July 31, 2005 EhBC Online Discussion

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<ModBot> Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. Tonight's discussion topic is "Too Young, Too Old... Age Issues in BDSM". The discussion is unmoderated. Enjoy!
* jewel`{F} hides from the BBW in leather
<Lady_Shoshin> *LOL*
<Lady_Shoshin> Don't have it yet
<Lady_Shoshin> sold the one that didn't fit
<jewel`{F}> i know the lady that bought the other
<jewel`{F}> can't wait to see you in them
<jewel`{F}> the pair of you that is
<Lady_Shoshin> talk about too old for BDSM, how about going on 56 and a gramma
<jewel`{F}> welcome back gramma
<Lady_Shoshin> Ok, that was nasty, got booted
* jewel`{F} raised her hands
<catsbrat{CM}> it wasn't me
<jewel`{F}> wasn;t me
<Lady_Shoshin> hey, I have a circus whip & know how to use it
<Lady_Shoshin> well sort of
<jewel`{F}> lol
<jewel`{F}> i have a time out corner and do know how to use it
<jewel`{F}> hasn't been used for a few years mind you
<Lady_Shoshin> ok, so I am an old broad and I still get into corset & thong so I am ready for tonight
<Lady_Shoshin> Hi Bernie
<BernieRoehl> Hi, Shoshin
<BernieRoehl> Hi everyone
<jewel`{F}> i'm a live and let live type, to me, as long as anything is between consenting adults, have at it
<CuChulainn> G'Day.
* jewel`{F} huggles Bernie
<BernieRoehl> I just arrived, but it seems to me that there are two aspects to the age issue -- people who are old, and those who are young
* BernieRoehl hugs jewel`{F}
<Lady_Shoshin> Yep, until the subs have to run backwards really hard into the paddle, I am going to hang in there
<jewel`{F}> my gramma still swung a mean wooden spoon at 80
<Lady_Shoshin> so there is hope for me
<Lady_Shoshin> I don't find there is an issue with being older, but I hear from youngsters who say they don't get respect
<BernieRoehl> I started at 17, I'm 47 now, and I'm not planning to give it up any time soon!
<BernieRoehl> Yes, but I think that's (slowly) changing, Shoshin
<jewel`{F}> shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Bernie you were a minor, lets not get them started that young now
<BernieRoehl> There are far more young people in the scene now than ever before, and some of them (not all, but many) are earning the respect of the long-timers
<BernieRoehl> And of course, there are now enough young people that they no longer feel they need any kind of "validation" from us (slightly) older folks
<Lady_Shoshin> as far as bottoms go, as long as they are of consenting age, I will play with them, but for a relationship, I want someone old enough to forget the names of the same songs I forget the names of
* BernieRoehl chuckles
<Lady_Shoshin> Thats true Bernie, there is the TNG munch
<BernieRoehl> Yes, though I haven't heard much about it lately. Is it going well?
<Lady_Shoshin> I don't know I am too old to go
<BernieRoehl> I'm too old to attend it, of course. I like to think of it as being "over-qualified".
<jewel`{F}> do you find there are more younger people discovering things than there was a few years ago?
<BernieRoehl> Yes, definitely jewel`{F}
<BernieRoehl> The internet is obviously the big factor there
<Lady_Shoshin> I think so jewel, there is more in the media
<Lady_Shoshin> CIS, Will & Grace, I can think of lots of TV shows that have aspects of BDSM
<Lady_Shoshin> Derek & I sit & giggle at them
<arhiannah{MJ}> that and i believe they feel less..."restricted"...by society than those of us who've been around longer...they're not having to fight the "battles" to live their lives as they wish
<jewel`{F}> do you think there are about the same percentage of the younger people that are taken in by the fantasy of it, what they think it is going to be from the misinformation as some of the older ones that find the scene through some of the "matchmaking" sites that sell it as an easy thing?
<Lady_Shoshin> I think a large number of whatever age come into it with a fantasy idea of it
<arhiannah{MJ}> those struck by reality won't stay long if its not for them...
<Lady_Shoshin> very true
<Lady_Shoshin> is why I suggest a munch as a first step no matter what their age
<BernieRoehl> So should we be trying to bring the older and young groups together, or is it best to leave them separate?
<Lady_Shoshin> I don't think we should take any action, let folks mix & mingle naturally
* BernieRoehl nods
<Lady_Shoshin> like there are parties I attend and parties I don't, I have my reasons, they are personal, it is just my own opinion, let people find out what is best for them based on their own criteria
<BernieRoehl> So wha are some of the things young people should be aware of when they first start out?
<jewel`{F}> i think no matter what the age, when first starting out anyone needs to take their time
<Lady_Shoshin> no one just starting out takes their time, it is too much kid in the candy store time
<BernieRoehl> True, but are there any special considerations for young folk?
<Lady_Shoshin> I would love to see core folk, those with no hidden agendas take an interest in helping newbies of any age make a safe entry
<jewel`{F}> not assuming that because someone is older that they know that much more than yourself
<Lady_Shoshin> right jewel
<Lady_Shoshin> there needs to be someone around to say to new subs, you are allowed to say no & mean it, and to chest beating down on your knees b**ch new Dom/mes, someone needs to teach them the facts of Dom life
<jewel`{F}> do you find there is a gender or an orientation that is more inclined to rush?
<Lady_Shoshin> I don't think there is an age limit on cultural orientation to the lifestyle
<jewel`{F}> by orientation i mean sub or dom
<Lady_Shoshin> I don't think so, what do you think Bernie?
<BernieRoehl> Hard to say...
<Lady_Shoshin> you get to see so many new folk with all the work you do for the community, you might have a better overview
<BernieRoehl> I do find subs are more inclined to rush things that Doms, in part because most sensible people on the Dom side are reluctant to make mistakes
<BernieRoehl> It's also easier for a sub to rush than it is for a Dom, since there are lots of experienced Doms willing to play with a novice submissive, but not many experienced submissives seeking novice Doms
<Lady_Shoshin> yes, I think caution is very much a FemDomme trait
* Rorschach scratches his chin
<Lady_Shoshin> I agree Bernie
<jewel`{F}> i do remember chatting with a FemDomme that would try to scare male subs if for no other reason than to try to teach them that the term no limits is not a good idea
* BernieRoehl smiles
<Lady_Shoshin> I sure wouldn't bare my butt to someone picking up an implement for the first time unless someone I trust is training them
<jewel`{F}> she would give them a scenerio, this is what I want to do, going step by step with them
<Lady_Shoshin> *LOLOL* you mean the one who said she would hang them from her balcony by their testes?
<jewel`{F}> then get to the point of letting them out of the bondage by instead of undoing the cuffs she was just going to cut off the appendages
<Lady_Shoshin> I lose more subs that way
<Lady_Shoshin> but yes, I have done first public play for several subs
<Lady_Shoshin> I think many experienced Dom/mes have
<Lady_Shoshin> I don't think the issue is as much an age thing as a maturity thing
<Omy> I would agree that maturity is a key factor. Age is subjective.
<Omy> we all know 40 year olds that are still in puberty
<Lady_Shoshin> You can have a 40 year old with the emotional maturity of a 15 yr old coming in and an 18 year old with the maturity level of a 40 year old
<Lady_Shoshin> Great minds think alike Omy
<Omy> That they do M'lady
* jewel`{F} wonders if Omy was refering to her with that puberty comment?
* jewel`{F} grins
<Lady_Shoshin> I would rather play a 21 year old who has researched BDSM, gone to events, sat back and observed so he is making an informed decision than a 40-50 or older who has a mind full of fantasy
<Omy> To carry that one step further...there are BDSM groups all over the place and when you walk in, the ones that are new still have the highschool politcis thing going on
* Omy wonders if jewel`{F} is looking to stir the pot
<Lady_Shoshin> well actually, no one here that I am aware of, but newbies aren't the only ones who display highschool mentalities
* Lady_Shoshin hands jewel a wooden spoon
<Omy> No I agree M'lady, and I'm not pointing to newbies...but to maturity level
<jewel`{F}> i think the highschool politics can happen in any group, it is just a case of personality clashes in most cases
<Lady_Shoshin> absolutely jewel
* jewel`{F} takes the wooden spoon from Lady_Shoshin
* Lady_Shoshin hands jewel a pot
* jewel`{F} takes the pot and smirks at Omy
<Omy> a personality clash is usually something being reflected back that reminds them of themselves
* arhiannah{MJ} returns her hallpass and hides her smokes....
<Lady_Shoshin> or a difference of opinions about the lifestyle
* Rorschach goes to put the sprinkler on the lawn
<Omy> I agree that maybe part ...but that's a difference of opinion...not usually a personality clash
<jewel`{F}> unless you get 2 people that have the "MY way is the ONLY way" thing going on
<Lady_Shoshin> like I practice Sumerian BDSM, someone else practices Phoencian BDSM, so obviously they are doing it wrong, or in their opinion I am
<Omy> what the heck is Sumerian and Phoencian BDSM?
<Lady_Shoshin> *LOL* no such thing, is why I used it as example, no toes get stepped on
<Omy> ahhh ok lol
<Lady_Shoshin> Dang, a politically correct Domme, they are going to take away my Dominant Union card
<jewel`{F}> lol
<Omy> its funny that the thing that attracts us to the lifestyle is the thing we fight over the most
<Lady_Shoshin> the differences
<Omy> Tolerance
<Lady_Shoshin> yep
<Lady_Shoshin> I prefer to celebrate the differences, age, spirituality, lifestyle
<Omy> we come to the lifestyle because we feel people are more tolerant of others beliefs and ideas
<jewel`{F}> it can be hard to be tolerant when someone is telling you you are living in a fantasy if you think that the lifestyle is more than a quick fix of kinky sex
<Lady_Shoshin> then we find out they are human like everyone else
<jewel`{F}> Dominants are human?
<Lady_Shoshin> it isn't a quick fix of kinky sex? Damn!
* Lady_Shoshin takes back ther wooden spoon and waggles it at jewel
<ModBot> There are only about five minutes left in the formal part of tonight's discussion. Does anyone have any last-minute thoughts on the subject?
* jewel`{F} hides the pot
<arhiannah{MJ}> nevermind waggles Ma'am....whack her with it...lol
<jewel`{F}> oh yes please do
<arhiannah{MJ}> lol
<Omy> yeah and give arhiannah{MJ} one for stirring the pot
<Lady_Shoshin> jewel, I will be glad to if it is ok with Sir at the next party
* arhiannah{MJ} grins
<Lady_Shoshin> Bernie, I don't think age is as much of an issue as it used to be
<jewel`{F}> who knows when Master and i will make it to a party again with work as busy for Him as it has been
<Lady_Shoshin> I think we are more concerned about intelligence & maturity, whatever the age
<BernieRoehl> I think you're probably right, Shoshin
<Lady_Shoshin> Age seems only to matter to vanilla tourists
<jewel`{F}> as long as they are past the age of majority, are mentally capable of understanding what it is they are doing, are enjoying what they are doing, i say go for it
<jewel`{F}> i've heard sex after 60 is great,
<Omy> age is an issue for the vanilla crowd period..tourists or not
<Lady_Shoshin> true Omy
<jewel`{F}> i think if you need it that bad though, you shoould pull off the highway first
<Lady_Shoshin> jewel, I am just hoping sex at 55 is great, I just have to find the right partner
<ModBot> Well, that's it for the formal part of the discussion. The discussion log is now closed. It should be processed and uploaded to the www.ehbc.ca website soon. Please feel free to continue chatting informally. Have a good night, everyone!
<ModBot> Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion.
<jewel`{F}> tis always great no matter the age, with the right partner