January 30, 2005 EhBC Online Discussion

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<ModBot> Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. Tonight's discussion topic is "Pushing Limits -- When, How and Why". The discussion is unmoderated. Enjoy!
<shado> never do KO
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> back
<kierana{DRFL}> front
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> in and out
<kierana{DRFL}> mmmmmmm
<Lady_Shoshin> up & down
<jewel`{F}> to and fro
<shado> bunch of pervs
* DarkAngel^{a}{t} pushes tareena{DA}'s limit ,,, grabing her by the hair and forcing her to her knees next to his chair ,,,, stay bitch
* Lady_Shoshin laughing
* tareena{DA} stays..but wants new limit's if that's it ;)
<nightmans> brb system crashing
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> shh girl ,, LOL ,,, was trying to start the ball rolling
<tareena{DA}> I thought I went with the ball, Master. When-now How-much further and why-because I like's it! *smiles*. Next?
<Lady_Shoshin> Yes, pushing limits, why do we do it, when is it appropriate and when shouldn't we?
* DarkAngel^{a}{t} sighs ,,, dang it ,,, I cant push limits when tareena{DA} is just ,,, so damn perverted and easy ,, *Evil Chuckle*
<kierana{DRFL}> why do we do it? because it is a way to see how much we've grown as ppl, in the lifestyle, within ourselves
<shado> personally i think pushing any limit during PMS is asking for trouble but that's just my opinion
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> LOL
<Lady_Shoshin> what about Dom/mes, how are we supposed to know when & how, especially if we have play partners, not permenant partners
* Lady_Shoshin agreeing with shadoe
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> PMS isnt allowed
* DarkAngel^{a}{t} ducks and chuckles
<kierana{DRFL}> ummmm big limit...lol
<shado> not a controlable thing
<Lady_Shoshin> dang, must go, have a good discussion all
<kierana{DRFL}> depends on how much drugs ya got, shado...lol
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> so who has had a limit pushed recently ,,, and what was it ?
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> personally I dont have many limits ,,,,, I am just a Slut
<kierana{DRFL}> i have limits...just haven't had many chances to play with them lately
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> BUT ,,, that said ,,, I do like to push ,,, my new slave tareena{DA} is semi interested in Humiliation ,,, so I have been pushing her there lately
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> names ,, making her admit horniness etc
* DarkAngel^{a}{t} Evil Chuckle
<nightmans> i'am new and i don't know my limits just yet
* DarkAngel^{a}{t} notices the quiet ,,, so reminds all about tomorrow's Woodstock Munch
<kierana{DRFL}> lol
<kierana{DRFL}> ok...sooooo just to throw out a q...how do you know it's time to start pushing/pressing a limit?
<tareena{DA}> For me, it was when Master put a collar around my throat. That said to me he was wanting to and accepting responsiblity..pushing limits is a great responsiblity, you never quite know what's going to happen.
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> only on days that end in 'y'
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> kierana{DRFL} ,, when you feel comfortable
<nightmans> would trust be a large part of this ?
<kierana{DRFL}> yes, dear Sir...i was just trying to get ppl talking...lol
<_dove> Yes nightmans, very much so
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> as an Owner ,,, when 'I' feel comfortable ,,, if I am wrong ,, I have to re-examine my communication paths and re-encourage dialogue
* nightmans <== is new
<kierana{DRFL}> for me...the subject is broached, talked about...left alone for a couple days and then approached again...if Wwe both feel it's right, then it happens
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> as my core kink is 'control' - I tend to make my slaves tell me their secrets ,,, and I take control of those
<nightmans> so da you find what there looking to due and try and play it out
<MistressCurt> Hello
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> are you talking to me nightmans ?
<nightmans> yes
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> ahhh DA is my short form then nightmans ,,, I didnt know you were reffering to me
<subfrankie> from a submissive point of view if i trust the dom and them no my limits i will respect there judgement
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> as well ,, try typing the first few letters of a nick ,, then hitting TAB ,,, LOL ,,,
<nightmans> i will make my self more clear next time
<Omy1> :
<kierana{DRFL}> i always have limits, sub frankie...doesn't matter if it's with a Dom i trust or not...there are just certain things that i can't see myself doing...
<subfrankie> i agree but there are limits or dislikes and then there are hard limits, none of the dom's that i have been with enter into hard limits only grey area surronding dislikes etx
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> to answer your question nightmans ... I dont 'fulfil' their desiers ,, but take control and push theirs at my leisure
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> if I am made aware of 8 fantacies ,,, and 2 turn my fancy ,,,, I take ownership of their secret, dirty, shameful, needs *Innocent Grin*
<tareena{DA}> One aspect of being his slave..never I'm never quite sure when a little limit pushing might happen. But that is what I agreed to when I accepted his collar.
<nightmans> sound's good to me
<MsMaple> So DarkAngel^{a}{t} the answer to pushing limits is whenever, however and why not?
* MsMaple feels real smug!
<kierana{DRFL}> lol
<Omy1> lol
<nightmans> ok how about this when a limit is being push do you let them push till thay see fit to stop or say it's to fast to soon
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> after doing alot of research ,, knowing your partner, talking ,,,
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> you make it sound easy (and yummy) MsMaple
<MsMaple> But of course it is subjected to the individuals involved
<kierana{DRFL}> i don't think casual play partners can do much pushing...can they?
<tareena{DA}> I wouldn't be at all inclined to let a casual partner push my limits. It's almost like..needing a reason to go there. My absolute submission is that reason.
<Omy1> nightmans
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> casual , unfortunately ,, cant really get too too deap into limits ,,, unless you wanna also hit unknown psycological triggers
<DarkAngel^{a}{t}> and have a kicking, screeming, totaly out of control, scared person on your hands ,,,,,,, = end of ANY scene
* kierana{DRFL} shivers nightmare time...
<kierana{DRFL}> there is only One i trust to push my limits, and to know when to lay off them when i refuse to safecall *smiles*
<nightmans> i'am hopeing i never hafe to use a safty word
<nightmans> what about tieing the sub/slave down well exploring limits
<_dove> I would think that would depend on a lot of things nightmans
<Omy1> I hope nightmans that if the situation arises that you need to you will. It's not a badge of honor to not dsafeword
<kierana{DRFL}> i would think that would depend on the limits and the agreement between the two ppl
<MsMaple> Asking opinions on safe words now. Do you ever force someone to use a safe word? I remember reading of this once.
<kierana{DRFL}> i'm always told to use my words if i need to, Ms Maple...Master hates it when i won't
<subfrankie> safeword are there in case someone pushing limits too far, i have never needed to use a safe word
<MsMaple> I would agree with him.
<nightmans> my self i would see that as toping from the bottom even thow i'am baseing this on no exp
<tareena{DA}> If I failed to use a safeword, I would actually hope I'd be punished for it. I've not had to yet, but it's the only thing a submissive has between good time and nightmare. Dom's aren't mind readers.
<cenobite{A}> MsMaple: I had some issues with using my safeword at the start of my relationship, and my Dom would push me to the point where I was in a way forced to say it-it was His way of getting me comfortable using the word when needed.
<kierana{DRFL}> nightmans...calling a safeword isn't topping from the bottom, it's about being safe
<_dove> nightmans - it would be topping if you used it to manipulate a scene. If you are in trouble, The Top needs to know.
<MsMaple> This is the technique I speak of cenobite{A}
<cenobite{A}> MsMaple: well it damn well worked with me! *laughs*
<nightmans> dove i hade hear many sotry of first time sub being froced to use them just for that resion
<MsMaple> I'll give it a try perhaps next opportunity then
<nightmans> story's
<Omy1> It doesn't work with everyone MsMaple...some people don't have a problem making use of their safewords and some do.
<kierana{DRFL}> and the reason i don't like using my safewords is because i don't want to disappoint Master...but...i just disappoint Him more when i don't use them...have learned the hard way...lol
<subfrankie> if you need a safeword than the two are not communicating very well and they should have a chat prior to the session
<Omy1> It is a technique that can work. It's a decesion the two people need to make.
<_dove> Not always subfrankie - if I am feeling faint for example, that can't be predicted.
<MsMaple> Omy1 But of course
<cenobite{A}> My reluctance was a combination of what kierana{DRFL} describes and a general dislike of speaking up when something is bothering me.
<jewel`{F}> there can be many reasons to use a safeword that have nothing to do with lack of communication
<kierana{DRFL}> frankie...what if during the session the sub starts to have difficulty breathing (something not commonly discussed beforehand) does the sub therefore not have the right to safeword because it wasn't communicated beforehand?
<nightmans> the one seen i got to see a safe wold was use to the sub could clear there nose from crying
<Omy1> That's not true subfrankie...sometimes there are other factors...emotional, hormonal...head space issues that affect the submissives ability to process the sensations
<Omy1> that is another good point kierana{DRFL}
<kierana{DRFL}> Omy...it's happened to me...so going from experience...lol
<Johncin> to me safe word means stop, something is wrong
<cenobite{A}> Or environmental factors. Maybe the sub is overheating or freezing (asuming this isn't supposed to be part of the scene) or the position s/he is in is uncomfortable. I'm sure most Doms would rather a sub safeword than have a sore back or chafed wrists from an uncomfortable position.
<subfrankie> those are good, and usually exception to the rules, if you have a panic attack or sezure or medical np use a safe word, i just dont think it should be used to stop a scene or limit the dom.
<abitbent> if a safeword is called... the dom's limits should be the least important
<jewel`{F}> there may have been very good communication before a scene where a new type of play was being introduced, and as much as both parties felt ready to try the new play for what ever reason something isn't right, ask kierana{DRFL} suggested, over excitement or anxiety can trigger an asthma attack
<_dove> A safeword is exactly to stop a scene - it means something's wrong. If that safeword is abused, that's a different story.
<jewel`{F}> a safe word isn't always used by the bottom either
<Omy1> temperature is a good one...if the venue is cold, it has a large impact in play. Doms are usally dressed, and we are doing all the work ;) so we maynot feel the cold
<kierana{DRFL}> i may not like calling safewords, but i will if i'm in trouble...the rest of the time i try to wait until Master sees that i've had enough
<jewel`{F}> if the top isn't feeling comfortable with the way the scene is going or they see the bottom starting to get into distress, or maybe the bottom has just wiggled around enough that their bonds have started to cut off circulation but the bottom is so deep into subspace they don't realise they could be in trouble
<nightmans> i'am not 100% sure what subspace is
<kierana{DRFL}> true jewel...Doms can call an end at any time they see something they don't like...or maybe just a readjustment or slow down...subs don't have a monopoly on knowing what's best for them during a scene...
<jewel`{F}> it is different for each person i think nightmans
<abitbent> for me it's a state of euphoria during intense emotional play.. often i lose track of time whilst i'm in subspace. I guess it's different for many.
<jewel`{F}> for me i get so focused on the sensations there is nothing else but them
<nightmans> thank u abitbent
<nightmans> thank u jewel`{F}
<abitbent> :) one of them things hard to explain nightmans... till i happens to ya anyway
<nightmans> i'am looking frw to my first seen
<subfrankie> kierana most doms check with the subs to see how there doin' again safe words are when things are not working like normal
<ModBot> There are only about five minutes left in the formal part of tonight's discussion. Does anyone have any last-minute thoughts on the subject?
<Omy1> The answer to when, how and why to push limits is a simple one in my mind. That answer is communication bewteen the two consenting adults
<nightmans> i think poushing limits is a good thing if you trust the person there with so that can grow and explore
<Johncin> back in 1996, I read an article in Playboy about subs so caught up in submission that they died from it
<kierana{DRFL}> ohhhh what a way to goooo!!!! lol
<abitbent> lol
<subfrankie> If you feel the need use a safe word, if not dont but it your decision
<nightmans> would be intresting
<nightmans> i will speak up b4 i feel a safe word is used just to keep the power in there hand's
<nightmans> or i'am i wrong on this idea
* MsMaple reads the screen again
<MsMaple> I would disagree but I'm a bit confused nightmans to your statement actually
<kierana{DRFL}> lololol
<nightmans> is it better to call a safe word or let the dom know something is just wrong
<MsMaple> and I'd probably put a gag on someone like you and give you a hand signal
* MsMaple is such a tease sometimes
<Omy1> sometimes?
<ModBot> Well, that's it for the formal part of the discussion. The discussion log is now closed. It should be processed and uploaded to the www.ehbc.ca website soon. Please feel free to continue chatting informally. Have a good night, everyone!
<ModBot> Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion.