March 18 2001 EhBC Online Discussion

<BernieRoehl> Well, it's 9 pm
<BernieRoehl> Time for our discussion to start
<BernieRoehl> I've set an automatic message for the channel that reads as follows...
<BernieRoehl> Welcome to our regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to say something, but remain anonymous, you should change your nick. We recommend using as your server, to minimize lag. Tonight's discussion topic is "More Than One on One". The moderator tonight is BernieRoehl. Enjoy the discussion!
<BernieRoehl> The topic is about scenes where more than two people are involved
* NorthLad thinks those are good scenes :)
<genigrrrlafk> woooooohooooooo me too NL
<BernieRoehl> Note that this is different from poly relationships -- the focus is on scenes where there are two tops, or two bottoms, or both
* autumn`breeze{JFC} are her favs
<genigrrrlafk> "the more the merrier" no?
<LrdTZ1> are you talking about having two and one BernieRoehl??
* asyrol{C} hasn't tried one, but would like to
* asyrol{C} is having problems finding another female willing to play
<BernieRoehl> Yes, LrdTZ1 -- two (or more) tops working on one bottom, or one top working on more than one bottom
* DarkAngel^{nym} watched 2 on one last night ,,, actually a few scenes
<genigrrrlafk> pick me pick me asyrol{C} :)
* fr0ggy winks at meghan`
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> not looking in right places asyrol{C}
* meghan` grins
<asyrol{C}> genigrrrlafk - I need someone willing to travel to either Kingston or Toronto
<pandora^> i'm in Toronto!
<genigrrrlafk> ick nevermind asyrol{C} :)
<LrdTZ1> if its a negotiated agreement then I don't see any problem with that BernieRoehl
<asyrol{C}> I must not be.. I have ads on alt and a few other places..
<jessyssej> did you say Kingston asyrol{C}?
<asyrol{C}> yes I did jessyssej
<BernieRoehl> So... how many people have tried scenes with more than two?
<meghan`> Me.
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> i have
* fr0ggy holds his hand up and grins at meghan`
* NorthLad me me :)
* `abi raises her hand
<pandora^> not me, but i'd love to
* ^rhiannon^ holds her hand up...;)
* BernieRoehl holds up two hands :-)
<dalian> me too pandora
* Sardaukar_vixen{Sar} puts His handup on that question
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> and 2feet Bernie?
* BernieRoehl chuckles
* Kilted_One has
<BernieRoehl> So... it seems to be something that lots of people ahve done and enjoyed
<BernieRoehl> (have)
<DarkAngel^{nym}> not I ,,,,,, I am a newbie
<BernieRoehl> What do you find makes them so enjoyable?
* DarkAngel^{nym} innocent smile*
<LrdTZ1> i have done it many times.
<NorthLad> who said I enjoyed it? :)
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> the touch
<NorthLad> I like it because it's as if I have 4 arms if the other Dom is in synch with me
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> the electricity
<LrdTZ1> for me its the different reactions of different subs to the same stimulation. They also soon seem to meld toghter.
<meghan`> Lotsa hands... can get mix sensations from different tools quickly ... back and forth between two different toys without interruption.
* Sardaukar_vixen{Sar} found the interaction between all P/person's involved enjoyable, seeing the likes being shared at the same time as discussing reactions
<asyrol{C}> would like to serve my Dom with another sub.. to be able to please him in ways that I can't alone
* Sardaukar_vixen{Sar} and also the other set of "Hands" keeps the slave on her toes sensory wise
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> exactly asyrol{C} to see the expression on His face
<Carole{GP}> I would love to be double-topped (happened once, was quite fun, want it to be 2 men next time... :)
<asyrol{C}> but I can't find anyone willing!
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> oh yeah what a time that would be Carole{GP}
<NorthLad> so you need to find a man who wants to die Carole{GP}?
<asyrol{C}> I find people that are interested and then after emailing for about 2 or 3 weeks they dissapear
<BernieRoehl> It might be useful to look at the two aspects of this topic -- two tops, one bottom and one top, two bottoms
<fr0ggy> starting from the perspective of the sub, I must say that i quite enjoyed having two dommes in a scene, it was a thrill to not know what two people were doing to me
<fr0ggy> granted
<Carole{GP}> not MY fault that George is so jealous.... :)
<fr0ggy> it was only an OTK spanking
<fr0ggy> but it was still a thrill
<BernieRoehl> So for the bottoms, the pleasure seems to come from more stimulation -- more hands, more touch, more toys at once, etc
<fr0ggy> absolutely BernieRoehl
<fr0ggy> one set of hands being harsh
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> yes for sure Bernie
<fr0ggy> the other being mild
<meghan`> Also not knowing who was doing what .....
* Sardaukar_vixen{Sar} Has had both another Dom and a Domme assist with play and found their reactions and that of My slave quite different yet both enjoyable
* `abi will toss out a negative for's not my favourite thing to be honest ... I dislike having my attention divided and I find it difficult to focus
<fr0ggy> and switching it back and forth, so that one never knows what is happening
<fr0ggy> on the down side,
* autumn`breeze{JFC} has had a Domme and Dom at once Fantastic!!!
<BernieRoehl> Interesting point, meghan -- do you find that being blindfolded enhances the experience when there's more than one top involved?
<meghan`> ... plus .... all the attention is cool. :)
<DarkAngel^{nym}> question ,,, can a Dom/me enter Dom space while having to share /play
<fr0ggy> I found I wasnt able to focus on one person... being that it was casual play, this wasnt a big deal for me. if however it was more intimate.. i think it might squick me.
<meghan`> I am really inexperienced so I couldn't say about the blindfold. My eyes were closed instinctively.
* ^rhiannon^ agrees with abi, however, i would like to be the one giving the sub that is being flogged etc..etc.. a soft touch at the other side of the cross, as Master floggs her.
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> i guess they can in my case it did not happen
* DarkAngel^{nym} grins ,,, she danced nicely for fr0ggy and ,,Mmmm her partner
* `abi nods to rhiannon...yes, I agree...that's a little different
<Sardaukar_vixen{Sar}> DA entering that "space" may very from person to person, but One must be accepting of the scene first to even considering doing it, as some might find it hard to do
<fr0ggy> from the perspective of being a dominant (god i love being a switch)
* Sardaukar_vixen{Sar} plus helps out with flogger elbow
<fr0ggy> i found it so much of a thrill
* NorthLad gives fr0ggy a switch high 5
<DarkAngel^{nym}> understandable Sardaukar_vixen{Sar} ,,, but as a Dom who does,, and enjoys the rush of Dom space ,,, does the shared play interfeere
<fr0ggy> because while the other Dom was interacting with the sub,
<fr0ggy> i was able to focus entirely on her
<Sardaukar_vixen{Sar}> I have found that it does not DA
<fr0ggy> and see her EVERY reaction
<fr0ggy> without having to focus on a toy
<fr0ggy> at the same time
<DarkAngel^{nym}> ok,, ty Sardaukar_vixen{Sar} ,,, something to ponder then
* DarkAngel^{nym} plays very personally ,,, even in public ,, not sure I would be a good "shares" .... lol
<Sardaukar_vixen{Sar}> also DA sharing with a Domme is also a very unique experience as well
<BernieRoehl> For those who have double-topped -- what techniques do you use to build the scene in collaboration with the other top?
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> very true Sardaukar_vixen{Sar}
* Sardaukar_vixen{Sar} using a surprise element is very fun to use...not letting the slave know that another is joining, and still not letting her know for sure till after the scene
<BernieRoehl> Do you generally plan out the scene ahead of time, or just go with the flow?
<fr0ggy> well
<fr0ggy> in my experience
<DarkAngel^{nym}> but if I do ,, I think that it would heighten her sensations being doubled if she/he were blindfolded
<fr0ggy> it was somewhat planned out
<fr0ggy> i mean the specifics werent nailed down
<^rhiannon^> mmmm thats kewl Sardaukar_vixen{Sar}...;)
<Sardaukar_vixen{Sar}> was
<fr0ggy> but there were a few general concepts that we built on
<DarkAngel^{nym}> not to mention that there was a plethera of toys to use around you fr0ggy
<firestar`DC> I was double-topped once and blindfolded, imho it did heighten things tremendously -> [#bdsm-kw] PING
<fr0ggy> DA actually I sorta refrained from using anything fancy
<fr0ggy> just some basic stuff i had kicking around inthe toy bag
<meghan`> DarkAngel^{nym} ... A veritable cornicopia of toys. ;)
* Sardaukar_vixen{Sar} also find the spotanaity (spelling) of just an join in of those You trust and letting it take Y/you where it does is also an excellent way to achieve new hieghts and limits
<DarkAngel^{nym}> good plan always fr0ggy ,,, unless you are framiliar with a toy/technique ,,, should use it on someone
<fr0ggy> *nods*
<fr0ggy> it was nice using items with a general idea of the results that they would cause..
<BernieRoehl> There is a *lot* to be said for spontaneity
<fr0ggy> also having talked about some of them prior
* Sardaukar_vixen{Sar} nods to Bernie
<fr0ggy> for a new player..
<fr0ggy> was nice because it gave her an idea of what she enjoyed..
<fr0ggy> and er what she enjoyed more
* fr0ggy grins
<DarkAngel^{nym}> and next I would fully suspend her from a few trees and have everyone spank her ,,, uhh oh ,,, there she is
* DarkAngel^{nym} evil chuckle
<meghan`> ... and more and more.
<meghan`> lol
* nymazoiay{DA} definitely came in at the wrong er.. right time
<BernieRoehl> I guess your ears were burning, nymazoiay{DA}! :-)
<fr0ggy> in general
<fr0ggy> i would think that it is just another way
* nymazoiay{DA} chuckles
<fr0ggy> to push the edge
<DarkAngel^{nym}> discusion is on multiple Tops in a scene dear
<nymazoiay{DA}> indeed they were Sir
* nymazoiay{DA} nods
<nymazoiay{DA}> thank You DA Sir
<fr0ggy> and if the idea intrigues you :) go for it
* nymazoiay{DA} shivers and flushes at the thought
* meghan` is a glutton ... likes lots of attention and lots of hands .... :)
<cassity^> lol
<DarkAngel^{nym}> similar to the one point where you experiance wax for the first time last night ,,, I held you as LrdTZ1 dripped ,,, and I think DEM painted wax on ,, and then I used the knife to clean you off
<nymazoiay{DA}> anyone warm... need a fan...
<nymazoiay{DA}> ?
<BernieRoehl> Have most people who have double-topped done so with people they knew well, or did you seek out people you knew had specific skills and techniques?
* nymazoiay{DA} melts away like the ice
<nymazoiay{DA}> mmmmmmm
* Sardaukar_vixen{Sar} finds the Dom & Domme aspect quite enjoyable, different view point or slant on things if you will
<asyrol{C}> What are peoples opinions on having a Dom/me, sub and a switch as a third.. someone who would switch during the scene?
<DarkAngel^{nym}> that is where a workshop makes it easy to do just that ,, multiple ,, since one Dom is often learning from anouther on his/her own subbie
* Sardaukar_vixen{Sar} Dbl Topped with those I knew and trusted
<fr0ggy> i am proud to say that the dominant and sub that i double teamed with trusted me enough to allow me to interact with them both
<meghan`> asyrol{C} ... My thoughts are: Hell yeah!
<meghan`> :)
<asyrol{C}> :)
<BernieRoehl> Personally, I've done both -- brought in friends to double-top with me, but also sought out people who were into something that I knew my submissive wanted to try
<fr0ggy> asyrol{C} : i've often had that thought.. and cant wait to try it, as a switch, or as the sub
<DarkAngel^{nym}> so I guess I errored in saying I had never Multiple TOpped ,,, since last night for a training experiance ,,, nymazoiay{DA} had me and 2 other Doms on her
<fr0ggy> ;)
* nymazoiay{DA} would SO go there again
* nymazoiay{DA} and again.. and again...
<DarkAngel^{nym}> lol
* DarkAngel^{nym} bows to LrdTZ1 ,,,, and an excelent learning oportunity it was
<nymazoiay{DA}> it was very erotic and extremely enjoyable because I didn't really know them, however, I felt very comfortable
<nymazoiay{DA}> especially with DA holding me there. I knew he wouldn't let harm come to me
<nymazoiay{DA}> and now, I would gladly let the Dom's involved try other things provided this one's Sir wished it
<nymazoiay{DA}> oddly... it was a soft limit... on all fronts before
<DarkAngel^{nym}> the learning potential is certainly a big one when bring in anouther Dom/me to play with ones subbie
<nymazoiay{DA}> wax was actually hard because I was under false... impressions of what it was like
<nymazoiay{DA}> ie: how hot the wax was....
<meghan`> In some cases, perhaps the other Dom acts as another tool in terms of adding variety and thrill-factor.
* nymazoiay{DA} nods emphatically
<nymazoiay{DA}> biggly
* nymazoiay{DA} grins with very pink cheeks
* nymazoiay{DA} on all fronts ... er.. backs
<Sardaukar_vixen{Sar}> DA I have also found that when topping with an Dom/me with the same experience level that the enjoyable part of not having to explain and the assistance of a particular act is just there, no need to tell they just know what you are up too
<DarkAngel^{nym}> well for me ,, I almost felt a spectator ,, taking in ,,, then taking part ,,
<nymazoiay{DA}> did that make it less enjoyable for You DA Sir?
<DarkAngel^{nym}> the same level ,,, I can see that Sardaukar_vixen{Sar} ,,,, but at this time ,, I would be nervous of allowing someone new to play with my lovely toy
<DarkAngel^{nym}> not at all nymazoiay{DA} ,,,, I didnt relaize it at the time that we were scening ,, I realized it now
<Sardaukar_vixen{Sar}> DA yes I can see that
<BernieRoehl> Another question... who here has done a scene with one top and two or more bottoms?
* nymazoiay{DA} acks
<nymazoiay{DA}> I never thought of that
* Sardaukar_vixen{Sar} has done that as well
<DarkAngel^{nym}> not I
<asyrol{C}> I haven't.. but that's what my Dom and I are looking to do
<asyrol{C}> if we can find a femsub
<nymazoiay{DA}> as I was saying, I thought of it as being more of a rat in an experiment heh
<DarkAngel^{nym}> lol
<asyrol{C}> *lol*
<nymazoiay{DA}> or in a class and such
<DarkAngel^{nym}> a damn sexy rat ,,,, I like the tail
<nymazoiay{DA}> you know... being called to the board LOL
* nymazoiay{DA} groans
<asyrol{C}> I think that I would enjoy subbing with another girl.. interacting with the other sub as equals, and both of us serving my Dom..
<BernieRoehl> I find that it can be *exhausting* -- not just twice the effort, but more than that. However, it's *very* satisfying in its own way.
<DarkAngel^{nym}> I think I could enter my personal Dom space playing with two subs ,,,, but not if playing on one sub with anouther Top
<Sardaukar_vixen{Sar}> especially when it is a female and male bottom Bernie, You tend to have to keep Your wits about you
* nymazoiay{DA} smirks at DarkAngel^{nym}
<nymazoiay{DA}> I bet
<nymazoiay{DA}> tit for tat isnt that the saying?
* BernieRoehl smiles at nymazoiay{DA}
* nymazoiay{DA} bats lashes coyishly
<asyrol{C}> For everyone here who HAS done this (either way) how did you go about setting it up and finding a third (and fourth and fifth..) person?
<cyncie> i found i had too many jealousy problems when my then Master and i had another sub join us... but two Doms and two subs was fun...
<fr0ggy> asyrol{C} in my case
<fr0ggy> it just happened
<cyncie> and two Doms is a definate mind bender
<fr0ggy> in that we were talking (both top and bottom)
<fr0ggy> and the 'fantasy' got mentioned
<nymazoiay{DA}> I think it is best done in a stable well established relationship no?
<fr0ggy> so we explored it
<NorthLad> asyrol{C}, I looked over and said..hey Bernie, wanna help? :)
<cyncie> true enough nym...
<asyrol{C}> *lol*
* nymazoiay{DA} moves to turn down that dang thermostat!
<DarkAngel^{nym}> well asyrol{C} ,,,, for us ,, it was last night at the DSSG Beginners Workshop ,, so was in a very nicely controlled, and safe environment
<BernieRoehl> I find it's usually pretty easy to find someone to join in
<nymazoiay{DA}> it felt VERY safe...
<fr0ggy> and the couple in question were wanted to try it so we did
<Sardaukar_vixen{Sar}> asyrol it takes time and patience to find the O/one(s) that you not only feeel comfortable with but also allow the trust factor to enter as well, It is a very dificult thing to just say him/her, patience and care must be taken
* DarkAngel^{nym} checks her top for the temp to go down
<cyncie> for us it was just friends getting together,,, talking, and the talk lead to playing. We were all consulted before anything started... subs and Doms alike
* Sardaukar_vixen{Sar} and as your network grows you have more friends and you see what types fit your style and what you are looking for
* nymazoiay{DA} laughs
<meghan`> It was just a natural progression to the night for us, I think. And in other instances, it was just like Northlad described ... "Hey, you wanna cop a feel? Yeah? You wanna spank her now?" ... lol
<asyrol{C}> *lol*
* Kilted_One thinks that we are all human and "different' and as such we "compair" ourselves to others......and in doing so open up all kinds of "insecurities"
* nymazoiay{DA} nods in agreement with Kilted_One
<cyncie> for myself, i never got enough play time, due to our schedules... so HATED having to share attention with another sub..
<nymazoiay{DA}> ones I hope to overcome. I do so not like being jelous. However, some is always flattering... SOME.
<asyrol{C}> hopefully once I'm settled in Toronto i can 'make friends' with some people a little more local to me
* Sardaukar_vixen{Sar} true but have yet to find those insecurities
<nymazoiay{DA}> I am uncertain if I even have them when I am in a state of.. subby mind.
<nymazoiay{DA}> I just don't know
<nymazoiay{DA}> I think last night I would have pretty much been open to almost anything
<nymazoiay{DA}> there is where a reality check is always nice
* Sardaukar_vixen{Sar} nods to nym
* nymazoiay{DA} dislikes regret
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> the attentions should gbe shared with both subs as well so ther is attention all the way around
<meghan`> nym ... last night I was asking for *everything* ... lol ...
* nymazoiay{DA} chuckles with meghan`
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> sometimes the Doms get jealous
<nymazoiay{DA}> think I was begging... I cant remember LOL
<nymazoiay{DA}> DarkAngel^{nym} jelous?
<meghan`> I think it might be easier for my Dom to share me than it would be for me to share him.
<nymazoiay{DA}> neeever
* ^rhiannon^ thinks that if you start the relationship out right from the begining with others, then you wouldn't run into problems, however, once in a relationship for a long while, it may be tougher to introduce.
* fr0ggy coughs*
<fr0ggy> oh???
<meghan`> If he is sharing me, it is because he is in a position of power to be able to hand me off to others ....
<fr0ggy> why do you say that meghan`?
<LrdTZ1> in what way ^rhiannon^
* nymazoiay{DA} agrees with meghan`
<LrdTZ1> jealousy plays a bigh part in the lifestyle fr0ggy
* BernieRoehl likes to share :-)
<D^Archangel{nym}> ouch
<meghan`> .... for me, I would not feel like I had control over the situation if he included another sub so it would take a lot of effort to feel safe with that ..... scared of being left or forgotten etc ...
<NorthLad> my mother taught me it was nice to share
* nymazoiay{DA} thinks BernieRoehl Sir was a good child in kindergarden :-)
<fr0ggy> lol NorthLad
<cyncie> agrees with meghan'
<^rhiannon^> i can see submissives having a problem being in a one on one relationship for a period of time, and then all of a sudden another sub is brought in for play. it could make the first sub feel insecure...
<BernieRoehl> I think it two people are secure in their relationship, they can both gain by sharing themselves with others
* BernieRoehl smiles, remembers gold stars for sharing :-)
<^rhiannon^> i agree Bernie Sir.
* nymazoiay{DA} laughs hard
* autumn`breeze{JFC} agrees with Bernie
<NorthLad> I got smurf stickers for sharing :)
* firestar`DC nods in agreement with BernieRoehl Sir
* nymazoiay{DA} has mental images of BernieRoehl covered from head to toe in stars and that is about it
<LrdTZ1> BernieRoehl I agree one hunderd percent. but the problem is the security.
<cyncie> you can be secure in the relationship, and still want to have all of the attention,,,, secure doesn't rule out greedy
* BernieRoehl smiles at nymazoiay{DA} :-)
* Kilted_One thinks that "insecurities" especially in slaves or submissives is even more destroying and unbalancing that jealousy
<D^Archangel{nym}> Mm I would think that 2 Doms on a sub isnt much different than one Dom on 2 subs
<LrdTZ1> trust fact and if one is jealousy then you have a problem.
<nymazoiay{DA}> this one got in trouble for trying to control everyone LOL
<^rhiannon^> yes bernie, true..
<Sardaukar_vixen{Sar}> Insecurities in Dom's can be just as bad or even worse in some aspects
<nymazoiay{DA}> exactly Kilted_One Sir... it is always something I try to improve upon with myself day to day
<`abi> it isn't always insecurities that cause the problems....anytime you introduce another person into a situation ... from scene to changes the dynamics
<meghan`> I've been with my Dom since I was 16. Twelve years this summer. We've only been out in the BDSM scene since December. We've done a little kissing with others ... and Todd has let others Top me. We spanked someone together. And we've had a lot of fun with in spite of the fact that we've always been monogamous. It's a shake up ... but we're up for it.
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> then it is up to the Master to sort out the jealousy factor sub
<cyncie> 2 Doms on one sub are both concentrating on the one...
<nymazoiay{DA}> however, I believe both to be equally destructive
* ^rhiannon^ agrees with abi..
<LrdTZ1> sorry autumn`breeze{JFC} how can one person control anothers jealousy factor????????
<Kilted_One> the difference with the insecurity of a Master or Dom is that he/she is controlling what goes on and if it goes on
* nymazoiay{DA} smiles at meghan`
<D^Archangel{nym}> only if the relationships foundation wasnt going to hold itself up on it's own
<fr0ggy> I guess i look at it as one of those extra nice pickles or spicest hat makes the variety of life so wonderful
<aliceinchains> jealousy & insecurities could be grave indicators that trust/honesty and communication are failing
<fr0ggy> its not for every day
<fr0ggy> but every once in a while
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> give her the choice Sir
<fr0ggy> it pushes the edge nicely to increase a whole load of fun
<LrdTZ1> jealousy is a born given emotion. controlling it is the hardest part.
<LrdTZ1> and I as a dom can't control it in others they have to control it.
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> then she should not be there
* Sardaukar_vixen{Sar} very true alice
* D^Archangel{nym} pokes at nymazoiay{DA} ,,,, she who had 3 Doms last night working on her ass
<nymazoiay{DA}> isnt it also one that is more tempered as one gets more intouch with ones self?
<LrdTZ1> three????????
<meghan`> No one can control anyone else's feelings ...
<nymazoiay{DA}> hey?!
<aliceinchains> true LrdTZ1 but trust is a good way to controll jealousy,,with true honesty and trust there is no room for any negative emotion
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> in that relationship
<D^Archangel{nym}> yes LrdTZ1 ,,, you ,,, DEM,, and I for the wax
<nymazoiay{DA}> it was a.. ahem... learning experience
* nymazoiay{DA} grins like a well fed cat
<fr0ggy> haha nymazoiay{DA}
<LrdTZ1> oh right forgot the wax.
* D^Archangel{nym} evil learning chuckle
* nymazoiay{DA} DIDNT
* nymazoiay{DA} still grins hugely
* fr0ggy grins...
<LrdTZ1> and is the cat still hungry nymazoiay{DA}
<fr0ggy> one of these days...
<fr0ggy> i'll get my wish..
<D^Archangel{nym}> she is LrdTZ1, ,,, lolo
<fr0ggy> er whups
<fr0ggy> wrong channel
<fr0ggy> lol
<LrdTZ1> grin. good
<nymazoiay{DA}> you see though.. in that situation, there was absolutely nothing involved but trust and a very plutonic (sp) budding friendship
<Kilted_One> aic it could also mean that the person just lacks self esteem...or feels that they are less that the other..."she has a nicer body"....or " has faster orgasms"....
<nymazoiay{DA}> I ... I mean there was no feelings exchanged other than a desire to learn and share
<meghan`> I think the *motivation* for wanting to play with others matters to me. If it is something we do because we want to and think it would be fun, then I'm happy. If Todd said he couldn't be happy unless he had others, I'd feel threatened... because that would essentially tell me that I had no choice but to do it unless I wanted to lose him. That would switch the focus from fun to survival for me ...
<nymazoiay{DA}> I wonder if there are different types of feelings were talking about here
<nymazoiay{DA}> well said meghan
<aliceinchains> agrees with Kilted_One,,
<nymazoiay{DA}> then its .. the underlying feelings that become the trigger for either jelousy or insecurities no?
<cyncie> there is also a difference for me if we are playing publically or privately. Publically it is much easier to have others involved, because it does feel more like "play" Privately is for the most part more intimate.
* D^Archangel{nym} grumbles ,, and has to leave ,,,, be well A/all
<meghan`> Just like with BDSM ... sharing is not for everyone. :) And just like pain tolerance, I imagine emotional ability to share varies depending on headspace, time of the month, work conditions, fatigue, stress, etc ....
* ^rhiannon^ doesn't think that you have to be intmate to just "play" with helps, but not all intimate.
<`melody> if there is open honest communication.. jealousy is minimal.. to trust in your self as well as your partner ... you have to have this.....there will be at times... that ache in your depths.. tis human.. but to aknowledge the needs is part of the battle..
<aliceinchains> agrees with rhiannon,,with play trust is pivotal and communication,,not necessarily intimacy
<fr0ggy> absolutely ^rhiannon^
<^rhiannon^> and maybe for some subs, that is the problem. they tend to consider "play" as intimate time with their Master??
<BernieRoehl> Well, it's 10 pm
* autumn`breeze{JFC} bravo `mel
<nymazoiay{DA}> there are different levels of intimacy also
<cyncie> That is true rhiannon^, but when you have only "played" serious with one person, and the play almost always ends up sexually, you tend to attach intimatcy and playing together in your mind
<nymazoiay{DA}> and differing opinions as to what intimacy is
<BernieRoehl> I'm going to close the log file here, but please feel free to continue talking informally
<BernieRoehl> Thanks to everyone who participated in the discussion!
<^rhiannon^> true nymazoiay{DA}...
<cyncie> and yes, bang on ^rhiannon^
<^rhiannon^> but imagine a new submissive that is just starting out.
* nymazoiay{DA} nods
<meghan`> `rhiannon ... For some people play IS always intimate. We all have different limits regarding what we are comfortable with ...
<^rhiannon^> true maghan.
<nymazoiay{DA}> as a relative newbie... I am still in the frame of mind, right or wong, that it is an intimate part of a budding relationship with this ones Sir
<^rhiannon^> and to some, its not intimate how can it be when they can go to 3 or 4 or 5 different submissives to play in one night.
<nymazoiay{DA}> it will... I am pretty certain change
<^rhiannon^> yes..
<Kilted_One> ty Bernie for your efforts
<^rhiannon^> but as submissives can the see play as being NOT intimate???
<fr0ggy> thanks again Bernie, once again I apreciate it
<meghan`> A kiss is not so different from play. It can be chaste, it can be raw and hungry. The level of intimacy can have a lot to do with HOW you play.
<Sardaukar_vixen{Sar}> Thank you Bernie
<meghan`> Thank you BernieRoehl.
<nymazoiay{DA}> again, what level of intimacy are we talking about here
<autumn`breeze{JFC}> hugs Bernie