May 1, 2005 EhBC Online Discussion

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<ModBot> Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. Tonight's discussion topic is "Balancing D/s and Real Life". The discussion is unmoderated. Enjoy!
<fierydezires> Greetings A/all
<paperclip[B]> :)
<cailinnn> smiles
* nightmans sit's down next to Titan and watching chat
<Omy> SO to start this ball rolling..what are some of the issues in Balancing D/s and R/l folks have been having?
* fierydezires pokes nightmans as he walks by
<Titan> lol
* nightmans ouch
<fierydezires> lol
<Titan> price of bus tickets went up
<nightmans> when topic at work or outher place get a little twisted few thing can slip out
<Omy> One of my issues has been balancing my personal/work life. Being self employed I've put in over 300 hrs in April. Just about everyone is ticked at me
<paperclip[B]> not having kids myself, i wonder how a D/s relationship works when there are children around.
<krista-F> rut roh
* minxy nods
<fierydezires> the issues i have been having are children and medical issues that have been detering
<krista-F> i can get next to those medical things....being a woman of advanced years
<Omy> Yes fierydezires I can appreciate slave came down with a case of shingles about 10 days ago
<krista-F> submission and menopause are not a really compatable mix
<Omy> We had to put everything on hold and concentrate on getting her healthy
<fierydezires> well my problem is balancing medical problems and dealing with family issues and still trying to keep up witht he lifestly some have a hard time dealing with both at time
<Omy> You have to take care of your health...if you don't you have nothing
<fierydezires> shingles are a very painful condition
<fierydezires> yes i know that for sure Omy
<Ausage> I consider D/s a normal part of my life... What I have observed over the years is that when my relationships are not doing well, my D/s life is not either... If the relaitonshops (work, love, family, commuity) are healthy, my D/s life is too
<Omy> I've found there are always family issues of some kind or the other. I've found that I can ignore them for a bit..the serious ones always seem to rise to the top
<dragon-fly> Ausage.. i seem to have found exactly the opposite ... it seems to be either or for me ..
<dragon-fly> i am however attempting to change that outcome
<minxy> For me, it's work that interferes. i'm not working, and He works ALL the time.
<dragon-fly> i am certain that there has to be an achievable balance somewhere.. just finding it is a challenge
<kierana{DRFL}> some days i find there is more D/s than other's always there, just sometimes in the background, humming away
<Omy> Work will always interfere...nothing we can do about that but try to manage...there will be periods where you HAVE to work..and other you COULD work. I try to ensure that those COULD periods are balanced with the other areas of my life
<krista-F> that is how it is for me a backdrop to my existance....
<paperclip[B]> i honestly don't put much thought into it. it's just something i do and part of who i am. the only time i really have to watch myself is around my family. i'm pretty open about this stuff so even some people at work know.
<nightmans> i have talked to one sub where one of her frend kid's was spanking her and calling her back in front of many ppl and trying to get aroused
<nightmans> not get
<kierana{DRFL}> there are ways to be D/s even with family and kids around...little things, like serving your One first
<Omy> With me being a High Protocol Dominant, we haven't had too much trouble keeping the pilot light going. It also helps that sultry doesn't ahve to leave for work until 9:30 that gives us a hour most mornings
<shadoe> am i too late to ask for a description of a high protocol dominant?
<nightmans> i was woundering that my self
<Titan> nay think 40 mins left
<`abi{A}> it's never too late to light that gernade shadoe ;)
<`abi{A}> grenade
* Ausage smiles at `abi{A}
<Omy> Out of the context of the topic tonight shadoe, but you can PM me at 10
<Sweet1`> I think it is important to the discussion...after all, how do you balance high protocol with real life?
<shadoe> umm.. i don't think so you've used the term in relevance to the discussion tonight
<shadoe> i dont think asking for clarification is for naught
<Omy> Let me try a short sentence version...We use protocols and rituals to keep the spark alive
<nightmans> thnak you Omy
<shadoe> i see.. and what would you describe those protocols and rituals as?
<shadoe> i'm sorry..i'm truly late.. so am trying to catch up
<shadoe> quick answers are greatly appreciated
<Ausage> Protocols and rituals are part of all "normal" activities... they are the lubrication of society
<Omy> Not sure I'm following you shadoe.
<shadoe> Ausage.. are you suggesting we aren't any different than any other sect of society?
<Ausage> What exactly are the D/s High Protocols varies from person to person, region to region
<Ausage> Exactly shadoe... the fundations of our life style are same as the foundations of all life styles
<shadoe> well Omy... you are saying you use protocol and rituals to keep the spark alive.. how is that different than any other walk of life? All walks of life have a certain set of mores that they follow.
* nightmans think where geting off topic
<shadoe> Ausage.. perfect.. thank you
<Omy> There are differences shadoe...and they can't be discussed here...we are drifting off topic
<shadoe> ah.. well then please direct me back
<`abi{A}> actually, it's quite on the rituals of D/s conflict with r/l?
<Sweet1`> not really Omy, it is relevant as to how you balance them with real life
<Ausage> What I said earlier is that when the non D/s parts of my life (which are actually D/s) are in balance, everything is in balance
<MasterGuny> I know my rituals don't they just enhance my life
<Omy> There is no conflict abi
<shadoe> it's about rituals and the lifestyle.. no? and i'm suggesting that all lifestyles have their own set of rituals... ergo.. we aren't that unique
<Sweet1`> how do you accomplish that Omy?
<Omy> The protocols may change...for example...sultry always walks on my left
<`abi{A}> certainly not unique in the fact that we have rituals shadoe...but perhaps the rituals differ?
<nightmans> that would be a good one Omy
<Omy> however, if her daughter is around, she'll serve me first with both hands...if it's just her and me, she's on her knees
<shadoe> yep they do abi.. that's the best part
* `abi{A} thinks aurelle is too tall to be tyne ;)
<aurelle> rofl
<Titan> whos who lol
<`abi{A}> I'd agree shadoe ...but given that they differ...does that create a conflict?
<shadoe> okay.. Himself and i have a ton of rituals.. but i can bet if we weren't in this lifestyle.. i'd still by leaving a thermos of tea beside his side of the bed every morning before i left for work
<Omy> If it's creatign conflict then maybe the details of the protocol or ritual needs to be examined
<`abi{A}> do you have any rituals that you wouldn't likely have if you weren't D/s?
<shadoe> that's not a lifestyle ritual.. that's a dominant personality and a submissive personality.. working out their mutual arrangement together
<shadoe> some people live like that their entire life without the label
<Ausage> Question: Is D/s lifestyle not real life... and if it his how can it conflict with real life?
<MasterGuny> I agree with you shadoe my mom and dad actually had Ds rituals but never new about the lifestyle
<jewel`{F}> good question Ausage
<shadoe> exactly Guny
<kierana{DRFL}> same here Master parents were/are D/s without the labels
<krista-F> same mother being the Domme
<shadoe> so maybe it all boils down to relationship dynamics
<shadoe> as opposed to lifestyle
<Ausage> When I was raising children.. when they were small... the parent/child relationship was 24/7 TPE
<kierana{DRFL}> it could be shadoe
<shadoe> and sometimes you just figure out you belong in the lifestyle
<Omy> To answer your question Ausage, D/s is r/l for sultry and is not for her when together with her..the D/s aspects have to be put away
<shadoe> but y'know... the kids figure it out
<jewel`{F}> Omy are they really put away or are the expectations of things just kept realistic enough so that you and she always know the contorl is there?
<kierana{DRFL}> my daughter lives with Uus full time, but that doesn't mean all aspects of Oour D/s lifestyle has to's there
<shadoe> my son found my online journal the other day
<Ausage> Is it the D/s aspects or the adult sexual aspects that need to be put away?
<kierana{DRFL}> or the play aspects?
<MasterGuny> I don't put them away besides the behind close doors rituals maria does them and the kids just know she takes care of me it is nothing overt
<Omy> The innocence of her daughter is proetced at all they are put away say..95%
<aurelle> young children are very influential and i think it is a delicate balance to teach them to make their own decisions and be confident in themselves and their opinions/ideas...yet at the same time continue to live much of D/s around them
<Ausage> I believe that all relationships are a D/s power exchange, from my relationship with God... to the the girl at the check out counter
<nightmans> true
<kierana{DRFL}> very true, Ausage
<`abi{A}> perhaps, but not all of them are consensual ... does that impact how we balance them?
<shadoe> ?? gawd?
<woe> ok, I'll pop in now as a mother. As a parent I want to share my values and ethics with my children, I want them to learn and live the same morality as I, for they are what I carry on in the world.
<woe> were I to have a d/s "lifestyle" then I would have to share it with my children
<shadoe> how old are your children woe?
<Ausage> I was never my children's friend or equal... I was their parent.. when they were born, they were totally dependant and I has unlimited power of them, or rather power limited only by my own ethics and morals...
<woe> I would have to tell them why I think it is best - much like sharing my dietary habits and my religion
<woe> shadoe - I'm being hypothetical
<shadoe> ah..okay.. thanks
<woe> it doesn't matter how old they are, what I've brought them up with is my vision of right and wrong
<Ausage> As they grew the relationship and the power imbalance changed until they became indepenant...
<shadoe> well.. it does matter woe
<shadoe> if they are 10.. you aren't telling them much
<shadoe> if they are 17 and angst ridden.. you have to be even more careful
<woe> why does it matter - they start off as newborns and they grow to fully independent adults
<shadoe> when they hit 19. .. you can start sharing a very SMALL bit
<woe> I cultivate that relationship the entire way through
<shadoe> woe.. if you havent had a child.. then you cant opine
<woe> no, if I were to have a d/s lifestyle and if I believed that to be right and good, then they would have to be aware of it
<shadoe> children come with their own personality
<`abi{A}> 'independent' would suggest that they determine their own morals and ethics...and I'm not sure that D/s qualifies as a morality choice anyway
<shadoe> and you have to understand it and respect it
<woe> shadoe I assure you I have many children
<`abi{A}> there is certainly nothing 'immoral' about a vanilla lifestyle
<woe> for instance... I am a nudist
<woe> that is something that I am
<woe> and I have never hidden nudity from my children
<woe> I was a vegetarian for a long time, and they too were fed vegetarian foods
<woe> these are the things I do, the things I believe in, and what constitutes my lifestyle, and if it were d/s then I would have to share it too
<shadoe> why would you do that? why would you feed your children vegetarian meals? what if they are carvivors?
<woe> I don't believe they are
<shadoe> you don't know that
<Ausage> Children don't get the choice...
<shadoe> some people are born vegetarians
<woe> What part of "I BELIEVE" don't you get?
<shadoe> some are born carnivors
<aymelek{D}> my son is full grown (26 yrs old) and fully aware of my choice of lifestyle, the the rest of my family is not
<shadoe> some are born submissive or dominant
<shadoe> why are you imposing your shit on them?
<Marlin> my son thinks I go bowling a lot
<shadoe> since when do kids dont get the choice?
<krista-F> LOL
<shadoe> what kind of wrong is that?
* `abi{A} resists the temptation to make ball jokes
<Ausage> All children are born omnivores
<woe> the law states that they do not until they are 18
<Titan> 5 or 10 pin?
<Marlin> lol
<Marlin> neither
<woe> children are born into society - and that society is first learned through their home and family
<Titan> chuckle
<shadoe> ooo puleeeeze
<shadoe> fuck the state and 18 thing
<woe> and the beliefs of the home and family are the basis of their character development
<shadoe> my daughter at age 13 wouldn't eat anything beyond lettuce
<shadoe> was i supposed to beat her to eat it?
<shadoe> ergo.. should i subject her to MY life?
<woe> your parenting issues aren't my concern
<shadoe> i think not
<Ausage> No... but you could let her starve
* Marlin wonders what Jeff Dalhmer's parents weaned him on?
<paperclip[B]> lol
<woe> the point I'm making is that if D/'s is what people live and believe to be right, then why are they hiding it from their children?
<aymelek{D}> not all of us do
<aurelle> eating habits and BDSM are two very different things
<Ausage> My kids were never forced to eat the food on the table... they were allowed to go to bed hungry
<shadoe> they don't need to hide it.. but they don't need to impose it either
<shadoe> i never hid it
<woe> if people do not do so, then it isn't a lifestyle
<Marlin> would you let your young children witness you making love?
<shadoe> but i never expected them to endorse, accept or embrace it either
<Omy> You have sex in front of your 5 year old woe?
<Ausage> Actually that is D/s...
<woe> you can't be a lifestyle nudist if you're hiding it from your children - where the hell are you going naked?
<kierana{DRFL}> not hiding it, but there are some aspects of bdsm that are much too mature for a child to witness
<shadoe> we arent talking nudism here woe
<woe> we're not talking about sex are we? We're talking about "lifestyle"!!!
<woe> it's a good analogy, so is vegetarianism and religion
<woe> they are lifestyles too
<shadoe> oh puleeze
<woe> what is a lifestyle?
<woe> look it up
<woe> do you know how to use a dictionary?
<Omy> ohhh and sex is not part of a lifestyle?
<`abi{A}> well, since I don't believe in dragging my children to church, I certainly don't feel compelled to bring them to a fetnight
<shadoe> woe.. get a grip
<Ausage> In a good old fashion "vanilla" family, when dad said jump, everyone jumped... or he took them to the woodshed for a thrashing... isn't that BDSM
<shadoe> we can't all expect roses in our family life
<woe> lol
<shadoe> we can share with our children "who" we are
<`abi{A}> no, that's paternalism Ausage
<shadoe> and they accept or don't accept
<woe> I make roses in mine
<shadoe> righto
<woe> there is a difference between a lifestyle and a hobby
<shadoe> well y'all have a party honey..
<woe> do you think you're bothering me?
* woe grins
<shadoe> err.. no..nor do i care
<woe> good, then stop talking to me because I find that you have nothing but derogatory things to say to me
<woe> and if that's all you have to say, then it's not lending anything to the conversation
<shadoe> ah.. well that's not my intent.. i'm trying to talk about real life experiences
<Marlin> lets get back to the nudism thingy
<kierana{DRFL}> lol
<paperclip[B]> lol
<shadoe> quite frankly i find you very intelligent and articulate
* LordScott- listens
<LordScott-> what were you talking about
<Marlin> now are there other sports or is it just all volleyball like in the mags?
<paperclip[B]> omg lol
<shadoe> if you dont choose to articulate on that level, then i'm disappointed
<Omy> It's not a matter woe of hiding a, honor, integrity, respect..those are part of my lifestyle that is shared with sultry's daughter
<LordScott-> there's a whole genre of pics that have become more prevelant in nudism area
<Omy> However, there are aspects of my lifestyle that she can't emotionally handle. Those areas are what she is not privy to
<ModBot> There are only about five minutes left in the formal part of tonight's discussion. Does anyone have any last-minute thoughts on the subject?
* Marlin imagines sliding into home base on a suicide squeeze play in his all natural might be a problem
<LordScott-> CFnm photos
<Marlin> just attempting some levity LordScott-
<paperclip[B]> what parts do you share that you believe she can handle Omy?
<LordScott-> Clothed Female naked male
<LordScott-> ah
<krista-F> and might i say no one does it as well as you Marlin Sir
<Omy> trust, honor, integrity, respect
<Marlin> well thankyou krista
<Marlin> do I send the cheque to the same address?
<Marlin> hehe
<paperclip[B]> and in what form does she observe these attributes Omy?
<Omy> those aspects see is shown
<krista-F> oh ya...but quick unempolyed now ya know
<Marlin> me too
<Omy> In my dealings with her and her conversations that we have
<paperclip[B]> ah
<Marlin> if this thing we do is a lifestyle others have no other way of looking at us, if its a choice it may be hidden
<Omy> when I say I'm goign to do something for her..I do it...I never lie to her....I treat her and her stuff with respect
<krista-F> i still think we should go on the road Marlin Sir......i could be your straight man
<paperclip[B]> :)
<Marlin> sure but I will smoke cigars and call you Gracie
<krista-F> ok...:)
<krista-F> im old enough for sure
<kierana{DRFL}> Omy...that is how it should be Master is with my "angel"
<Omy> What I don't understand is why soem people think it is complicated
<paperclip[B]> yeah
<Marlin> Im with you there Omy
<Ausage> Here is a though... when I am out on Pride day in my chaps with my naked ass handing out and a topless girl on each arm... tourists with the 8-10 children will as us to pose for a picture with... what needs to be hidden???
<ModBot> Well, that's it for the formal part of the discussion. The discussion log is now closed. It should be processed and uploaded to the website soon. Please feel free to continue chatting informally. Have a good night, everyone!
<ModBot> Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion.
<Marlin> not all are comfortable with themselves Ausage