July 3, 2005 EhBC Online Discussion

<ModBot> This message is generated by Moderator Bot, ModBot for short. I've set an automatic message that reads as follows...
<ModBot> Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. Tonight's discussion topic is "Sex and BDSM -- Two Great Things That Go Great Together?". The discussion is unmoderated. Enjoy!
<`abi{A}> hello Master
* `abi{A} snuck that in while modbot wasn't looking
<MeltedGlass> (hello?)
* jewel`{F} waves
<MeltedGlass> wow. people... exsist. what an amazing concept.
<MeltedGlass> hello desire
* MeltedGlass ...shifty eyes
<endlessdesire> i find the topic a rather odd one to have to chat about, it is more of a statement... i cannot argue it, sex and bdsm are indeed the peanut and jelly of a very tastely lifestylers sandwich *grinz*
<jewel`{F}> too true endlessdesire
<MeltedGlass2> Maybe it's more or less a statement around those who disagree... and what they think about it
<MeltedGlass> possibly? any opinions?
<endlessdesire> ok, well then let us wait until there is one to dissagree about this statement *amuzed* .... what is your view on the question at hand MeltedGlass?
<starla{TDM}> sex and bdsm do go great together but they are not needed *together* to make a great relatiopnship
<jewel`{F}> do you have to have them both at the same time for either to be great?
<endlessdesire> no i agree there as well. some people do not like a sexual based bdsm relationship, while others seek nothing but
<MeltedGlass> *nods madly* Sex wouldn't be HALF as fun without a little BDSM... mostly Sub or Dom roles with ties of everything else here and there.
<MeltedGlass> But as jewel said.. they're great alone just as well. Together just makes it a little more spicey for some people
<endlessdesire> what do You think CuChulainn Sir? *smirk*
<endlessdesire> i enjoy the lingering thrill that sex can place on anyone situation in bdsm, it indeed adds spice, anticipation, desire, and an all of a sudden need to "make it happen at whatever cost"..lol
<MeltedGlass> and it's a great ploy/tactic. ...Someone wants to be touched SO bad there but you wont do it. Frustration is a beautiful thing.
<starla{TDM}> well i know when Master and i are old and grey and to wore out for bdsm or sex..we still have great communication and talking
<endlessdesire> that is always vital to initiate all other things in the lifestyle
<endlessdesire> i've expierenced the bdsm lifestyle without the sexual involved, and in ways it allows you to enjoy and concentrate on other things within, i was convinced i could do without.... how quick i was to admit i was wrong.... how long it took to let others know.... there is something to be said for the drawbacks of being stoic at times..lol
<deanna> hello
<MeltedGlass> Honestly, I like BDSM without the sex part of the time. But sex just... makes it even more enjoyable. I'm not saying that there aren't times when sex wouldn't work with it, because those deffinately exsist but...
<CuChulainn> Hello abi.
* `abi{A} risks the wrath of modbot yet again and whispers hello
* CuChulainn grins Wolfishly.
<`abi{A}> so, have I arrived just in time for the afterglow? This is awfully quiet sex
<endlessdesire> there is such a thing?
<endlessdesire> i do detest it, even one muffled makes noises
<MeltedGlass> As quiet sex? there is when you're 18 and living at home.
<endlessdesire> it's whith the room mates that it's amuseing to wake them at night, not knowing if they just herd a sound of pleasure coming from the other room...lmao
<jewel`{F}> i didn't have a problem at 18 and living at home, but am really careful with the kids in the house now
<endlessdesire> sex with bdsm, is an absolute must..... it bonds on so many levels, elevates and emphasizes so much... to me it connects the me to He.
<MeltedGlass> Try sharing a dorm room with a straight girl who's a completely vanilla virgin... and then attempt to explain to her why theirs a crop on your floor and you don't ride horses (less they be human)
<`abi{A}> so....might there be advantages to BDSM without sex?
<endlessdesire> there is nothing wrong with being vanilla nore a virgin. i don't ride horses and my room mates seem to accept that it's my utensil to use in self defense against intruders.
<endlessdesire> there definately are advantages to bdsm without sex
<`abi{A}> such as what endlessdesire?
* CuChulainn listens.
<endlessdesire> sometimes sex clouds the depth of a bdsm relationship... for me it allowed to concentrate and learn, expand and build on my other valuable traits, such as different aspects of domestic service
<`abi{A}> sort of separating the strands?
<MeltedGlass> the pain... excitement... doing it in a "public" safe space... learning, experience... fun!
<`abi{A}> so that you can see each one more clearly?
<endlessdesire> yes, it's like taking away the picture, to solve the puzzle on your own
<endlessdesire> well, how many people get all they wish out of a mostly sexual bdsm relationship?, is there nothing someone wishes to expierence other than that which involves sexual aspects?
<`abi{A}> I suspect that it depends somewhat on the driving force of your kink
<`abi{A}> if your kink is very sexual in nature, then a sexless BDSM experience is not going to be very fulfilling
<endlessdesire> i do not know about You, but i find it hard to clean while being riddin, however amuseing it is.. lol...
<`abi{A}> if you are very service oriented ... it might be quite possible, perhaps even desireable not to have the distraction of sexual expectations
<CuChulainn> That comes down to a time and a place for everything jade. Mind.. those maid uniforms would be rather distracting.
<endlessdesire> i expierenced one and the other, just to see what makes one "click"... i found that a certain combination of one with the other worked well for me, and find it is different in precentile with allmost everyone i have met, i find it interesting
<`abi{A}> a sliding scale
<endlessdesire> maid uniforms?... some of them lack the kindeling for the turn on..lol
<CuChulainn> Agreed.
<CuChulainn> What mix worked best for you?
<MeltedGlass> and what outfit IS a turn on, then?
<`abi{A}> okay... let's try this ... if for some reason you had to choose between sex and BDSM ... which would you choose?
<starla{TDM}> sex
<`abi{A}> why starla?
<endlessdesire> for me, the mix changed with situation, skill and desire to move further
<starla{TDM}> casue bdsm is just what you do..its not domiance and submission its a subset of it..i dont need the bdsm
<endlessdesire> i would choose BDSM
<`abi{A}> but isn't sex just a subset of dominance and submission?
<CuChulainn> Or an expression of it.
<ModBot> There are only about five minutes left in the formal part of tonight's discussion. Does anyone have any last-minute thoughts on the subject?
<`abi{A}> and why your choice endlessdesire?
<`abi{A}> a better word for it, yes CuChulainn...thank you
<starla{TDM}> yes it is..but of the two sex is more important then bdsm..the loving soft gentle strokes
<endlessdesire> for me even knowing that my one may desire the sexual aspects it's just another part of my functionality, for me, foremost comes the desire to please my one in all spects, i come in knowing that it's not all about sex, and anticipate learning everything else than what is assumed in most cases
<CuChulainn> Those same loving strokes can apply to BDSM starla.
<MeltedGlass> I oculdn't choose... it would be sex but... it would ALWAYS have a twist of BDSM in it... there'd be no stopping it. Something so simple as forcing a lover onto the bed is still a form of bdsm... just more widely done
<`abi{A}> that's the thing isn't it MeltedGlass....in the end, it may be easier to take the sex out of BDSM than to take the BDSM out of sex
<endlessdesire> agreed totaly abi
<CuChulainn> I agree.
<MeltedGlass> maybe. but... I'd miss orgasms too much!
<MeltedGlass> no genital touching... see... nomp. well... confusing but... *looses train of thought*
<starla{TDM}> grins
<CuChulainn> In many ways BDSM is a form of foreplay, but I've come to realise it can have it's own satisfying rewards on its own.
<endlessdesire> "a hand full of sex, makes the bdsm go down, in the most delightful way"
<MeltedGlass> wow!*is amused* thank
<ModBot> Well, that's it for the formal part of the discussion. The discussion log is now closed. It should be processed and uploaded to the www.ehbc.ca website soon. Please feel free to continue chatting informally. Have a good night, everyone!
<ModBot> Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion.
<starla{TDM}> time to go take my injection and cli9mb into bed it was a pleasure this evening