May 23, 2004 EhBC Online Discussion

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<ModBot> Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. Tonight's discussion topic is "Moving Too Fast/Moving Too Slow". The discussion is unmoderated. Enjoy!
<dana^^^> hello Eeveryone
<_dove{S}> hello dana
<dana^^^> hello dove
<dana^^^> are you getting this storm too?
<_dove{S}> dunno, i'm out of town
<dana^^^> its wicked
<krista-F> hmmmmm big crowd.....hello A/all
<dana^^^> hello krista
<_dove{S}> This discussion definitely falls under "Moving Too Slow"
<krista-F> hello dana.....hi dove....
<dana^^^> lol
<_dove{S}> hello krista-F
<dana^^^> well i wish i had moved slower in some areas and faster in others.. lol
<krista-F> i get any slower i'll be at a dead stop.....
<dana^^^> lol
<krista-F> no.wait thats my knees..
<_dove{S}> dana, care to expand?
<dana^^^> is at a dead stop... ended a long distance relationship i thought had a future
<krista-F> that is always sad
<_dove{S}> long distance in itself is quite a challenge
<dana^^^> well.. my best friend was caming with him... lol.. they just met too... now thats fast
<krista-F> i have always been an intense person.....and i have probably done more in my time in the life than most.
<dana^^^> it is dove.. he was less than 5 hours
<krista-F> not wise perhaps....but just my way
<_dove{S}> i did the long distance thing for 4 years
<dana^^^> i was involved with a Dom from boston for over 3 years... meeting every month or so.. still bittersweet though
<dana^^^> this came outta no where so im still a little confused...
<_dove{S}> Do you find that distance slows things down, or speeds them up?
<dana^^^> thats a good question... in many ways it speeds up the getting to know you but without meeting its very hard to read...
<dana^^^> i need to see a person's eyes.. their body...
<dana^^^> but meeting.. well.. its hard not to uh.. well ya know
<dana^^^> lol
<_dove{S}> lol
<_dove{S}> the lack of real time slows some things down, but imo it speeds other things up because of limited opportunity
<dana^^^> when you spend as much time as i did just talking to him... you get to understand a little more than offline...
<dana^^^> geesh what do i know.. lol... ive been abandoned.. lol
<_dove{S}> It's true that communications tend to become quite deep, because of distance
<dana^^^> i do like the idea of just talking... about everything and anything
<_dove{S}> nods - that's healthy for any relationship
<dana^^^> especially on voice... webcam... but its still so limited...
<_dove{S}> yes, it's very limited, nothing replaces our other senses
<dana^^^> so true dove...
<dana^^^> so then you meet face to face...
<_dove{S}> smiles
<_dove{S}> krista - are there some things you would have done slower or faster, given a second chance?
<dana^^^> may i ask if your relationship started online or offline
<_dove{S}> i met Skyhawk here, at a Sunday discussion
<krista-F> yes....i would have gotten a lot more knowledge before i got so involved
<dana^^^> understanding your self more krista?
<_dove{S}> i agree krista, i think many of us launch head first, and hope the knowledge catches up
<dana^^^> i spent months just reflecting after ending the first relationship... helped run a room for questions and answers...
<krista-F> i undertook formal training.real time
<krista-F> and it made all the difference for me
<dana^^^> im very secure in who i am now... what i need...
<_dove{S}> experience is a good teacher dana
<dana^^^> very good teacher... and some of the discussion topics really made you look within...
<krista-F> and teachers can be a good experience
<dana^^^> the key is to be positive... embrace what is right for you
<_dove{S}> the trick is to find out what is right for you, imo
<krista-F> it is
<dana^^^> or Who is right for you.. smiles
<_dove{S}> amen to that
<dana^^^> so what are some redflags with moving too fast
<dana^^^> or too slow
<_dove{S}> Moving too fast - being asked to make decisions or to play in areas that you don't understand yet
<dana^^^> thats a very good one...
<dana^^^> giving control over too fast?
<_dove{S}> That happens often, imo, and is usually unhealthy
<dana^^^> i agree but its something i find myself doing without really thinking about it...
<dana^^^> after talking for weeks that is...
<_dove{S}> i found myself doing the same thing, you're not alone *smiles*
<dana^^^> smiles.. thank you dove... needed to hear that...
<dana^^^> ive been questioning every thing lately...
<_dove{S}> learned a valuable lesson though...... slowing down on offering control makes it a lot more meaningful
<dana^^^> yes it does...
<becky> hey A/all.. guess the storming outside kinda kept everyone from the chat
<_dove{S}> hello becky
<krista-F> hi becky
<dana^^^> hello becky... it just passed over here...
<becky> hiya _dove{S} *hugz*
<becky> hiya krista-F
<becky> hey dana
<becky> yes here too.. thats why i didn't bother getting here earlier
* kierana{DRFL} settles in comfortably to listen to the discussion
<dana^^^> are there redflags that you are moving too slowly?
<_dove{S}> frustration, boredom
<dana^^^> restlessness
<kierana{DRFL}> i think that if you feel that something is moving too slowly then it prolly is...time to chat with the One you're with
<_dove{S}> in my case, i tend to want to move too fast, if left to my own devices
<dana^^^> and if he says its not time to meet...?
<dana^^^> same here dove...
<_dove{S}> you growl, you whine, you pout, you wait, and then you say through gritted teeth that He was right to wait
<kierana{DRFL}> lol dove
<dana^^^> smiles...
<kierana{DRFL}> now, is it just D/s issues that is moving too fast or slow...or the whole relationship?
<_dove{S}> It can be anything kierana, imo
* kierana{DRFL} smiles THAT case!!! lol...
<_dove{S}> LOL
<dana^^^> for myself.. i think he was pushing too fast ... not really taking time to let me get use to each little level... as for meeting... that was too slow
<_dove{S}> Your comfort is very important dana
<kierana{DRFL}> *nods*...did you discuss meeting...and nothing happened, or He just couldn't get to where you are?...and i agree with dove...the pace of the learning curve should be comfortable for you
<dana^^^> i can see that now
<dana^^^> it was postponed a few times...
<dana^^^> well with me it
<_dove{S}> i went headfirst, 6 years ago......... i did the "gift of submission" thing...... and didn't understand half of what i had signed up for.
<kierana{DRFL}> that happens sometimes...dana
<dana^^^> he just met the other... lol
<kierana{DRFL}> lol dove...same here...Master and i met at a munch and talked for 8 hours...collared a month later...but almost 2yrs later i wouldn't change a thing
<dana^^^> did that too dove but this time i didnt question myself... i just accept who i am now...
<_dove{S}> That was part of my problem dana, i *didn't* question enough
<dana^^^> i didnt look at the redflags... but my submission to him was comfortable in many ways...
<_dove{S}> That's wonderful kierana - sometimes things just click
* kierana{DRFL} smiles well, it hasn't always been smooth sailing...but...that's the too slow thing
<_dove{S}> i'd be concerned if things were perfect, kierana - life would be boring
<dana^^^> lol
<dana^^^> so true
<kierana{DRFL}> ohhh i agree there, dove
<kierana{DRFL}> i find that outside influences like kids, and family, and work schedules tend to slow down the progress of learning in Oour relationship
<_dove{S}> Good point kierana - real life can't be ignored
<kierana{DRFL}>'s frustrating...
<_dove{S}> tell me about it LOL
<kierana{DRFL}> lololol
<_dove{S}> what - no dinner? *pouts*
<shareena> lol
<ModBot> There are only about five minutes left in the formal part of tonight's discussion. Does anyone have any last-minute thoughts on the subject?
<ModBot> Well, that's it for the formal part of the discussion. The discussion log is now closed. It should be processed and uploaded to the website soon. Please feel free to continue chatting informallly. Have a good night, everyone!
<ModBot> Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion.
<dana^^^> fast or slow... learn from your mistakes... be positive... smiles..