Pervertibles -- Kinky Uses for Everyday Things

 

By Bernie Roehl

(copyright © 2001, released under a Creative Commons License)

 

One of the most common questions I get asked is “where do I get BDSM equipment from?”.  If you live in Toronto, Montreal or Vancouver, there are stores you can simply walk into and pick up a flogger, a paddle, a blindfold or a pair of cuffs.  If you live outside of one of those major centres, it’s a bit harder.  Even if you do have access to a store that sells BDSM gear, you may be reluctant to be seen walking in there.

 

One option is to buy things via mail-order, but it can be costly and you never know what the quality of the item will be until it arrives.  And of course, you may live in a household where someone else gets to the mail before you do!

 

In this article, we’re going to look at one possible solution.  Instead of going out to buy something, look around to see if you already have something suitable close at hand.

 

What is a “Pervertible”?

 

A pervertible is any object that was originally designed for some everyday activity, but which can be used or adapated for kinky purposes.  A simple example would be a ruler.  Sure, you can use it for measuring things, but you can also use it to apply some much-needed discipline.

 

There are many reasons for using pervertibles.  Obviously, they save money.  A decent leather-covered wooden paddle may sell for $50.  A regular ping-pong paddle may sell for $5, and you might already have one in your rec room.  Can your partner tell if you’re using a leather-covered paddle or a ping-pong paddle?  Probably not.

 

Another big advantage of pervertibles is “plausible deniability”.  If you have kids, or roommates, or parents who come to visit from time to time, you have to be careful to keep the leather strap, blindfold and gags out of sight.  However, if you use a belt, a sleep mask and some scarves instead, there’s no need to worry about guests stumbling across your gear.

 

Pervertibles are also great when you’re travelling.  Planning a trip to the states to visit some relatives?  You can have a dozen toys in your suitcase, and not raise any eyebrows when you unpack.  And if you’re crossing the border, pervertibles are definitely the way to go.

 

I remember when my submissive and I went down to Black Rose.  We were flying into Washington, so they opened and inspected all our luggage!  They got quite an eyeful – floggers, cuffs, clips, and so on.  To their credit, the border guards didn’t say a word or show any reaction – my guess is that we’re not the first couple to have a suitcase of toys with us.  However, you may not be so lucky.  Is a flogger considered a “weapon”?  I don’t know, and I wouldn’t want to find out.

 

Pervertibles also have one other big advantage – spontaneity!  Look around you – there are probably half a dozen items within arm’s reach that can be used as toys.  No need to plan a formal scene, just pick up whatever’s at hand and go for it!

 

Categories of Pervertibles

 

Pervertibles can be grouped into several broad categories.  There are percussive-play items (things that are used for creating an impact), poking/prodding items, sensation producers, things that can be used for bondage, and pervertible furniture.  We’re going to look at each of these categories individually.

 

Percussion Toys

In this category are things that can be used to produce a physical impact of some kind.  Some are stingy, some are thuddy, but all of them are used to create those strong sensations that submissives love.

The most obvious, of course, is your hand.  A good old-fashioned bare-bottom hand spanking is very effective and can be done at the drop of a hat – or at the drop of a pair of panties!  It’s the one toy you always have at your disposal, so don’t be reluctant to use it.

Another common choice is a wooden spoon.  Did someone forget to stir the soup when she was supposed to?  A few smacks on her bottom with the spoon she forgot to use can be a very effective reminder!  A similar toy would be a ping-pong paddle, especially one that’s wooden on one side and rubber on the other.  You can also use one of those small paddles that are still sold with a rubber ball on an elastic attached to it.  Remove the ball and elastic, and the paddle is just about the right size and weight.  Some people use breadboards, though they can be a bit heavy and unwieldy for our purposes.

Large plastic spoons can also be used, as well as metal spatulas.  However, the plastic spoons may break too easily, and most spatulas are awkwardly shaped and too handle-heavy.

For traditional domestic discipline, a wooden hairbrush can work quite well.  For those with a British background, a slipper can be used to good effect.  Beach slippers (“flip-flops”) are nice too, and a bit heavier than a regular slipper.  They’re especially effective on a wet swimsuit, or wet skin.

Paint stir sticks are nice and light and create a surprising amount of sting, especially on genitals, and they can be picked up for free at any hardware store.  If you play with multiple people (as I do), you can have one for each of them, which is a good idea if you use them genitally.

Another percussion toy is a simple fly swatter.  They’re designed to provide minimal air resistance, and can be quite thwappy when applied to bare skin.  You can also get them in a variety of styles, rubber and plastic.  If you check at some of the rural farmers markets, you can even find leather ones!  You can also get electric fly swatters, which are more of a sensation toy than an impact toy.  They’re available at most dollar stores, and they deliver quite a jolt.

Other things you might have at hand include belts, rulers, yard sticks (or “meter sticks”), wooden schoolroom pointers, chopsticks, long bath brushes, long shoe horns and wooden back scratchers.

If you’re willing to venture as far as your backyard or garage, you’ll find such goodies as bamboo gardening stakes (though be careful – they can snap and splinter in unpleasant ways), fishing rod segments (same caution!), or an old car antenna.  You can also make a switch from an old tree branch.  Make a quick trip to an outdoors store and youll probably find those small wooden canoe paddles, just the right size and shape for use as an instrument of correction.

Poking, Prodding and Pinching

When you tire of impact play, consider doing something involving pointy things being pressed against, rubbed along, or clipped onto various delicate bits.  There are lots of toys that fit in this category, so this is just a quick sampling.

Clothes pins are wonderful things.  They can be applied individually, or threaded onto a string and then pulled off all at once (called a “zipper”).  They’re available in wood or plastic, and if you look in kitchen supply stores you can even find metal ones.  The metal ones are nice because there’s a fair amount of weight to them, which increases the sensation.  Speaking of which, a pair of sewing clamps attached to the nipples with string can be augmented with a selection of fishing weights.  Other types of clips are available too, including bobbie pins, hair clips with jaws, and those black metal springy things they use for clipping stacks of paper together.

For poking/scratching sensations, the choices are many -- knitting needles, corn cob holders, bamboo skewers, keys, metal guitar picks, kitchen forks and so on.  If you’re looking for a slightly scarier sharp sensation, try things like Exacto knives (or “box cutters” as the media now calls them), fish hooks, frog gigs, kitchen knives, pizza cutters and any number of things from the kitchen drawers.  A rectal thermometer can be useful, even if you’re fairly sure that your submissive isn’t actually running a fever.

 

And don’t forget – fingernails can be very scratchy, and they’re another toy you always have with you.

Sensation Play

Of course, there are times when a softer, gentler approach is called for.  Even here, there are lots of options if you use some imagination.

There are many different types of sensations – hot and cold, hard and soft, smooth and scratchy.  Sandpaper of various grits can be quite arousing, as can steel wool.  The light touch of a makeup brush or paint brush can be contrasted with the roughness of some fish scaling gloves.  Soft car-wash mitts, some fake fur or a feather duster can all be nice.  Velcro (either side), nail files and pumice stones are very scratchy indeed.

 

On the temperature spectrum, there are a few possibilities.  Ice is one (make sure you have lots, it melts surprisingly fast!).  Ice packs, and those shake-and-cool packs are handy alternatives.  You can also use a package of frozen vegetables.  On the warmer side, a hair dryer can produce a lot of localized heating.  For both heating a cooling, as well as general stimulation, a detachable shower head is very useful.

 

And at the hot end of the spectrum, candles can be a great deal of fun.  Remember, though – basic unscented white candles work best, since they burn at a lower temperature than some of the more exotic ones.  You should always start off way above the skin when dropping wax on someone and then adjust the intensity by gradually lowering the candle.

 

One interesting idea is to use an electric toothbrush.  All of them these days have disposable brushes.  Just take one brush, (a new one is best) and label it with tape so you don’t get it confused with your regular one.  You can apply it to nipples or genitals, and if you do it in the bathroom, nobody will even be bothered by the buzzing!

 

In addition to all of the above, there are the various substances you can spread on someone’s skin to produce interesting effects.  A word of caution here, though – be sure to check for things like allergic reactions first, and in some cases start off with a small amount of a substance before moving up.  Among the things that people have reported trying are peppermint extract, cinnamon extract, Ben Gay, Rub A535, Vicks ointment (especially for age play!), toothpaste, ginger root, clove oil, Icy Hot, baby oil, massage oil, pudding, whipped cream, ice cream, and peanut butter.

 

Note that many of these are intended for external use only – don’t put them inside any orifices, since they may not be safe for that purpose. 

 

Bondage Items

 

There’s absolutely no need to buy a complex system of restraints.  You can find everything you need around your home.

 

Rope and chain are cheap and easy to find, and unless you leave them attached to the bedposts, they’re easily deniable.  However, travelling with a suitcase full of chain is not only suspicious, it’s heavy!  For on-the-road use, things like leather belts, scarves, bandanas, shoe laces, dress ties and bathrobe belts are great.

 

A sleep mask makes a perfect blindfold, and it’s exactly the sort of thing you’d take with you when you travel.  Add earplugs (or headphones with appropriate music) and possibly some heavy mittens, and you’ve got a nice sensory deprivation scene.

 

Bungee cords are things you can carry in your car without arousing the least bit of suspicion.  Tensor bandages are good, and vet wrap (that cloth tape that sticks to itself, used for binding horses’ legs) is perfect for bondage.  Speaking of animal supplies, a dog leash is often useful, either for bondage or for a late night walk.  A dog cage can also be set up by the foot of the bed – even if you don’t have a dog.

 

Duct tape is great – and very Canadian, too!  It can be used for bondage, or for holding in a gag made of a balled-up handkerchief.  A simple ball gag can be made from one of those practice golf balls (with all the holes through it) and some rope.  Saran wrap can be used for mummification.

 

Plastic cable ties are fairly cheap, and they’re great for instant bondage.  Just make sure they don’t get pulled tighter than you intended, and keep a pair of safety scissors nearby to cut them off since there’s no other way to remove them.

 

Of course, you not only need to have a way of binding someone – you also need something to attach them to.  If you look around your home, car, motel room or wherever you happen to be, you’ll find all kinds of possibilities.  Bedposts, futon frames, coffee tables, hassocks and high-backed chairs are ideal.  Other possibilities include saw horses, ladders, footstools, ottomans and staircase banisters. Depending on what you have, and how much money you want to spend, a jungle gym, swing set or weight machine can be a nice piece of bondage equipment.

 

Where to Shop

 

Most of the items we’ve listed above are things you probably already have around the house.  However, if you’re looking to go on a shopping trip, there are a few locations that are definitely worth checking out.

 

First and foremost is Canadian Tire.  Just wander the aisles (ideally with a partner or a few kinky friends) and you’ll be amazed.  Wall to wall pervertibles!  The dollar stores that have sprung up lately are also a good source of inexpensive gear.  Craft stores and toy stores are also good.  For restraints, impact toys and even some sensation toys, a good outdoors store is worth a visit.

 

You should definitely take the time to locate your nearest tack shop.  A tack shop sells horse-related accessories, and you can find riding crops in a variety of styles, as well as horse hair floggers (which they will insist on calling “fly swishes”), short paddles and more.  And they’re all out there on shelves, right in the open.  Amazing!  I suspect a lot of the people you find in tack shop don’t even own a horse, and have no plans to get one.

 

Closing Comments

 

At this point, it’s up to you.  Look around, keep your eyes and ears open, and start using your imagination with every new object that catches your attention.  Pervertibles are all around you, all the time – you just have to take the time to notice them, and think about what kinky uses you can put them to.  If you find any new ones, send me some email (bernie@ehbc.ca)

 

I’d like to thank the great folks who participate in the Sunday night discussions in #bdsm-kw on irc.bondage.com, who contributed many of the ideas I’ve included in this article.  Thanks, everyone!

 

In the next issue we’ll be talking about fantasy roleplaying.  See you then!