July 27, 2003 EhBC Online Discussion

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<ModBot> Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. Tonight's discussion topic is "Too Young, Too Old... Age Issues in BDSM". The discussion is unmoderated. Enjoy!
<DarkAngel{rt}> uh oh ,, now we are in trouble ,,,lol
<Ailill> lol
* DarkAngel{rt} <--- is 21 ,,, so doesnt know anything about age stuff
* shareena__ coughs
* jewel`{F} bites her tongue
<Ailill> <<< 26 simular prob...
<shareena__> imo...might be too young but never too old
<DarkAngel{rt}> anyone run into age issues ?
<Ailill> point well taken shar but what is too young?
<shareena__> below the legal age
<Ailill> or did you mean too immature?
<Kirspin> below 19 yrs
<Anticipation^> to start the ball rolling and dodging......age is just a number....so long as BOTH parties are of a legal age to make a conscious, legal and consensual decision regarding this.....age beyond that shouldnt matter\
<shareena__> well we can have immature 60 year old...
<shareena__> i agree Anticipation^
<DarkAngel{rt}> actually Kirspin ,,, 19 is only relivant to alcohol ,,, 18 is legal adult in Canada ,,, many people get that confused
<Ailill> well I was raised in a D/s household (dad's a slave.) and my parents were very open abou thow they lived
<Kirspin> ahh good to know DA
<shareena__> but would they have let you participate in the lifestyle at a young age with another person Ailill
<Kirspin> All Provinces except Quebec
<DarkAngel{rt}> yup ,,, 18 ,, you get to vote and fuck ,,,, people screw both up for the rest of their lives ,,,LOL
<DarkAngel{rt}> no Kirspin ,,, all Canada ,,,you now might be referancing legal age of concent to sex ,,, that is different
<shareena__> well voting has never been my thing...but sex...well
* Anticipation^ grins
<Ailill> I did... so though not through anything more severe in bondage and was on my own to learn other then asking questions... and what self respecting te\enager asks his parents advice on relationships lol
<shareena__> lol...not mine Ailill
* DarkAngel{rt} stays away from under 18 ,,,, lets look at just plain age issues ,, not JUST under-age issues
<Ailill> kk
<DarkAngel{rt}> family can be an issue for an "age seperated relationship" ..lol
<Ailill> well my wife is 24 and has a girl that is 38 is that more the issue we are discussing?
<Anticipation^> all I know for certain was that at 18....although I knew that there was something a little different about myself vs other teenagers....I wasnt knowledgeable about BDSM enough to know what it was....OR to have been able to consciously make a consensual decision over it...I think age DOES play a great deal in being able to handle the thoughts and emotions
<DarkAngel{rt}> care to elaborate Ailill ? ,,, sounds like you have hit the nail "right between the eyes" ... so to speak
<Ailill> well ~wishes she were home right now to speak for herself~ my wife has just entered a relationship with a girl (wife is a bi - switch) my wife is 24 her girl is 38... so far no problems but they've only been together about 3 months.
<shareena__> how many subs/Doms are there in the 20's. It seems to be a lower number than are in their 30's and 40's..or is it just me
<DarkAngel{rt}> many people seem to have isues when they see couples that have a wide age range betwen the partners ,,, what issues are common ?
<shareena__> how much of an age issue causes a concern?
<shareena__> how many years older before someone takes notice
<Anticipation^> biggest issue in my opinion would be....how much BEYOND BDSM could two people with 20yrs or more difference have in common?
<Ailill> personal experience is over ten and heads turn
* _dove agrees with Anticipation^
<Ailill> depends on the individuals does it not Anticipation?
<Ailill> e.g. 90% of my friends ore 60 + and I am 26...
<Ailill> ~are
<Ailill> bsdm is the only thing I don't have in common with them
* DarkAngel{rt} <--- is 11 years older than his property rosethorns ,,, we have been together a bit over 2 1/2 years ,,,, I am happy to say she is the most mature woman I have ever had the pleasure knowing
<DarkAngel{rt}> I would say -- IMO ,, you are correct Ailill ,,, it depends on the people
<DarkAngel{rt}> I think the MAIN sticking point ,, or problem ,,, is how OTHERS look at/deal with relationships with an age spread
<DarkAngel{rt}> family,, others in the community etc
<Ailill> * agrees with DarkAngel
<DarkAngel{rt}> I know my rt gets hit upon CONSTANTLY by males who feel they are better for her than me,, due to them being closer to her in age
<DarkAngel{rt}> they , perhaps, feel they have more in common with her
<Ailill> wife's parents would likely disown her if they found out...course that goes for the BSDM and the bi thing too (they're kinda close minded)
<_dove> Ultimately it's about the couple, and what works for them - not for the spectators and nae-sayers
<DarkAngel{rt}> if rosethorns ever finds that person she feels is better for her ,,,, she is free (like everyoje else) ,, to say adieu and go explore the other person ,,Mmmmm I wonder what keeps her with me ?
<Ailill> you keep her locked up?
<Ailill> * laffs
<DarkAngel{rt}> any thoughts on how to get "over the parents thing" Ailill ? ..... I know rt's like me ,,, but hey ,, I am just a normal nice guy *innocent grin*
<DarkAngel{rt}> lol .. nope , ,, although she likes when I do put her in the cage ,,,,, Mmmmm I think I should do that again soon
<Ailill> yeah me too honest ~grins~ and yeah dun bring up the subject at her Parents place seems to work
<Ailill> sometimes avoiding a conflict is the best way through a situation
<DarkAngel{rt}> my mom likes rt as welll ,,,, funny thing - she also mentioned that she thought rt was a very mature person
<DarkAngel{rt}> how so Ailill ?
<DarkAngel{rt}> do you mean to keep "in the closet" ?
<Ailill> well.. is there any reason that tiger (my wife) should discuss her personal relationships with her parents in detail
<Ailill> ?
<Ailill> yes and no.
<Ailill> her parents have met her girl... and know thie are freinds... beyond that .. why stir up a hornet's nest?
<DarkAngel{rt}> hell no ,,,, lol ,,, IMO ,,, and no one in my family knows about me either ,,, but to be honest ,, no one would be surprised either ,,,
* DarkAngel{rt} <--- my name is DA ,,, and I have a problem *Demonic snicker*
<DarkAngel{rt}> anyone else think of a problem with relationships with an age range ?
<Ailill> she is open with the relationship with friends and my family (as my family is open about thier lifestyle) but her parents know nothing
<DarkAngel{rt}> a potential problem or one that you have dealt with ?
<Ailill> well there is the life expectancy issue.
* DarkAngel{rt} <---- is "fixed" ..... no life is expected ,,,, ROFLMAO
<Ailill> lol
<slave_earl> age issue? not enough people my age
<DarkAngel{rt}> sorry Ailill ,, I know you meant that diferently ,, I am just a warped individual "praise the lord" ,,, care to elaborate ?
<DarkAngel{rt}> how so slave_earl ?
<slave_earl> most seem much younger, always seem like the old timer
<Ailill> and simple... if there are 20+ years between partners... then one is likely to die 20+ years earlier then the other... for some that is an issu
<DarkAngel{rt}> just do like I do slave_earl ,,, and tell everyone you are 21 ( I have 17 years experience at being 21 though)
<DarkAngel{rt}> not me Ailill ,,, I plan to be a very old "dirty old man"
<Ailill> well good luck on that ~smiles sincerely~
<slave_earl> DA, that would make You 20 years younger than me, have been 39 for 19 years
* DarkAngel{rt} <--- always wanted to be a "millionaire sex maniac" ,,,, still working on the money part
<DarkAngel{rt}> age is a state of mind slave_earl ,,,,,, I have been "out of state" ,, for a while...lol
<DarkAngel{rt}> I must admit ,,,, in my LTR ,, I dont have a problem with age differences ,,,,, family, friends etc ,,,, anyone care to elaborate where THEY have? ,, and how they dealt with the issues ?
<DarkAngel{rt}> ? any ideas of "potential" issues ?
<k9bitch{Flash}> well, age for me is important, my Master is concerned that he is too close to my father's age, smile, and when we are playful, i am to call my Master daddy.....
<slave_earl> family is interesting, grandchildren call me their kinky grandfather
<DarkAngel{rt}> sounds like fun to me k9bitch{Flash}
<k9bitch{Flash}> but age is not a problem
<DarkAngel{rt}> how is he concerned k9bitch{Flash} ?
<k9bitch{Flash}> my father is 65
<k9bitch{Flash}> my Master is 56
<k9bitch{Flash}> i am 43
* DarkAngel{rt} admits he is not sure who k9bitch{Flash} is ,, I dont think we have met
<k9bitch{Flash}> i have been here before
<k9bitch{Flash}> however, i have a new nic, so may not tell anyone just yet
<DarkAngel{rt}> so 13 year difference ,,, and does your father have issues with it ?
<k9bitch{Flash}> my father has not met him yet
<k9bitch{Flash}> but they are mirror images
<k9bitch{Flash}> i think they will get along very well
<DarkAngel{rt}> any ideas on how you plan to resolve the first meeting jitters k9bitch{Flash} ?
<k9bitch{Flash}> Master's mother likes me though
<k9bitch{Flash}> and she is 80
<k9bitch{Flash}> evenutally, Master Flash resides in Alberta
<k9bitch{Flash}> i will not plan anything - it wouldn't work anyways as i would want
* DarkAngel{rt} holds 2 thumbs up towards the great Canadian West ,,,,
<k9bitch{Flash}> i love Alberta and BC
<DarkAngel{rt}> good luck on that first meeting then k9bitch{Flash} ,,, sounds like it will work out whatever you do
<k9bitch{Flash}> thanks DA, i am sure it will work
<k9bitch{Flash}> some how, people in mid life - which i define loosely, are more at peace with age differences
<DarkAngel{rt}> question ,,,, does age really only if one of the couple is really close to that magic number 18 ? .... or as mentioned earlier a spread of 10 ?
<`abi> I think that it affects other things ... Dominants in particular seem to have trouble being taken seriously if they are very young
<`abi> 'very young' being younger than you DA ;)
<DarkAngel{rt}> good point `abi ,,,,, and thank you for calling me young (stolen compliments are all I get)
<kneels_in_heels> i wouldnt be comfortable with a younger Dom, yet I am with an older one
* DarkAngel{rt} <--- I REFUSE to grow up ,,,
<kneels_in_heels> me too DarkAngel{rt}
* shareena_ is with a younger Dom...six years younger...does that count
<kneels_in_heels> see, I couldnt do that shareena_
<DarkAngel{rt}> kewl shareena_ ,,, and does that pose any issuse ?
<k9bitch{Flash}> i found when i was single the 'young' Doms were cocky
<ambah> nor could I
<shareena_> none at all DarkAngel{rt}
<Anticipation^> not for me it doesnt DarkAngel{rt} *grin*
<shareena_> age doesn't come up unless I am commenting on how old he is getting *smile*
<k9bitch{Flash}> it is like they want to test and experiment on an older experienced sub
* DarkAngel{rt} looks down ,,Mmm I am always "cocky" ... when I get older I will use "viagra" to continue the tradition
<_dove> i chatted with a new Dom who was in his twenties yesterday. He was quite put out that i had a problem with his age
<kneels_in_heels> but then..i am divorced..dont want more kids , i had mine young and she is older now i dont want to start all over..i have a carreer, a house...so what the heck am i going to do with a 25 year old man ?
* Homi is 25 now sure no chance with kneels_in_heels
<slave_earl> Mistress was 8 years younger, not a problem for U/us!
<kneels_in_heels> maybe if i was 45 i wouldnt care if they were 40..but at this point being 31...5 years makes a huge difference
* DarkAngel{rt} winks at kneels_in_heels ,,,, Mmmm now just "WHAT" might you do with this 21 year old man hun ? *suggestive wink*
<kneels_in_heels> awwww...sorry Homi
<Anticipation^> kneels_in_heels....I am in my 40s.....done my bit for queen and country child wise as well.....5-10yrs either way....for either man or woman......is nothing.....5 or 10yrs when one of them is 20....DOES pose other issues....hell...my own mother and father are such that Dad married an older woman himself...back in the 50s...when it really wasnt quite that socially acceptable
<k9bitch{Flash}> the youngest i've ever gone is 5 yrs
<k9bitch{Flash}> and that wasn't bad
<k9bitch{Flash}> but to go to an age that could be 'my child' = well that is different
* k9bitch{Flash} remembers back to an offer from a 20 year old Dom = now what might a 20 yr old know ???
* DarkAngel{rt} when I was 19 ,, I dated a 42 year old woman (she had JUST gotten her divorse - WHEWW!!!!) ,,, doesnt sound like a problem for me
<shareena_> hard to say k9bitch{Flash}
<k9bitch{Flash}> now DA, u are bringing me down
<DarkAngel{rt}> only to your knees k9bitch{Flash}
<k9bitch{Flash}> smile
* DarkAngel{rt} Evil innocent Smile
<kneels_in_heels> that is what i mean Anticipation^...i have am at a stage that most in the single scene are in their early 40's before they reach...teenage kid..divorce..etc...so, I dont think my wants would be the same as a 25 year olds
<kneels_in_heels> yes..but that wasnt a serious relationship DarkAngel{rt}
<DarkAngel{rt}> kneels_in_heels ,,, I did some seriously kinky things ,,, Mmm so Yup
<krista-F> well speaking as an a reaaaaaaaaaaaaly old girl..it ain't easy
<kneels_in_heels> besides..i think i am too much of the little girl type in a D/s relationship to consider dating younger..it just wouldnt seem like a natural thing
<Homi> Kneels_in_heels you should not under estimate the wisdom and knowledge of young people as it varies from person to person and doesn't depend on age
<Ailill> as to what a 20 year old knows k0 depends on the 20 year old
<Homi> thats not my personal opinion science says that
<DarkAngel{rt}> ok kneels_in_heels ,,,, so for "age play" ,,,, real age can be a factor for you?
<kneels_in_heels> i dont remember saying that Homi..what i am saying..is that i would imagine your goals of a relationship are different then mine
<Ailill> I am 26 and do not claim to know it all.. but I do now more then some 40 yo's
<Homi> thats with teh same age people too
<krista-F> i hate to say it....but a lot of Doms aren't really overly interested in what a 20 yr old "knows"....that is not theier appeal in many cases
<`abi> that's only because we've forgotten what we know Ailill
<Homi> true krista
<Ailill> lol
<kneels_in_heels> DarkAngel{rt}..i am not concerned with "age play" scening..but one certainly naturally feels like a younger girl with a more experienced man..if they ARE a younger girl
<Ailill> well I was gifted to grow up in a very open household .. as well as having the best girl any could ask for as my first personal experience.
<krista-F> to have one make me feel like a younger girl......he would have one foot in the grave....
<DarkAngel{rt}> Mmm well kneels_in_heels ,,, I am 21 ,,, whould I be able to "put you thru your paces" ? .... Innocent smile
* shareena_ coughs again
<shareena_> isn't it really about the relationship. Age is never thought of when we are together
<shareena_> it is the connection we have with each other
<kneels_in_heels> DarkAngel{rt}..come on..you know me..do you honestly think a 21 year old could handle me...seriously..i am not being sarcastic..i have been through and seen too much that they would not have...i dont want someone i have to explain things to
<DarkAngel{rt}> I agree with Homi ,, in that experience more so that age can be a factor ,,, many of us started older ,, as a norm ,,, there certainly are younder Dom/me's with more experiance than older ones
<k9bitch{Flash}> at one visit to Max's i saw a couple - he in his 60's she maybe later 20's
<k9bitch{Flash}> that is extreme age difference
<k9bitch{Flash}> but they played well together
<kneels_in_heels> the 21 year old DarkAngel{rt} and i could have probably had raunchy sex though
<shareena_> i know another couple...he is 65 and she is 46
<shareena_> they are totally in tune with each other
<kneels_in_heels> that last age difference does not seem odd
* DarkAngel{rt} pulls out his date-timer ,,,, you free on thursday kneels_in_heels ?
<kneels_in_heels> and i have found 50 ish men i am VERY attracted to..it is the whole distinguished older man thing
<kneels_in_heels> Sean Connery can be my daddy any bloody day!
<shareena_> how old are you kneels_in_heels if you don't mind me asking
* k9bitch{Flash} echos kneels_in_heels idea!
<kneels_in_heels> DarkAngel{rt}...you are NOT 21
* DarkAngel{rt} pencild in kneels_in_heels ,,,, Mmm raunchy sex ,, ok ,,,
<kneels_in_heels> 31 shadoe{S}
<kneels_in_heels> sorry.. shareena_
<`abi> I'm holding out for a Father/son thing with the Sutherland boys
<kneels_in_heels> lmao abi..you go girl
<shareena_> lol at abi
<tin-man> lol
* DarkAngel{rt} is too 21 ,,,, *ttthhhhhhhwwwptt*
<kneels_in_heels> or...Jean Luc..yummy
<kneels_in_heels> oh..sorry ..yes of course you are DarkAngel{rt}..and you look it too
<Achilles{tr}> In dog years?
<DarkAngel{rt}> "make it SORE Number One"
<DarkAngel{rt}> lol
<shareena_> I guess it comes down to the same thing as always. we are all unique and our thinking is unique when it comes to age difference too
<kneels_in_heels> Achilles{tr}..i like it when you are about..you say what i am thinking and then i dont have to get in any trouble
<Achilles{tr}> Glad to help.
<kneels_in_heels> i could see myself going 20 years older before 5 years younger
<kneels_in_heels> why is that?
<shareena_> myself I prefer younger....able to swing the paddles longer...*grin*
<DarkAngel{rt}> something like that Achilles{tr} .,,,, I always say --- "you are only as old - as the woman you feel"
<Ailill> you haven't met the right guy that is 5 years younger?
<Achilles{tr}> Because 26 year olds are still learning how to shave themselves let alone telling you how to do it?
<ModBot> There are only about five minutes left in the formal part of tonight's discussion. Does anyone have any last-minute thoughts on the subject?
<DarkAngel{rt}> I think it might be something in between what Achilles{tr} ,,,, and Ailill just said
<Ailill> hey!!
<kneels_in_heels> perhaps Ailill..but i doubt i could meet a man 5 years younger than me with the same life experience...i have trouble with that with men even my own age
* Homi says shareena keep me in your list of selection ~smiles~
<shareena_> there is enough difficulty finding someone who is compatible in this lifestyle...when you find that person it would be sad to let age be the deciding factor
<Ailill> ~Nods~
<kneels_in_heels> i have met some very intelligent and mature 26 year old that i can respect as people Achilles{tr}..but not as my personal Dom..not saying they are too young to Dom..just not me
* Homi agree with shareena
<DarkAngel{rt}> not true kneels_in_heels ,,,, I know personally "I" did things way before anyone in my peer group ,,,, they were SHOCKED that I was engaged ,,, but less so when 2 weeks later we found out that I was to be a Daddy ,,,lol
<Ailill> but then does anyone have the same life experience?
<shareena_> no Ailill, they don't
<kneels_in_heels> what i am saying shareena_..is that if they are 25..they also are not compatible because they are about a generation behind me in life experience..i started way too young
<tin-man> there is truth to the old saw "If i knew then what I know Now" ...maturity changes perspective
<DarkAngel{rt}> well all ,,, looks like time is about up ,,,, any "last thoughts" ?
<shareena_> then you are right kneels_in_heels. They would not be right for you
* DarkAngel{rt} <-- last thoughts ,,, MMmmmmm boobies
<kneels_in_heels> sighs..yep..the 21 year old DarkAngel{rt} is exactly the same as the one i know and love
<Anticipation^> *perk* Boobies??!!
<Sir_StephenS> in age, vive le difference - and enjoy
<k9bitch{Flash}> lol
* DarkAngel{rt} ,,,, the 21 year old DA ,, throws the kneels_in_heels to the groud - snarls evilly ,,, and says "uhhh thanks hun,,, I love you too"
<k9bitch{Flash}> age brings out bust
<Homi> and that was the nutshell from Sir_Stephens
<DarkAngel{rt}> I agree Sir_StephenS ,,,, we all have our "crotches" to bare
<ModBot> Well, that's it for the formal part of the discussion. The discussion log is now closed. It should be processed and uploaded to the www.ehbc.ca website soon. Please feel free to continue chatting informallly. Have a good night, everyone!
<ModBot> Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion.
<DarkAngel{rt}> so - choose your "crotches" well