August 27 2000 EhBC Online Discussion


<dalian> the topic for tonight is "Finding Your Inner Slut"
<SirBear> hiya canplay *smile*
* DarkAngel^{sin} PLS refrain for the discusion the Waltons - hi bye , and happily join in the discussion,, ask, comment, clarify ,,,,,, but A/all pls enjoy
* dalian smiles..thanks DA!
<^trufriend> what if i'm trying to hide my inner slut?!
<`vixie> the Waltons? *confused look*
<John57> good topic, i was at casinorama today and i was looking for the inner sluts too
* DarkAngel^{sin} must admitto enjoy the public/lady - private/slut relationship
* this_lil_kitten hopes the Boys are planning on behaving hereafter...
<kathryn_kw> lol
<dalian> I guess to start it off: from the subs-what have you done on any level to find your inner slut and from the Doms: what techniques have you employed in order for your sub to find that particular place?
<DarkAngel^{sin}> never this_lil_kitten
<Demoneira> I don't know that I have an inner slut.. but if I do, she is most certainly lost... must have let a man drive...
<John57> well as a subless Dom, i'll abstain from voting here :)
<Sweetone{LT}> can you please explain what you mean by inner slut?
<^trufriend> i was instructed by a Dom to go out in public with no panties on under a skirt a couple years ago
<^trufriend> now it's normal for me...*S*
<kathryn_kw> how did it make you feel tru
<Demoneira> did it make you feel sluttish at first though?
<dalian> what i mean by inner slut is sexual freedom and abandon in expressing our sexual wants, needs and desires...without suffering from negative connotations
<Wbkiri> hi all
<kathryn_kw> me tooo now
<^trufriend> i felt slutty when i did it...almost didn't want to do it.....but curiosity got the better of me
<Sweetone{LT}> thank you dalian :)
* DarkAngel^{sin} thinks the hiddn slut can be sooooOOoooo erotic
<John57> hi kiri, shani
<Opal``> ohhh.. i just thought it made it easier for guys to get fucked..... i must be missing the erotic part of it
<dalian> why did you not want to do it, tru?
<`vixie> lol Opal
<^trufriend> John57, please refrain from the usual greetings during our dicussion
<DarkAngel^{sin}> the secret of a hidden desire------- OR desire to be that slut for her Dom ,,,, is sOOOOooo sexy
<`vixie> first time i tried it i thought *everyone* knew i wasn't wearing underwear and thought they were staring
* this_lil_kitten felt that way the first time to *giggle*
<Demoneira> but that on it's own wouldn't do much would it?
<^trufriend> i didn't want to do it because i had been raised to wear 'everything' before leaving the house or i was just a tramp
<John57> sorry :(
<DarkAngel^{sin}> some dont want to just get fucked Opal`` .....
<`vixie> me too tru
* `vixie blushes remembering
<Wbkiri> were not most if not all of us men included
<SkyDom> It's about providing easy access
<Sweetone{LT}> so raising your selfconsciousness in that way was erotic for you?
<`vixie> for me it was Sweetone{LT}
<^trufriend> hey, my mom's way of introducing me to *sex* was to hand me a book dated from 1927!
<Wbkiri> :)
<kathryn_kw> lol tru
<^trufriend> i find little 'challenges' like wearing certain clothing to very erotic indeed
<Wbkiri> if she ahd used oneI have senn written in 1908 it would have been something :)
<dalian> so...what difficulties have either subs or Doms experienced while seeking the inner slut?
<Demoneira> well actually.. I would think that maybe the no panties thing wouldn't be TO get fucked, but to know you COULD just lift the skirt and get at it which makes it risque and "slutty"
<`vixie> i find it reminds me of who i am, what position i like to take...all that good stuff
<^trufriend> i used to always wear pantyhose too.....all year round....never even thought about stockings!
<Opal``> i still haven't figured out what a slut is
<`vixie> me either Opal
<^trufriend> seeking my own inner slut has greatly improved my own self cnofidence and self esteem
<Wbkiri> I admit I ahve trouble there too Opal
<dalian> for myself the inner slut is always there...but i have difficulty expressing her...depends on the person i'm with i think
* Demoneira nods at Opal.. doesn't everyone's ideas differ?
<this_lil_kitten> shyness is a HUGE barrier... even one on one I've had trouble.. inhibitions are SO evil
<Wbkiri> my difficulyties cvome from fighting the good/bad girl iamges it brings
<dalian> how has it done that in particular tru?
<^trufriend> i think our image of a slut is one of *those* people we see on a street corner....trying to earn a living.....
<`vixie> my mom always said they were whores, not sluts
* `vixie shrugs
* DarkAngel^{sin} feels that the main thrus of the slut immage/excitement ,,, is for a relationship
<Sweetone{LT}> slut has usually had a negative connotation to it
<Finn``> in winter theyre frostytures..
<Finn``> er..frosty-tutes
<shaniholly> lol
<^trufriend> it has nudeged me to do more to feel good about myself.....that i can really attract someone else
<Demoneira> hmm.. I always considered it to be someone who wanted sex all the time with whoever she could get it from... may be a generation gap
<DarkAngel^{sin}> I like a slut ,, but not others sluts,, or a common slut ,, but MY slut
<Chiaroscuro{a}> and unfortunately women are the victims of that negative label Sweetone{LT}
<dalian> can you elaborate a lil more on that tru?
<Sweetone{LT}> yes i know and agree Chiaroscuro{a}
<Wbkiri> it si a double standard between menb womewn
<DarkAngel^{sin}> old labels Chiaroscuro{a}
<Chiaroscuro{a}> I am curious how this double standard is perceived within this community? in terms of subs and Doms...
<Chiaroscuro{a}> perhaps it is as it is everywhere... an unfair dbl standard
<Opal``> i am more that curious Chiaroscuro
<Opal``> than
<Wbkiri> speaking as a dom I do not what subcribe to old the old standard
<Sweetone{LT}> in bdsm, slut is a term of endearment from the dom (usually <g>) and is favoured
* DarkAngel^{sin} doesnt do dbl standard ,,, heis happyfor others,,, but realy dwells in his inner circle
<DarkAngel^{sin}> yes Sweetone{LT}
<DarkAngel^{sin}> I agree
<Wbkiri> I knwo at end of night etc my littleone is coming home with me tec
<Chiaroscuro{a}> GENERALLY, is there a bias in terms of promiscuity by a Dom versus a sub and how that is perceived?
<Opal``> i would hate to think that new people might get the impression that this community encourages indiscriminant sexual activity
* DarkAngel^{sin} 's inner circle has only recently been filled ,,, and can only hold 2
<`abi> I think for starters slut does not equal promiscuous in this community Chiaroscuro{a}
<Opal``> no... i think there are a few slutty Doms around
<Wbkiri> Iagree abi
<Chiaroscuro{a}> good point `abi
<DarkAngel^{sin}> but I do Opal`` .... between 2 concenting adults,,, is noneof my business
<dalian> from my own experience, when i embraced my inner slut...i became very confident about who i was and what i wanted and needed...was no longer afraid to express my self in sexual terms or ignore what i was feeling
<^trufriend> i consider being called a slut an attitude
<Chiaroscuro{a}> but I WAS asking the that question anyhow.
<^trufriend> when used by Someone special to me
<canplay> i had better only be called a slut by my Master
<DarkAngel^{sin}> well it brings a different meaning canplay
<Wbkiri> indeed DA
<canplay> sure does Dark Angel :)
<Demoneira> well.. in the heat of things it is in a way true because you'd do almost anything for him... but as a casual term i'm not certain I'd welcome it no..
<Opal``> i agree abi.. but i would hate to think new ppl might have the impression it does... and do something they will regret later
<dalian> did you find any surprises when you found your inner slut tru?
<dalian> about yourself that is....
* DarkAngel^{sin} feels when he calls someone "his slut" .,,,, and I say that withought yet forming the new relationship which I hope to build soon
<Wbkiri> how did the subs here make pewace with thier inner slut ?
<dalian> hard to say Wbkiri...still making peace with her...sometimes it is a non thought, and other times it is a battle
<Demoneira> depends on the background entering here Opal``... I'm ner to r/t but been online for quite some time so I never look at the community as encouraging it... but there are many misconceptions by new people.. I had them when I first started online..
<Wbkiri> why is it a battle dalian ?
<Sweetone{LT}> online tends to do that Demoneira
<dalian> at times it is still a fear of the negative connotations from others
* DarkAngel^{sin} thinks,,, that when a sub submits as a Dom/me's slut ,,,,,,,,,,,,, she/he,,, is giving a very deep ,, sweet,, and proud submission,,, which should be accepted ,, ohhh ,, ohh,, sooooOOoooo deeply ,, as it needs to be
<Wbkiri> *listens* ok
<Sweetone{LT}> do people tend to feel more peaceful and happy after satisfying the inner slut?
<Demoneira> Wbkiri, I haven't even found her yet... it may be something that only time will help me discover... and only the right person can bring out
<Wbkiri> ok Demoneiria
<dalian> the inner slut is something very deep and intense...a road traveled with trepidation, anxiety yet yielding immense pleasure and awakening
<Wbkiri> ok
<DarkAngel^{sin}> I do find it to be ohhso sweet to witness,,, but to beon the recieving end,,, fills my heart to brimming
<Demoneira> hmm.. raises a question from me... since you keep asking how Doms brought out the inner slut.. can a sub find it in herself?
<dalian> and it is peaceful...it's almost like embra ing an old friend
<kathryn_kw> i can and have Demoneiria
<DarkAngel^{sin}> is a freedom dalian ?
<Sweetone{LT}> for some Demoneira, it takes the trust in another to help bring out something you may not want to do alone
<Demoneira> how kathryn_kw?
<dalian> most certainly DA
<kathryn_kw> it is very freeing for me
<kathryn_kw> and allows me to push my edges and comfort levels
<kathryn_kw> and still look in a mirror and like who i see looking back at me
* Demoneira nods at Sweetone{LT}.. I don't believe it's something I could do... *is quite reserved sexually at times*
<Wbkiri> it can be a tough nut to crack
<DarkAngel^{sin}> when I hear a sub feels freedom ,,, I think they are going ,,,,not only to where they want to go ,,, but where I want them to go
<`abi> yes, I think so Demoneira ... but feeling safe and protected can certainly help.....and that can come from different sources
<Sweetone{LT}> and that trust and relationship lets you know it is ok, and that you will be safe emotionally and physically
<Wbkiri> :)
<DarkAngel^{sin}> oh kathryn_kw ,,,, that is oneof the most important things
<dalian> what i found worked for me when i was just starting to recognize the inner slut...a Dom instructed me to write a sexual journal...detailing every sexual and erotic thought
<Demoneira> which would imply admitting she exists wo0n't be easy.. *chews on that thought* never stray, never break, never choke on a lie, even though he's the one who did this to you, never thought to question why." - a perfect circle -)
<DarkAngel^{sin}> interesting dalian ,,, and that helpedyou go thru what turned you on
<dalian> definately....and i learned to tap into those urges and examine them closely
<Wbkiri> goiod for you dalian
<dalian> i was actually suprised at how many times i had sexual thoughts...and it was extremely difficult to write out my fantasises on paper
<dalian> to admit them in detail was terrifying yet enlightening
* DarkAngel^{sin} isonly at the beginning oflearning about his chosen one ,,, and wants to lear ,,, with her,, her inner ,, and outer needs
<`vixie> i go through that dalian when i write out my dreams
<dalian> and then to share them with another...in explicit detail was nerve wracking...but i trusted the one i was sharing them with
* DarkAngel^{sin} appoligizes about his bad bad spacebar
<dalian> i write in a personal journal anyways...but a sexual one was daunting at first
<Wbkiri> I bet dlian
<DarkAngel^{sin}> kewl dalian ,,,,, it always comes back to trust-sharing-and comunication
<Demoneira> mine died last weekend DA.. bought a new keyboard.. big improvement
<dalian> but by writing them allowed me a confort zone for which i was able to enact those fantasies with another...feely
* DarkAngel^{sin} winks at Demoneira
<Demoneira> hmm... but what if you don't have a partner?
<dalian> i was able to enact some of those fantasies by myself as well
<`vixie> i don't have a partner Demoneira, but i still write my dreams out for the day that i may have one
<DarkAngel^{sin}> is it the same dalian ?
<dalian> i learned much by writing and then embracing my body on a personal level
* Demoneira looks at the crib beside the bed.... umm.. not very possible for me
<Wbkiri> some use Mentors in interm
<shaniholly> i do the same `vixie
<dalian> in a way yes...i came to terms with myself as a spiritual and physical being
<kathryn_kw> sounds like me dalian
<kathryn_kw> as well ad my sexual orientation and gender identity
<dalian> spiritual was always there...but to actually "feel" my body as who i was..if that makes sense
<Demoneira> maybe that's what it all comes down to? self acceptance? away.....)
<kathryn_kw> and being a slave and loving it :)
<Wbkiri> I agree Demoneira :)
<DarkAngel^{sin}> well perhaps any person might accept/place themselves in a personal slut level ,,, I feel much deeper with a committed partner
* DarkAngel^{sin} <--- is a slut ,,, and my name is John
<kathryn_kw> DA i think that brings it to a deeper level
<dalian> with a committed partner...it is the combination of energies that becomes one
<Wbkiri> true dalian
<kathryn_kw> eg being a " special "slut to a "special "
<kathryn_kw> someone
<`abi> isn't it really about accepting yourself as a sexual being? .... and if you are in a relationship, to express that sexuality with comfort and pleasure?
<DarkAngel^{sin}> yes kathryn_kw ,,, I thought so ,,,I forone ,, seek as dep a level as I can ,, before opening my true heart ,,,, (shhhhhh ,, think I found her)
<`vixie> that's a good way to look at it abi!
<dalian> yes abi...very much so
<kathryn_kw> but not just sexual
<kathryn_kw> encompasses more to
<kathryn_kw> eg pain humiliation degradation etc
<`abi> true kathryn ... perhaps to integrate that sexuality into who you are
<kathryn_kw> not just the physical/sexual
<dalian> it means exposing the very core of who you are to not only yourself...but eventually another person
* Demoneira looks over at kathryn in confusion.. but don't you take all of that and encompass it with the sexuality?
<kathryn_kw> i agree dalian
<DarkAngel^{sin}> well this view I think abi is right on ,,,, is different for us all ,,, but before one can do that for themselves,,,, they could neverdo it for anouther
<kathryn_kw> true Demoneiria.. but for some they will make distinctions between sexual activity per se and other areas
<kathryn_kw> eg you can be subbing without sex
<kathryn_kw> for some people
* DarkAngel^{sin} thinks "sex" isso muchmore
<`abi> well, it depends DA ... sometimes it is the safety and trust of a relationship that allows a person to fully understand and accept their sexual nature
<Wbkiri> true kathryn_kw
<kathryn_kw> yupper
<kathryn_kw> it is
<kathryn_kw> to me anyway
<kathryn_kw> :)
<Demoneira> I realize that, but actual "sex" is not the whole of sexuality either
<dalian> so would you say that trust is essential in finding your inner slut?
<kathryn_kw> trust and safety are biggies
<DarkAngel^{sin}> yes abi ,,, I only point out ,,, that ,, the first admission must be to one self
<kathryn_kw> i would yes
<kathryn_kw> and that can be trust in yourself as well as your partner
<`abi> hmmm...again...not always DA ...it's possible for a loving partner to see it before you see or acknowledge it youself
* `abi tosses in an r
<dalian> so if a sub has decided to find her inner slut..what would be a good starting point?
<kathryn_kw> admitting it to yourself first is always good :)
<kathryn_kw> maybe looking at some of your own fantasies
<kathryn_kw> and exploring them
* `abi resists the temptation to suggest just north of the thighs
<DarkAngel^{sin}> true ,,, I think abi ,, but ,, it isnt completetill theslut sees herself as such
<kathryn_kw> possibly trying to turn them into reality in some cases
<Sweetone{LT}> liking yourself for who you are, and providing a safe outlet to let yourself be who you are
<kathryn_kw> lol abi :)
<kathryn_kw> weg
<Demoneira> but IS there always an inner slut?
<dalian> i think so
<kathryn_kw> in our community .. yes i think so
<Wbkiri> I would tend to agree
<kathryn_kw> its part of who we are
<DarkAngel^{sin}> looking the other way------ I was once accused of objectifying a sub by considdering her "my slut" ,, as in "my object"
<kathryn_kw> to some extent or another
<Demoneira> .
<DarkAngel^{sin}> it took me a bit to realize ,, that that was exactly how I felt of her ,, and was happy so
<Demoneira> (dropped keyboard)
<kathryn_kw> :)
<dalian> we haven't really heard of many techniques used by Doms to encourage the inner slut tonight...is there a reason for that?
<Wbkiri> no has asked till now:)
<dalian> or is it actually in most cases initiated by the sub?
<Demoneira> umm.. well, doesn't it take a lot less for a Dom to call someone his "slut" than it does for her to admit that yes she is?
<Wbkiri> insert one
<DarkAngel^{sin}> I realized then ,, that terms as slut,, cunt, whore, property, love, dear, slave, lover, wife, g/f, ect ,, are between two people and werent up for public discuaion/debate ,,,, after that ,, I was happy where I was ,, and an now happy where I am going with my new slave
<Wbkiri> for .. I use trust openness let her feel safe secure and work at it one step at a time
<Demoneira> (clarifies) if HE sees it ahead of time and says so... it's still up to her to accept it
<dalian> i don't think by a Dom calling me a slut...encourages me to embrace that with him...there is more to it
<DarkAngel^{sin}> is just alabel to some ,,, to others ,, any title/label has true meaning
<kathryn_kw> part of it is knowing that if you do something that will make your Dom/me happy you feel good
<kathryn_kw> and it its being a slut then all the better ?
<Demoneira> dalian I was assuming that the Dom was encouraging it and was therefore a meaningful partnership
* DarkAngel^{sin} forone ,,,,, sees labels to be outer things,, uses with love to explain inner things
<dalian> have any subs had negative experiences while finding their inner slut?
<Demoneira> not just "saying it"
<kathryn_kw> living it Demoneira
<DarkAngel^{sin}> well I guess then the label ,,,,, is for both ,,, and each might think of it differently ,,, so each label is PERSONAL
<kathryn_kw> hmmmmm negative.. dont think so
<`abi> you mean besides getting really tired dalian?
* Demoneira nods at DA
<dalian> tired?
* vixen{KO} high fives sister abi
* dalian grins
<dalian> well maybe..... to try... And with this ring our lives will start... Swearing that we'll never part... I offer what You cannot buy...Devoted love until we die. *The Colour of My Love*)
<DarkAngel^{sin}> well getting back to labels ,,,,,,, we each give and accept them ,, within and withought a relationship ,,, but only those in the relationship have the right to truely define them
<dalian> i have not had a negative experience myself...thank the gods
<kathryn_kw> exactly DA
<kathryn_kw> same as strangers coming into channel and trying to dom us
<kathryn_kw> we crucify them
<kathryn_kw> lol
<DarkAngel^{sin}> a slut to me and my owned/collared slave,,, means something different to someone not of our lifestyle
<kathryn_kw> they havent " earned " the right
<Wbkiri> I agree kathryn_kw:)
<kathryn_kw> slut is a beautiful thing when said by someone that means something to you
<kathryn_kw> in this community / lifestyle
<Wbkiri> that is how I view it
<kathryn_kw> i am proud to be a slave -slut
<Wbkiri> good for you kathryn_kw :)
<kathryn_kw> :)
* DarkAngel^{sin} grins to thegroup,,,, to be honest ,,,,, I use only terms within a relationship,,, and dont realy bandy them about ,, the term slut ,, I simply see as a norm
* vixen{KO} is a proud slut too.....ask Master
<kathryn_kw> depeends on the context and situation DA
<DarkAngel^{sin}> I use slave,,, sub,,, love,, dear ,,, everything else it betwix the couple
<`abi> or the understanding kathryn .... if someone calls me a slut, it better be in the right tone of voice, or somebody is gonna get clocked...but the same applies to "girl" and "dear"
<DarkAngel^{sin}> yes kathryn_kw ,, I agree
<dalian> so, to wrap up the discussion: would we all agree that the inner slut is something "special" that is shared with another significant partner?
<kathryn_kw> exactly abi
<kathryn_kw> right on
* thespian grins @ abi. context is *everything*.
<kathryn_kw> or also acknowledged within the individual
<kathryn_kw> something very special
<Wbkiri> I can agree with that dalian
<dalian> and would we also agree that a sub alone an also find her if she so wishes to seek her out?
<DarkAngel^{sin}> but ,, realy,, I olny get back to a minor point ,,, that being a GROUP ,,,, who attempt to dictate what a couples rules "should be"
<kathryn_kw> i agree dalian
<Wbkiri> yes
<kathryn_kw> lol DA
<kathryn_kw> still comes down to what you and your parttner are comfortable with
<kathryn_kw> no one else matters
<kathryn_kw> imho
<dalian> we talked about journal writing as a step...anything else we can use to bring the inner slut out?
<DarkAngel^{sin}> exactly
<Wbkiri> always kathyrn_kw
<kathryn_kw> ooops did i say humble / lol
<kathryn_kw> not me
<DarkAngel^{sin}> and what that inner slut means to him/her
<vixen{KO}> exercises....in passing "slut" limits in a relationship
<DarkAngel^{sin}> and their significant ONE
<`abi> bus trips ...we could arrange bus trips for inner sluts who need to get out more
<kathryn_kw> acknpwledge inner fantasties and some possible taboos and curiosities
<dalian> i like that one vixen!
<kathryn_kw> lol abi
* vixen{KO} flashes her bus license to abi and opens the big tall doors
<kathryn_kw> good one vixen
<thespian> abi, the last time anyone suggested a bus trip on the list......it became a mess.
<Wbkiri> :)
* DarkAngel^{sin} would love to have given the toursa few months ago `abi ,,,, now ,,, uhhh ,, sorry ,,
<thespian> though I do wonder where you'd take inner sluts. Niagara Falls?
* Kilted_One is NOT offering the bus for abigaille's suggestion
<vixen{KO}> nah....dungeon in Las Vega
<`abi> lol KO
<vixen{KO}> Vegas, even
<Wbkiri> hehhehe :)
<dalian> well i think it's time to close the discussion...thanks for joining in tonight ;)
<DarkAngel^{sin}> lol
<Wbkiri> thank you dalian :)
<shaniholly> thank you, dalian
<kathryn_kw> great job dalian
<DarkAngel^{sin}> thank you dalian ,,,, kudos
<thespian> you're welcome for the whole 5 minutes I was able to give you ;-)
<kathryn_kw> good discussions
<dalian> thanks everyone...now i can breathe again
<kathryn_kw> lol
<kathryn_kw> some good points and views raised
<kathryn_kw> good stuff
* DarkAngel^{sin} gropes pussycate since she slippedout
<Sweetone{LT}> thanks dalian
<Wbkiri> I agree re points/views have searched,)