July 10, 2005 EhBC Online Discussion

<ModBot> This message is generated by Moderator Bot, ModBot for short. I've set an automatic message that reads as follows...
<ModBot> Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. Tonight's discussion topic is "Emotions in Submissives". The discussion is unmoderated. Enjoy!
<spirited_sassy{CP}> wb dana
<^dana> thank you sassy... i wasnt sure if this mirc was working... lol
<spirited_sassy{CP}> it is
<spirited_sassy{CP}> :)
<^dana> smiles..
<paperclip[B]> :)
<spirited_sassy{CP}> we are all quiet
<icemaiden> are we all waiting for someone to start?
<^dana> lol... knows i am...
<icemaiden> well i think emotions are an important part of any submissive
<^dana> especially being honest about them
<icemaiden> excllent point.. if you try hide your emotions you may was well be lying to your Dominate
<finesse`> Well, mine have been all over the place lately...living 24/7 can have it's moments! lol
<finesse`> Nice ones and not so fun ones if you know what i mean!
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i know what you mean finesse`
<finesse`> yes, it's not always easy that's for sure
<bratboy-> hello
<spirited_sassy{CP}> if you hide your emotions you are lying to your Dominant and yourself
<Titan> smiles
<jewel`{F}> i think eventually if you are trying to hide them they just end up coming out in other ways that my not be so good
<spirited_sassy{CP}> how so jewel`{F}
<icemaiden> has anyone ever had something formal so set ... like a very specific time or place with your dominate that was for the dicussion of emotions or how you are feelin
<Sweet1`> why would you hide your emotions in a relationship that is based on trust and honesty?
<paperclip[B]> no icy, i haven't
<spirited_sassy{CP}> we have journals that we write in and they are discussed regularly
<jewel`{F}> if something is frustrating you, and you try to just let it go, not let others know that you are frustrated and why, it may build to the point you can't keep it in anymore and it ends up being vented on the wrong person or in the wrong way
<motoki> journals are good
<spirited_sassy{CP}> you can write in a journals stuff you can always say to someones face
<spirited_sassy{CP}> but it always gets discussed anyway
<jewel`{F}> but sometimes it is easier when someone else brings the topic up to actually talk about it
<Sweet1`> what kinds of emotions come out in a submissive? when are there negative emotions, and what brings out the positive?
<`abi{A}> sassy...do you find that you sometimes self-edit what you put in your journal?
<motoki> i've had that problem for years
<motoki> self-editing
<spirited_sassy{CP}> no i let it all out
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i have been doing a journal since i was about 8 yrs old so it is second nature
<motoki> my mom once found (and read) my journal when i was about 12, so ever since then i've struggled with self-editing
<spirited_sassy{CP}> if you read my journal be prepared
<`abi{A}> I think it's difficult to turn around a lifetime of learning to 'control emotions'
<spirited_sassy{CP}> that is my personal feelings and if you read then beware of what is in it
<motoki> agreed, abi
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i can't control emotions
<spirited_sassy{CP}> they are what they are
<^dana> thats the hardest thing to learn sassy... controling our immediate reaction...
<`abi{A}> they are what they are, I agree sassy...but feeling them and expressing them are different things
<motoki> when & how emotions are expressed can make or break a situation
<`abi{A}> and in a D/s relationship, the what gets expressed and not expressed and how can often be very different from how it is in vanilla space
<spirited_sassy{CP}> outwardly i can control my emotions very well
<spirited_sassy{CP}> internally i struggle
<`abi{A}> I have difficulty expressing anything which I consider to be negative or a sign of weakness or just simply isn't how I wish to be seen
<`abi{A}> and sometimes that flies in the face of what is expected of me as a submissive
<motoki> same here, abi
<spirited_sassy{CP}> ah me too abi
<spirited_sassy{CP}> yes CP likes to know everything
<spirited_sassy{CP}> which sometimes is hard if i feel it is a sign of weakness in me
* `abi{A} nods to sassy
<`abi{A}> bingo
<spirited_sassy{CP}> eventually he gets it out
<motoki> i tend to quiet up when i feel that something i'm feeling may not be received well or may put me in a bad light
<motoki> then i have all this stuff going on in my head & heart, and it gets all jammed up
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i am only allowed to stay quiet for about 5 min
<motoki> lol
<spirited_sassy{CP}> then i have to tell whats on my mind no matter what
<`abi{A}> a whole 5 minutes eh sassy? ;)
<spirited_sassy{CP}> yeah
<spirited_sassy{CP}> long time huh?
* `abi{A} bets an EED could knock it down to 3 ;)
<spirited_sassy{CP}> phewy
<`abi{A}> but ultimately that is good, yes...because then you don't get the jam-up that motoki is talking about
<motoki> yes that's probably true, although knowing me i'd stammer and resist even if asked
<`abi{A}> in my experience, a crisis is almost always precipitated by me thinking it's better to keep something I'm feeling to myself
<spirited_sassy{CP}> me too abi
<motoki> DITTO
<`abi{A}> which doesn't, however, make it any easier the next time ... I appear to be a slow learner in this regard
* spirited_sassy{CP} hands over the EED
<`abi{A}> lol
<motoki> i was just thinking about that - one of the things that gets me log-jammed is the fear that if i do say what's on my mind, it'll make things worse
<motoki> EED?
<`abi{A}> me too motoki
<spirited_sassy{CP}> even if it makes things worse at the moment it always works it's way out
<motoki> another thing that log-jams me is just the fact that often i have a flurry of thoughts & feelings and can't sort through them quite yet
<spirited_sassy{CP}> a zappy thing motoki
<`abi{A}> a little evil electrical device motoki .. I'm sure you'll be introduced somewhere somehow
<motoki> ooooooooo!!
* motoki tries to stay on track after hearing aobut the EED
<`abi{A}> lol
<motoki> EED = emotional expression detonator??
<`abi{A}> actually, I do find that the journal helps with that...sorting out thoughts and feelings
<motoki> same here, abi
<`abi{A}> because that's something else...I don't like talking about things until I've figured them out myself
<`abi{A}> again..not always acceptable in a D/s relationship
<motoki> same here abi - big time
<spirited_sassy{CP}> lately why should i sort them myself .......CP always wants to help so i just tell him
<motoki> is that a relief to you, sassy?
<spirited_sassy{CP}> no cause men don't think the same
<motoki> lol
<`abi{A}> really?
<spirited_sassy{CP}> lol
<motoki> sometimes it's nice to have another sort through stuff with me
<`abi{A}> I think that's actually quite a point though ... and part of the reason why it's important to express what we feel
<motoki> other times i want it all to myself
<BeSwitched> can anyone of either sex make blanket statements?
<motoki> yes, and they do - often
<`abi{A}> things are not as 'obvious' as we might think they are
<spirited_sassy{CP}> true
<motoki> true - sometimes another persepctive makes me stand back and go "ohhhhhh"
<`abi{A}> so...if we know all this stuff...why is it still so difficult?
<BeSwitched> well here's to blanket statements....all cheer
<spirited_sassy{CP}> because it is our feelings
<spirited_sassy{CP}> makes us vulnerable
<`abi{A}> yep
<motoki> yup - vulnerable, unsure, fearful of the outcome if our feelings get out, etc
<`abi{A}> unsure how they will be accepted ... despite consistant evidence
<motoki> yup
<`abi{A}> reasonably sure that this will be the thing that makes him run away screaming in sudden awareness of what I'm 'really' like
<motoki> lol
<BeSwitched> so as females you have predisposed feelings towards males...correct? and vice versa?
<`abi{A}> it's odd isn't it, that the freedom to be vulnerable is one of the seductive things about D/s ... and yet also one of the things we struggle with the most
<motoki> the "dance of intimacy"
<`abi{A}> I would say that's a blanket statement BeSwitched
<BeSwitched> exactly
<BeSwitched> ;P
<BeSwitched> ny point
<`abi{A}> yes motoki ... it is ... but sometimes it feels like a tango and sometimes it's just a bump and grind ;)
<BeSwitched> oopps...ny = my
<motoki> lol
<ModBot> There are only about five minutes left in the formal part of tonight's discussion. Does anyone have any last-minute thoughts on the subject?
<BeSwitched> motoki....the dance of intamacy.....can it exist in any other realm than real time experience?
<`abi{A}> aside from vulnerability ... are there any other emotions which seem to be heightened by a D/s relationship?
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i think all the emotions are heightened
<motoki> it adds intensity to many
<spirited_sassy{CP}> to me especially
<`abi{A}> yah...I think that's one of the things that can be startling ... especially in the beginning
<spirited_sassy{CP}> very much so
<motoki> and in the middle
<motoki> i was thinking about that last night actually - thinking aobut some of the intense feelings i've had since i started experiencing D/s offline
<motoki> even remembering those feelings brings back the intensity - it's amazing
<spirited_sassy{CP}> i have never done on line i only know real time and it is intense
<ModBot> Well, that's it for the formal part of the discussion. The discussion log is now closed. It should be processed and uploaded to the www.ehbc.ca website soon. Please feel free to continue chatting informally. Have a good night, everyone!
<ModBot> Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion.