January 26, 2003 EhBC Online Discussion

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<ModBot> Welcome to or regular Sunday night discussion. Please refrain from sending "hi" and "bye" messages until after 10 pm. Also note that the discussion is being logged. If you wish to remain anonymous, you should change your nick. Tonight's discussion topic is "Doms Helping Doms". The discussion is unmoderated. Enjoy!
<`abi> lol...and not a Dom in sight
<`abi> probably a bad choice of topic for Superbowl night
* jewel`{F} thinks on of these days ModBot is going to arrive to an empty room
<earl{MS}> superbowl Sunday
<earl{MS}> no discussion tonight?
<MasterBiker> register Me please
<maidenEarth> Is anyone discussing anything?
<earl{MS}> maidenEarth, does not look like it
<jewel`{F}> i think that some are shy to get started
<Justice> the topic is Doms Helping Doms maidenEarth - no comments yet
<maidenEarth> Or has the topic been exhausted alredy?
<Achilles{tr}> No moderator tonight?
<jewel`{F}> i was wondering what kind of help they are talking about
<maidenEarth> Are Doms too selfish to share tips and tricks?
* `abi points to the bot
<earl{MS}> any Dom/mes willing to admit that they get help
<jewel`{F}> helping in a scene? help with techniques?
<swee`t`fire> i don't think its a matter of being selfish.. i have talked to a number of Doms who just feel its their personal business... they don't even discuss their methods with their subs/slaves
<maidenEarth> The best help I have recieved has been watching people interact and play, and picking who I would like to emulate.
<maidenEarth> Most ppl are proud to show off skills for you and show and tell with toys if you ask at an event.
<Justice> have you observed Dom/mes helping other Dom/mes at events?
<maidenEarth> A question for the Doms here tonight, how did you develop your techniques and style, did you have a mentor?
<maidenEarth> Justice, I have seen Doms excitedly showing off new whips and demonstating techniques.
<Justice> so clearly ideas are shared - perhaps though the topic is more about mentorship
<maidenEarth> And looking at the workshops we have available in the area, and even the vanilla whip clubs couls be classed as Doms helping each other.
<maidenEarth> I guess maybe it isn't obvious, because nobody wants to be seen as less knowlegable than anyone else.
<maidenEarth> Has anyone helped you directly?
<Justice> no, but I am not one of the public scene participants
<earl{MS}> is it that Doms do not want to be seen as less than perfect in front of us subs?
<pretti_n_kink> of course it is earl{MS}... or in front of others in the public scene
<maidenEarth> Personally, even though I am a switch, I am much more Dominant than sub, but my first time publicly playing I expected jeers, laughter and fruiting. The fact that nobody even sniggered in my line of sight was very helpful!
<lilmunchkin> i have seen in public playing a new Dom getting advice from a vetern Dom on the proper technique in using an implement
<maidenEarth> Supportive acceptance is important.
<maidenEarth> lilmunchkin, did the recieving Dom seem comfortable with that?
<lilmunchkin> yes the receiving Dom seemed to accept the advice whole heartedly
<lilmunchkin> He seemed to have put His pride aside for the safety of his sub
<maidenEarth> Now, as a sub, would you lose respect for a Dom who is openly seeking information?
<earl{MS}> never
<pretti_n_kink> absolutely not
<lilmunchkin> no i would not, i would respect him more
<pretti_n_kink> the better informed he is... the safer i am bound to be
<maidenEarth> Are the Doms listening?
<pretti_n_kink> pun intended
<earl{MS}> and the more fun for the sub
<maidenEarth> ;)
<lilmunchkin> the safer us subs feel the longer the play will last
<pretti_n_kink> not only safer... but the better the experience overall is bound to be
<lilmunchkin> the better the experience the more we subs will want to experience it again
<maidenEarth> Indeed, and then if there is something the Dom could be doing better, you can trust that He/She is open to learning. (as long as you are respectful in pointing this out if needed)
<Justice> certainly maidenEarth - and, to be honest, it might extend the range of what a Dom/me does - there are somethings I certainly wouldn't attempt without some council - fireplay for instance
<earl{MS}> Mistress has said that She spent several years training under another, She knows what She is doing and does it very well, the training shows and Her slave is glad for it
<pretti_n_kink> so why is it... overall... that subs are more willing to share experiences than Doms?
<maidenEarth> Justice, I agree, some really exciting things can't simply be picked up instantly.
<maidenEarth> pretti_n_kink, I think it may be the personality difference between the Dominant and submissive, in general subs are lateral thinkers, and Doms are linear.
<earl{MS}> pretti_n_kink, subs expect to be trained and willingly try to learn, Doms do not seem to want to admit that there is something they do not know
<`abi> it occurs to me that a dominant who thinks they have nothing left to learn is either exceedingly dangerous or exceedingly boring ... or both
* pretti_n_kink votes... both
<lilmunchkin> i agree
<earl{MS}> yes, both
<dana_foreveralways> lol... both...
<maidenEarth> yep, not an attractive quality in anyone. A quiet self assuredness yes, a know it all no.
<`abi> although the words "I just learned this new thing" can be a little unsettling at times
<maidenEarth> as he gets out the knives...
<MasterBiker> lol
<`abi> especially if you happen to be tied up and blindfolded at the time
<pretti_n_kink> lol `abi... but it can create just that wee bit of fear we all love
* pretti_n_kink giggles
<earl{MS}> but learning together can be fun
<maidenEarth> Thats where the trust comes in....
<earl{MS}> and what fun is a know-it-all
<maidenEarth> I haven't had anyone offer unsolicited advice, but those I have asked questions of have been very forthcoming and open, so I think it is important to ask someone you respect if you want help.
<earl{MS}> maidenEarth, You have asked questions then and received assistance, You have this one's respect more than any other Dom/me in this room
<pretti_n_kink> i think there are likely many questions asked and information exchanged just not in a formal way sometimes
<pretti_n_kink> like across the table at a munch
<pretti_n_kink> in channel... etc
<earl{MS}> pretti_n_kink, do not see anyone here but one who will admit it
<`abi> yes, quite likely pretti_n_kink ... leaping into the middle of scene with "Hey can I try that!" probably doesn't go over real well
<pretti_n_kink> that was not what i was suggesting `abi
* `abi chuckles...yes, I know pretti_n_kink
<pretti_n_kink> just stating that it often goes unoticed
<pretti_n_kink> +n
<maidenEarth> Well, less onus is on me to hold the silence (what is the word for that in italian mafia?) because I am a switch and I have been in the scene only a couple of years..
<pretti_n_kink> we certainly could use more input from a few Dom/mes
<maidenEarth> But personality wise I have never let simply not knowing something get in my way, as those of you who have seen me sewing madly these last few months can attest to.
<dana_foreveralways> i have more respect for a Dominant who has no problems asking for advice or even a training session about some thing They wish to explore... would be far more concerned if They didnt... learning to me way of thinking is one of the plus (es..s..?) of the lifestyle
* pretti_n_kink thinks we should have a *subtopic*
<maidenEarth> After workshops I have always seen Doms asking questions of the "expert", I wonder if there are ppl who would not ask of a peer, but would go to an expert out of pride?
<maidenEarth> pretti_n_kink, what subtopic do you suggest?
<MasterBiker> I'v only been in scene for about 11 /2 yrs and have not yet attended any munches or parties as of yet , but look forward too it, I have found that if I see something that interests Me, there is lots of material on line but I also look forward to finding a mentor
<maidenEarth> (C'mon, somebody here must be a Sopranos fan, what is the term for silence?)
<`abi> what would you look for in a mentor MasterBiker?
<earl{MS}> being a good Dominant, as this slave sees it, is a very challenging undertaking, one that would take a lot of study to learn, is every One sefl taught?
<maidenEarth> So, online is an anonymous way that Doms help Doms.
<lilmunchkin> i know of a Dom who trained with a fellow Dom before going out on his own and he believes it made him a better Dom for it
<MasterBiker> I guess I'd have to think He was wise is His skills for starters
<MasterBiker> and I'd have to feel comfortable with Him and the way He treats His sub
<drauma{MzT}> hi A/all
<shadoe{S}> *listening*
<MasterBiker> as was stated.. a know it all attitude aint no fun no matter what ur doing
<MasterBiker> not really sure what to expect
<drauma{MzT}> but, sometimes one really DOES know somthing...
<maidenEarth> I have also met Doms who won't shut up about themselves and brag about their skills and prowess, and I wonder how they ever find the time to pay the attention needed to a sub.
<dana_foreveralways> lol
<drauma{MzT}> cmes wiht the ego sometimes
<lilmunchkin> maybe they don't maidenEarth
<MasterBiker> He'd fall under the blow hard catagory?
<maidenEarth> Because i believe the biggest skill needed to dominate another human being is attention.
* drauma{MzT} nods
<priceless_whore> i believe it is knowledge maidenEarth..but you cannot gain that knowledge if you arent paying attention
<dana_foreveralways> and a sense of humour... remembering W/we're all human and this is rather fun... grins
<maidenEarth> priceless_whore, absolutely
<ModBot> There are only about five minutes left in the formal part of tonight's discussion. Does anyone have any last-minute thoughts on the subject?
<earl{MS}> why do it if You are not having fun
<maidenEarth> dana_foreveralways, fun? sheesh, can't beat these subs hard enough...
<dana_foreveralways> lol
<drauma{MzT}> hyom ur, patience, tolerance, attention to details..these are ggod things for a DOminant to master for sure, but, somehow confidence has to be there too
<lilmunchkin> confidence in knowing who they are enough to know when to ask for advice
<dana_foreveralways> confidence would come from experience and learning
<drauma{MzT}> not necessarily, sometimes it comes from having a plan...
<maidenEarth> confidence can come from the trust thgat when you need to know something, you have avenues to find out.
<earl{MS}> and knowing Your limitationa
<drauma{MzT}> someitmes it is just there
<maidenEarth> again a personality charachteristic.
<drauma{MzT}> sometimes it can be situational, i like to use dental schools, for the supervision...
<drauma{MzT}> the students know they can lean on a teachers wisdom...
<`abi> hmmmm....Dom School .... now there's a twist on the schoolgirl fetish
<maidenEarth> and on the teachers insurance...
<drauma{MzT}> sometimes the degree of risk allows confidence, floggin is less risky than whipping for example
<ModBot> Well, that's it for the formal part of the discussion. The discussion log is now closed. It should be processed and uploaded to the www.ehbc.ca website soon. Please feel free to continue chatting informallly. Have a good night, everyone!
<ModBot> Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion.