ... don't touch what isn't yours, don't join into a game unless you're invited and if it's a back-to-school DAL, take an apple for the teacher
<motoki> i think i can handle that
<jewel`{F}> and lunch money for the bully, you forgot that one `abi
<AndrewDom> abi...a new "All I Needed to Know for PlayParties I Learned in Kindergarden"
* DarkAngel^ <--- is a bully
<sinfuly_delicious> lol
* motoki might purposefully "forget" her lunch money if that means getting bullied
<motoki> *weg*
* BernieRoehl smiles
<BernieRoehl> I've spoken to people whose expectations of what play parties are like are shaped more by erotic fiction than anything else
<Kilted_One> ohh if you have a cute face and fluttering eyelashes I dont think the Dom would notice if you had lunch money or not motoki <smiles>
<motoki> lol
<BernieRoehl> They're usually disappointed to find out how normal we all are!
<DarkAngel^> shhh KO ,, I almost got some lunch money there
<motoki> you mean it won't be like a chapter out of Gor books?
<AndrewDom> speak for yourself BernieRoehl!!
<Kilted_One> well we do have a Gorean whipping post
<sinfuly_delicious> night Aall
* motoki perks
* AndrewDom knows BernieRoehl IS normal
<motoki> if you promise me bad grammar like in the gor books, i'll be there (at the party, and at the post)
<DarkAngel^> he is ?
* BernieRoehl chuckles
<DarkAngel^> Ouch that hurt ,,, translates from Gorean the same ,,
<motoki> :)
<DarkAngel^> Equipment is something you certainly can expect at a Play Party
* motoki flutters her eyelashes and listens somewhat melodramatically
<motoki> i'd probably be blown away just looking at the equipment, let alone the scenes
* AndrewDom knows DarkAngel^ drives up in his big 16 wheeler every playparty to unload his equipment
<DarkAngel^> as well as Dom/me's drooling over each others toys ,,,, lol
<cynful_cynthia> :)
<motoki> lol
<DarkAngel^> no AndrewDom ,,, just 6 wheels ,,, 4 on the truck and 2 on the trailer
<motoki> are there many Dommes at these events?
<arhiannah> or two
<arhiannah> :)
<DarkAngel^> lol ,, I see more Fem Dommes actually ,,, and they are bringing more numbers of male subs out as well
<motoki> hmmm
<Kilted_One> At most of our local parties I think there is normally a good blend of "everybody, every type ,every gender"
<motoki> i read somewhere that there are often more Doms than subs at events - is that the case? i was surprised by that generalization
<krista-F> no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<krista-F> lol
<DarkAngel^> lol
<motoki> that's kinda what i figured
<AndrewDom> no motoki, we're a very rare breed!!
<BernieRoehl> Not anymore -- the balance (at the moment) is pretty even at most events
<motoki> do people tend to meet one another elsewhere than go together to parties?
<motoki> than = then
<BernieRoehl> Umm... yeah, that's what I meant to say. We're very rare, better grab us while you can motoki!
* motoki snickers
<BernieRoehl> It varies. A lot of people show up with friends or in couples, others on their own
<Omy> Hey unconsentual garbbing you slut
<Omy> errr grabbing'
* AndrewDom is glad his kick under the table awakened BernieRoehl
* motoki perks again
<BernieRoehl> If it's your first event, you may want to hook up with another female sub who you can hang out with
<motoki> perhaps i'll meet someone at the munch who i can hang with (so to speak)
* BernieRoehl is guessing motoki's gender
* motoki is female
<krista-F> i attend parties on my own all the time..and find it to be a very safe environment for a girl on her own
<motoki> that's good to hear
<krista-F> and it is usually out of town for me motoki..and i feel safe and am usually well looked after
* BernieRoehl looks around in channel and sees several possibilities
<motoki> i'm hoping to go to the munch this wed
* AndrewDom looks at krista-F and winks at her "usually well looked after"
<Omy> There are many people motoki, Dom/me and sub that would gladly meet new people at a coffee shop and then goto the event together.
<abitbent> good folk here motoki... we're fortunate to be local to such great people.
<motoki> very good to hear
<motoki> it was unnerving going to that club i mentioned alone
<motoki> i checked in at the front and told them i was alone and they kept an eye on me throughout the evening, but still
<Kilted_One> the three ops will all be at the munch on wed motoki...we dont allow the Mod to go though <winks>
<motoki> :)
<motoki> oh ok
<jewel`{F}> motoki i have been to DAL a number of times alone, i have always felt very safe
<motoki> and i saw pics for two of you so i don't feel so "in the dark"
<Kilted_One> too dam pushy arent you Mod??
* motoki wonders if one of the people in the pic she saw is "regimental" ... *snicker*
<DarkAngel^> you feel in me ?
<Kilted_One> guess that would be Bernie and I
<DarkAngel^> HEY !
<Kilted_One> you will have to ask me in person to find out
<naughtyvickie> i go to DAL alone all the time and have never had a problem
<Omy> 1Laughing 140ut 1Loud KO
<motoki> lol
<Kilted_One> your pic there too DA??
<DarkAngel^> pic where KO ?
<Kilted_One> I have been to DAL a few times along and never had any problems either
<DarkAngel^> it is on the DAL page ,,lol
* cynful_cynthia giggles
<DarkAngel^> no fair motoki ,,, now I get to see your pic
<motoki> :)
* Omy looks at KO...1 Well that's not entirely true...there was that time the regiment was putting tents up
<DarkAngel^> I will be at tomorrow's Woodstock Munch ,, but not wed's KW one ,,, volleyball is berry berry impotunt to me
* Kilted_One laughs
<Kilted_One> tent poles??
* Omy looks at DA1 so when is the sweeling going to go down?
<motoki> woodstock is a fair drive for me, so i'm waiting for wed
<DarkAngel^> after I find a date Omy
<Omy> 1Laughing 140ut 1Loud
<DarkAngel^> that should be said as well ,,,, Play Parties are nice places to socialize ,, but harrasment and not understanding the term NO is strongly ,,Mmmmm educated into people
* motoki is being attacked by a parrot
<DarkAngel^> polly want a crack at her?
<motoki> lol
* `abi watches KO remove someone else's dead
<BernieRoehl> (It's actually the other one, KO)
<Kilted_One> well you know some just cant follow the rules <laughs.
<DarkAngel^> lol
* motoki will be too nervous to disobey any rules
<Kilted_One> sorry bout that Bernie
* BernieRoehl smiles
* BernieRoehl sighs... connection problems
* DarkAngel^ kicks BernieRoehl too ,,, so he doesnt get left out
<DarkAngel^> so what else are people curious about Play Parties?
<BernieRoehl> np KO
<DarkAngel^> what else should you expect ,,, AND ,, what would you WANT to see ,, that isnt there now?
* motoki wants to see chocolate given out to all subbies
<Omy> Not to worry motoki, the events Ehbc out on are friendly, relaxed, and highly entertaining.
* cynful_cynthia is always curious about individual style of flogging, cropping, spanking...ect
<Omy> err puts out
<DarkAngel^> who puts out ? .... I never do on the first (10 min) date
<abitbent> years ago at the button factory..i found an impromptu meeting just before the event for newbies was nice
<abitbent> if that still goes on
<motoki> lol
<Omy> Hmm that's an interesting idea...a newbie meet and greet...go over the rules and expectations before the event begins
<Omy> could do that at the same time the DM orientation is going on
* `abi would like to recommend the destruction of all Cher tapes
<motoki> will chocolate be given out? if so, i'm there
<abitbent> yes it was very helpful Omy
<Kilted_One> if anything there are more ppl available to help out now than there was back in the BF days abitbent, so I think that sort if thing is easier to do today
<Sweet1`> it's not a new idea was suggested to LANO years ago
<Sweet1`> anyone going to a public event for the first time have an orientation so that they are all aware of what may happen, rules etc
<Kilted_One> we used to have walk throughs for newbies
* motoki really likes that idea
<DarkAngel^> as well as suggested that they read the events web page Sweet1` ,,, since many post rules and event info
<cynful_cynthia> we got that through e-mail and telephone
* DarkAngel^ remembers his first walk thru back at the button factory
<ModBot> There are only about five minutes left in the formal part of tonight's discussion. Does anyone have any last-minute thoughts on the subject?
<BernieRoehl> We used to run pre-event orientations for newbies at KNaNO. Might be worth doing again.
<Kilted_One> any idea why we stopped that practice Bernie??
<DarkAngel^> lol ,,, we were busy setting up Kilted_One
<BernieRoehl> The newbies weren't all showing up before the event, so it made it difficult
* Kilted_One laughs
<motoki> errant newbies
<DarkAngel^> and looking at Paul's new gadget
<abitbent> :)
<BernieRoehl> We would get a few, but not really enough to make it worthwhile
<Sweet1`> and because DM's were there to look after them
<Kilted_One> that is what I thought the reason was..numbers fell off
<DarkAngel^> I can post to see if there is any interest for the Oct DAL
<abitbent> can be within the first half hour of the event even... "May i have your attention please"... etc...
<BernieRoehl> Also, with so many events these days, the number of newbies at any particular event isn't that large
<shareena_> are you talking about the Werx workshop for newbies?
<DarkAngel^> I would preffer right at start or a bit before abitbent
<abitbent> sure thing DA.. although the numbers do have to support it i suppose
<Kilted_One> having it during the scene time can be very distracting to the players
<shareena_> guess not
<Sweet1`> one rather large club in the US has orientation for all entering the club, not just 'newbies' but anyone new to the club regardless of experience
<ModBot> Well, that's it for the formal part of the discussion. The discussion log is now closed. It should be processed and uploaded to the website soon. Please feel free to continue chatting informallly. Have a good night, everyone!
<ModBot> Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion.