May 6 2001 EhBC Online Discussion

<Kilted_One> Just a reminder that tonight is Newbie Night in IRC, a chance for people
<Kilted_One> who are new to the scene (or even not so new) to bring their questions and
<Kilted_One> hopefully get a few answers.
<Kilted_One> The moderator for this week will be BernieRoehl
* que`sarah clears her throat
<genigrrrl> lol sarah
<Kilted_One> que`sarah you are the closest we have to Bernie so ya want the job or knot??
<Kilted_One> greetings Kirspin
<que`sarah> Sir asked me to start things rolling if He wasn't able to make it here on time, so...
<Kirspin> Greetins all
<que`sarah> I've set an automatic message that reads: Welcome to our regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to say something, but remain anonymous, you should change your nick. We recommend using as your server, to minimize lag. Tonight is "Newbie Night", and the moderator is que`sarah until BernieRoehl gets here. Enjoy the discussion!
<que`sarah> So, let's get things started.
* Kilted_One reminds all that this is logged and posted so change your nick or leave if you do not want it to show in the logs
<que`sarah> I'd like to open up the floor to anyone that has a question. :)
* Kilted_One gets ready with the safety net for those falling through the open floor
<dalian> lol
<victoria_angel{Flint}> KO is on the ball tonight
<que`sarah> Ah, KO, always safety-conscious.
<Kilted_One> would ask how many would consider themselves a new person here tonight??
<dalian> i'd like to know about different ramping techniques used by the Doms
<genigrrrl> i'm new
* Kilted_One polishes his St Johns badge
* dalian is new and very old...always learning
<que`sarah> I'd consider myself to be in the middle, although I've been involved in BDSM for a long time, I'm new to the public scene...
<Achilles{tr}> Ramping? What is that dalian?
* Achilles{tr} smiles inquiringly
* jewell{T} is old but also new
* pandora`` isn't too sure what she is
<Kilted_One> for what activety dalian??
<victoria_angel{Flint}> do you mean 'preparing' dalian?
* genigrrrl is new new
<dalian> maybe the term "warming up" would work better...setting the scene...different techniques so its not always the same old same old
<que`sarah> Do you think you could start us off with an example, dalian?
<dalian> ok...let's see....
<Kilted_One> takes the blindfold off dalian
<genigrrrl> lmPao@KO
<dalian> a sub/slave is bound and different ways of preparing for the flogging, caning, paddle what have you...etc
<que`sarah> Okay, let's hear some input on what (if anything, Achilles!) folks like to incorporate into their warm-up/preparation/what have you for a physically-based scene.
<Achilles{tr}> Excuse Me que`sarah? <smiles inquiringly>
<yummier> some people I know seem to like ice
<victoria_angel{Flint}> lol
<victoria_angel{Flint}> dalian - i've been with someone who started with heightening senses first
<victoria_angel{Flint}> then got into bdsm stuff
<victoria_angel{Flint}> another started cold into bdsm
* Kilted_One starts percussion play with preparation of the skin....using a lotion like intensive skin cream...then starts patting or gently stroking the skin to get the blood flowing...followed by soft blows to furhter increase the blood...good aim helps keep you in the same warmed zone but constant checks with my hands for temperatures help me gauge the amount of force to use
<dalian> how did both make you feel victoria_angel{Flint}?
<victoria_angel{Flint}> both had different starts, different periods to get to sub-space and different results
<victoria_angel{Flint}> dalian - actually one really pissed me off at first
<dalian> lol
<victoria_angel{Flint}> well, i'm telling the truth
<Achilles{tr}> Some subs require a thorough warming up.. some would consider the warm-up an entire scene.. some can be started at a level which those able to handle less might consider an immediate start into a heavy scene. It is different for each sub.. depending on where the scene is to go.
<victoria_angel{Flint}> but the overall affect was cool
<victoria_angel{Flint}> i agree Achilles, there is someone i know who gets 'further' with foreplay
<dalian> would a warm up be considered a *must have* for anyone who has little experience?
<yummier> I like a thorough warm up otherwise I start tensing up and worrying about what is going to come next....with a good warm up I relax more and look forward to what will come
<victoria_angel{Flint}> dalian - it might for a person who really wants to play
<que`sarah> What things do you like to see included in a warm-up, yummier?
* genigrrrl likes needles
<genigrrrl> whoooops nevermind Burnies not here...
<dalian> it has been my experience that without the warm up, i feel as if the Dom isn't too concerned about my personal welfare and would rather "get to it"
<genigrrrl> :)
* BLiSs301 wonders is this only for new subs? what about new doms?
<yummier> light touches, progressively harder swats/spanks/hits.....something that builds up slowly
<Achilles{tr}> Those watching a scene often do not understand what they are seeing if they do not know those involved or have experience with the level of scene being viewed. Warm-ups. Warm-downs. Similar errors in perceptionc an occur.
<yummier> what doesn't matter per se....just that it is gradual from touch to harder
<que`sarah> Very true, Achilles.
<Achilles{tr}> A newbie would be best handled with a gentle start, yes. Any new partner. Even if they say, "I can take it HEAVY.", heavy can mean different things and a slow ramp-upis a good way to get the level of scene required clarified.
* que`sarah nods in agreement
<Kilted_One> there is also the point of the adrenalyn and the endorphins to be allowed some time for there release into the body and to block the pains somewhat
<Achilles{tr}> ...and blood flow. Warm-ups can severely reduce marking and bruising by getting the blood flowing and providing a defense t the harder impacts. Besides.. a pink butt is cute.
* que`sarah grins. Very good points, both of you...
<Achilles{tr}> Warm-ups could start with stroking, spanking, light and heavy swatting with a lighter toy such as a light flogger and progress through to heavier as required.
<Achilles{tr}> ...or hyper sensitive subs who are already revved can just read about it. <smiles>
* `abi smiles
<que`sarah> Speaking of, does anyone choose to include a psychological aspect to the warm-up?
* Kilted_One see play a litte like planning a first decide on where you are leaving from and where you are gonna go and how you are gonna get there, then you make plans and head out
* Kilted_One puts his hand up
<que`sarah> Which part's which, KO?
<Kilted_One> it is important to get the head space right to start with
* que`sarah recognizes Kilted_One
<Stevius> who's head, KO..yours, or the subs
<Kilted_One> well you both need to know where to start off and both need to know where you want to go it is the skill of the "driver" and the vehicle that is being used that will determine the quality of the trip
<Kilted_One> both Stevius...we have a little ritual that we do...she kneels on her pillow in front of the equipment and recites a verse she has been given...I prepare the "tools" and go over and over what the plans are for the scene
<victoria_angel{Flint}> really? you 'tell'
<victoria_angel{Flint}> where is the aspect of surprize?
* que`sarah happily cedes the chair to BernieRoehl
* BernieRoehl smiles
* BernieRoehl puts vitamin E cream on Sarah's poor sunburned back
<BernieRoehl> I understand we're discussing ramping up [BernieRoehl:#bdsm-kw PING]
* Kilted_One wonders who victoria_angel{Flint} ?? was for??
<Kilted_One> Bernie, we are getting up to that
* BernieRoehl chuckles
<BernieRoehl> Ramping up to ramping up, eh?
<rhiannon{KO}> lol
* BernieRoehl looks back in the scroll over Sarah's bright red shoulder
<Stevius> lol BernieRoehl
<victoria_angel{Flint}> sorry, KO, for You, i was just a bit surprized that You would discuss the scene in advance,
<victoria_angel{Flint}> how does that feel rhi?
<Kilted_One> I dont I think you may have mis read what I said....I discuss where we are and where we want to we get there is not discussed at all
<rhiannon{KO}> He doesn't go over it with me vic. i thing He is reflecting in His own mind what He will be doing.
<BernieRoehl> I sometimes discuss a scene in advance, if it's going to go in a direction other than my partner may be expecting
<SirVival> Hey all.
<victoria_angel{Flint}> fine, i thought i really was missing something there
<BernieRoehl> More often than not, I let things come as a surprise :)
<Stevius> KO, is your ritual important to get into Dom space, or are you already there
<BernieRoehl> I find that ritual is useful for both myself and my partner
<Kilted_One> I dont really know what "Dom space means"...I focus on the events about to unfold...go over safety..go over equipment..go over what could go wrong and ensure that there is a plan to handle it.....that sort of thing
<BernieRoehl> It helps to clear my mind in preparation for a scene
<BernieRoehl> And rituals can, of course, be satisfying in themselves [BernieRoehl:#bdsm-kw PING]
<victoria_angel{Flint}> can we discuss rituals then - what do Dom/mes do or expect
<rhiannon{KO}> they sure can be..
<BernieRoehl> I find that it varies a lot, depending on the people involved
* Kilted_One agrees 100% with that comment about rituals as he lives a very ritualistic lifstyle
* rhiannon{KO} and Master's ritual puts her in the right head space for what is about to happen..
<BernieRoehl> Every scene has some elements of ritual to it, depending on what we mean by "ritual"
* rhiannon{KO} thinks the ritual is just as important as the "play".
<BernieRoehl> Even an over-the-knee spanking involves a series of steps, always performed in the same sequence each time -- that's one definition of a ritual
<Stevius> are there absolute or common rituals, or does everyone make up their own
<Kilted_One> I think too many focus on the "percussion play" as the only "play"....but we have had great scenes that there has been no spanking/slappin/floggin but has been rich in rituals....
<BernieRoehl> From having the submissive stand contritely while being lectured for her misdeeds, to positioning her, raising the skirt, and so on and ending (perhaps) with some time in the corner
* BernieRoehl agrees with KO
* BLiSs301 would love to see those kinds of things at play parties
<BernieRoehl> For example, I have Sarah remove my shoes when we enter the house together, and put them on when we leave
* rhiannon{KO} smiles to her Master, remember some of those scenes.
<BernieRoehl> A small ritual, but one which helps define the relationship between us
<victoria_angel{Flint}> hee, hee, i guess underware (or lack there of at time) constitutes a ritual under those terms....
<Stevius> I would too, BLiSs301
* rhiannon{KO} thinks ritual are a very important part of a D/s relationship.
<Kilted_One> as you say Bernie these rituals can be simply a set of events that are repeated each time that scene is performed....what to wear, how it is worn, what is said, where it is said what position it has to be said in that sort of thing
<BernieRoehl> Exactly. And there can be many small rituals that become part of your everyday lives.
<Kilted_One> what things Bliss??
<BLiSs301> ritualized
<Kilted_One> rhiannon and I do it every time we play
* rhiannon{KO} nods, i cannot imagine starting a scene without first completing our ritual.a
<Kilted_One> I guess the thing is there is not the same "in your face" with most rituals as there is with say floggin so it is harder to spot or even realize what you are seeing
<BLiSs301> i havent attended that many play parties but the ones i have attended i have seen 98% percussive play
<BLiSs301> and not the only-ritual scenes you're talking about
<Kilted_One> our ritual starts with what clothin has to be worn (or not worn) and that is even before we enter the event
<victoria_angel{Flint}> i guess what i was asking about 'rituals' was beyond the tasks that a submissive does, whether naturally or not, but maybe more specific examples of expectations of Dom/mes,
<victoria_angel{Flint}> exactly KO, those types of things
<BLiSs301> kilted one said: but we have had great scenes that there has been no spanking/slappin/floggin but has been rich in rituals....
<BLiSs301> i'd love to see that
<BernieRoehl> I think the reason that percussive play tends to be so predominant at play parties is that many other forms of play are not effective (or in some cases, permitted) at public or semi-public events
<Stevius> so most rituals are subtle, or kept private..makes them hard to see
<BernieRoehl> And of course, percussive play is generally more interesting to watch
<BernieRoehl> Yes, exactly Stevius
<Kilted_One> we have performed a ritual scene in the middle of a field that had more spiritual effect on both of us than any flogging scene that we have done
<rhiannon{KO}> some rituals are too private, and personal to do at a play party..
* rhiannon{KO} smiles. a beautiful spiritual ritual that moves U/us so very strongly...
<Kilted_One> but to answer victoria_angel{Flint}...I come up with the rituals in most cases...and I inact them with rhiannon...
<Kilted_One> some are very simple some are very intense and some take a few mins and some take much longer....
<BLiSs301> where would you suggest a newbie dom get inspiration for rituals?
<victoria_angel{Flint}> is it out of place for a sub to create a ritual
<Stevius> I do think there is room for some rituals in the public (or semi-public) sphere
<rhiannon{KO}> not at all..
<BernieRoehl> I think it's something that can be developed by Dom and sub collaboratively, with the Dom defining the ritual itself based on thoughts and input from their submissive
<Kilted_One> beleive it or not I have gotten a lot of inspiration from Gor....and from other BDSM books
<BernieRoehl> Some rituals develop organically, from things that the submissive (or in some cases, the Dom) do instinctively
<BernieRoehl> Books are a great resource, and of course one can be inspired by things one sees others doing
<Kilted_One> an example of a simple but very powerful ritual that we completed and still do was.....rhiannon was instucted to meet me for the very first time (at 1:30AM in Tims parkin lot) and repeat a ritual that would seal our relationship together...would you care to repeat it rhiannon??
<rhiannon{KO}> my name is rhiannon, and i cast this spell, one off goodness and greatness, may KevlOden and rhiannon be one...
<rhiannon{KO}> off=of.
* Kilted_One smiles
* BernieRoehl nods
<rhiannon{KO}> and boy....did i cast one hell of a speall..hehehe
<rhiannon{KO}> spell even....(can't type tonight)
<BernieRoehl> The power of ritual is something that we tend to overlook far too often
<Kilted_One> and we have since built and added to that ritual but it still forms the basis of a lot of what we are and what we do
<Kilted_One> and instructs rhiannon that her Master is Kelvoden not KevlOden <eg>
* BernieRoehl smiles at rhiannon{KO}'s errant fingers
<rhiannon{KO}> lol sorry Master, the fingers are not working too well tonight..
<Kilted_One> Bliss is there some things that inspire you give you thoughts that help focus your energy?...that is where your efforts should be directed if you want to harness that energy in the form of a ritual
<BLiSs301> i wasnt asking for me Kilted_One :)
<Kilted_One> then reverse what I said
<BLiSs301> :)
<Kilted_One> lautir fo mrof eth ni ygrene....
* Peaches`` yawns
* BLiSs301 holds up her mirror
<Kilted_One> if the mind is the biggest sex organ that we have is it not important to play up to it and use it??
<victoria_angel{Flint}> got ya KO
<rhiannon{KO}> so very true Master.
<Kilted_One> the fear the dread the anticipation of something is in most cases stronger that the act itself so study that and harness what you can of it
<BernieRoehl> Well, I see by the clock on my screen that we have about five minutes left in the discussion.
<BernieRoehl> Does anyone have any other thoughts on rituals, or any other questions for that matter?
<rhiannon{KO}> for the sub who's Master does not use rituals, don't be afraid to create some of your own and show your Master/Dom, chances are He will be impressed..;)
* que`sarah agrees wholeheartedly with rhiannon{KO}
* BernieRoehl agrees as well
<{autumn}U> sometimes im afraid to start something like that in fear of it not being an ongoing thing which would lead to a lil let down sorta
<{autumn}U> if you know what i mean
<{autumn}U> if it meant more to me than Him
<rhiannon{KO}> then do it for yourself...explain to Him that it is important..and ask for permission to keep doing it, once He sees how important it is for you, He may understand..
<BernieRoehl> If you talk about it to your Master first, autumn (before investing too much of your time and energy in it) I'm sure he'll appreciate it
* BernieRoehl notes the time
<rhiannon{KO}> but if she shows Him the energy, while introducing them to Him it may have more impact.
<BernieRoehl> Well, it's time for us to wrap up the formal part of the discussion. I'll process and upload the log.
<{autumn}U> yes, this is true....
<BernieRoehl> Thanks to everyone who participated, and a special thanks to my lovely Sarah who filled in for me before I arrived
* BernieRoehl gives Sarah a kiss
<Kilted_One> thanks sarah and Bernie....