April 6, 2003 EhBC Online Discussion

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<ModBot> Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. Tonight's discussion topic is "When You Want to Do Something and It Squicks Your Partner". The discussion is unmoderated. Enjoy!
<Justice> well, congrats then Lix
<Symmetre{t}> evening folks ... you too, ModBot
<becky> hi Symmetre{t}
<Symmetre{t}> :)
* Kilted_One removes the channel gag so that everyone can talk
<Lixil> lol Kilted_One..
<Kilted_One> so no one has been squicked by something that their partner wanted to do??
* Symmetre{t} is the squicker ... not the squickee
<Lixil> I have never had any sub.. be squickish.. as long before I allow him to serve me.. all my cards are on the table..and we decide if we are compatible..
<Kilted_One> do you think that it is a bad thing to have your partner squicked?? Could it not be a positive thing??
<rose{MD}> Positive in getting to know likes and dislikes Sir
<Lixil> it could only be a positive thing.. if it's something he wishes to explore .. and perhaps get over .. otherwise.. it could just hurt the relationship..
<Kilted_One> what if it is simply pushing their limits??
<_dove> If they are agreeable, i guess it could be a positive thing?
<Bedlam> hmm, how are you all doing?
<Lixil> pushing limits is always a good thing... but for some.. limits are absolute and can not be touched..
<earl{MS}> has anyone here had their limits pushed?
<Kilted_One> any thoughts on what a person could do to "unsquick" their partner so that the desire could be tried out??
<_dove> yes earl
<drauma{MzTyger}> pulled, not pushed
<BernieRoehl> I try to expand my own limits as a Dom, and playing with new partners is one way of doing that
<earl{MS}> Kilted_One, compromise
<Lixil> what would you consider to be a play that is squirkish to you.. BernieRoehl?
<drauma{MzTyger}> mmm, well, consider figgery
<BernieRoehl> Several things, Lixil
<BernieRoehl> Needles
<BernieRoehl> Scat
<drauma{MzTyger}> someone here mentioned it, and gave a URL
<BernieRoehl> Bloodsports
<BernieRoehl> Anything involving blood or piercing the skin pretty well squicks me, as does scat.
<Lixil> are these things you would try.. or not do.. because they make you squirkish as well.. BernieRoehl.. or are you open to trying them at least once?
<Symmetre{t}> sometimes just threatening things that you know will squick your partner is enough to get their attention. Of course you better be prepared to follow through if push comes to shove. Enemas do it for most
<drauma{MzTyger}> not all
<Symmetre{t}> no, not all .... everyone is different
<drauma{MzTyger}> women are probably a lot more familiar with enemas than guys
<_dove> Different things affect people differently
<Symmetre{t}> point is, if you have something that you know will squick your sub .... it can have power
<BernieRoehl> I may work myself up to them someday. For a long time, anything involving sharps was something I would avoid. Now I enjoy knifeplay, and have lately been exploring the use of various sharp pointy things.
<Lixil> bloodsports do tend to make many feel squickish..
<drauma{MzTyger}> with some good reasons, blood-born disease is a serious thing
<Lixil> true.. drauma{MzTyger}..
* BernieRoehl agrees with drauma{MzTyger}, though even sterile needles and all the precautions in the world wouldn't keep me from being squicked!
<Kilted_One> so is bleeding to death
<Lixil> many stay away from.. bloodsports.. scat play.. golden nectar play.. rainbow play..
<drauma{MzTyger}> beyond that question, well, I have had to remove many spliters from myself, and dont hesitate to do surgery of that kind
<drauma{MzTyger}> splinters
<Symmetre{t}> lol KO
<_dove> What is rainbow play please?
<Lixil> rainbow play is a nice term for playing with or consuming.. vomit..
<drauma{MzTyger}> yet, I dont like the idea of doing needle play, tho I did do moms insulin injectinos for her
<_dove> Thank You
<Lixil> your welcome.. _dove
<_dove> i'm a little lost as to why one would want to squick their partners
<Lixil> to see how far their partner may be willing to submit.. perhaps.. _dove
<drauma{MzTyger}> perhpas one doesnt
<Lixil> perhaps it's just to see how perverted.. the Dominant is.. and to discover his/her own limits..
<_dove> i suppose...... it could have a very negative effect too though, no?
<drauma{MzTyger}> if one partner gets the impression the other has to go in a squicky directino, and is unwilling to follow, yes, could be a problem
<Lixil> of course.. pushin beyond the partners own limits.. or just getting too icky.. to be consider'd safe..
<drauma{MzTyger}> but, thre are other not-so-icky things that squick
<_dove> i can only speak for myself.... if i'm worried about being taken where i'm uncomfortable, then i am on my guard, so to speak
<drauma{MzTyger}> play in public is a problem for some
<drauma{MzTyger}> in private for others
<drauma{MzTyger}> I am not comfortable submitting to a man
<Symmetre{t}> neither am I, drauma{MzTyger}
<drauma{MzTyger}> but, if I know MzTyger, or some other trusted Domme is supervising, then its different
<drauma{MzTyger}> not submission exactly
<_dove> What is not submission, drauma{MzTyger}?
<drauma{MzTyger}> its si dufferent from the submissives viewpoint, we need to be led sometimes, maybe even bribed, but we want to trust
<drauma{MzTyger}> ah, well, I submit to MzTyger's will that I should be playing wiht the person of her choice, no to that person, not exactly
<drauma{MzTyger}> for a submissive to lead the Dominant, that has to be done very delicatly, URL's in email, books left out with marks in them...
<drauma{MzTyger}> hints in fiction and diarys
<yummy> why not just outright tell the Dom what it is that you would like?
<drauma{MzTyger}> some dont allow that
<drauma{MzTyger}> dig in their heels
<_dove> That would worry me
<drauma{MzTyger}> attitude thing
<yummy> saying what you would like politely to me is less manipulative than doing the hint hint thing
<krista-F> Greetings A/all
<drauma{MzTyger}> yes, but, 'sounds interesting, maybe...'
<Dion_ysus> Hi A/all
<Bedlam> hey Dion_ysus
<drauma{MzTyger}> is the risk, placing enough information at the Dominants disposal helps them to get hooked
<yummy> true
<Bedlam> how common is knife play in the scene?
<yummy> the real risk might be they love it... careful what you wish for and all that...
<drauma{MzTyger}> :-)
<drauma{MzTyger}> yes
<drauma{MzTyger}> more common than I thought
<drauma{MzTyger}> a loving Domme who does not do pain at all uses knives for sensation play
<Bedlam> it intrigues me... as a lot of purely SM shit does. can't say i'm too interested in teh D/s aspect at this point
<yummy> i'd say fairly common.. but most i think separate knife play and cutting into two different types of play
<drauma{MzTyger}> yes
<drauma{MzTyger}> cutting is different from the feel of cold steel
<Bedlam> well, i'll have to say cutting then
<drauma{MzTyger}> cut me not pleasee
<Bedlam> it's cool, i hadn't planned on it
<drauma{MzTyger}> that was rhetorical
<Bedlam> so was what i said
<drauma{MzTyger}> nods
<drauma{MzTyger}> I work wiht sharp-edged tools a lot, nicks n cuts a plenty, dont want it in play
<drauma{MzTyger}> *shudders*
<Bedlam> i still can't see what people get out of berating their partners. i'm not saying it doesn't have it's worth, it's just not something that particularly does it for me
<Bedlam> it's not even that i feel guilty for it, i just feel like a ham
<drauma{MzTyger}> :-)
<_dove> Some people get a lot of pleasure out of that, others don't
<drauma{MzTyger}> I dont understand what submissives get out of humiliation play, not my thing either
<drauma{MzTyger}> but everyonce in a while I do self-deprication, and it feels good then
<Bedlam> i know one guy, humiliation is about the only thing he is into... i verbally beat him down out of being nice to him, but i really can't stand it for the most part
<Bedlam> yeah, i can see the self-effacing shit as being good.
<drauma{MzTyger}> I guess you gotta know its done with love or somthing like that
<Bedlam> i seem to be a switch, and that is something i can see the value of... more dom than anything it looks like so far, thoguh
<drauma{MzTyger}> brb, food
<Bedlam> aye aye
<Bedlam> is your last name Fiskvaten?
<Symmetre{t}> what you have to understand Bedlam, is that there is a world of difference between humiliation and simply berating someone or beating them down
<ModBot> There are only about five minutes left in the formal part of tonight's discussion. Does anyone have any last-minute thoughts on the subject?
<drauma{MzTyger}> vast fish?!?
<Symmetre{t}> one hits a submissive where they live, pushing that secret button that doesn't exactly squick them, but does make them squirm and recognize that you have some level of control to manipulate their feelings. The other is noting more than mindless abuse
<Bedlam> i am aware of that... as i said, i have engaged in it in a limited manner over irc... it's just not something that does much for me
<drauma{MzTyger}> pulling someone towards the honey pot is a lot easier than throwing them into the thorn bushes
<Symmetre{t}> to do it well while looking them in the eyes isn't easy
<Symmetre{t}> but the rewards are more than worthwhile
<ModBot> Well, that's it for the formal part of the discussion. The discussion log is now closed. It should be processed and uploaded to the www.ehbc.ca website soon. Please feel free to continue chatting informallly. Have a good night, everyone!
<ModBot> Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion.
<Symmetre{t}> anyone can hurl verbal abuse