May 29 2005 EhBC Online Discussion

May 29, 2005 EhBC Online Discussion

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<ModBot> Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. Tonight's discussion topic is "More than One on One". The discussion is unmoderated. Enjoy!
<catsbrat{CM}> speak of the devil
<Titan> we spoke too soon
<Titan> this topic referring to poly relationships?
<krista-F> i have no idea
<Justice> it could refer to that Titan ... or to situations where there is a stable
<Titan> could lead to many problems if the Dominant had more then just one on one if their wasnt a good foundation laid
<catsbrat{CM}> even with a good foundation there could be problems
<MasterGuny> there can be problems at any time
<Titan> yes absolutely catsbrat
<catsbrat{CM}> there would have to be alot of communication between all parties
<MasterGuny> if there is any hope for sucess it is based on a solid foundation
<paperclip[B]> ok, here's a question i've had since i started in all this....do you think that there are people, many or a few, who use being in the 'lifestyle' as an excuse to do things they wouldn't get away with in the vanilla world? like having more than one girl or guy?
<MasterGuny> yes absolutely
<MasterGuny> they are submissive and should not question what the Dom wants..it is crap but it is very prominent out there
<paperclip[B]> would you include simply playing with others in that? or just the taking of a third in a relationship?
<paperclip[B]> is there a difference? or not?
<MasterGuny> both
<MasterGuny> there are people out there looking for thirds where all the factors are right and there are others just to please the dom
<paperclip[B]> well, i was hoping more than one person would be answering that LOL
<paperclip[B]> i think we need to clarify "just to please the Dom"
<paperclip[B]> just to please him in fear of losing him? or to please him becuz he's your Dom and you want to please him becuz you care or have that relationship wth him?
<MasterGuny> you will find add after add of subs looking for another slave for her master
<paperclip[B]> there's a lot of people who seem to be ok with that though. lol
<MasterGuny> and her profile says straight
<MasterGuny> there are
<paperclip[B]> ah
<paperclip[B]> true enough
<MasterGuny> its the differences you have to spot
<paperclip[B]> ok, well there's always been the argument that humans are not meant to be monogamous. they usually refer to men when saying that.
<`abi{A}> there are also degrees of 'straight'. Most profiles do not put it on a sale
<`abi{A}> scale
<paperclip[B]> what degrees would there be `abi{A}?
<paperclip[B]> do you mean bi-curious etc?
<`abi{A}> I suppose curious could be one point on a scale. There are certainly others
<paperclip[B]> do you think that "more than one on one" is something that is so prevalent in the community becuz people are more open about sharing what they want?
<paperclip[B]> or becuz, as i asked earlier, they just use it as an excuse to do things they couldn't in the vanilla world?
<`abi{A}> I think that 'more than one on one' is more prevalent in all societies (including vanilla) than most people think
<paperclip[B]> so maybe being a 'kinky' person just makes us more willing to share those things we want?
<paperclip[B]> i know in my vanilla relationships i'd have never had the nerve to ask for things i do now
<MasterGuny> if it is mutual or does it matter?
<paperclip[B]> well i think there are things we all want that our significant other want also and don't also want.
* `abi{A} shrugs. I think it depends on the individuals and their connection. I know lots of 'vanilla' people with very adventurous sex lives and more than a few kinky people with terribly boring sex lives
<MasterGuny> I read on bondage post after post were the sub went into a monogamos relationship only to have the Dom say there will be others and they could not take it and wanted out hurt etc..very common
<paperclip[B]> i think that goes to individual wants and needs. a want might be something of interest that you don't need to actually do. a need is something you and your other would/should? have in common perhaps?
<paperclip[B]> agreed `abi{A}
<paperclip[B]> well i think having others might depend on the context? yes/no?
<`abi{A}> so, the thing that differentiates 'more than one on one' in a kink relationship vs vanilla, is more likely to be dynamics involved
<MasterGuny> I have had bi partners and it was something initially we both wanted...in my last relationship it was something she demanded as part of the negotiation but somehting I would rather not do
<`abi{A}> and the presence of specifically 'kinky' activities
<`abi{A}> simply including others doesn't make you kinky.... just busy.
<paperclip[B]> i've always thought that having others, like a 3some, was simply adventurous...not kinky LOL
<ModBot> There are only about five minutes left in the formal part of tonight's discussion. Does anyone have any last-minute thoughts on the subject?
<ModBot> Well, that's it for the formal part of the discussion. The discussion log is now closed. It should be processed and uploaded to the www.ehbc.ca website soon. Please feel free to continue chatting informally. Have a good night, everyone!
<ModBot> Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion.