February 20 2000 EhBC Online Discussion

<Kilted_One> well it is almost time for the formal discussion tonight....as this discussion will be logged and posted on our web page anyone that wishes to keep there nick secret should leave now or change it
* Galadan snickers
<Galadan> oh yeah shado, now we have no idea who you are..
<`slutkat`> hand over the snickers bars
<Kilted_One> discussion in progress...."Casual, Committed or Somewhere In Between"....pls avoid Walton style hellos and byes...enjoy the discussion
<Kilted_One> that msg is on auto
* `shado needs to be commited
<`slutkat`> can we get a double room, shado?
* cybersweet giggles at shado...hehehehe
* `shado puts on serious side and listens to KO
<Kilted_One> I would like to open the discussion by asking what ppl think these three things mean in a relationship
* `slutkat` chuckles at *serious* shado
<`shado> casual means no commitment?
* Kilted_One wonders if that is side A or B shado??
<`shado> K
* `slutkat` <~~~~ Z
<`shado> casual...no ties
<`shado> no collar
<pebbly`> hello everyone :)
* `slutkat` drags pebbly down to sit with her on the floor and tells her to hush.... ;-)
<sweetslave{AF}> casual=no comittment....committed=consideration for longer term involvement...somewhere in between=wants to explore committment but just thinking about it
<`shado> that works sweetslave{AF}
<LrdThomas> casual is a fuck buddy/flog victim. Committed, is an exchange of powers on a permanent basis.... in between is the step from one to the other, for some.
* pebbly` laughs as she falls down onto the floor...why do i gotta hush? :D
* ^llara smiles....i fall in the casual dept
<`slutkat`> cuz
<Kilted_One> so why would we put our relationship into one of these "boxes"??
* `shado likes casual
* `slutkat` tosses pillow over for llara to fall on
<`slutkat`> good point KO
<`shado> maybe because circumstances warrent it KO
<pebbly`> k..thats a good enough reason for me
<^llara> cause it works...for me right now
<^llara> is the only rason
<Kilted_One> what works ^llara
* `slutkat` nods to pebbly..thot so too hon
<^llara> casual...uncommited....but...not a huge string of partners either
<^llara> leaving that option open
<LrdThomas> putting in boxes is an excuse to not think. It was only because the question was framed such KO.
<^llara> i like my life the way it is
<Kilted_One> what circumstances shado?
<`shado> sometimes personal ones for not wishing to deeply involve others within one's life because of things going on within it.....
<^llara> i wouldn't consider myself a non thinker though..nor do i consider that i have not progress with D/s
* Kilted_One winks at LT
<`shado> sometimes just out of fear of commitment
<`shado> sometimes because all the Dom's one meets are wannabes :)
<`slutkat`> is that a casual or committed Domly wink there KO? <s>
<^llara> lol
* vixen{KO} ^5's shadomeister
* `slutkat` chuckles quietly at shado's comment....
<Kilted_One> do we use these "descriptions" to try and communicate to our partner what we want out of the relationship....or what we expect out of the relationship?/
<`shado> if they listen yes
<^llara> i do.....yes...from the get go
<^llara> now do they understand and HEAR them
<^llara> another story lol
<`shado> exactly !!
<`slutkat`> lol
<vixen{KO}> 10%
<`slutkat`> wow..thats high, vixen... ;-)
<vixen{KO}> they only hear 10% of what you actually say about it
* Kilted_One thinks it was something in his eye wink ;)
<`shado> 5%
<`slutkat`> oh..hear... and comprehension is... .0005%?
<^llara> wow...you are giving lots of credit
* `slutkat` thinks KO shud git that twitch fixed
<Kilted_One> so if "our partners' only here what is said 5-10% of the time what is wrong with the communications??
<vixen{KO}> with those kinda figures, it's no wonder it's so hard to grasp the reality of the committed with the intensity that this lifestyle brings with it
* Kilted_One changes here to hear
* LrdThomas thinks its silly to discuss this, if the subs truly think doms are that bad.
<`shado> freudian slip KO :)
<`slutkat`> men and women communicate and comprehend in different manners
* ^llara sits on her hands.......
<vixen{KO}> precisely....hence the "need" for subbie shopping trips, subbie slumber parties....Dom Clubs
<`shado> Doms are not that bad LT.......each person in a relationship whether casual or committed needs to understand the *rules*
<^llara> have a good evening all:)
<`slutkat`> i don't think its Doms are bad, as that the genders think differently... and you have to recognize that fact
<`slutkat`> and its not just Doms, its men.. its women.. its everybody...
<vixen{KO}> tru slutkat
<Kilted_One> is that not just like ppl wanting to hang together
<tru_s{Ach}> was that tru....or slutkat....
<tru_s{Ach}> hehe
<vixen{KO}> also tru Master
<`slutkat`> wait.. subbie shopping trips??? okay..what did i miss now?
<vixen{KO}> oops....gotta remember those "e"s
<`shado> the same can be siad for subs that think they are going into the relationship that will last the rest of their lives when that is not what the Dom's expectations are
<tru_s{Ach}> lol
<`shado> the sub is not listening then
<Kilted_One> k....lets try this....can the submissives describe what a casual relationship is for us "not understanding Doms"?
<`shado> casual means no collar....no ties upon my time other than those i wish to give
<`slutkat`> yeesh
<vixen{KO}> casual is play time....no strings
<`shado> exactly
<sweetslave{AF}> that's it in a nutshell
<`slutkat`> what would Doms say casual was, KO?
<vixen{KO}> wanted....meaningful one night relationship with a twist
<Kilted_One> so what a bout a casual vr relationship?? how would you describe that??
<`shado> casual is still a relationship as such....just not a commited collared type
<vixen{KO}> yup, yup
<Kilted_One> cant answer that for all doms only myself kat....and I would say that a casual relationship is one that is done a frequency basis....i.e....meeting/playing only one a month or so sort of thing
<`slutkat`> casual doesnt mean one night, does it vixen?
<`shado> hopefully.....one does not play with someone they just picked up off the street...there should be something else there
* `slutkat` nods tks to KO... kinda what i thot too, Sir
<vixen{KO}> no, not at all really, slutkat....was just makin a new boompar steekar
<`slutkat`> i see.... *wincing at the new computereeze language*
<Kilted_One> so you see a Kolar as being the major milestone between casual and committed shado?? is there any others??
<Kevinb32> good evening again
<vixen{KO}> k....so somewhere inbetween is where most people fall then?
<`shado> i see a collar as commitment...period - [X] - ON [X] - OFF AUTO GREET
<sweetslave{AF}> as it should be
<Kilted_One> would that mean that no Kolar....no committment shado??
* `slutkat` is curious as to why all the subs are answering.. what about the rest of the Doms in channel other than KO?
<vixen{KO}> collar....same shape as ring....same intensity....same commitment sorta thing happening
<Kevinb32> what could be the argument regarding the collar committment
* sweetslave{AF} agree's with vixen
<`shado> no KO....there can be commitment without a Ko'lar
<Kevinb32> I agree it is a fact of the style
<`slutkat`> er... KO... there can be an intense commitment without collaring...
<Kevinb32> yes...certainly
<vixen{KO}> Kevin....we're trying to determine where things fall as in casual, committed or somewhere in between....hence tonites chat topic.
* Kilted_One nods to shado...I agree that was why I asked what other things could signify commitment other than a Kolar
<Kevinb32> good topic...important
<`shado> think commitment is defined by the people involved....everyone is different -`slutkat`- ||Private/Kilted_One|| you might want to define Kolar for the gor-unitiated as collar... <s>
* Kilted_One Kolar-collar
* `shado speaks Gor'ese -`slutkat`- ||Private/Kilted_One|| luv a dom who can take directions...... <SMIRK>
<`slutkat`> not all do, shado.. <s>
<Kevinb32> ...the ring and the collar are good comparisons...but also the WORD
<vixen{KO}> as in all persuasions in this walk of life on this planet at this time.....every relationship....vanilla, BDSM or any other flavour....they all are varied according to those involved...
<Kevinb32> insdie and outsidee the style
<Kilted_One> if we are having a little trouble defining the definition of commited other that a Kolar....and agree that there is commitment without one do you think that this maybe related to the communication thing mentioned earlier??
<Kevinb32> true but I think we are seeeking some convention
<vixen{KO}> true Kevin....and with this virtual lifestyle that many live...the word is the collar...
<tru_s{Ach}> casual to me is no contract or expectations...no timetables...no collar
<tru_s{Ach}> committment is a committment of time, energy and emotion
<`abi> I think that commitment is something you feel ... period...it doesn't require even that it is reciprocated....
<`slutkat`> m.mm... i like that... abi ..
<vixen{KO}> well said tru
<Kevinb32> I am not well versed in virtual...some experience...but the collar may be applied within virtual also...for some
<Kilted_One> good point abigaille
<tru_s{Ach}> sanks sis
<Kevinb32> so we seem to have some consensus...grin
<vixen{KO}> it can be Kevin....agreed....but the virtual collar is the ultimate of the committed word then, isn't it? being that the "collar" is also virtual, so that makes the word the truthful bond
<`abi> ...and you can extrapolate from that then, that a collar or a ring or brand are just representations of a commitment ...
* `slutkat` perks up *BRAND*????
* vixen{KO} *PERKS* Brand????
<Kevinb32> A wise and thoughtful woman Vexen
* vixen{KO} ^5's slutkat
<`slutkat`> ^5 vixen{KO}
<`slutkat`> gsmta = great subbie minds think alike
<vixen{KO}> yuhuh
<vixen{KO}> and thank you Kevinb32
<Kevinb32> not always kat...that is why we love you...grin
<Kilted_One> what advantages is there in a casual relationship?? and what disadvantages in a commited one??
<`slutkat`> ?
<vixen{KO}> variety!!!
<`abi> what is the purpose of any of those "things"? ... they don't create the commitment , anyone who has ever had a velcro collar knows that ... they just represent what you feel
<`slutkat`> variety?
<vixen{KO}> okay....not variety, let's say experience then???
* `slutkat` chuckles
<Kevinb32> casual is but exploratory...fun..but really just training for both physically and emotionally
<vixen{KO}> or just simply for the fun of it....
<Kevinb32> you bet...grin
<Kevinb32> and nothing wrong with it
* vixen{KO} nods
* vixen{KO} goes over and sits by abi and hugs her
* `abi smiles and hugz back
<vixen{KO}> k.....disadvantages in a committed.....anybody?
<`shado> lack of casual :)
<Kevinb32> rephrase
<Kilted_One> by variety do you mean that you can feel around and get your feet wet while trying to determine what partner is right for you??
<`abi> yes, KO ... that .... or having your cake ... and ice cream too
<Kevinb32> ..and some are committed to casual
<`slutkat`> only disadvantage i could think of in a committed relationship is if both are not committed to same extent... but hopefully that wouldn't be the case if it was labelled as *committed*
<vixen{KO}> Master also asked what disadvantages there were in a commited one versus the Advantages in the casual....so non variety, shado?
* vixen{KO} knows Master likes to have His "tart" and eat her too
<Kevinb32> grin
<`shado> not always vixen{KO}.....depends on the relationship again
<`slutkat`> falls under category of *too much info* vixen{KO}
<`abi> lol
<Kevinb32> lol
* vixen{KO} sticks tongue out and wagges it at the slutkat
<vixen{KO}> oops....waggles
<Kevinb32> nice waggle
* vixen{KO} curtsies
<Kevinb32> wagges are nice also
<`slutkat`> you'll be verrry sorry vixen{KO}... VERRRY sorry.. <SMIRK>
* vixen{KO} hopes so, slutkat
<tru_s{Ach}> a committment quite simply being a pledge or promise to do something.....maybe what we need to look at is the degree of committment and the symbolism used with each committment
<Kilted_One> would it be fair to say that the expectations are greater in a commited relationship and the turmoil it creates when they are not met is elevated??
* `slutkat` adds vixen{KO}'s name to the slut list... slut^vixen{KO}
<vixen{KO}> that is where the "somewhere in between" group falls into place, tru
<vixen{KO}> WOOHOO!!!
<tru_s{Ach}> like me vixen...
* `slutkat` lafffs
* `vixie chuckles at vixen
<Kevinb32> the truth lies within each one of us...I think we not search further
<`slutkat`> btw... sluts are committed... to slut-hood... <s>
* slut^vixen{KO} reaches for the communal ball gag for the wee vixie lass
<edri{AF}> heya Kilted...
<Kevinb32> i enjoy all hoods
<tru_s{Ach}> the symbolism is a beautiful silver chain...the committment is to learn all i can from someone willing to offer His time, knowledge and energy
<edri{AF}> did your subbie get her belt yet?
* slut^vixen{KO} nods
<edri{AF}> oh htere she is!
<Kilted_One> so what can be done to help a relationship that has one person more commited than the other??
<tru_s{Ach}> the "in-between" being that we do not devote entirely to one another
<`slutkat`> sometimes no symbol is needed... for a committed relationship.. the two in it simply establish the parameters for THEIR relationship and it proceeds as THEY wish it to...
<tru_s{Ach}> communication would certainly help KO
<slut^vixen{KO}> and not always on the same path....as in life
<Kevinb32> they are committed to their established limits and expectations kat
<`slutkat`> exactly Kevinb32
<Kevinb32> Yes agreed...
<Kilted_One> so you correct the communication and you now know that one is more that the other...what then??
<`slutkat`> and if it is a committed relationship, then they can work out when one is more committed than the other, KO.. imho of course... adjust things so that they are on more of an even keel so to speak...
<`slutkat`> and.. it is not necessarily *bad* if one is more committed than the other, yanno
<`slutkat`> one person may bring a certain amount of committment because that's what they can give to the relationship
<`slutkat`> the other may bring a diff amount of commitment..
* `slutkat` shrugs
<`slutkat`> as long as it works... who's to say its wrong?
<Kevinb32> it is not bad as long as that is part of the established trust and limits
<Kilted_One> it may not be bad right enough...but what if one partner "expects more commitment" how does the partner handle it
<Kevinb32> both hands
<`slutkat`> thats a diff scenario
<`vixie> i think that would be different in every situation KO...not everyone would handle it the same way
<`slutkat`> they need to discuss what each can give in terms of commitment.. and accept that or terminate the commitment
<Kilted_One> do you think that subs are more commited that doms?
<``slutkat`> not necessarily
* vixen{KO} thinks that the internet has expanded everyone's realm no matter which form they are seeking....albeit the casual, committed or inbetween....
<Kevinb32> ...generally speaking I think they are...we must do a case study...grin
<`vixie> very true vixen
<Kilted_One> sort of like the chicken and the pig committment??
<``slutkat`> ?
<vixen{KO}> so therefore finding like minded souls is possible
<tru_s{Ach}> maybe not so much a committment but a need....
<Kevinb32> and no minded souls
<tru_s{Ach}> a need to be wanted...to be loved....
<tru_s{Ach}> putting our priorities in order
* Kilted_One says to kat....the chicken is committed to give you breakfast...it gives you and egg each day....the pig is committed it dies to give you breakfast sort of thing ya know??
<``slutkat`> everyone has that need, tru
<``slutkat`> wudnt know KO... this subbie is veggietarian yanno.. .<s>
<tru_s{Ach}> it's the degree of that need kat....seems to show more openly in subs
<``slutkat`> what about, it shows more openly with women in general, tru?
<tru_s{Ach}> i think that subs by nature have the need to be accepted.....and that's for both male and female subs kat
<Kilted_One> do you think that males are more committed that females....no matter if they are dom or sub??
* ^^firerunner^ sneaks into the room
<``slutkat`> i'm not sure i'd agree with that tru... *thinkin on it*
<`shado> think women commit easier in general
<`vixie> i think the opposite could be true KO
<Kevinb32> Asa general rule tru...but some Doms harbour that desire also
<tru_s{Ach}> maybe simply because women are more openly emotional shado?
<Kevinb32> I agree shado
* Kilted_One hates stereo typin anyone or thing
<``slutkat`> tks-u, KO
<`shado> no...they just IMO tend to get what they think is their heart involved when in fact it's their sex drive
* vixen{KO} runs around the room breakin all the molds
<tru_s{Ach}> unfortunately it is the way things are though KO
<vixen{KO}> or is that moulds...???
<``slutkat`> who's gonna sweep up this mess vixen{KO}?
<`vixie> pas moi!
* ``slutkat` defies stereo-typing...
* vixen{KO} points to firerunner for being tardy
<Kevinb32> the world operates on stereo types...it is called predictabolity...not a good phrase but it is sought
* ``slutkat` <~extremely unpredictable
* `abi isn't so sure....as long as we're stereotyping, I think women have much higher walls than men
* ^^firerunner^ lowers her eyes..begs forgiveness girl had school..
* vixen{KO} can build pretty high walls herself, abi.....very tru
<Kevinb32> higher wall and smaller balls
* vixen{KO} winks at fire
<`vixie> anyone can build high walls though abi
<``slutkat`> perhaps men build THICKER walls?
<vixen{KO}> there ya go
<`abi> no, they just use different sized metresticks kat
<vixen{KO}> wait a minute....i'm afraid of heights.
* ``slutkat` nods.. this is true...
<``slutkat`> we'll build yers downwards for ya vixen{KO}
* tru_s{Ach} laughs
<`vixie> walls don't have to be high vixen, thick ones work just as well as high ones
<Kevinb32> I thinkwe have beaten this one to death....lol
<Kilted_One> does anyone think that there should be a set time or a min time before a relationship is classed as committed v's casual??
<tru_s{Ach}> we were talking measurement at the brunch today
<``slutkat`> nope
<``slutkat`> as in .,.. how long is your lettuce leaf?
<^^firerunner^> coming in at the end of this i think it is what one feels in there heart, i dont think a time frame analysis can be added to it
<tru_s{Ach}> that is wholey dependant on the parties involved KO
* vixen{KO} reminds KO that O/our relationship went from casual to committed in the time it took to glance at some stairs...
<``slutkat`> the stairs that went over the wall?
* Kilted_One smiles and agrees hence the reason for the question
<LrdThomas> LT starts humming stairway to heaven <g>
* ``slutkat` laffs
<vixen{KO}> the ones needed to eliminate many walls, kat
* ``slutkat` nods
* vixen{KO} points the speaker right at LT
<``slutkat`> and next week's topic... *Who Sings Better Karoake... Doms or subs?*
<Kilted_One> last thought.....any ideas on the "right ways" to end a committed relationship???
<Kevinb32> the chatter has stopped and sleepy eyes leave
* vixen{KO} will pass on that one.....knowing that if KO isn't singing then something
<``slutkat`> lol
<vixen{KO}> oops....something's amiss
<Kevinb32> use the same methos that started it...TRUTH
<``slutkat`> mutual agreement, KO?
<DukeDom> wb abi :)
<Kilted_One> that would be one good suggestion any others???
* ``slutkat` wonders which suggestion was labelled as the good one...
<tru_s{Ach}> open communication
<vixen{KO}> with honour and respect....at least one would hope
<Kilted_One> mutual agreement
* ``slutkat` nods
<Kevinb32> Truth engages honour and respect
* Kilted_One officially ends this tough discussion
Session Close: Sun Feb 20 22:12:51 2000