February 27, 2005 EhBC Online Discussion

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<ModBot> Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. Tonight's discussion topic is "Benefits and Risks of Sharing Your Slave". The discussion is unmoderated. Enjoy!
<dana^^> dislikes winter ... lol
<bridgeit`> dana me too
<nightmans> i think a big downfall is you never know what harm or mental dame can be done well your back is turned
<bridgeit`> jewel *hugs*
<dana^^> could you explain that a little more please nightmans?
<Topsm> hiA/all
<paperclip> are you speaking from experience nightmans?
<nightmans> no paper
<paperclip> ok
<nightmans> being injured
<nightmans> or over dueing verble abuse
<fionne{JB}> being injured because the person that you have been leant to doesn't know your limits?
<spirited_fem> Greetings
<nightmans> yes fionne{JB} or just don't care as much
<^^blue^^> well..... i hopefully am not calling One "Master" who would lend me out to someone who doesn't give a damn
<fionne{JB}> that is were the responsibility falls in the Dom's lap i'd guess...for lending her out
<^^blue^^> who would hurt me
<jewel`{F}> i would have serious issues with the dom doing the loaning if they were to loan a slave out to someone that they didn't know and trust well,
<nightmans> it is a risk thow
<fionne{JB}> yes it is......agreed
<Corporal_Punishment{pb_ss}> Isnt it all about trust?
<Omy> I believe fionne{JB} that it is up to the DOminant to ensure that person(s) they leand their property out to are of like minds. That they take some time to ensure their property comes back in similar fashion to how it was lent out
<nightmans> on the outher hand could help with training
<spirited_fem> it a dominate lends out his Gir itis his reponcability to knwothat person is safe
<fionne{JB}> how can you trust someone you perhaps don't have previous contact with?
<Corporal_Punishment{pb_ss}> no fionne{JB}, I am talking about trust between the submissive and the Dominant
<spirited_fem> you trust owner
<fionne{JB}> or do you mean trusting your own Dom...that he would know the person well that he is lending her to?
<fionne{JB}> ahhh okay
<fionne{JB}> how many people know what other do 'behind closed doors'?
<nightmans> most my frend i due
<jewel`{F}> would being loaned out also be part of negotiations at some poing in the relationship ?
<nightmans> i will all way trust my dom and due as asked i give them everything i can offer
<_dove> It would be in the Owner's best interest to find out if he is lending his slave, whom he values
<Corporal_Punishment{pb_ss}> agreed _dove
<Corporal_Punishment{pb_ss}> I would never give either of my girls to one I do not trust
<Topsm> yes dv
<fionne{JB}> true...but what happens if the girl is opposed to such an arrangement?
<dana^^> i think alot depends on the motivation behind... "lending out"...
<Topsm> dove
<nightmans> lend slave out to due cleaning to make money to help support them self witht here dom
<spirited_fem> welllike all aspects of the life it should be ssc
<dana^^> and what exactly "lending out" means
<Corporal_Punishment{pb_ss}> that is my decision fionne{JB} not theirs
<_dove> That would have been negotiated at some point, and in the end the slave has the right of self-dismissal if it's really that bad
<nightmans> i'am 100% for thatr
<spirited_fem> i have never been leneded wihtout digussion
<fionne{JB}> totally, i know...but what i am saying is what if she IS opposed and therefore has a bad experience just because of the lending?
<motoki> so let's say that there is trust, ssc, and the submissive/slave has been lent out - what are the benefits/risks?
<jewel`{F}> benifits could be a new type of play learned/tried
<_dove> benefit - new experiences
<nightmans> risk of them being hurt helping with traning
<motoki> i'd say one big benefit is the deepening of the relationship between Master and slave as a result
<motoki> or potential deepening
<jewel`{F}> the lending itself could be a pushing of a limit,
<Omy> if she is apposed fionne{JB}, then it is not consentual...and therefore shouldn't be carried out.
<motoki> that depends on the M/s relationship Omy - if the relationship is based on total power exchange and a prior agreement that what the Master says, goes ... then opposition at the time wouldn't necessarily be non-consensual (in a similar way to "no is not a safeword")
<_dove> There is also a risk of the opposite happening motoki
<jen{SE}> coming into this a little late, so not sure what was talked about already, but when most think about sharing it is sexual or play, i have been shared as a servant
<jen{SE}> shared/lent to help with something
<Omy> lending out ones slave is not something you do the second week in your relationship. There has to be great trust betwene the Dominant and their slave
<spirited_fem> i was taught that inmy heart i would know what was right
<spirited_fem> that it was my reponsability sot stand up tfor whatis right
<spirited_fem> if i need to speack
<spirited_fem> i speack
<Omy> I disagree motoki...if it is not consentual...even in TPE...then resentment will build a wedge in the relationship and it will end
<spirited_fem> ifi ned to act i act
<spirited_fem> andmy dom will understand if i am geuine about it
<motoki> my point, Omy, is that it would be consensual within the confines of that type of a relationship
<nightmans> true motoki
<Omy> If the Dominant does something to breed resentment motoki they do so at their own peril
<nightmans> my self i don't see a problem but it all matter on what thay have plained
<Omy> doesn't matter whether its TPE or not
<motoki> sure, ditto for the submissive
<motoki> but that doesn't change that it's consensual within that relationship
<fionne{JB}> blanket consent previously given in a TPE relationship overrides all else?
<Omy> your splitting hairs and that doesn't belong in the relationship
<spirited_fem> no one should give blanket consent
<nightmans> in tpe thay will still due it just not be happy and in time it will cause it to end
<motoki> nah, consent or lack thereof isn't splitting hairs
<spirited_fem> thins are always comming up in a relationship
<spirited_fem> things that need to be talked about
<Omy> anyways...we digress from the topic Tonight's discussion topic is "Benefits and Risks of Sharing Your Slave".
<jen{SE}> notes again, sharing does not have to be sexual or play
<jen{SE}> serving staff at a dinner
<dana^^> nods with jen{SE}
<^^blue^^> what benefits would anyone say there are
<nightmans> even slave have thing there more willing to due and thay still get mad
<jen{SE}> you can only give what you own
<motoki> another benefit is, as a slave, growing more in one's slavery through the act of being lent out or shared for whatever reason
<motoki> i agree jen
<jen{SE}> so benefit is that one truly feels owned when given away
<spirited_fem> a benifit is the exchange of knowledge
<Omy> Very true jen{SE}...and as a server at a dinner is a great example
<jewel`{F}> no it doesn't jen{SE}, sending you over to a friends place to help clean for guests or do painting or other chores
<motoki> mmm yes
<nightmans> jewel`{F} for me that would not bug me if asked but just told it would
<jewel`{F}> but if your Dominant is the one that is telling you nightmans?
<nightmans> i will still due it just not be happy aobut it
<^^blue^^> Owner even......... as per the topic of discussion
<jen{SE}> smiles sadly at the fact that D/s and M/s has become about doing only what we want to
<motoki> a slave's happiness is a nice side effect when it happens, but it isn't essential to carry out the wishes of said slave's Owner
<Corporal_Punishment{pb_ss}> AGREED jen{SE}
* jewel`{F} nods in agreement with jen{SE}
<fionne{JB}> with lending a girl...for WHAT should be specified then...and rules, permissions, duties explained, discussed and agreed upon between Doms
<motoki> the "i'm a slave if it suits me" syndrome
<Corporal_Punishment{pb_ss}> there have been many times that jody or cheryl have said, "i dont want to do that" and I just laugh
* jewel`{F} stiffles a snicker
<jen{SE}> *smiles*, that kindof a laugh sends chills down my spine
<Corporal_Punishment{pb_ss}> :)
<motoki> :)
<Omy> That depends apon what the two people agree on jen{SE}....but I'll agree there has been a "watering down" for lack of better words
<jewel`{F}> i just get "that look" Master doesn't even laugh
<nightmans> i due it if not happy with it any how i'am not a slave but i still due as i'am told and it show's if i'am or not
<spirited_fem> gees i love how judgmental people can be
<dana^^> oO( thinks its more like a flood... just a humble opinion though... )
<jen{SE}> sometimes, SE does not "want" me to be happy about something i'm doing, that is the ponit
<jen{SE}> point even
<nightmans> yep like a punshment
<Corporal_Punishment{pb_ss}> I knew I like SE for a reason
<spirited_fem> whatis the standard by wich soemone is or is not a good sub slave or Dominate
<motoki> yes, submit whetehr the feelings inspire you to submit or not
<jen{SE}> by the standard of their partner
<jewel`{F}> not even a punishment, more a "remember your place" task
<dana^^> it may not be a punishment... just a lesson to grow on
<jen{SE}> it is only Him i have to please not anyone else
<nightmans> true dana^^
<motoki> i don't think that is punishment at all - it just "is"
<Omy> Tonight's discussion topic is "Benefits and Risks of Sharing Your Slave".
<jen{SE}> benefit >> maintain/share control
<jewel`{F}> how about the risk that the slave enjoys the time with the one they are loaned to better
<jen{SE}> risk >> slave gets pissed and leaves
<nightmans> if your going away and need someone to take care of that slave
<Omy> I think one of the big benefits is to grow as a person.
<dana^^> kinda think thats a very shallow mindset then jewel...
<fionne{JB}> jen..that would mean that the slaves heart was not in the right place ;)
<Omy> To test yourself on how well you assimulated the training you have been given.
<spirited_fem> how do you know her her heart is
<motoki> it can inject a fresher dynamic or new perspective into the M/s relationship by bringing new ideas back from being shared
<nightmans> i can't speak for all but i know the happyer i'am the better i work
<_dove> Not necessarily fionne{JB}. It could be, but not always
<jewel`{F}> could be, but could still happen
<jen{SE}> *smiles*, was flippant answer but the truth is, if SE lends me to do something and i do it well and make Him proud, i feel fantastic
<fionne{JB}> true...could happen
<dana^^> absolutely jewel...
<nightmans> vary true jen
<Omy> well put jen
<jewel`{F}> are we assuming that the sharing or lending is being done without the owner's presence?
<bridgeit`> sounds that way
<nightmans> i'am jewel`{F}
<motoki> plus, even if the slave is NOT happy about being shared, that incredible glow that comes from the Dominant/Owner's words "good girl" more than makes up for it
<Omy> It could be either way jewel
<Corporal_Punishment{pb_ss}> I dont think it much matters does it jewel`{F}?
<jen{SE}> not always jewel`{F}
<jewel`{F}> i don't think it matters either, but the flow seemd to be going that way
<jen{SE}> nods at motoki
<jen{SE}> few better words
<jen{SE}> most events i have served at SE has been there, there has only been one or two where He has not
<jewel`{F}> i was thinking of all the scenes i have watched where the slave was being shared
<Omy> I would think that for the slave there is a different set of butterflies for being shared while Master is around and being shared while Master is not around
<jewel`{F}> at munches Master has had me make sure others drinks are refilled, coats put away that sort of thing
<nightmans> if owner not aroudn there much higher risk
<motoki> actually, i think sometimes the risk is higher with the Owner there
* jewel`{F} remembers some serious butterflies just at the teasing of Master and Omy about a double scene
<jen{SE}> a benefit for the slave would be the opportunity to experience another without guilt or shame, the control was taken away, i was only doing what i was told
<dana^^> would take you out of your "comfort zone" without the Owner present... i know i would feel a wee bit vulnerable
<jen{SE}> allows the slut to come out
<motoki> mmmm
* motoki agrees with jen
* Omy chuckles at jewel`{F}
<nightmans> big time dana^^ and being relly unsure of what to due
<jewel`{F}> there could also be a risk at some emotional triggers that none were aware of,
<nightmans> yep and can over welm the new dom
<motoki> or misunderstood intentions, like "oh i thought you said "put her in bed" not "cut off her head"
<dana^^> lol
<jen{SE}> a question for the Dominants, when You share Your slave/submissive do You send along a list of rules, or because You would only send to a trusted person, do You let things progress as they may
<fionne{JB}> sheesh! lol
<jewel`{F}> some may call it sharing of a slave, others may just call it helping a friend, but Master told me i was to help out some friends pack and load for a move
<dana^^> excellent question jen{SE}
* MsMaple doesn't share well
<MsMaple> ;)
<nightmans> np helping frend that would be helping dom and make them much happyer
<Omy> I would talk with sultry about what will be expected of her...perhaps share some likes and dislikes I know the other Dominant has...I might impose a rule or two if I felt it warranted
<motoki> ok that brings up another question (thanks MsMaple!) - if you are th etype of Dominant who "doesn't share well", but is behind that? why not share?
<motoki> but = what
<MsMaple> Well motoki the topic is slaves and I've not got that button on my chest yet
<Topsm> I would have to be with sub to know there are ok +have to trust that person fullly jen<se>
<motoki> yes the topic is slaves, but it implies ownership
<nightmans> MsMaple i'am just speking from my own exp
<jen{SE}> so what if Your Dominant said serve Dom A a coffee, what would you do?
<shadoe> i'm thinking slaves/submissives is pretty equal in this discussion.. if a dominant decides to share, he/she isn't concerned over the slave/sub idea
<Omy> Well what's behind it could be any number of things...Dominant could be monogamus, doesn't feel the situation is right, the trust may not be at a level to sustain it, insecurities
<jen{SE}> vs if Your Dominant go sleep with Dom A?
<nightmans> you get them a soffee
<nightmans> coffee
<MsMaple> Oh something like that isn't really sharing in my mind nightmans
<shadoe> i'd go sleep with Dom A
<jen{SE}> well if it was option two and it was a soffee, it would be a mute point *grins*
<shadoe> as ordered
<shadoe> and pray to gawd Dom A isn't totally revulsive and i'm gonna gag
<MsMaple> If I asked a submissive that was with me to do something like that... not really sharing in my mind
<nightmans> share sex would be a huge thing for me and would take a highly trust dom for that
<nightmans> due to risk of aid's and so on
<MsMaple> indeed nightmans, that's more what I was thinkin
<nightmans> sharing in that case can cause death
<MsMaple> nightmans surely to goodness NOT any risk of that
<jen{SE}> now for the submissives, how do you feel about being lent or not lent
<jen{SE}> for me both have positives
<Omy> sexually or in service jen?
<fionne{JB}> i'd think that rules and permitables would have to be pre-discussed
<shadoe> well assuming said dominant is mature and aware of health risks and understands the concept of condoms.. nightmans, are you saying you'd not obey?
<nightmans> it matter's on why but it's fine with me
<jen{SE}> to be lent drives home the fact that i am owned
<fionne{JB}> or else it could turn into a very bad experience for all
<nightmans> yes i would shadoe
<motoki> i love the idea
<jen{SE}> to not be lent could also show that i was valued and treasured *grins* depends on how you want to look at it
<motoki> and i've loved it when it's happened
<nightmans> i due as i'am told as long as i'am asured it's safe
<shadoe> so you wouldn't trust your owner, nightmans?
<motoki> hmm - a couple times i haven't "loved" it, but i still find the concept very affirming in terms of my slavery
<Omy> That is a monogamus arguement jen{SE}
<MsMaple> If you don't trust the one you're with... pray
<shadoe> okay.. sorry.. i didnt' see your next response quickly enough nightmans
<nightmans> it's ok shadoe
<jen{SE}> *smiles*, yes it is Omy Sir
<jewel`{F}> i have never been loaned/shared in the play or sexual aspect, but in the times that Master has told me to do for others, i have felt very good at being able to do so, have even felt proud when i have heard Master complimented on me
<nightmans> i due what i'am told with no question as i know my safty is 1# on the dom's mind
<jen{SE}> it is all on what your perspective and outlook is, i am His to do with as He choose, share or not share, i will find the good in either situation
<motoki> nods
<_dove> Isn't it a case of "what we sign up for"? And that differs from one dynamic to the next.
<motoki> yes i think so
<nightmans> complimenting cand safe can go a long way on this make the sub happy and safy why would thay not due it
<jen{SE}> partially _dove, but that is another discussion, i believe when i signed up from then on not negotiable
<Omy> well that depends dove...some sign up to be submiisve but monogamus...some sign up to be property
* jen{SE} the old slave, sub, bottom, play slut, or just plain slut discussion *lol*
<_dove> jen{SE} - what i meant by that is your agreement with SE differs from another couple's agreements
<shadoe> i think for me it would be easier.. because of the long term thing, i know if He lent me out, He'd be there watching .. and somehow that would make it all okay.. not that i'd say no.. but because we know each other so well, i also know how He would handle it
<_dove> no - it was not meant in that vein
<jen{SE}> yes it probably is dove
<motoki> sharing and monogamy are very compatible
<MsMaple> Very nicely put shadoe
<nightmans> yes the more trust there is the more will thay would be
* jen{SE} waves night
<shadoe> so maybe we should do a "lets pretend"... submissive/slave has been told by Master "you will entertain Dom B".. what's your first reaction.. knee jerk now.. no thinking! (and assume that you've been pissed at Master for the past week.. about something totally unrelated)
<motoki> "what does entertain mean"
<nightmans> i would still knee
<shadoe> well .. we know motoki's reaction
<motoki> what? beg for chocolate?
<shadoe> no.. question
<nightmans> there is a time and a place to express you self
<motoki> or clarify
<shadoe> that's still questioning
<Topsm> lol@motoki
<motoki> ok ok - i'm a questioning slut
<shadoe> LOL
<motoki> that's just my 1st reactoin
<shadoe> and that's okay
<shadoe> it's who you are
<nightmans> when guest are around is not the best time ot objuect it will show badly on your dom due it in privet
<Topsm> that can be a good thingor a bad thingstilllol
<shadoe> for me.. i'd obey
<shadoe> i might be pissed inside
<Omy> First I wouldn't "tell" my slave that she is entertaining Dom B. I would say that I would like her to entertain Dom B and ask about how she felt about that. History runs deep and there maybe aspects I am unaware of. This woould impede my ability to make an informed decesion
<jewel`{F}> sort of along the same lines as motoki with the what does entertain mean, i would likely ask if i'm to sing, dance, tell jokes or what
<shadoe> but i'd obey
<nightmans> obey and queson after
<Topsm> yes Omy you read my mind
<shadoe> Omy.. i would assume that you'd done your homework and have a pretty good idea of where you were asking your slave/submissive to go
<nightmans> if i have a problem i let them know
<shadoe> exactly nightmans
<shadoe> and ask permission to question after
<Masterguny> I have shared my slave in that I loned her out to do domestic work for another Dom the trade was his sub came and did my yard work and landscaping..that is the kind of sharing I am willing to do
<nightmans> but how i act reflect on my dom if i acted bad i would be hideing
<Omy> Sure shadoe, but what if before she met me she had a close friend who was Dom B slave and lacks the ability to respect him/her?
<shadoe> i guess how we all answer has a lot to do with our bdsm beliefs.. mine is that i obey.. unwaveringly.. and trust that my Dominant has our best interests in mind.. if i don't like something, i ask permission to express my feelings on it
<motoki> when i asked that question, i assumed that obedience was given
<motoki> and that i needed to know what was expected of me to reflect on my hypothetical owner in the best way possible
<nightmans> no matter the problem unless it mean's someone's life it can hold till after
<shadoe> that's up to you to discover first Omy.. i know you and read your words,, and respect them.. i have no doubt you would do a LOT of homework before committing to any activity that is shared
<motoki> i wouldn't question in front of others
<motoki> unless it was essential for the safe execution of the orders
<Omy> that is a good approach shadoe...in my books NOT asking to speak is unacceptable behaviour
<nightmans> your 100% right motoki
<ModBot> There are only about five minutes left in the formal part of tonight's discussion. Does anyone have any last-minute thoughts on the subject?
<nightmans> so it's a good thing of the dom has looked in to it enuff
<nightmans> ???
<shadoe> it's not good or bad.. it's about your relationship and what your dominant expects from you
<shadoe> and if he/she says you are servicing another dominant.. then you do that
<shadoe> and you trust
<MsMaple> and the trust grows between you
<shadoe> it's that simple
<nightmans> yah trust is a big facter
<Omy> Each person has the responsibility for personal safety. The Dominant in the relationship has to take the leadership roll and ensure his/her property is not going to be harmed (as apposed to hurt which can happen) from the exchange
<shadoe> exactly Omy. *smile*
<dana^^> thank you Eeveryone... some very interesting insights and comments... take care... smiles and scoots...
<nightmans> well put Omy
<Topsm> yes Omg
<ModBot> Well, that's it for the formal part of the discussion. The discussion log is now closed. It should be processed and uploaded to the www.ehbc.ca website soon. Please feel free to continue chatting informally. Have a good night, everyone!
<ModBot> Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion.
<Omy> thank you...and thanks to all for a very interesting discussion....I much enjoyed the viewpoints...but now the viewpoint that counts is the one from my head on a pillow