March 10, 2002 EhBC Online Discussion


<BernieRoehl> Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. We recommend using twisted.ma.us.dal.net as your server, to minimize lag. Tonight's discussion is "Sex and BDSM". The moderator is BernieRoehl. Enjoy the discussion!
* #bdsm-kw is being logged
<heart_of_gold4{SS}> i see, i never thought much about it, but i remember one night was a bad lag someone said to change
<BernieRoehl> So... sex.
<heart_of_gold4{SS}> hhmmmmmm favorite subject
<BernieRoehl> For some people, all the activities we enjoy are just a type of foreplay, something that ultimately culiminates in intercourse
<LordWolf> mine too
<BernieRoehl> For others, BDSM is something quite distinct from sex, and may not even involve sex as such
<BernieRoehl> So... where do people here stand on that spectrum?
<mist{LW}> sometimes after a really good BDSM session, my mind cant focus on sex, its too busy flying around in subspace
<mist{LW}> and yet other times, bring it on baby!
<mist{LW}> lol
<heart_of_gold4{SS}> can do either or or both depends
<LordWolf> who me pet?
* dalian agrees with mist
<dana_foreveralways> greetings A/all
<mist{LW}> always You Master lol
<Sir_StephenS> thats quite a difference, mist{LW}
<Sir_StephenS> in your reaction, I mean
<BernieRoehl> Do most people find that the connection between the two things varies over time?
<LordWolf> yes i do
<heart_of_gold4{SS}> yes
<mist{LW}> yes, very much so
<mist{LW}> it depends on where the play takes place, my mood going into it
<mist{LW}> what play is being used, etc
<mist{LW}> a lot of variables that effect the sexual arousal
<BernieRoehl> So some specific activities and locations lead to the play taking on a more sexual element?
<dalian> I can't speak for length of experience, however I've always found any interaction with a bdsm element always invokes the sexual aspects...to me it is important
<mist{LW}> of course
<mist{LW}> its kinda hard to get too sexual at a public play party, as opposed to play in the bedroom :}
<LordWolf> oh for sure pet but the thought still crosses my mind
<mist{LW}> yes, but one cant act on the thoughts, especially if the DM's are on their toes lol
<LordWolf> and i grr my thought till i get you home
<mist{LW}> hehe
<LordWolf> sounds normal ----- but i never be normal
<BernieRoehl> What other things affect the sexual aspect of a scene?
<LordWolf> temp, atomspere and what else is going on around me
<dalian> the overall environment can make or break how one responds
<BernieRoehl> What about external factors, things not related to the specifics of the scene?
<Sir_StephenS> for public play, there is obviously a voyeristic/exhibitionist element, although I don't know I would call it a sexual aspect
<LordWolf> how my day was before i got there
<mist{LW}> sounds, laughter, all can affect how one feels as well
<heart_of_gold4{SS}> stress?
<mist{LW}> yup, definately stress
<Sir_Tux> i think the close net comunity, makes it better
<mist{LW}> how new the players are as well
<BernieRoehl> New to each other, or generally?
<LordWolf> i think strees play a big part in how one feels
<mist{LW}> someone who has scened for a long time is going to be much more comfortable with being sexually aroused during play, and more likely to go along with the feelings
<mist{LW}> good point Bernie, yes, newness to each other as well
<LordWolf> easy for you to say pet / me being a man of few words it be harder
* mist{LW} chuckles
<dalian> true mist, it can be very difficult to allow yourself to go with the flow, so to speak when you feel uncomfortable in the newness
<Sir_StephenS> lol, thank god for those eloquent subs
<LordWolf> one wonders it one is being veiw as being a good or bad dom i know it has that effect on me and i am sure others may feel a bit frighten about public play
<BernieRoehl> What about expecations? If you enter the scene anticipating that sex will be part of it, does it alter your attitude in scene?
<heart_of_gold4{SS}> or a good or bad subbie lol
<mist{LW}> hmmmmm
<LordWolf> for me it does not
<S_W> it alters my scenes *hugely* Bernie
<mist{LW}> to be honest when i entered the scene i did expect sex to be a part of it, but soon learned that it wasnt always
<dalian> it makes the scene more comfortable for me than if sex was not involved...I'm not sure why I feel that way though, although perhaps the sexual element makes the experience more personal in some way
<mist{LW}> same here really, sex is something Master and i tend to keep private
<mist{LW}> scening on the other hand, the more the merrier when audience is around lol
<S_W> well - it's not a matter of comfort less comfort; that is dependent upon the submissive, not the sexual element per se. The point is - there is sex, and thgere is play. The two DO meet - but need not.
<LordWolf> yes one can play in public but sex in public is not for me maybe when i was a teenager the oppist was true
<mist{LW}> lol
* BernieRoehl smiles
<mist{LW}> maybe???
* mist{LW} blinks and looks at her Master
<LordWolf> yes pet i once was carefree and wild lol
<mist{LW}> "ouch" points for Master :p
<BernieRoehl> Out of curiousity, how many people here have brought a sexual element into their scenes at play parties? (private ones, obviously, since the larger ones have constraints on sexual activity)
<S_W> but - as for how it alters the scene - if sex is involved - would you as a Top be less/more harsh? Does sex to follow mean less severe or sadistic play?
<LordWolf> depend on the bluild up and what has happen before i start the scence
<DarkAngel^{rt}> back
<DarkAngel^{rt}> oops
<mist{LW}> lol, in other words, if i did something bad or not lol
* DarkAngel^{rt} doesnt do sex ,,,, rt and I are strictly in a platonic relationship
<heart_of_gold4{SS}> lol
<DarkAngel^{rt}> this is getting logged eh ?
* mist{LW} chokes
<mist{LW}> hehe
<LordWolf> nevr ben to a private play party
<LordWolf> yes pet that is true to some degree
<DarkAngel^{rt}> BernieRoehl, I have been at a Private Play Party where sex took place
<S_W> for my part, if sex were to follow - I would say - as a rule - the play style would be less severe, more sensual.
<BernieRoehl> I've been to a number of them, and participated
* BernieRoehl looks around for more hands to go up
<S_W> as have I
<mist{LW}> havent really been to a private play party as such
* DarkAngel^{rt} puts up a limb ,,,, but then realizes both hands are still typing
<mist{LW}> been to a club but there was the no penetration rule
* BernieRoehl smiles
* dalian would much prefer private as opposed to public play parties
<LordWolf> mmm blinks eyes at mist{LW}
<DarkAngel^{rt}> it is always good ettiquete to first find out if sex is ok with the host or owner
<mist{LW}> yup, that would be a good idea
<DarkAngel^{rt}> and if so to ensure one didnt leave a mess
<mist{LW}> would hate to see anyone get tossed a la nude lol
<LordWolf> i agree
<DarkAngel^{rt}> and lastly ,, if other scenes were going on,, that the sex didnt interupt (loud cries for orgasm etc)
<mist{LW}> ohh, but i would think that might spur others on to greater heights of passion DA
<BernieRoehl> So far we've talked about sex as the culmination of a scene. What about sex as part of the scene?
<LordWolf> you cry DarkAngel^{rt} ?
<`Ronin-> I hate to toss this out and then run off to order pizza (I will be right back) but man, as much as I think that the TV show "KINK" is a good idea, no wonder the vanilla crowd thinks BDSM people are freaks. Have you seen the people on that show? I don't think they represent the community well at all. Be right back.
<DarkAngel^{rt}> if it is within the house rules ,,,,, and didnt interfere with other scenes ,,,then have fun
<DarkAngel^{rt}> oh ya LordWolf
<mist{LW}> somehow i wouldnt think many Doms could carry on after sex, to culminate a scene
* mist{LW} knows Master is like jello after lol
<S_W> Ground rules are good. Strangely enough - public sex can squick ppl far more than other types of activities. :-) At one of the recent Miss Fet Nights, apparently the swingers were getting squicked by the flogging - anf the SM folks were looking strangely at blowjobs in the booth, All depends on what you are used to I guess.
<EchoesII> *it's mostly of a sexual nature of sorts,, be it traps on her lips or,, pins on her nipples,,, a flogging or torment to certain parts,,, all of a "sexual nature",,, but play in public is limited,,, and "anticipation" should be one of t' deadly sins*G's*
<Sir_StephenS> lol, that rings true, mist{LW}
* DarkAngel^{rt} was at friends just last week for some private play with rt
<DarkAngel^{rt}> while my friend and his slave were both flogging rt,, I was on the other side of the cross ,, and brought her to orgasm (genitle manipulation - yummmy)
<DarkAngel^{rt}> it made for a very good scene ,, and good release for rt
<BernieRoehl> Sounds wonderful!
<Sir_StephenS> I am not sure how eager I would be to see public sex (intercourse)...what DA is saying would be fine, of course
<LordWolf> sounds great
<DarkAngel^{rt}> later I did the same ,, but did not let her orgasm ,,,, till after we started caning her ,, and my friends slave brought her to a very powerfull orgasm
<DarkAngel^{rt}> for me ,, sex is a large part of my BDSM ,, but I know it isnt always a part of everyones
<BernieRoehl> (hmm... net split?)
<mist{LW}> ohoh
<arhiannah> tsk tsk...they weren't using twisted...lol
<mist{LW}> nope, guess not lol
<DarkAngel^{rt}> ouch
* mist{LW} hands DA a cushion for His sore parts
<LordWolf> not on twisted myself
<DarkAngel^{rt}> who else has had sexual / BDSM experiences ,,, care to share ?
<arhiannah> no LW...you just *are*
<arhiannah> ;)
<Sir_StephenS> I wonder if the sexual aspect spills over for some people...you start with a sexual kink, then you work your personality around so that it matches
* mist{LW} agrees arhiannah lol
<heart_of_gold4{SS}> need boot cream DA?
<heart_of_gold4{SS}> lol
<DarkAngel^{rt}> lol
<arhiannah> my sexuality is part of my personality...they're intertwined...not separate from one another
<DarkAngel^{rt}> just dont mix it with the KY heart_of_gold4{SS}
* mist{LW} tosses S_W a cushion as well
<LordWolf> bite me arhiannah, mist{LW}
<arhiannah> lol LW ;)
<DarkAngel^{rt}> that sounds sexual LordWolf
<mist{LW}> ohh, try KY mixed with ginger lol
<heart_of_gold4{SS}> lol
<mist{LW}> now that would be nice and warm
<arhiannah> i'll remember that LW...just you wait...
<DarkAngel^{rt}> ginger is cute ,, but I preffered Marry-Anne
* mist{LW} will bite Him twice arhiannah, once for me, once for you
<mist{LW}> ohh, no, you can bite Him at the munch tomorrow
<heart_of_gold4{SS}> no thank you lmao
<arhiannah> okies...works for me sis ;)
<DarkAngel^{rt}> so anyone else with a good sex/BDSM story ?
<S_W> *Mrs. Howell was the kinky one*
<LordWolf> lol
<arhiannah> lolol
<Sir_StephenS> I agree arhiannah, your sexuality is intertwined with personality
<DarkAngel^{rt}> and Mr.Howell ,, always had his cane ,,, dont ya know
<mist{LW}> You just like her pony tails DA
* BernieRoehl looks around, notices how shy everyone is being (re: DA's question)
<DarkAngel^{rt}> good for holding on tight
* dalian blushes...to coy to 'fess
<DarkAngel^{rt}> true BernieRoehl ,,I am thinking we have shy people here (Dom Gasp)
* arhiannah isn't coy....lol....my ass is PURPLE today
<mist{LW}> lol
* too_willing is a latecomer and wonders what the question was.
* mist{LW} isnt coy either, Master is walking around with a smile glued onto His face
<arhiannah> lol mist...DD left with a lopsided grin too
* DarkAngel^{rt} goes to the podium ,,, my name is DA ,, and I have a problem ,,, I like sex mixed with my BDSM
<BernieRoehl> DA was asking if anyone has any good sex/BDSM stories to share
<S_W> I got good sex stories; I got good BDSM stories; the combo stories though? Hmm...
<heart_of_gold4{SS}> lol
<LordWolf> did i miss something
<DarkAngel^{rt}> 3rd grade LordWolf
<DarkAngel^{rt}> lol
<mist{LW}> You always miss something Master lol
* arhiannah chuckles....any time i get sex AND bdsm...it's a good story
<DarkAngel^{rt}> ok arhiannah ,,, tell us a storry
<LordWolf> lol oh mmm watch the ice cubes dalian
<S_W> Does unintentional cbt count? If so, my best friend had his forsekin cut but the edge of a lil girl's braces and destroyed her entire dorm room in the three seconds following (accidentally)
<LordWolf> ops meant da
* mist{LW} could tell a good story about cuffs, ice, floggers, a vibrating egg and orgasms lol
<arhiannah> do tell misty ;)
<S_W> bed, desk, chairs, word processor, bookcase - entire thing - BROKEN
<LordWolf> you have my ok pet
<mist{LW}> ohh, and candle wax and a knife too lol
<mist{LW}> forgot that part
* DarkAngel^{rt} just got off the phone with his slave ,, sent her home to strip, put on collar cuffs tiger balm and use the big dildo ,,, that counts too I gues
<mist{LW}> actually the point is that today Master and i did use BDSM and sex as well
<dalian> ok...here goes...I was with three Doms and was paddles, flogged and caned until I pleased all of them...I could be very urgent in my task when I wanted the instrument of punishment to change and teasing when I was enjoying a particular part...the culmination of pleasing all three was reciprocated to me in the end...gods I hate putting this into words
<BernieRoehl> It definitely counts :-)
<DarkAngel^{rt}> ouch S_W
<DarkAngel^{rt}> lovely dalian
* BernieRoehl smiles
* too_willing thinks fondly of some cuffs, chain, hanging vibrator and a mobile cane
* Sir_StephenS applauds dalian...hear hear
<DarkAngel^{rt}> ty for sharing dalian
<BernieRoehl> What about orgasm control? Withholding permission for orgasm in order to let it build up?
* dalian crawls back into the corner and blushes
<DarkAngel^{rt}> tell us too_willing
<mist{LW}> how bout spankings and being serviced at the same time :}
<mist{LW}> fairly sure most have done/had done that
<S_W> on the torture and sex side; kitten bought this damned expensive Doc Johnson silver bullet vibe. Thing absolutely rocked. Just turn it on and orgasm galore. However...
<DarkAngel^{rt}> damn
<DarkAngel^{rt}> hey ,,, this is nonconcentual
<mist{LW}> then just say no DA lol
* mist{LW} grins
<DarkAngel^{rt}> that is exactly what I did last w/e BernieRoehl
<S_W> The wire developed a small break after two weeks...As a reult, the vibe beceam an orgasm denial machine. It would get her *right to the pointof orgasm* and then cease to function. You'd have to tap it agasint the wall to bang it back on...get back to the point...BUZZZZZZ****STOP** And so on and so on...
<DarkAngel^{rt}> it is delisious when she whines and beggs
<dalian> I really hate when that happens...sometimes I can deal with it and other times it makes me extremely pissed off...to the point that I could never become aroused again
<mist{LW}> lol S_W
<EchoesII> it's a beautiful thing,,,, BernieRoehl,,,, *G's*
<heart_of_gold4{SS}> lol
<arhiannah> i HATE having to control it....when i'm *there*...i want it...NOW...but once He allows it....whooooooa
<Sir_StephenS> I don't know enough about the mysteries of female orgasm to control it
<mist{LW}> did you put the egg into something like a condom, so you could use the condom to remove it, rather than tugging on the wire??
<S_W> she damn neear put a hole in the wall banging this thing one night and finally through it across the room screaming
<DarkAngel^{rt}> and does this unknow "he" do it during a flogging arhiannah ?
<too_willing> how do you balance on the edge? i find that when i have to ask i often lose the edge and have to start all over again...
<DarkAngel^{rt}> very good idea mist{LW} ,,, ty
<S_W> - tiny bullet on the clit - condom - bale of saran wrap - same result
<arhiannah> yes DA...and with that damnable plastic rod He stole off my mini-blinds as well
<arhiannah> lol
<mist{LW}> you learnd to hold on to that edge, just takes time and a lot of willpower lol
<DarkAngel^{rt}> Mmm Father Max is going out to try it
<too_willing> i guess and a lot of practice to!
<mist{LW}> your welcome DA :}
<S_W> plastic rods from blinds are nasty lil bastards! :-)
<Sir_StephenS> thats sort of what I was thinking too, too_willing
<mist{LW}> practice makes perfect lol
<Sir_StephenS> balancing on the edge
<DarkAngel^{rt}> any other stories ? .... of BDSM/sex during parties ? .. or semi public ?
<too_willing> nope... perfect practice makes perfect.. ;-)
* ^^^^zaR^^^ grins, having finally caught up
<mist{LW}> hmm, how bout being fingered to orgasm, with several refusals to let you cum, in Victoria park here in London
* BernieRoehl recalls having a submissive services several other male Doms while blindfolded, so she never knew who she was pleasing
<too_willing> does being driven home naked, blindfolded in the truck constitute semi private?
<LordWolf> i like to practice , i keep doing it till i get it right and since i sem never to get it right i will keep doing it over and over
<^^^^zaR^^^> now DA, i figured if you begged enough you would hear a good story
<arhiannah> too_willing....it's *really* hard to balance it...often i find that i've dropped below that level when He denies orgasm and have to work or concentrate really hard to maintain it....coz 9 times out of 10....He'll demand it shortly after
* mist{LW} grins at that thought
<too_willing> i am finding out just how hard it is to balance...
<S_W> Well - perhpas touching on a *ahem* soft spot was this Dom I knew named Todd. It was a small party - and ppl were just getting used ot one another. Later after a spanking belt scene, Todd unzips and pulls out this *monster* dick. And all the other guys in the room are looking down and feeling small.
* DarkAngel^{rt} grins at several thoghts ,,,MMmm you people are kinky
<DarkAngel^{rt}> where did I put that pen and paper
<dalian> oooooh...I like the blindfolded part ;)
<S_W> Penis envy *live in concert* is not much fun.
<arhiannah> lol SW
<too_willing> then He made me walk from the truck to the house, naked, blindfolded at 2 am in the morning...
<heart_of_gold4{SS}> lol
<^^^^zaR^^^> i can offer an example of how sex can be a part of scene play without it having to be a public orgy
<Sir_StephenS> thats a great story too_willing
<DarkAngel^{rt}> I made my slave strip in the hot tub ,, with a bunch of vanillas ,,, everyone stripped soon after , but she didnt know that ,, *evil chuckle*
<BernieRoehl> Sounds great, too_willing
<too_willing> it was fun in afterthought but a bit scary at the time...
<S_W> Which is another problem when it comes to a frequent sex/BDSM fantasy of the gang bang. If you are looking to find some other guy do have sex with your sub - this is usually not a problem. When you are looking to fulfill the gang bang fantasy - it is a LOT harder to do than you think.
<DarkAngel^{rt}> her birthday is comming up S_W
* ^^^^zaR^^^ confesses ^^^LS^^^ combined part humilation with Domination and made me appear in public (a private party but amongst folks that i only really knew in a non sexual bdsm way) wearing my harness and dong
<too_willing> especially when He made me masturbate then commented on whether or not the pedestrians could see in when we were at a traffic light
<BernieRoehl> How so, S_W?
<`Ronin-> back
<heart_of_gold4{SS}> someone here is getting ideas ...sheesh
<^^^^zaR^^^> as i had to parade very uncomfortably about, I heard both giggles (nervous ones) from the girls, and cheers of "be proud of your dick" ^^^zaR^^^^
<`Ronin-> Hey, Dominos Pizza has this icing thingy with their pizza bread now.
<DarkAngel^{rt}> very nice ^^^^zaR^^^ ,,ty dear
* ^^^^zaR^^^ blushes crimson,,(and not a common occurance)
<LordWolf> getting some wicked idea my pet ( big evil grin)
<mist{LW}> eeeep
* BernieRoehl smiles
* `Ronin- scratches and scrolls back...waaaaaaaaay back
* mist{LW} looks at her Master wondering if she could somehow make His puter lose power
<BernieRoehl> Well, we're almost out of time. Anyone else have anything they'd like to share on the subject of sex and BDSM?
<^^^^zaR^^^> god bless viagra
<arhiannah> there were a couple occasions when i've been at 4 seasons with fresh marks...embarrassing & exciting all at the same time
<^^^^zaR^^^> ;)
* DarkAngel^{rt} thinks they are the same thing ,,, just my flavour
<LordWolf> share mmm do it oh yea
* mist{LW} thinks that you should enjoy them both :}
<^^^^zaR^^^> ack, now thats a tough act to follow arhiannah!
<too_willing> agreed, mist{LW}
<DarkAngel^{rt}> just be carefull ,,, sex causes people
<BernieRoehl> And on that note... let's wrap up the discussion. :-)
<mist{LW}> not if your careful DA, or ...........
<too_willing> i look fwd to reading the complete transcript of the discussion
<BernieRoehl> I'm going to close the log, and start processing and uploading it
<BernieRoehl> Should be there later tonight, too_willing
* `Ronin- chews his pizza
<DarkAngel^{rt}> the carefull part was my point mist{LW} ,,, lol
* mist{LW} grins
<BernieRoehl> Thanks, everyone, for your participation!