March 21, 2004 EhBC Online Discussion
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<ModBot> Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. Tonight's discussion topic is "Newbie Night -- Bring Your Questiosn!". The discussion is unmoderated. Enjoy!
<jewel`{F}> hey ModBot welcome back, nice vacation?
* BernieRoehl smiles and gives ModBot a bot-treat
* BernieRoehl looks around
<BernieRoehl> Not sure if we have any real "newbies" around, but everyone please feel free to ask questions
<twiceshy> i consider myself a newbie still
<BernieRoehl> Excellent, twiceshy. Anything you want to ask about?
<twiceshy> actually im wanting to know more on basic Protcals
<twiceshy> for someone that really has had no experience with Protacal at all
* BernieRoehl nods
* BernieRoehl points out that there'll be a workshop on Protocol in June, in London
<DarkAngel^{a}> Basic Protocol = respect
<BernieRoehl> I think it's safe to say that there are no universally-accepted rules of protocol
<jewel`{F}> i find basic manners never go a miss
<`abi> remember everything your grandmother taught you except the part about clean underwear
<_dove> lol
<BernieRoehl> However, as DA says, respect is an excellent starting point, and (as jewel says) basic manners
<BernieRoehl> Treat everyone with courtesy and respect, and you won't go wrong
<twiceshy> well i know some Doms exspect to be called Sir at all times no matter what im always respectful but just wondering should on get inthe habit of refering to all Doms as Sir and all Dommes as Ma'am?
<BernieRoehl> I don't think anyone will ever have a problem with being called Sir or Ma'am, and if they would prefer to be addressed more casually, they'll (politely) say so
<shareena> I don't refer to any Dom as Sir
<BernieRoehl> As in "please feel free to call me Bernie"
<DarkAngel^{a}> some feel everyone has to first earn it ,, others feel it is best to offer respect untill a person proved they dont deserve it
<twiceshy> so then it cant hurt ti get in the habit of saying Sir or Ma'am at all times
<BernieRoehl> By the same token, I think it's poor form for anyone to *expect* to be addressed that way
* arhiannah prefers to address any Doms she respects with a squeal & a hug *g*
<shareena> lol
<DarkAngel^{a}> lol
<BernieRoehl> That's certainly my opinion on it, twiceshy
<_dove> twiceshy...... i rarely use Sir or Ma'am, and i don't think i've been considered rude
* BernieRoehl smiles at arhiannah and gives her a hug
<yummy> one can be polite enough so that the person being addressed has no idea if they are respected or not.. its a great social skill esp at work
<shareena> me either _dove. I have never had a Dom I respect tell me I should call him Sir
* arhiannah gives Bernie a lil squeal & a squeeze
<shareena> or a Domme tell me I should call her Ma'am
<Sweet1`> basic respect goes along way here without having to address unknowns as Sir or Ma'am
* BernieRoehl smiles at arhiannah
<twiceshy> _dove i try my best at all times to be polite and very respectful
<PoE> ello all
<FuriousAngel> i have found i refer to some as Sir after i've known them a little, and they 'feel' like a Sir...whatever that means.
<DarkAngel^{a}> IMO ,, if a single sub is interested in attracting a Dom/me who practices D/s (or a variant that they are interested in) ,,, it might be best to be actively seen as having such basic Protocols ,, as address,, respect,, politness ,,,
* BernieRoehl nods
<halo8> eh
<DarkAngel^{a}> not to say of course that you allow assholes to Dom you ,, lol
<jewel`{F}> FuriousAngel i think it just means that you are feeling more comfortable with them and respect them as a Dominant
<shareena> why is that DarkAngel^{a}?
<twiceshy> DarkAngel^{a} Sir that sorta how i was looking at it ** being a single sub and all *
* PoE would respectfully submit that using protocols for address such as sir ma'am are the lubrication that make difficult social interaction more fluidly possible.
* twiceshy tried to keep the brat in check at all times
<BernieRoehl> Certainly good manners are one of the things that many Doms look for in a submissive
<DarkAngel^{a}> why would a single sub wish to attract a Dom/me who shared their interest in D/s shareena ? .... lol ,, I think that answers itself
<shareena> lol...no that is not what I meant
* BernieRoehl agrees with PoE, and points out that there's no such thing as "too much lube"
<PoE> Exactly
<DarkAngel^{a}> lol
<BernieRoehl> So, anything else on the subject of protocol?
<DarkAngel^{a}> sure there is ,,, on the sheets
<PoE> and more over, using formalities with those that dont 'deserve them' all one has to do is up the level of scorn/sarcasm in their voice and the formal address becomes all the more biting
<twiceshy> lol
<arhiannah> eww...the cold wet spot
<shareena> i have met BernieRoehl and DarkAngel^{a} but have never called them Sir. I don't think it made our social interaction more difficult
<DarkAngel^{a}> yes ,, which damn fork should I use for the salad
<_dove> If in doubt - ask....... that has never failed me
* BernieRoehl nods at shareena
<_dove> The furthese left DA
<`abi> good sign DA ... at least you're not asking which spoon
<PoE> I've yet to meet anyone who takes offense to being addressed as Sir, Ma'am/Madam
<arhiannah> i hate being called Ma'am....*g*
<shareena> not offense, but not comfortable with it if that Dom/me is not their Dom/me
<yummy> PoE, i've met many who are if you are not their sub
<BernieRoehl> In fact, taking offense too easily is itself bad manners (in my opinion)
* delyssa agrees with Bernie.
<PoE> yummy, Aye, I have too,
<BernieRoehl> I enjoy being called Sir, but I never expect it and certainly never "require" it
<shareena> I don't think there is anything wrong with saying "I prefer you not to call me Sir"
<PoE> indeed.
<PoE> hiya paperclip
<paperclip> hiya PoE
<DarkAngel^{a}> true shareena ,, and I neither expect or demand "Sir" of anyone ,,, I did however suggest that as a basic for a single submissive interested in protocol to actively prefforn such to attract the Dom/me they wish
<PoE> a good suggestion...
* PoE would suggest anyone who wishes to have successful social interaction to avoid the 180proof rum
* twiceshy just wants to learn all she can
<PoE> :D
<PoE> :P
<twiceshy> and i open to all suggestion ** constructive ones that is*
* ^sssinna smiles softly in greeting
<BernieRoehl> That was an excellent question, twiceshy. Got any more for us?
<^sssinna> hello A/all
<arhiannah> personally, if i'm addressing a Dom/me civility and respect...then they're getting their due...i don't need to Sir/Ma'am someone for them to know i respect them
<paperclip> i've been told i should refer to all Doms as Sir until they prove they aren't worth it.
<PoE> paperclip
<shareena> the same as you would address anyone that you respect arhiannah
<paperclip> yes actually i am
<_dove> That's one view, paperclip, if it works for you
* DarkAngel^{a} pokes pockets ,,, you is just a fun babe dear
<PoE> then go with it
<PoE> if it works for you
* arhiannah winks at Da....you betcha Baby
<paperclip> felt funny at first but now it feels funny not to
<Sweet1`> twiceshy, listen to what your 'gut' tells you and take what bits of advice fit with you
<twiceshy> ty Sweet1`
<shareena> doesn't it really come down to what you feel the most comfortable with. There is no right or wrong way
<DarkAngel^{a}> and paperclip ,, one day you will show such courtecy to the "one" for you ,,, and boom ,, a simple beginning for the rest of your life
<twiceshy> i have been playing for two years now and i just see that maybe i can improve upon myself in areas
<paperclip> i hope so DarkAngel^{a}
* twiceshy wishs she could remember the name of the sexy Dom she kissed last night
* twiceshy WoW waht a kisser
<twiceshy> what*
<DarkAngel^{a}> definetly true shareena ,, but of course I was answering twiceshy's question that was specificaly about Protocol
<Sweet1`> lol, now you see the problem with addressing them all as Sir!!!
<spankablecyn> :)
<shareena> I know DarkAngel^{a}. I was just stating my opinion but not directed at anyone specifically or any particular comment
<shareena> lol@ Sweet1`
* twiceshy wants to kiss that Dom again
<twiceshy> now if i could remember his dang name
<twiceshy> rofl
<shareena> maybe someone else will know him twiceshy
<DarkAngel^{a}> well addressing them all as Sir doesnt mean that you have to kiss em all ,,, LOL
<paperclip> i have a question...feel a bit embarrassed about it though
<twiceshy> ahhhwhy Not it was ummmm awesome
<DarkAngel^{a}> ask away paperclip ,,,
<paperclip> is it common to feel very deeply for your first Dom?
<DarkAngel^{a}> I just found out about the whole fork thing
* BernieRoehl wonders if it was me...
<paperclip> i'm absolutely enamoured by him.
* BernieRoehl kissed a few people last night
<^sssinna> laughs , yes saying someOnes name as much as possible when you first meet them is a good way to be sure to remember it , but you can always add Sir if thats what flips your switch ,
* DarkAngel^{a} winks at BernieRoehl ,,, you big hussy you
<twiceshy> BernieRoehl it wasa deep passionate kiss
<jewel`{F}> paperclip i think it is a very common feeling
<twiceshy> and it wasnt you * giggles
<PoE> paperclip, i wont speak for others.
* BernieRoehl smiles @ DA
<PoE> but my first kinky relationship
<paperclip> every Dom i meet i find myself comparing the two
<BernieRoehl> That narrows it down a bit, twiceshy
<shareena> i think it is paperclip.
<PoE> I was as enamoored with the kinky-side of the relationship
<BernieRoehl> Ah, not me? Too bad
* twiceshy makes a note to see if she can kiss Bernie nexted time
<PoE> as I was with the person themself
* BernieRoehl smiles
<PoE> and i found myself many times
<jewel`{F}> after all He is the first one you are able to be your submissive self with
<PoE> catching myself...
<BernieRoehl> So, since it's Newbie Night, anyone here have any questions? So far, we've been discussing Protocol.
<PoE> I chose to think of it like loosing my virginity.
<paperclip> yes, it pretty much seemed like that PoE
<PoE> just make sure
<jewel`{F}> you are learning so many new things from Him
<PoE> your feelings are not being unaccurately colored by the enjoyment of the relationship itself, rather than by the person...
<PoE> if that makes any sense
<paperclip> that's what i have been struggling with.
<PoE> :) imho that is why patience is so important.
<^sssinna> i think if you know your comfort level , and what you have learned or feels right the next logical step is to share that with the Peson your adressing and ask them how they like to be addressed
<DarkAngel^{a}> feelings are always an interesting thing within the various types of relationships in our lifestyle
<PoE> aye
<Sweet1`> it's hard to distinguish the feeling between your first dom and bdsm
<DarkAngel^{a}> "how can I disapline ,, or beat one I love" ?
<PoE> DarkAngel^{a}
<PoE> thats simple
* DarkAngel^{a} chuckles ,,, I beat them while I have a hard-on usually
<PoE> 'because I love her/him I must beat them
<PoE> :P
<twiceshy> lol DarkAngel^{a}
<spankablecyn> because she climaxes from it?
<shareena> because is is mutual satisfying
<shareena> mutuall
<DarkAngel^{a}> the disapline part is always hard (no pun intended) ,,
<PoE> those reasons and more!
* twiceshy * giggles dayum i had to wring out my panties last night
<PoE> DarkAngel^{a}
<shareena> i have heard many Doms say that DarkAngel^{a}
<DarkAngel^{a}> one thing I do is try to never disapline with corporal punishment - it doesnt work if you have or like a pain slut to give mixed signals
<BernieRoehl> Good question, DA -- and one that comes up from time to time
<spankablecyn> The worst disapline I find is to be ignored
<PoE> aye
<PoE> no-one likes to be ignored
<paperclip> hate it!!
<BernieRoehl> There's clearly a difference between "discipline" and "beat"
<DarkAngel^{a}> I always make the punishment fit the crime
* delyssa nod nod
<shareena> discipline, even if coporal, is not pleasurable
* shareena can't type tonight
<shareena> the mindset is totally different
<twiceshy> and discipline i think should never be done out of anger
<PoE> lemme ask this.
<BernieRoehl> Personally, I try to avoid using the same activities for both punishment and play. I feel it creates confusion where there needs to be clarity.
<shareena> i agree twiceshy
<PoE> how soon is too soon for play.
<DarkAngel^{a}> perhaps shareena ,, but if you have a pain slut ,,, corporal punishment is giving mixed (and VERY confusing) signals - IMO
<delyssa> in what way, PoE?
<PoE> when you are a newbie. or your partner is a newbie
<DarkAngel^{a}> before she gets her pants down PoE
* _dove agrees with Bernie
<BernieRoehl> The idea behind punishment is that actions have consequences. The consequences of undesireable actions should be unpleasant consequences, not something that can be transformed into a pleasureable experience.
<delyssa> Do you mean how soon with a new partner, or how soon once someone comes onto the scene for the first time?
<PoE> the latter
<PoE> which is partly combined with the former.
<DarkAngel^{a}> for disapline ,, I use a High Protocol (my own of course) method that is almost religious in structure
<paperclip> i think it all depends on how much you've discussed it
<DarkAngel^{a}> 1./ confession
<paperclip> what you've talked about and are willing to try and accept.
<BernieRoehl> (in reference to PoE's question...) My feeling is that a lot of newbies play too soon, and get overwhelmed by the sensations
<DarkAngel^{a}> 2./ penance (disapline)
<twiceshy> i agree BernieRoehl
<twiceshy> i think when i came into the scene i started playing way to soon
<DarkAngel^{a}> 3./ absolution (end of the issue - never to be repeated)
<^sssinna> i think corperal punishment for pleasure and corperal punishment for discpine feel emotionally very different , regardles of the "impact" .no one wants to be found displeasing , or the need to be repeantant for bad behavior
<twiceshy> and i jumped in with both feet
<paperclip> my intro to the scene was playing
<^sssinna> humm catholic up bringing Sir?
<spankablecyn> playing came naturally to me. I did not know I was *different* for quiet some time, I thought everyone had sex that way
<shareena> I agree BernieRoehl. The risk is there to base the relationship on bdsm and have it fizzle out
<PoE> lol spankablecyn
<DarkAngel^{a}> no ^sssinna ,,, just evolved within my own structure
<spankablecyn> Then I wondered why they didn't
<paperclip> iknew what i liked and a Dom found me who understood what i didn't
<shareena> It does ^sssinna. I would say the two are miles apart imo
<PoE> :D
<paperclip> opened my eyes the first time we were "together"
<MasterBaiter> Depends what you mean by "play", PoE...if it's approached as something fun, something new, in an experimental "lab" setting, there's no rush...small steps, have fun with it and learn along the way.
<MasterBaiter> But, if you try to make your early play sessions the be-all, end-all quest for "subspace", you take the risk of Things Not Working.
<twiceshy> i wish i had gotten more intothe D/s end of it long before the play
* jen{SE} still trying to find the ever discussed and elusive sub-space *lol*
* PoE follows the school of though that one should relax. and go as they feel mutually comfortable and always under-shoot than overshoot.
<shareena> why is that twiceshy?
<spankablecyn> new subs with new Doms........going through the learning process get hurt along the way, but now a days there is so much information avalible
<paperclip> i think my first experience ruined me for all new Doms
* PoE grins
<jen{SE}> many new subs and Dominants alike get into the kid in the candy store.. sensation slut treadmill sometimes
<PoE> my first experience blew my mind.
<paperclip> mine too PoE
<_dove> jen{SE}, can that really be avoided?
<PoE> and it was goood
<twiceshy> shareena cuz i have found that in the beginning everyone just wanted to beat/fuck and run and in all i was left feeling empty now i have gotten a small taste of the D/s mixed with play and i like it much more so i think if i had started with More D/s and less play i prob would feel better about some things
<kimochi> whatdo you mean, jen?
<paperclip> mine too PoE LOL
<delyssa> My first experience taught me I needed something almost totally different.
<MasterBaiter> Same here, delyssa.
<Sweet1`> sure _dove, patience and a slow pace
<_dove> i was the opposite, delyssa - my first experience showed me what i wanted (but didn't yet understand)
<delyssa> It was great as an 'intro' as it was very low key, but it certainly made me realize I needed much more.
<^sssinna> every experience because part of your design , who you are , and if you can identify that you have issues as a result , then you can focus to avoid the same mistakes
<jen{SE}> *smiles* Sweet1` one answered for me
<Sweet1`> yw
<_dove> Sweet1 - i agree with the slow pace, but once you get there....... isn't it like being in a candy shop?
<shareena> I can understand that tq
<paperclip> i have to say, during my first experience i was treated as though i'd been doing it for years.
* delyssa won't mention her 'second' experience ;-)
<DarkAngel^{a}> I look back to my first years ,,, and fondly recal having a great time ,,, but realize now I was snacking, not realizing D/s could totaly satisfy my real hunger
<shareena> I can understand that twiceshy
<twiceshy> ^sssinna i agree totally i now have a large list of places/things i will not do again
<DarkAngel^{a}> and people twiceshy ? *Evil SMile*
<jen{SE}> kimochi, just that when people finally find the lifestyle they go 100 miles an hours at first, because they "have" finally found it.. trying to make up for lost time
<Sweet1`> you can be in the candy store, but take the time to smell the roses!
<twiceshy> lol
<DarkAngel^{a}> can I bite them too Sweet1` ?
<MasterBaiter> You have a list of places, twiceshy? Like, "I'll never do Germany again"?
<kimochi> oh i see
* twiceshy smiles @ DarkAngel^{a}
* delyssa grins at kimochi
<twiceshy> yep MasterBaiter
* twiceshy giggles
* Sweet1` laffing @ DA, of course you can bite!!
<spankablecyn> Many people have been playing in private for years before going to a play party
* Dion_ysus slips in......
* `TimberWolf slips out
<^sssinna> something to remember though , is that something can feel totally wrong with one person and oh so perfect with another
<kimochi> before i went to a play party, i had been playing not at all
<spankablecyn> They just have to learn the house rules
* BernieRoehl knows people who have dived in head-first, and found it was great
<DarkAngel^{a}> true spankablecyn ,,, and many of us just got kinky in our marriage beds ,, not knowing we were actually part of an alternative lifestyle
<PoE> :)
* kimochi grins
* BernieRoehl also knows people who dived in head-first, flipped in mid-air, and landed on their head
* delyssa thinks of how well kimochi is at diving.
<`abi> if you're going to dive in head first
<`abi> it had better be the deep end
<_dove> wear a helmet
* PoE points at the splattermark from landing on his head
<twiceshy> Ohh BernieRoehl i am glad i did dive in head first but now looking back i wish i knew more
<^sssinna> in fact with the right person , there may be very little that you don't care to venture into , you might want to start from the ground upp
<jen{SE}> is there any other end abi
<spankablecyn> exactly DarkAngel^{a} It feels good to be with others like minded
<`abi> oh ya jen ... there are alot of very shallow spots
<DarkAngel^{a}> I like head first *innocent grin*
* kimochi likes it when she's started from the ground up
<twiceshy> lol DarkAngel^{a}
<kimochi> oops, wrong subject
<PoE> lol DarkAngel^{a}
<Dion_ysus> lol
<PoE> not touching that one
<Dion_ysus> amen to that DA:P
* corsetedgeisha does laps
<^sssinna> giggles
<DarkAngel^{a}> we all have our crotches to bare
* BernieRoehl smiles at kimochi (an example where the dive was successful the first time out)
<just-wendy> don't all relationships start from the ground up though no matter how much experience you have or don't have? past experiences just tend to help you grow in a new one...at least I think so
<Dion_ysus> depends, some ppl dive in head first....
* BernieRoehl watches corsetedgeisha lapping, and smiles
<^sssinna> ponders Dark Angles coy humour , what ever could He mean ???
<^sssinna> lol
<DarkAngel^{a}> depends just-wendy ,, how about a casual play that just kind of ,, well ,, becomes daily before you know what happened
<DarkAngel^{a}> not coy ,, more of a mackeral ,,, holy mackeral actually
<BernieRoehl> Well, so far we've talked about protocol, discipline/punishment, and how quickly to dive into the scene
<^sssinna> i must beg my leave , its been fun please excuse me , bfn every O/one
<just-wendy> I can't speak for those that do casual play
<corsetedgeisha> sounds fishy DA
<spankablecyn> I think some pain sluts are just born that way, I remember melting my crayolas on a light bulb and dripping the hot wax on myself thinking it was kewl at the age of 4.........lol
* BernieRoehl smiles at just-wendy
<twiceshy> bye ^sssinna
<Dion_ysus> lol
<DarkAngel^{a}> MMmmmmm pain sluts
<^sssinna> lol i enjoy your humour Dark Angel Sir
* twiceshy isnt a pain slut
<DarkAngel^{a}> I will take 2 please
* twiceshy smirks
<_dove> some don't know they are pain sluts, and fight it for years
* krista-F nots
<krista-F> nods even
<shareena> what is the definition of a "pain slut"
<paperclip> i struggled when i found out i was one
<spankablecyn> While other kids were playing cops and robbers I was playing Monster in the Dungeon
* DarkAngel^{a} winks at ^sssinna ,, compliments will get you everywhere
<^sssinna> i remember having to explain a little design i carved into my forearm with a cumpass ,
* twiceshy just likes to request that when whipped that the same spot be hit several timein a row
<jen{SE}> sometime miss being new, experiencing sooo many different things for the first time, still new things, but with different eyes now, can't really explain well what i mean
<^sssinna> that was tricky
* arhiannah just fights coz it makes things a little more interesting...and even then it's just mild struggling...*g*
* just-wendy waves hand in the air...is a total pain slut
<^sssinna> ah well
* RetroDeviant kept getting caught trying to stuff girls in the toy box in kindergarten
<^sssinna> man now i'm going back to grade school
<kimochi> does anyone in here use the safeword, "blue"?
<twiceshy> hi RetroDeviant Sir
* Dion_ysus has used "green"
* twiceshy loves green
<Dion_ysus> do ya:)
<twiceshy> green means Goooooooooooooooooooo
* Dion_ysus has no clue but it was a safeword for that exact reason
<^sssinna> i kept getting sent to stand behind the piano
<^sssinna> lol
<_dove> umm no kimochi
* paperclip paperclips fave word is green
* corsetedgeisha laughs at RetroDeviant wonderful childhood memories
<^sssinna> every thing you ever needed to know about bdsm you learned in kindergarden
<^sssinna> i'm going now to write a book!
<Dion_ysus> nice one ssina
<PoE> lol
<DarkAngel^{a}> I like red ,,,, lines that is ,, that turns to large purple and green over a few days ,, is that the same ?
<just-wendy> that elusive sub manual that I keep hearing about sssina? LOL
<shareena> what is the definition of a "pain slut" How do you know if you are one?
<twiceshy> i think it is DarkAngel^{a}
<twiceshy> hehehe
* corsetedgeisha thinks back about the shows she watched, trouble she got into and now? it all makes more sense
<Dion_ysus> I know if you are a sadist:P
<spankablecyn> I think BDSM is becoming trendy now, just look at the clothing avaliable at the local malls, in someways it is good to get people interested in it
<PoE> variety is the spice of life.
<MasterBaiter> And are we using "pain slut" differently from "masochist"?
<shareena> that is what I was wondering MasterBaiter
<PoE> people are becoming less and less inhibited
<krista-F> what is the difference??
<_dove> in my case MasterBaiter, i am interchanging the terms
<Dion_ysus> I think that can only be a good thing.
<RetroDeviant> I think the "Trendy" factor of BDSM of late has more to do with the influx of the internet crowd into the lifestyle more then anything. In many ways it's a great thing..in other ways..not all that good.
<shareena> not sure krista-F. Is there one?
<DarkAngel^{a}> spelling krista-F
<kimochi> i don't consider myself a pain slut, but pain is often part of what goes on between Madame and i
<^sssinna> you are a fun bunch thanks for being so welcomming i hate to go , but i really must
<^sssinna> xxx
<krista-F> that is what i was asking....
<Dion_ysus> Laters A/all
<spankablecyn> I knew I was a sadist when my right nipple was bitten almost off, but I did not notice until after I had climaxed
* `abi nods to kimochi ... it is the difference between being a pain-slut and being an intensity-slut ... they are often mistaken for one another
<shareena> a sadist or a masochist spankablecyn?
<_dove> Interesting point, abi
<kimochi> all i know is that i'm a slut
<kimochi> the rest is open to interpretation
<spankablecyn> Masochist sorry
<`abi> well, there is also the everything-slut ;)
<paperclip> so many sluts
<DarkAngel^{a}> me too kimochi ,, but you have to spell me with a cap - Slut
<krista-F> i guess i don't know what i am then....just a girl
<kimochi> lol
<_dove> everything-slut? oh? *innocent look attempt #1*
<BernieRoehl> ... not enough time
<kimochi> or is that LOL when laughing with a Dominant?
<kimochi> inquiring minds want to know
<DarkAngel^{a}> lol
<twiceshy> lol
<_dove> lol
* BernieSlut smiles
<DarkAngel^{a}> hello michele
<corsetedgeisha> boy i came in at the right time....it's a slut fest!!
<BernieRoehl> Actually, michel would be "Bernie's Slut" not "BernieSlut"
<DarkAngel^{a}> ahh true true
<just-wendy> lol
<BernieRoehl> What a great name for a BDSM convention, corsetedgeisha! "Slut Fest 2004"
<DarkAngel^{a}> of course corsetedgeisha ,,, they always cum out when BernieRoehl is around ,,, I just scare em away
* MasterBaiter is a dominant masochist...yes, they do exist...just makes the negotiation longer.
<jen{SE}> where and why did the term slut get so popular *lol*, pain slut, toy slut, sex slut,
* DarkAngel^{a} Demonic Grin
* BernieRoehl laughs
<RetroDeviant> left out rope slut ;)
<corsetedgeisha> oh You do not DA
<PoE> a dominant masochist..
<PoE> hell
<PoE> thats easy
<twiceshy> and cum slut
<PoE> you find the sadistic sub
<just-wendy> can we pick all of the above or are we restricted to just one choice here?
<PoE> and order him/her to beat you
<DarkAngel^{a}> well corsetedgeisha ,, I do try *Devilish wink*
<corsetedgeisha> oh boy Toy Slut....lovesssssssssss toys sluts
<PoE> :P
<_dove> just-wendy - we can pick everything-slut -- abi said so
<just-wendy> cool! works for me LOL
<spankablecyn> I was told once that it is because we do things only a slut would do, which is what ever is asked. Rather than slut as in sleeps with many
<corsetedgeisha> yes You sure do DA
* krista-F is a slut banquet
<DarkAngel^{a}> I am not scaring as many away ,,, I broke all my canes but one *Dom Pout* ,,,
<DarkAngel^{a}> got to get me some new canes
<PoE> DarkAngel^{a}
<RetroDeviant> http://www.slavestribute.com/BDSM-EZine/bdsm-articles/submissive/bdsm-submissive102a.html
<jen{SE}> have to soak them in water DA
<RetroDeviant> Great article on being a selective slut
<kimochi> hmm
<DarkAngel^{a}> always do jen{SE} ,,, lol ,,, aurelle has a firm ass
<kimochi> isn't that what the safeword, "blue" is for - being a selective slut?
<Sweet1`> blue is a safeword for emotional or mental distress...at least it was used that way
* DarkAngel^{a} waves and drops off into "post DAL" unconsiousness
* PoE likes red/yellow/green
<PoE> cuz its so simple
<spankablecyn> to some being called slut is part of the humiliation, now it seems to be a term of endearment
<PoE> and very effective
<jen{SE}> exactly spankablecyn
<PoE> not just the standard def'n of yellow = slow down/take it easy
<PoE> but
<PoE> also
<PoE> 'i need to comunicate something'
<PoE> :)
<kimochi> i was partly joking since i understand "blue" to mean "change toys", which is pretty darn sselective
<PoE> wow
<twiceshy> Ohh i never new that one
<jen{SE}> just curious, safe words discussion come up time and time again, i personally have never heard anyone have to use a safeword? Do they actually get used very often?
<_dove> i'd call that topping kimochi
<MasterBaiter> And remember: vomiting is _not_ a safeword.
<paperclip> LOL
<twiceshy> lol
* corsetedgeisha raises her hand ...i use safewords
<Sweet1`> what's a safeword?
<twiceshy> MasterBaiter i was just thinking that
<LadyNichola> I think safewords are generally used when things get too emotionally intense jen
<RetroDeviant> I've called Red more then once myself
<PoE> jen{SE} I use them all the time.
<paperclip> LOL
<tareena> lol
<LadyNichola> know lots of people that pund the hell out of each other and never say a word
<_dove> i have safeworded
<PoE> they are an effective way of comunicating
<twiceshy> i have used red twice
<paperclip> nothing wrong with tomatoes
<corsetedgeisha> ouch is NOT a safeword
<RetroDeviant> blech
<PoE> i think people are afraid to 'red'
<twiceshy> lol
<LadyNichola> but will "safeword" if they feel emotionally challenged
* twiceshy said Oucha few times last night
<`abi> however ... yeeouch sounds very much like yellow
<just-wendy> I safeworded once too but the fool wouldn't listen and didn't stop...was the first and last time I played with him..sent him packing
<jen{SE}> so then just the fact that they are there make people "feel" safe?
<jen{SE}> good points Lady Nichola
<ModBot> There are only about five minutes left in the formal part of tonight's discussion. Does anyone have any last-minute thoughts on the subject?
<paperclip> what's the difference between formal/informal? LOL
<_dove> In my case, jen, my foot was caught on something, He couldn't see - he didn't have eyes in the back of his head......
<LadyNichola> on the topic of "diving in" it seems that there is good and bad to diving in.
<`abi> no... safewords mean that a bottom is communicating information, the existance of which allows the Top to go further than s/he otherwise would
<LadyNichola> on the plus side, (if you have a positive experience) it's wonderful
<LadyNichola> on the downside... one hasn't quite earned ones stripes
<LadyNichola> there's a virtue to not getting it right first time
<LadyNichola> in that you appreciate it more when you do (if that makes sense)
<_dove> Well said LadyNichola
<spankablecyn> I like a hand gester better, not the finger mind you, instead of a safe word
<BernieRoehl> Interesting point, LadyNichola -- one appreciates things more if the road to get there isn't quite so easy
<kimochi> hmmm
<paperclip> ihave safewords and actions
<just-wendy> aren't the actions necessary if you can't speak? I thought they were
<spankablecyn> In public play I think subs are more reluctant to use a safe word
<paperclip> yup
<PoE> I agree
<corsetedgeisha> any education is good just as long as Y/you learn from it
<twiceshy> BernieRoehl pm a sec?
<BernieRoehl> Sure, twiceshy
<paperclip> so you're saying a safe action is the same as a safeword...a replacement?
<spankablecyn> yes
<_dove> imo, paperclip, as long as there is a way of communicating, it doesn't really matter what it is called
<paperclip> k
<PoE> well said dove
<PoE> its a comunication tool
<PoE> it can be manipulated in many ways to be made most effective for you and your situation
<ModBot> Well, that's it for the formal part of the discussion. The discussion log is now closed. It should be processed and uploaded to the www.ehbc.ca website soon. Please feel free to continue chatting informallly. Have a good night, everyone!
<ModBot> Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion.