August 28, 2005 EhBC Online Discussion

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<ModBot> Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. Tonight's discussion topic is "Playparties... What Do I Expect?". The discussion is unmoderated. Enjoy!
<Justice> hi jewel/
<spirited_sassy{CP}> so what does eveyone expect in a playparty
<jewel`{F}> to see lots of friends
<Jaysker{padma}> well i expect to watch abi a bit
<`abi{A}> lol
<jewel`{F}> that too
<jewel`{F}> to hear abi do math
<`abi{A}> my math's not as good as sassy's ;)
<spirited_sassy{CP}> yep my night wouldn't be complete without watching `abi{A} and Achilles
<Jaysker{padma}> to watch people forget the number 3
<spirited_sassy{CP}> lol
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i am practicing my mathe
<snowy_kat> I haven't the foggiest. I've never been to one.
<`abi{A}> what would you expect or want to see snowy_kat?
<snowy_kat> Tough one
<Jaysker{padma}> i expect to get some new ideas about ways to play
<snowy_kat> I wouldn't want to feel threatened
<jewel`{F}> to see just about anything you ever thought you would only read about
<`abi{A}> threatened in what way snowy_kat?
* `abi{A} wants to know what jewel has been reading
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i like to see lots of play
<snowy_kat> recently went to my first fetish night at a club and a much older gentleman came up to me and just started flogging me...out of the blue
<snowy_kat> I didn't know what to say
<padma{Jaysker}> how about, 'get the fuck off me, you asshole!'?
<snowy_kat> I woudn't want that to happen again
<`abi{A}> ummm.....'stop that' would be appropriate
<padma{Jaysker}> :)
<jewel`{F}> tur around and slap him snowy_kat
<spirited_sassy{CP}> that works for me
<paperclip[B]> i wouldn't have said anything...but perhaps my actions in response would have spoken tons LOL
<padma{Jaysker}> That's not consensual, snowy_kat.
<snowy_kat> So...yeah... I'd want to be with people I knew and I'd want to feel safe.
<Jaysker{padma}> and is more than a bit creepy
<`abi{A}> I'm not sure where you live snowy_kat, but I can't imagine that happening at any events around here
<snowy_kat> Yeah...I thought so too.
<spirited_sassy{CP}> fetish night is different then a playparty
<snowy_kat> I live in KW
<padma{Jaysker}> No one should ever do anything to anyone who didn't want it.
<snowy_kat> I just moved here a month ago
<snowy_kat> How are they different spirited_sassy?
<`abi{A}> and where was this party snowy_kat?
<padma{Jaysker}> In any case, one way they're not different is that attendance does not constitute blanket consent.
<joy> i went to my first playpart about a month ago... and I didn't feel threatened at all - everyone was very welcoming and respectful
<snowy_kat> That sounds awesome.
<spirited_sassy{CP}> most playparties have rules about play
<spirited_sassy{CP}> fetish nights are more about fetishes and less about the rules of BDSM
<snowy_kat> I did notice that this one had a list of rules posted on the walls.
<padma{Jaysker}> true enough, sassy, but consent is still consent.
<paperclip[B]> i agree with spirited_sassy{CP} but for other reasons. i find the entire atmosphere different at a fet party vs a playparty and so far, the play i've seen at a fet night have been rather light.
<Jaysker{padma}> BDSM folks understand consent more than most regular folks
<snowy_kat> I guess they're just suggestions.
<snowy_kat> So playparties are more...well "more"?
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i think so
<Jaysker{padma}> people are there to play for the most part
<paperclip[B]> i would say a fet night is more of a danceparty, have fun without the focus being play.
<Jaysker{padma}> and socialize with others in the scene
<paperclip[B]> yeah
<motoki> and the venue is usually geared to promote play - enough room for equipment, DM's, etc
<paperclip[B]> but i do that at play parties too LOL
<jewel`{F}> different danicing paperclip[B]
<paperclip[B]> lol yeah
<spirited_sassy{CP}> snowy_kat where was this fetish event you went to
<snowy_kat> Toronto
<snowy_kat> They don't have these in New Brunswick... (where I moved from) LOL!
<joy> Do you know about DM's snowy_kat? I think they're one way that a play party is quite unique
<padma{Jaysker}> i think the atmosphere is different in other ways too - for me the focus at a fet night is about appearance, while at most of the play parties i go to are more focused on play.
<snowy_kat> There was a DM there... I found out after the fact.
<spirited_sassy{CP}> they have them in New Brunswick because i have attended some there
<snowy_kat> What?!
<snowy_kat> No way.
<padma{Jaysker}> :)
<padma{Jaysker}> we're everywhere.
<spirited_sassy{CP}> way
<motoki> at any rate, snowy_kat - you always have the right to say "no", and to insist on it
<padma{Jaysker}> and if they won't take it from you, turn and ask someone else to help you say no.
<padma{Jaysker}> :D
<Jaysker{padma}> i would not like to think what the general social attitude would be toward someone who struck someone without consent at one of the local play parties
<snowy_kat> Logically I understood that, I just wansn't expecting that to happen so I froze.
<padma{Jaysker}> Most people would be offended enough that they'd be GLAD to explain consent to such a violator.
<padma{Jaysker}> I know I'd get a *ahem* kick out of it. Or into it. Or something.
<Jaysker{padma}> that's my padma, a gentle flower
* padma{Jaysker} imagines spikey heels driving into bad person's tender bits
* motoki would expect to see that at a play party ;)
* padma{Jaysker} would be explaining quite clearly how "nonconsensual" feels...
<paperclip[B]> as for the topic, i think my expectations when going to a play party would be: play, seeing friends and discretion.
<padma{Jaysker}> yes.
<Jaysker{padma}> that is a good summary paperclip
<paperclip[B]> thanks!
<Jaysker{padma}> discretion is sacred in this community
<padma{Jaysker}> i have a number of friends whom i know only through the community.
<padma{Jaysker}> whom i only really see at play parties.
<paperclip[B]> me too
<snowy_kat> Are they frequent events?
<paperclip[B]> there always seems to be something happening somewhere LOL
<motoki> at least monthly in the combined Toronto and SW Ontario area
<motoki> usually more than that
<Jaysker{padma}> it depends how far afield you are willing to go - there is usually one a month somewhere in kitchener, guelph or london
<Jaysker{padma}> and more frequently in toronto
<padma{Jaysker}> (and hamilton)
<`abi{A}> so...what would you like to see at playparties that you don't see?
<paperclip[B]> hmmm
<spirited_sassy{CP}> more edgy play
<`abi{A}> I recently read a list of rules for a play party which included "no edge play". I found that rather odd
<padma{Jaysker}> more seating.
<paperclip[B]> penetration? hehehe
<padma{Jaysker}> seriously. more seating.
* paperclip[B] 's just being perverted LOL
<spirited_sassy{CP}> no edge play?
<padma{Jaysker}> i use a cane to get around. it's really hard to get a comfortable place to sit near the play area at KNaNo, so I never get to watch much.
<padma{Jaysker}> :(
<motoki> very odd abi
<Jaysker{padma}> and more nakedness
<`abi{A}> no edge occurs to me that is rather subjective
<paperclip[B]> more nakedness? how much more can you get? LOL
<Jaysker{padma}> well, the underwear can get in the way at some events
<Jaysker{padma}> :)
<paperclip[B]> lol
<spirited_sassy{CP}> yes `abi{A} because what is edgy to me is not edgy to you
<Jaysker{padma}> nothing is edgy to abi
<padma{Jaysker}> (i think she means =my= underwear can get in the way...;) )
<paperclip[B]> lol
<paperclip[B]> BENT has total nudity
<paperclip[B]> but i've noticed that the majority do not take advantage of that
<joy> you're obviously not wearing stringy enough panties then, padma
<padma{Jaysker}> we both work during the week. getting up to TO on Wednesday nights is just not feasible.
<Jaysker{padma}> BENT is on a wednesday nite and i am too old to do that
<paperclip[B]> ah
<paperclip[B]> true enough
<snowy_kat> What do most people wear...or not wear?
<Jaysker{padma}> i am always having to check the rules for events on genital nudity
<motoki> it's very variable
<paperclip[B]> what you'd normally see, thongs, g-strings
<`abi{A}> it depends on the event snowy_kat ... some allow full nudity, others do not
<paperclip[B]> that's while playing, i should clarify
<Jaysker{padma}> people might wear something sexy or might just wear t-shirt and jeans
* snowy_kat tosses her boyshorts out the window
<Jaysker{padma}> and undress some if they are going to bottom in a scene
<`abi{A}> requirements are something that I can out of in less than 10 seconds and put back on without braincells
<Jaysker{padma}> boyshorts are sexy
<paperclip[B]> this brings up something else i expect when i go to play parties...ideas for new outfits
<padma{Jaysker}> actually, one of the things i like best about wearing something to an event is getting to have it taken off, or taking it off myself, at the beginning of the scene.
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i agree abi
<motoki> lol
<joy> wearing something that you need more than just playful assistance having taken on or off you can be somewhat annoying...
<motoki> of course, that's sometimes the point
<joy> depends on the person of course
<`abi{A}> I'm especially fond of having things cut off ... but that can't happen everywhere either
* motoki too
<`abi{A}> things = clothes, not body parts ... just for clarification
<Jaysker{padma}> it makes putting them back on a bit more difficult methinks
<snowy_kat> And you'd run out of clothes abi
<spirited_sassy{CP}> geesh and i thought it was body parts
<Jaysker{padma}> clothes are overrated (esp on abi)
<`abi{A}> that's only if you miss by more than 10 sassy ;)
<motoki> rotfl
<kierana{DRFL}> whoever cuts off the clothes buys a new replacement.
<spirited_sassy{CP}> hush up motoki
<spirited_sassy{CP}> lol
<motoki> i think that's dependent on the people involved, kierana
* motoki grins to sassy
<Lady_Shoshin> I think is a good idea kierana
<kierana{DRFL}> *smiles* seemed like a good rule to me, motoki...
* motoki starts preparing an itemized invoice for "clothes cut off", but doubts it'll get far
<spirited_sassy{CP}> motoki Sir says that isn't happening
<motoki> rotfl
<Lady_Shoshin> LOL
<jewel`{F}> when one is told to go to valuevillage or goodwill and find something particular you know you may not be wearing it for long
<motoki> yay Value Village, that's all i can say
<Jaysker{padma}> so i guess i expect a variety of play equipment, some DMs, some first aid voluteers, good friends
<Lady_Shoshin> eBay is a good source too
* `abi{A} nods to Jaysker{padma} ... and I like to see a variety of different play too
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i agree Jaysker{padma}
<paperclip[B]> variety is good Jaysker{padma}
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i like to hear the people playing too
<Lady_Shoshin> so do I
<motoki> i was tinking about the sounds, too, sassy
<Lady_Shoshin> I insist on safety of the venue
<motoki> or the lack of sounds
<spirited_sassy{CP}> it isn't a party unless i hear the crack of a whip
<motoki> mmmm
<Jaysker{padma}> i like a venue where i am not afraid to sit on the toilets, too
<snowy_kat> Yeah!
<kierana{DRFL}> mood lighting
<Lady_Shoshin> very true, do you remember Catacombs? I went to the venue, but the washrooms were a nightmare
<paperclip[B]> good play music
<motoki> i enjoy a wide variety of play styles
<`abi{A}> no Cher
<paperclip[B]> lol
<paperclip[B]> gosh no
<Jaysker{padma}> and drinks where you don't feel like you need lube when you pay for them
<spirited_sassy{CP}> lol
<motoki> i.e., watching a wide variety
<Lady_Shoshin> lol
<joy> but not too loud... the party I was at had the music so loud it was hard to hear your Top/bottom (respectively)
<Lady_Shoshin> the wide variety depends on who shows up on any given night
<padma{Jaysker}> (and no cheapass off-brand mixers, either, geebus, PC Cola? I mean really...)
<spirited_sassy{CP}> that is where hand signals come in
<motoki> and attention to body language
<joy> true enough
<paperclip[B]> but is that an expectation of a play party or your partner?
<`abi{A}> or a spotter
<motoki> it's also nice when the "energy" at a play party is up
<spirited_sassy{CP}> oh yeah the energy is important
<Lady_Shoshin> that also depends on who shows up on any given night
<motoki> not just who, but time of year, weather, etc
<bran> hello
<Lady_Shoshin> yep motoki
<spirited_sassy{CP}> yep agreed
* Jaysker{padma} wants to go to a play party right now
* Lady_Shoshin checking my deoderant
<bran> may i ask if anyone is from guelph area here?
<Lady_Shoshin> Guelph has a kickass party!
<jewel`{F}> bran please check your pvts
<spirited_sassy{CP}> and i expect that the DM's would be knowledgable
* padma{Jaysker} imagines Lady_Shoshin smells absolutely divine...
<spirited_sassy{CP}> and not interfere in play
<bran> oh that was for this room? sry
<Lady_Shoshin> lol
<snowy_kat> Do people tend to go to playparties on their own?
<spirited_sassy{CP}> some
<Lady_Shoshin> I do
<padma{Jaysker}> certainly people do.
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i don't cause i'm collared
<padma{Jaysker}> it helps to have gone to the Munch first.
<snowy_kat> I suppose you'd have to until you got to know people.
* Lady_Shoshin wiping away a crocodile tear
<snowy_kat> That's my plan padma
<padma{Jaysker}> then you've seen people in their mundanes, and it's a little easier to walk up and say hi.
<jewel`{F}> i have been to a few with out Fyre, but usually only when He know certain others will be there
<padma{Jaysker}> (when they're not at all mundane!)
<motoki> i have in the past
<Lady_Shoshin> I don't have a submissive, so I usually go alone, but I know lots of people, so I can socialize
<kierana{DRFL}> i have gone on my own in the past and will be again now
<spirited_sassy{CP}> there is a wide range of people
<Lady_Shoshin> yep, some come in groups, in couples, alone, whatever
<Lady_Shoshin> munches are the best places to show up alone, go to a few, then at the party, you will see familiar faces
<spirited_sassy{CP}> snowy_kat didn't you go to the fetish night alone?
<padma{Jaysker}> thing is, too, people know who's new and who isn't - and they will say hello, they're a friendly bunch, and know how hard it can be the first time.
<snowy_kat> No. I went with two other people.
<kierana{DRFL}> and the hugs you get are some of the best going
<snowy_kat> But...they are in Toronto.
<Lady_Shoshin> People are often too busy with the party to notice someone in the corner alone, that is why I recommend munches to get into the swing of things so to speak
<spirited_sassy{CP}> well KW has a munch and a brunch so attend and you will start to know the people
<snowy_kat> I was hoping to do that this coming month.
* jewel`{F} wants to go to the brunch again soon
<Lady_Shoshin> good folk at the KW functions
<padma{Jaysker}> we'll look forward to seeing you...although come to think of it, i may not be there, as I'm often in Toronto overnight on Wednesdays for the next little bit...
<spirited_sassy{CP}> there are the sunday brunches though too
<snowy_kat> In KW?
<jewel`{F}> yes snowy_kat
<Lady_Shoshin> yep
<joy> the september munch will be my first as well, snowy_kay, so we can be new together
<spirited_sassy{CP}> yes
<snowy_kat> Yay!
<snowy_kat> new best friend = joy
<spirited_sassy{CP}> the first Wed of the month and the 3rd sunday
<snowy_kat> Cool. Thanks. I didn't know about that one.
<Lady_Shoshin> I run the munch in Burlington, we had about 10 people out and 4 were brand new to the lifestyle, it was great
<jewel`{F}> there is one in Woodstock as well, London, Hamilton, Guelph
<jewel`{F}> Stratford
<spirited_sassy{CP}> Hamilton's is this thursday
<Lady_Shoshin> I will be there
<Lady_Shoshin> all the munches mentioned are excellent
<spirited_sassy{CP}> so whatelse to we expect to see at playparties
<Lady_Shoshin> Can we old timers say it all together now, 1,2,3 - there are no stupid questions, only questions that haven't been answered yet
<jewel`{F}> new or intersting toys
<jewel`{F}> someone always seems to have found something new or different or a new use for something older
<Lady_Shoshin> spirited sassy(CP) Can I ask for anything? Then I want a painslut
<Lady_Shoshin> lol
<spirited_sassy{CP}> lol
* motoki doesn't qualify - she took Advil LOL
<Lady_Shoshin> lol
<spirited_sassy{CP}> we are taken Lady_Shoshin
<Lady_Shoshin> I know, CP is a fortunate Man
<spirited_sassy{CP}> don't you mean greedy man Lady_Shoshin?
<Lady_Shoshin> I think one of the problematic issues is temperature control, if it is cool so the Dom/mes don't overheat, then it can be too cold for subbies wearing practicaly nothing
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i agree Lady_Shoshin
<Lady_Shoshin> I say fortunate, you say greedy, same thing lol
<`abi{A}> I like it when they sweat ;)
<padma{Jaysker}> i usually find it's too hot - especially when there are lights directed at the play area.
<spirited_sassy{CP}> me too
<snowy_kat> Are there usually fans?
<spirited_sassy{CP}> wait i don't find it too hot usually i like the sweat
<spirited_sassy{CP}> no there are usually no fans
<padma{Jaysker}> well, i know Jaysker keeps one in her toybox...:)
<Lady_Shoshin> some people applaud yes *smirk*
<padma{Jaysker}> it's...scratchy.
* Lady_Shoshin notes wear sweatband in her to do book
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i would like to have no time limits on equipment
<Lady_Shoshin> there are positives and negatives on that issue
<ModBot> There are only about five minutes left in the formal part of tonight's discussion. Does anyone have any last-minute thoughts on the subject?
<`abi{A}> having enough equipment for the size of the crowd is one of the things I hope to find at events
<`abi{A}> if there is enough equipment, you don't need time limits
<spirited_sassy{CP}> agreed `abi{A}
<padma{Jaysker}> otoh, i can recall the time limit being used against you in a fairly delicious way once, abi.
<padma{Jaysker}> (once I saw, anyway)
<Lady_Shoshin> Just remember 5-10 pieces of equipment and 150 people wanting to play doesn't divide up well
<`abi{A}> lol...that was different padma...mindfucks don't count ;)
* spirited_sassy{CP} hates mindfucks
<Jaysker{padma}> i thought it counted quite well abi
<padma{Jaysker}> no, but it was wonderful. oh, my.
<Lady_Shoshin> spirited sassy(CP) may I tell him you said so?
<spirited_sassy{CP}> he knows Lady_Shoshin
<`abi{A}> except that usually 150 people don't want to play Lady_Shoshin ... it's more often the case that equipment stands empty for half the night and then there's a rush in the last hour
<Lady_Shoshin> lol
<Lady_Shoshin> abi(A) I agree, or people have their heart set on one piece of equipment while other pieces stand empty
<padma{Jaysker}> if we're asking what we'd like to see, i'd love to see someone make an adjustable spanking bench.
<kierana{DRFL}> hear hear
<padma{Jaysker}> the height from top pad to kneeling pad is a pain for some.
<Lady_Shoshin> mmmmmmmmmmmmmm yes!
<spirited_sassy{CP}> we have one of those
<Jaysker{padma}> really? adjustable? did you make it or buy it?
<padma{Jaysker}> I usually have to choose whether to put all the weight on my knees, or on my spine, and neither is a really palatable alternative in my condition.
<ModBot> Well, that's it for the formal part of the discussion. The discussion log is now closed. It should be processed and uploaded to the website soon. Please feel free to continue chatting informally. Have a good night, everyone!
<ModBot> Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion.
<spirited_sassy{CP}> it was made for us