June 1, 2003 EhBC Online Discussion

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<ModBot> Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. Tonight's discussion topic is "Long Distance D/s Relationships". The discussion is unmoderated. Enjoy!
<Kilted_One> rhiannon was kind she only put 4 on mine
<arhiannah> ModBot! you hottie
<Kilted_One> hiya naughtyvickie how are you
<arhiannah> hi naughtyvickie
<naughtyvickie> hiya KO i am well thank You
<naughtyvickie> hi arhiannah
<naughtyvickie> and Yourself KO?
<Kilted_One> we are both well naughtyvickie
<naughtyvickie> so do long distant relationships work?
<Kilted_One> I had one that did for over 6 months
<earl{MS}> a year and six months here and still counting
<arhiannah> it's not easy..but they can
<naughtyvickie> did both of you benefit from the relationship KO?
<earl{MS}> not easy at all!
<Kilted_One> it forces you to get to know one another before you really get into anything heavy, but the downside is that you miss all of the subtle inflections of each others nature and when it becomes r/l it is not quite the same
<subjugate_me> 12i had a long distance online relationship for almost two year..one of the best learning experiences i have encountered.
<naughtyvickie> i have an ongoing online relationship with my Mentor..........He is in the states but i try to visit once a year for the r/l contact
<Kilted_One> maybe the ?? would be better asked "Do LDR work better that r/l close in your face ones????
<subjugate_me> the judgement of wether or not it works depends on what one hopes to achieve...imho
<Kilted_One> so is there specific things that you achieve with a LDR that are different with a r/l in your face one??
<subjugate_me> in my case it also depended heavily on the persons involved...it suited and pleased both
<arhiannah> different objectives KO
<subjugate_me> there also comes a time when it is not enough.
<arhiannah> very much so subjugate_me
<subjugate_me> in spite of all the positive learning and interaction...a sadness inevitably arises
<Kilted_One> doest it make a difference if you get to meet the other person every now and again or not at all until quite a while into the relationship....I know mine went 6 months and would have preferred it to be much less
<arhiannah> in the ldr i had it was about 4 months before we met for the first time..
<subjugate_me> i never met real life...but cams and phones made Him closer and more "real"
<Kilted_One> anybody find that the person they met r/l was not the same as the person they were chatting with v/r??
<naughtyvickie> i didn't find that when i met my Mentor in r/l ............he was exactly the same in r/l as online
<subjugate_me> perhaps perceptions of the person play a role as well
<Kilted_One> is there any advantages at having a v/r relationship first??
<Lady_Meadows> for some it would give them the opportunity to play things out and get comfortable with different areas of play first
<subjugate_me> i think communication in any form is always a plus
<Lady_Meadows> agrees with subcdn
<Lady_Meadows> subjugate_me
<subjugate_me> the online communication ...if done with honesty and an open heart ....can make for excellent beginnings
<Kilted_One> do you think there is a timeframe for meeting r/l loosely speaking or otherwise
<subjugate_me> time and opportunity and circumstances all play a role,
<naughtyvickie> i agree
<starla{TDM}> i think a long distance d/s relationship wont work with meeting in real life ..that meeting needs to happen when both are comfortable..but i would think waiting too long causes frustration
<laralynn> the guy I met yesterday from lunch that I'd been speaking to online was not the same as online and on the phone...I thought when we spoke he was just being funny but seeing his face and watching his eyes I realized there is something seriously missing and the guy actually believes what he's saying...I compared him to that conspiracy guy from space channel
<Alix> I had a similar experience laralynn
<subjugate_me> how long had you known him?
<laralynn> about a week
<Kilted_One> so you missed the subtle inflections and body langauge laralynn??
<laralynn> oh yes absolutely KO
<laralynn> I don't wait long after meeting someone online to meet them offline for coffee or lunch I don't care much for online relationships
<Kilted_One> would you say that the experience as a whole was worth it laralynn?? and would you do it again
<earl{MS}> chatted with Mistress for nine months on line and on the phone before W/we met
<laralynn> sure KO I would not everyone is a psycho LOL one person doesn't make up the whole population and he wasn't really a scary guy just kind of missing a few marbles and not exactly someone I'd like to trust to tie me up
<arhiannah> who is he so i know to avoid him...lol
<naughtyvickie> there are people that prefer online (no contact) relationships
<Symmetre> <--- not one of them!
<Kilted_One> anyone got a positive or negative comment about LDR, that are really long ways apart and not likely to ever meet??
<laralynn> me either Symmetre
<arhiannah> and that's fine....for them....but i need a body to see, feel, touch...
<laralynn> yep me too arhiannah
<arhiannah> <----greedy slut lol
<Symmetre> if a person isnt willing to meet in real life ... it is difficult to not wonder if they arent hiding something
<Kilted_One> they simply maybe at the other side of the world Symmetre
<earl{MS}> Symmetre, and if the people live 500 miles apart?
<arhiannah> there's a difference between not willing & unable
<starla{TDM}> i dont think a LDR relationship can last without meeting i think we end up wanting more and if the need isnt fulfilled then we look elsewhere were it can be fulfilled
<laralynn> the reason is that sometimes the people you have a LDR with prefer no phone contact or visual such as a cam...red flag should go there but more often than not it doesn't and how do you know for sure the person your speaking to isn't in fact the opposite sex...I like the as soon as possible meeting to at least see the person so that sort of puts LDR's for me right out of the picture
<Symmetre> still ..... regardless of distance .... would want to put a face to a voice or line of text eventually
* Symmetre agrees with starla{TDM}
<arhiannah> agrees too
<subcdn> <<<< can't imagine a relationship with no real time contact
<Kilted_One> how many here started their current relationship LD and then made it r/l??
* starla{TDM} raises her hand
<earl{MS}> this one
<arhiannah> i thought your's was still ld earl{MS}?
<earl{MS}> have met Mistress three times in 18 months for four days each time
* starla{TDM} married her LD Master
<Symmetre> and earl{MS} ... do you two live 500 miles apart?
<earl{MS}> Symmetre, yes
<Kilted_One> any words of advise for those who are considering it starla{TDM}??
<Symmetre> so distance isn't impossible to cope with ... where there's a will, there's a way
<Kilted_One> and moved to another country too starla{TDM}??
<starla{TDM}> its hard..depending on the move i moved from toronto to florida..think carefully..cause it is very hard
<earl{MS}> the distance just makes things more difficult
<Kilted_One> is there specific things that ppl should look out for, starla{TDM}??
<laralynn> but not impossible
* starla{TDM} wouldnt change a thing now that it is all done but back doing immigration and the move and getting kids settled here..was a different story
<subcdn> starla may I ask how much r/t you had before the move?
<starla{TDM}> to be serious before they start a LD relationship..meaning think it thru..if things do work out who is moving? and kids? immigration? schools? jobs? family friends
<Symmetre> I have a good friend who moved to texas to be with the submissive woman he met online. Now they're married and expecting their first kid
<starla{TDM}> i have been in the scene for a long time subcdn
<laralynn> I think he meant how much r/t you and your Master had prior to the move starla
<starla{TDM}> if you cant deal with those issues now..then dont bother doing a LDR
<subcdn> I mean wiyh your husband
<starla{TDM}> ohh LOL
<Symmetre> though ... they wach flew back and forth to be together and took vacations together for a couple of years before he moved south
* starla{TDM} blushes sorry my butts a lil sore was trying to get comfortable
<starla{TDM}> july 1 is two years since the collaring, i flew here july and aug sept he moved to NY to be closer to me and we visited each other everyweekend dec we flew here all of us kids incldued. i would think about every month we spent 4 or 5 days together
<subcdn> ty
<laralynn> so about 7 months then?
<starla{TDM}> before i moved her? no over a year
<starla{TDM}> here
<starla{TDM}> we talked for about 3 months before he collared me
<Kilted_One> any really bad experieces that anyone have had (besides laralynn's partial deck of cards) that we could learn from
<earl{MS}> starla{TDM}, am very glad to hear things went so well with you
* laralynn falls over laughing...if you only knew
* starla{TDM} giggles
<Kilted_One> yeah we all miss our lil bear
* arhiannah looks for wiggling toes
<starla{TDM}> i once met a man online..he was from like the windsor area so not really to far...and we talked ect..and one thing is i dont drink hate drinkers refuse to be around him..he swore he didnt drink
* starla{TDM} wiggles her toes
<starla{TDM}> so we met..i had a party with some vanilla friends and him..and he brought a 6 pack and drank it within like 2 hours then went and got one of them BIG bottles of wine and drank that...this man and i talked for weeks..and he never drank ya know
<starla{TDM}> is funny in a way..cause he was more local..sorta..and we met in a bdsm room..Master and i met on gor
<ModBot> There are only about five minutes left in the formal part of tonight's discussion. Does anyone have any last-minute thoughts on the subject?
<earl{MS}> its the time between visits that are the bad times
<starla{TDM}> nods lots of phonecalls
<subjugate_me> my ldr was a positive experience ...we knew we would never meet and yet somehow there was a mental connection
<starla{TDM}> and think things thru whether you are moving a couple of hundred miles or well a couple o thousand..think it thur
* jen{SE} likes the up close and personal relationship
* starla{TDM} winks to jen{SE} me too..Master was worth the distance and time and travel and phonecalls
* Kilted_One smiles...we know jen <winks>
<subjugate_me> smiles ...W/we all do ...
<arhiannah> q!
* suzq{C} waves hello
<earl{MS}> its just the empty space between the good-bye and the hello i could do without
<jen{SE}> *smiles*
<earl{MS}> thank god its only distance that seperate U/us
* starla{TDM} wiggles her toes
<Symmetre> you're a better man than I am, earl{MS} ... I don't think I could handle that
<Kilted_One> this medium is better that nothing but not much better
<jen{SE}> sorry coming into this late, but something i noticed it is easier to keep the D/s at the extreme level when involved long distance
<subcdn> earl have you thought of becoming a frequent flyer?
<ModBot> Well, that's it for the formal part of the discussion. The discussion log is now closed. It should be processed and uploaded to the www.ehbc.ca website soon. Please feel free to continue chatting informallly. Have a good night, everyone!
<ModBot> Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion.
<jen{SE}> does anyone else notice the same?