June 6, 2004 EhBC Online Discussion

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<ModBot> Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. Tonight's discussion topic is "The Frantic Search for a Relationship". The discussion is unmoderated. Enjoy!
* BernieRoehl settles in for the discussion
<krista-F> this is really not the topic for me.....as i gave up frantic a long time ago
<krista-F> in fact i gave up period in that regard
<BernieRoehl> Gave up the frantic, or the search krista-F?
<krista-F> both Sir
<krista-F> i keep an open mind....but that is about as far as my searhing goes
<daria> I just ended a relationship that introduced me to a life as a pet. I enjoyed it very much but that is all i really have to contribute.
<krista-F> i have much good in my life..that keeps content.....and if i were to find a partner.....fine...if not.....fine as well
<BernieRoehl> So when people are actively searching, why do they sometimes seem so frantic about it?
<daria> I think that is because no one likes to be alone
<krista-F> i will never comprimise my standards just to have a Master
<krista-F> alone is not the worst thing in life i have found
<daria> i understand
<BernieRoehl> I agree, krista-F. I'm in a wonderful relationship, but I've been single (in some sense of the word) for most of my adult life, and I actually enjoyed it
<daria> But the rewards ofpleasing someone is what makes most want to
<krista-F> i love to serve..and miss the chance to do that as much possible
<daria> nod
<krista-F> but i have learned to accept what life brings..and enjoy what i have
<krista-F> most days anyway
<daria> My old master directed me here to be with others likeminded
<daria> I too live alone and do not mind that.
<krista-F> well.being married for 29 yrs...i cannot say i am exactly alone
<simplyme> Do you think many do compromise their standards just to have a master?
<krista-F> but in many ways i am
<krista-F> i do simplyme
<daria> yes
<krista-F> i see it all the time actually
<krista-F> it saddens me
<kierana{DRFL}> i think so, simplyme
<simplyme> in rl ?
<krista-F> yes
<daria> I did with my old Master
<krista-F> i only deal in real lilfe
<simplyme> do you think it works both ways tht masters also compromise?
<daria> It was very easy as a sub
<krista-F> no....i think Doms have much more choice....in such matters
<daria> yes
<kierana{DRFL}> well, simply statistically there are 3 subs for every Dom...lol...i don't think Doms have much to worry about
* `abi wonders whether most things require a compromise of some sort
<krista-F> women seem to have this whole desperation thing going
<daria> they do?
<BernieRoehl> I know a great many who do, krista-F
<krista-F> have the desperation thing Sir?
<kierana{DRFL}> i found/met Master after i had given up looking...He sort of "fell" into my lap, so to say...lol
<daria> =)
<krista-F> i will admit in my earlier years i suffered from that condition myself
<simplyme> I do agree with when you quit looking you seem to find
<krista-F> and it was the greatest source of pain and mistakes made
<daria> Well my master was a great master. It will be very hard to find another
<BernieRoehl> Yes, krista-F
<kierana{DRFL}> and harder still to stop yourself from comparing a new One to the old One, eh daria?
<daria> yes
<daria> i will admit this is hard
<krista-F> that is my great flaw kierana{DRFL}....as you well know
<kierana{DRFL}> lol...yes, krista...i know hon
<simplyme> I apologize I keep losing connection
* kierana{DRFL} hands simply some rope
<daria> i keep a very honest sleeve to myself...I am finding that very hard to let go
<simplyme> ty kierana{DRFL}
* catsbrat{CM} hands simply some crazy glue as well
<krista-F> time will help daria.....
<daria> I am hoping listening to you will help
<krista-F> :)
<BernieRoehl> So krista-F, what led to your being frantic back then? I'm trying to get some insights into what causes the sense of... urgency that many submissives seems to feel
<simplyme> ty catsbrat{CM}
<krista-F> much of it has to do with my age Bernine Sir......i am not a young girl
<krista-F> and i had a need to taste it all.try it all......do it all
* BernieRoehl nods
<krista-F> it was a huge mistake
<krista-F> and i paid the price for it
<krista-F> physically and emotionally
<catsbrat{CM}> i found that alot of Doms preferred thin subs
<krista-F> no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
<krista-F> say it isn't so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* BernieRoehl smiles
<krista-F> well....im sure many subs prefer tall Doms....yet i have never seen Bernie Sir without a stunning companion...so.......
<daria> I am very afraid i will fall into what you are talking abut krista
<kierana{DRFL}> gee cats...that can't be true! (tongue in cheek)
* BernieRoehl smiles, and stands up to His full 5'6"
<krista-F> :))
<kierana{DRFL}> *chuckles*
<catsbrat{CM}> ya kierana{DRFL} unfortunately true ...........granted there are many who don't care about looks
<krista-F> so........as you are proof of Sir.....Doms and subs come in all shapes and sizes...
<krista-F> and success as either is non dependant on such things
<kierana{DRFL}> i am a very buxom OLD blonde lady...lol...my Master prefers i don't diet...grrrrrr
<daria> =)
<catsbrat{CM}> ya well your Master is unique ;o)
<simplyme> you are afraid of a bad experience daria?"
<BernieRoehl> Very true, krista-F
<krista-F> i think acceptance of self....puts an end to the frantic searching...and one just relaxes and enjoys the ride
<daria> I am afraid i will crave needing a master and be desperate
<daria> to get one
<daria> I liked having one
<lorraine> I agree krista
<daria> how do you mean krista
<dana^^> smiles... i love the control... taking it back isnt the easiest things to do sometimes
<kierana{DRFL}> i know that one, dana...i love when Master has the control...but i get it back again every time He goes back to work...i don't like picking up where He leaves off...
<krista-F> i am happy with who i am......as a person daria...and as a submissive/slave...it is within me....a part of me.and if i never kneel before another man....it changes not who and what i am.....and i can find peace in that
<daria> but
<krista-F> i have found peace in that
<daria> isnt that part of who you are as a sub
<krista-F> yes.....but service can take many forms daria
<daria> i am finding it hard not to have someone t kneel for
<krista-F> im sorry you are having such a hard time
<daria> or take pain for
<daria> not hard
<krista-F> i can get pain anytime i wish
<krista-F> that is the easy part
<daria> just different to all of ao oosudden not serve
<krista-F> i can feel your need from here daria;.....and i hope you will find some way to express that which you need
<daria> i am happy with who i am =)
<kierana{DRFL}> do you have a mentor, daria?
<daria> i dont understand kierana
<kierana{DRFL}> someone to talk to...about the desperate, frantic feelings...Dom or sub?
<daria> my former master sent me here
<daria> distance had a play in us going separate ways
<daria> he is in school
<daria> and far away
<krista-F> long distance is always difficult
<daria> i want him to be happy too
<dana^^> very bittersweet
<kierana{DRFL}> ok...but...do you yourself know anyone in the lifestyle ...rl or online
<daria> no =(
<daria> i am sorry for my naiveness
<daria> i had no where else to go
<kierana{DRFL}> don't be hon...geesh!
<kierana{DRFL}> you came to the right place...
<daria> ok =/
* BernieRoehl smiles
<krista-F> god......there was no one more naive than i.........
<kierana{DRFL}> or me...lol
<daria> may i tell you all something
<krista-F> when i first came online.i belived everything people said
<krista-F> of course
<kierana{DRFL}> sure, daria
<daria> i had a chance to meet someone elses master
<BernieRoehl> One comment I've heard is that when people first get into the lifestyle, they're in an enormous rushto find a partner. Any theories as to why that is?
<daria> a car was coming for me and all
<daria> i chickened out
<daria> i cant comment sir
* kierana{DRFL} smiles nothing new there, daria...been there, done that
<krista-F> never a good idea to get into a car with a stranger
<daria> he found me and took me kicking and screaming into it
<daria> i had to lose weight to meethim
<daria> that sent flags up
<dana^^> perhaps it has something to do with finally understanding who you are... learning what your needs are and finding that freedom
<kierana{DRFL}> and wanting to find someone to share that with, dana
<daria> yes
<daria> i agree
<daria> as i found
<krista-F> agreed dana......to finally acknowledge this to myself.....was so freeing.that i wanted to have what others had
<daria> there is nothing to compare
<dana^^> exactly kierana... accepting also that you are submissive and the depth of that
<krista-F> and i was one determined lady
<krista-F> can you say......driven???
<kierana{DRFL}> daria...were you hurt when you met this Dom?
<dana^^> lol...
<daria> i never met him because i got scared
<daria> my master hurt me but in good ways =)
<kierana{DRFL}> good daria...
<daria> i am glad i lost the weight but i shouldnt of had to for someone elses master right?
<daria> or
<kierana{DRFL}> dana...i learned about my submissiveness thru an abusive relationship...wellll the counsellor after the incident, i guess is closer to the truth...lol
<daria> i was in an abusive marriagei can sympathisize
<kierana{DRFL}> right daria...if someone can't accept you for the beauty that's inside then they will never accept your outside, ever
<dana^^> ive always been a submissive lady... i just didnt know it was my strength until i discovered this lifestyle over 5 years ago..
<daria> =)
<simplyme> it may be idealistic but weight should not matter
<daria> nod
<krista-F> but it does...trust me on this one
<daria> i do wonder tho
<kierana{DRFL}> it shouldn't, simplyme
<daria> what would have been had i went
<dana^^> in a perfect world it wouldnt.. smiles
<krista-F> men are "visual" you know
<krista-F> lol
<dana^^> lol
<dana^^> They are..?
<dana^^> grins
<kierana{DRFL}> visual and touchy feely...lol
<krista-F> so ive been told...over and over and over....
<dana^^> lol
<simplyme> a Dom told me the other day that the majority of submissives he has met have been over weight
<krista-F> did he also tell you they should all be shot??
<daria> as per the discussion the search for me is a hard one i dont know what i am even looking for
<krista-F> that is usually when i loose interest...lol
<icemaiden> knowing what your looking for is the hardest part
<krista-F> hard limit.....bullet holes
<daria> i am so glad someone said that
<kierana{DRFL}> lol krista
<icemaiden> if you don't know what your looking for.. how can you hope to find it
<dana^^> oh daria.. then its time to settle back.. and really reflect on whats within... i did that for a year before reaching for a D/s relationship... take time to just talk and learn
<daria> yes
<icemaiden> its like going to the grocery store to buy a sofa
<daria> no i mean
<daria> i dont know how
<simplyme> this connection is driving me nuts if I get tossed again I will not return
<daria> i know exactly what i would like
<daria> eventually
<simplyme> no
<simplyme> he is one of the ones that it does not matter
<kierana{DRFL}> i just know that if you don't make a list of the qualities you are looking for then you will prolly end up accepting the first Dom who wants to spank your bottom
<simplyme> what aperson's outside is like
<simplyme> he is concerned with the inner workings
<daria> oh my
<lorraine> Im looking for the Dom(me) that takes the time to learn about me, as I learn about them
<daria> i want to be trained to please a dom
<simplyme> I used to be an op in his room and he asked me if I noticed what one of the first regimens a new dom/sub relationship follow
<simplyme> and I had noticed diet and exercise rank high
<shareena> i wonder how many of us make that mistake kierana{DRFL} the first time
<daria> being healthy is good
<daria> you are someones property and should care for it
<icemaiden> yes healthy is good.. complately changing who someone is isn't
<daria> i think
<kierana{DRFL}> i almost did...but a good Friend made me make a list...He didn't qualify...lol
<daria> hehe
<dana^^> thinks its only natural that both new submissives and Dominants rush... its reaching for something you've always needed...
<kierana{DRFL}> also making sure you know your own limits, hard and soft...and doing a checklist for yourself is a good place to start
<dana^^> you're finally on the right path...
<kierana{DRFL}> i agree dana
<daria> peopel have checklists..what do you mean
<simplyme> of course it is like an abbreviated honeymoon
<simplyme> it is all new and sparkly
<dana^^> and fun.. grisn
<dana^^> grins
<kierana{DRFL}> a checklist, simply put, is something put together that has all the fetishes and toys on it...you can learn alot about yourself by doing one
<simplyme> you can rush all you want it is up to him to set the pace and control the flow
<icemaiden> what about a Dom that rushes then?
<BernieRoehl> If you check the EhBC site (www.ehbc.ca) you'll find a sample checklist
<BernieRoehl> There's also a newbie page that might be worth checking out
<simplyme> sometimes i think the search seems frantic because having had the missing part of yourself it feels empty without it
<daria> i resisted this lifestyle for a long while especially while i was trained but the relationship is trust and very rewarding and i think that is why people rush
<simplyme> and nature does not love a void
<dana^^> ahhh... but there are red flags to that also simplyme... i was working on a long distance D/s and simply accepted his reasons for not meeting... not a good thing to do
<kierana{DRFL}> the checklist i like is the one on castlerealm...if i can put that out there, Bernie, please
<daria> so a cheklist isnt decided by your master
<kierana{DRFL}> noooo!!!!!
<daria> i was led to believe it iwas
<icemaiden> he/she might like you to fill one in.. but ultimately its a list of your do's and don'ts
<kierana{DRFL}> Master and i did Oour own checklists and sent them to Eeach other...i learned about a lot of things He was interested in...and vise versa
<dana^^> and it changes as the relationship deepens
<BernieRoehl> Yes, the castlerealm one is quite good
<kierana{DRFL}> and as you explore...your list will change
<daria> ok
<daria> well i sort of had one...he would give me pictures of things and asked how i liked it
<simplyme> if the Dom is rushing I think that is a huge red flag
<daria> so sort of a list
<dana^^> but is a D/s relationship only about activities and limits?
<krista-F> not to me......but then what do i know....i have never had a Master
<kierana{DRFL}> no...it's about caring, responsibility, duties...doing mundane things to get to the good parts...lol
<daria> i just liked being leashed and sitting at his ifeet and beig there
<daria> caring is so deep
<dana^^> favourite memory was doing dishes in collar leash and smile.. and i hate house work..
<daria> heheh =)
<kierana{DRFL}> lol...dana...i hate laundry...but will willingly smile and fold as He hands it to me...lol
<dana^^> lolol
<daria> like i said i have a full life and am in no hurry. I miss it but happy to just know you all.
<kierana{DRFL}> it's time spent together...i think that's what i hated about not being with One
<daria> it can also be hard when you displease
<krista-F> and it is what i miss as well...for i have had a great relationship for a long time...though it has its limits
<daria> i didnt mind punisihmkent but displeasing him no'
<kierana{DRFL}> yes, it can, daria...but...as long as the hairbrush doesn't come out i know i can get Him to smile again
<dana^^> same her kierana... the bond between a Dominant and submissive can be so intense.. so unique... just seeing the peace and contentment in Him could make me soar
<daria> i liked haribrush and he knew it so i got deprived of the hairbrush lol
<kierana{DRFL}> and i miss that every time Master leaves, dana...makes me sad even though i know i'll see Him again, soon
<daria> or sometihng i liked anyway
<daria> tht is so sweet =)
<krista-F> my week in toronto spent serving Trainer Sir was the happiest time of my adult life
<daria> =)
<daria> i have never been to meets
<daria> maybe soon
<kierana{DRFL}> i'm lucky, and i know it...during the summer and fall i get Master here 15 days every month...it's the 15 days He isn't here i worry about whether He's taking care of Himself...lol
<dana^^> smiles...
<kierana{DRFL}> where are you, daria?
<daria> windsor
<kierana{DRFL}> ahhhh ok
<daria> i went to the windsor homepage but god i am so shy in person
<kierana{DRFL}> not sure about when the windsor munches are...:(
<daria> i would be red in face entire time
<daria> so hesitant
* kierana{DRFL} smiles so was i, daria..the first few times i went to functions
<krista-F> third tues of every month
<daria> no i am a little afraid hehe
<BernieRoehl> I encourage you to go to some events, daria. I think you'll find everyone very friendly and welcoming.
<daria> i will try sir
<krista-F> you can always go with me daria
<kierana{DRFL}> and find ppl to talk to in person...networking works
<krista-F> anytime
<daria> i would like that but really scared
<krista-F> i don't bite....honest
<daria> hehe
<kierana{DRFL}> lol...krista only nibbles upon request...
<BernieRoehl> It's a great way to meet new people, and form new friendships
<daria> i will need to hang out in here if that is ok
<daria> i wish i werent so shy
<daria> for a bit
<shareena> i find it helps to go with someone
<kierana{DRFL}> i had to have someone come with me my first time or two
<daria> nod
<dana^^> daria... i finally made it through the door... lol... its wonderful to find people close by to just talk over issues and concerns... people who understand you without having to explain your nature
<shareena> in time you may form an online friendship with someone and then go with them
<ModBot> There are only about five minutes left in the formal part of tonight's discussion. Does anyone have any last-minute thoughts on the subject?
<daria> well that is how my old master started and h e had quite the time getting me settled
<kierana{DRFL}> my Niece...has been coming to munches with me for almost a yr...she won't come alone and she's been to parties too
<daria> but i think he enjoyed it ;)
<lorraine> somehow I always have to end up explaining something about me dana, lol
<daria> =)
<dana^^> understand yourself and your needs first and accepting them helps with the frantic search... and remembering to play safe
<daria> nod always
<kierana{DRFL}> very true, dana...and understand that something worth having takes time
<dana^^> was a mess when i went to the munch lorraine.. but got so many hugs.. grins..
<lorraine> oh I accepted myself, in the most amazing way, its others that see me differnt
<lorraine> hoping to make ondons this month
<lorraine> londons
<kierana{DRFL}> ohhhh i'll see you there then, lorraine...:)
<dana^^> good show.. lorraine... it will be a pleasure to meet you
<lorraine> super
<dana^^> thinks they should have one once a week.. grins
<kierana{DRFL}> lol...just remember i'm one of the biggest ladies there...and a greying blonde...lol
<daria> i am sorta small
<krista-F> we hate you!!!!!!
<krista-F> just kiddin!!!!!!!
<daria> dont mistake me for a squirrel
<lorraine> oh I'll stand out, lol....no questions there
<kierana{DRFL}> lol daria...
<dana^^> lol
<ModBot> Well, that's it for the formal part of the discussion. The discussion log is now closed. It should be processed and uploaded to the www.ehbc.ca website soon. Please feel free to continue chatting informallly. Have a good night, everyone!
<ModBot> Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion.
<dana^^> will you be coming to london daria?