August 1 1999 EhBC Online Discussion

Session Start: Sun Aug 01 21:00:07 1999
<BernieRoehl> Well, by my watch it's just turned 9 pm.
<BernieRoehl> Welcome, everyone, to our regular Sunday night discussion.
<BernieRoehl> Just a reminder that between now and 10 pm, we ask that everyone refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages when people enter and leave the channel.
<BernieRoehl> Also keep in mind that the discussion is being logged, and will be posted to our web site.  If you wish to say something and still remain anonymous, please change your nick.
<BernieRoehl> The topic for tonight is "Building a Scene".
<BernieRoehl> When the topic was suggested, it was aimed mostly at Doms... a discussion of how to set up a scene, structure it, and so on.
* lil^bear^ grins
<BernieRoehl> However, I would like to see lots of input from subs on what they feel helps bring them into the right head space.
<BernieRoehl> Anyone like to get the ball rolling?
<Kilted_One> After all Bernie the scene is being set up for them is it no lol
<`Hardest> is it?
<ancilla^Lupi> for both...i think
<Kilted_One> could I ask for the topic to be narrowed down for a minute??
<BernieRoehl> Sure, Kilted_One.
<ancilla^Lupi> i find being a part of the preperations puts me in the headspace quite well
* vixen{KO} thinks scenes need to be for the benefit of the Dom AND sub and/or possibly onlookers
<Kilted_One> what type of scene??
<`Hardest> define scene?
<BernieRoehl> Good questions.
<Kilted_One> yeah is it a head fuck?? or a flogging scene or what....
<BernieRoehl> I know what I think of as a "scene", but I'd like to hear from others.
<lil^bear^> head fuck?
<Kilted_One> or mind fuck lil^bear
<lil^bear^> mind fuck?
<vixen{KO}> the locale of a specified activity(ies)...the place where an event occurs...
* `hellkat` thinks its all in the 'mind'... most important sexual organ o'the body eh?
<`Hardest> is living togeter and being involved 24/7 constitute a scene?
* vixen{KO} closes ole dictionary
<Kilted_One> setting up a mind fuck scene takes a lot more prepartion if done correctly than say a flogging scene
* `hellkat` raises an eyebrow at KO...
<`hellkat`> you mean... 
<`hellkat`> flogging scene is not going to involve any of 'mind'?
* BernieRoehl agrees with Kilted_One
<vixen{KO}> to some Hardest....but it's really an individual and highly varied thang
<Kilted_One> not the same thing though hellkat
<BernieRoehl> Let's start with a purely physical scene, like a flogging.  What do people do to set the tone, get into the right headspace, and help their partner prepare?
* `hellkat` wud think...not to same extent..p'rhaps.. KO...but still some 'mind' to it... surely
<ancilla^Lupi> i am often asked to prepare lighting (candles) and any equipment TW might want
<ancilla^Lupi> and then inspected
<ancilla^Lupi> by then, i am in the "headspace" 
<Kilted_One> yes hellkat there is....for example showing the flogger before use is a type of mind fucking in the flogging scene but that is not the same as a mind fuck scene where the mind is the primary toyed with part of the body
<`hellkat`> agreed, KO... :-)
<BernieRoehl> So having the submissive prepare the space, the toys, etc. is one approach.
<BernieRoehl> Is there anything that the Doms here do to bring themselves into the right frame of mind?
<Kilted_One> I would ask the submissive or slve to fetch the floggers for me and chose the implement to be used..or the oreder of floggers in the case of several
<`Hardest> wake up?
<ancilla^Lupi> i know TW usually showers...i think He just stands there and contemplates ;)
<vixen{KO}> well for moi....having a variety of preparation is nice....i like knowing sometimes...preparing for it too sometimes...and then others it blows the brain to just be surprised.
<Traeger> Hello everyone
<ancilla^Lupi> definately vixen :)
<Traeger> Seems Dal doesn't like Pirch....
<Traeger> Hi charm...glad to see you're back, hi bear, Al, brat.
* goldcharm smiles at Traeger
<Kilted_One> making sure that all of the toys and equipment are at hand Bernie has to be near the top of the list
<BernieRoehl> Right, that's a good practical point Kilted_One.  In some cases, I also make sure some water or juice is available for post-scene, and perhaps some blankets.
<d> k...who the hell am i?
<d> d?
<BernieRoehl> Once the scene is going, do you follow a pattern... a routine?
<Kilted_One> safety as in the ect
<ancilla^Lupi> or ice Bernie ;)
<vixen{KO}> lighting?  muzak?
* BernieRoehl smiles
<BernieRoehl> Yes, ice is nice.  :-)
<vixen{KO}> ;} at ancilla
-Kilted_One- [\\'ALLOP:#bdsm-KW] I have set an auto greeting to avoid the "hello's and explain the topic of discussion
<Kilted_One> lighter equipment to heavier in general progression....
<BernieRoehl> With some "surprises" thrown in from time to time, or no?
* ancilla^Lupi has frequently been mindfucked within the
<Kilted_One> need to plan the pain level to raise the endorphins levels
* vixen{KO} knows that predictability makes her yawn...
<ancilla^Lupi> definately surprises!
<BernieRoehl> How, so, ancilla^Lupi
* vixen{KO} ^5's ancilla
<ancilla^Lupi> well, i am often told what equipment to have ready...
<ancilla^Lupi> and every once in awhile, i'll get a rather unusual item added to the list
* jalyn grins
<ancilla^Lupi> baffles and scares me usually
<ancilla^Lupi> in a good way!
<vixen{KO}> or you find a surprise toy in the cleaning up later....and wonder when/if it was used...and the sensation of it...
* BernieRoehl smiles
<ancilla^Lupi> lol, yes!
<ancilla^Lupi> Master has had a few odd objects in His bag since i met Him...still won't tell me what they are for or when i'll find out
<Kilted_One> what thoughts do ppl have on limiting any or some of the senses during a scene?? I love to remove sight and sometime sound!!!
<ancilla^Lupi> i enjoy different types of sensory deprivation
<ancilla^Lupi> really adds to it
* vixen{KO} grins slyly...
<BernieRoehl> Blindfolds are handy... it let's you introduce those surprises.
<ancilla^Lupi> heightens the other senses
<ancilla^Lupi> it seems
<ancilla^Lupi> i find myself..when blindfolded straining to hear what's next
<BernieRoehl> So we've talked about preparing before the scene, ramping up, and introducing the occasional surprise.
<BernieRoehl> What about the "tail end" of the scene?  (If you'll pardon the expression...)
* vixen{KO} also knows which surfaces that glimpses might be gotten from....even tho i dislike knowing when and how something's gonna hit/happen
<Kilted_One> do you really think so ancilla^Lupi?? is it not that you simply pay more attention to the senses left to you??
<ancilla^Lupi> yes, that's why i added "it seems" :)
* cyberbrat_ wonders what the difference is...thinknig about that
<ancilla^Lupi> what is most funny is...i almost always keep my eyes shut...but if i'm drives me nuts not being able to see
* vixen{KO} likes not seeing...
<ancilla^Lupi> so do i really...but not having the choice is what gets in my head
<vixen{KO}> but keeping one's eyes shut isn't always what They have in mind....right Master?
<cyberbrat_> for me, sensory stimulation comes from being asked to keep my eyes open. ever. 
<Kilted_One> only if you are a cyclops
* ancilla^Lupi finds being forced to watch...REALLY difficult
* cyberbrat_ smiles at ancilla^Lupi...amen :)
<BernieRoehl> You mean watch yourself, ancilla?
* jalyn agrees
<ancilla^Lupi> yes mirrors are my worst enemy...but also having to look in His eye during a scene...i love it, but i find it very difficult
<ancilla^Lupi> or seeing Him holding the cane etc...
<vixen{KO}> and then there's the ole bait and switch, eh?
<ancilla^Lupi> mirrors are usually only used for punishment around here!
<ancilla^Lupi> lol
<BernieRoehl> I have some full-length mirrors in my house, that have come in useful from time to time.  :-)
<Kilted_One> what would that be vixen lol
<cyberbrat_> eye contact kills me
* `hellkat` wonders what 'fishing' has to do w/it...
* vixen{KO} recalls some knife play where being made to see a very sharp implement before sight is taken away...then another being substituted...<wink>
<ancilla^Lupi> eye contact or mirrors when gagged is utter torture
<Kilted_One> Bernie is there any body movements or sounds during a scene that directs you to do a certain thing or change a tempo or check hands ect??
<BernieRoehl> It depends, Kilted_One.  With a partner I know well, it's easy.
<BernieRoehl> With a new partner, it takes longer to get familiar with how they respond.
<BernieRoehl> So, I tend to err on the side of caution.
<vixen{KO}> amen Sir....nothing like hearing a Dom say "woops"
<Kilted_One> what signs would you look for and what would you change when you "scene" them
<BernieRoehl> I also tend to be response-driven... if I'm doing something that's provoking a response, I tend to continue with it longer than I would otherwise.
<BernieRoehl> Exactly, vixen!
* `hellkat` chuckles
<BernieRoehl> I find that whenever I use a new toy for the first time, it produces a whole new set of reactions.
<Calentra> evening everyone
* vixen{KO} wonders it hard to change gears part way thru a scene?....given said responses?
<BernieRoehl> Especially if the person I'm playing with doesn't know I've got a new toy in my collection.  :-)
<vixen{KO}> ah yes....variety is Sir...
* `hellkat` figures..thats a moot point around here... since *she* buys the toys... <g>
<BernieRoehl> I find that as long as there's no time pressure, I can explore whatever is working and yet still continue on to the next item when I feel the time is right.
<BernieRoehl> If time is a factor, I tend to stick to what I had planned originally.
<vixen{KO}> the time in a public scene?
<Kilted_One> that brings up a good point....."time" much is enough?? too much??
<BernieRoehl> Yes, exactly vixen.
<BernieRoehl> In a shared space (with shared equipment) there's a balance between taking One's time but not hogging the furniture.  :-)
* vixen{KO} is a self professed "time slut".....would like a scene to go on forever most times...
<BernieRoehl> I think most submissives are like that, vixen.  :-)
* vixen{KO} blushes...
<Kilted_One> could that be something to do with the endorphins?? or just sluts??
<BernieRoehl> I find that if I'm aware of time, then I'm not focussed enough on the scene itself.
<BernieRoehl> People ask me how long a particular scene was, and I often have no idea at all.  It lasted however long it lasted.
<Kilted_One> I agree Bernie....the only time that I can focus on time is when there is a line up for the pvt it is something that I never even have an idea about
<BernieRoehl> I once did a scene that went on so long that I was physically exhausted by the end, only to have my submissive at the time say "short scene tonight, Sir?"  :-)
* vixen{KO} thinks it has to do with both endorphins and slutiness, Master....but does a scene not vary the most dependent on whether the submissive is an inny or an outy?
<BernieRoehl> What about the post-scene time?  Anyone have any thoughts on what works best there?
<Kilted_One> I know what didnt work for me...
<BernieRoehl> Go ahead, Kilted_One
<Kilted_One> hypnotism......right after a scene is really easy but left the submissive lost without the sub space efect
<BernieRoehl> I've never tried hypnotism, but I have been reading about it lately.
<Kilted_One> maybe if one was skilled in the art which I am not, but this has a negative effect for two days after the scene
<BLisS100> can u explain KO?
<BernieRoehl> Certainly something to be cautious with, then.
<Kilted_One> maybe I will pass that to vixen to explain as she was the one
* Kilted_One looks over to his lass
* vixen{KO} likes to experience being in subspace and going for that ride....the one after the scene...
<BernieRoehl> Go ahead, vixen.
<Kilted_One> we had a heavy scene....finished with a candle to induce the hypnotism...and I will let vixen tell the rest
<vixen{KO}> when surpasses the "space" in exchange for the relaxed "effect" of being hypnotized....and thus you "MISS" floating and coming down...
<BernieRoehl> Interesting.
<BLisS100> interesting
<BLisS100> i was under the impression hypnotism was used as a scene was beginning
<vixen{KO}> i found that after the fact....the next few days...that i literally was looking for something i'd missed...or misplaced as it were.
* BLisS100 nods
* ancilla^Lupi has felt that way
<vixen{KO}> not a nice feeling....would you sis's agree?
<BLisS100> may i ask why you used it after the scene rather than before?
<ancilla^Lupi> no, it's not
<ancilla^Lupi> i tended to feel unsure of my everyday i didn't know where i was almost
<Kilted_One> I used it after the scene as I saw the relaxed glazed look that vixen had....the state that I was trying to induce
<Kilted_One> it works really well believe me....was under in minutes and I am no expert
<vixen{KO}> agreed ancilla^'s a very frustrating and lost kinda feeling....very helpless and incomplete
<BernieRoehl> So what about aftercare in general?  Anyone do anything special?
<vixen{KO}> that's why aftercare is so finalize things
<katiias> seems the Dom liked..the submissive didnt... *shrug*
<Kilted_One> if maybe I had placed the thoughts for her to experieice this when she came out of it it would have been OK....have not had the opportunity to try again since then
<Kilted_One> I find that touch and a soothing voice is very important...maybe some warm cloths or a blanket
<BLisS100> hand holding
<cyberbrat_> i need my whole self held. tight.
* BLisS100 nods
<BernieRoehl> I've often found that a submissive will fall asleep in my arms after an intense scene.  I really like that.
* vixen{KO} sighs......agreeing with all that
<BernieRoehl> Anyone else have any thoughts on building and structuring a scene?  Things that work, things that don't?
<ancilla^Lupi> too much scripting is bad...for TW and i
<ancilla^Lupi> limit your expectations
<ancilla^Lupi> and just go with what happens while you can still have some ideas...but be prepared to stray from them
<Kilted_One> knowing any medical history??
<ancilla^Lupi> also....i think it helps to be sure to ask how your partners day they are feeling, has it been a stressful day etc...
<ancilla^Lupi> so you know where to build towards in your scene
<BernieRoehl> Yes, that kind of mundane connection can actually be quite important in terms of gauging where she's at.
<BernieRoehl> Well, it's just turning 10 pm, so let's wrap up the formal part of the discussion.
<BernieRoehl> Please feel free to continue chatting informally.
<BernieRoehl> Thanks to everyone for joining us tonight!
<ancilla^Lupi> and my motto (as a sub) is...expect nothing, anticipate anything
<ancilla^Lupi> then you don't limit yourselves, and you don't get as easily disappointed
<`Hardest> g'nite
<Mike52> good evening, 
<ancilla^Lupi> Thank You Bernie
<Kilted_One> thanks Bernie....tough subject as it is really aimed at one side not both
<BernieRoehl> I'm off, folks!  Have a great night!
Session Close: Sun Aug 01 22:06:04 1999