Roleplaying

 

By Bernie Roehl

(copyright © 2001, released under a Creative Commons License)

 

Beyond the ropes and chains, beyond the floggers and single-tails, beyond all the wonderfully nasty physical play that we all engage in, lies a territory that everyone has heard of but few have explored.  The intrepid souls who have ventured into that land of fantasy have sent back reports that sound exciting and intriguing, but it’s still difficult for most people to make the transition from thinking about it to actually exploring it themselves.

 

I’m talking, of course, about roleplaying.  Whether it’s an errant schoolgirl being disciplined by a stern headmaster, a kindly doctor and his nervous patient, or a rock star and the groupie who’ll do just about anything to get close to her idol, roleplaying can be fun, scary, and exhilarating.  It can also be difficult, frustrating and sometimes not very successful.

 

In this article, I’m going to explore how roleplaying works, and some of the things that you can do to make your scenes more satisfying and more likely to succeed.  This is actually the first of two articles on the subject, and will focus on light, fun, playful roleplaying of the doctor/patient or schoolgirl/teacher variety.  Next month we’ll move on to the heavier forms of roleplaying as well as discussing the psychology of dominance and submission.

 

What is Roleplaying?

 

The idea itself is very simple.  You and your partner (or partners) agree to take on particular roles in a pre-determined scenario.  For a certain period of time, you put your normal everyday relationships on the shelf and become different people.  It can be done in a playful, lighthearted way or a serious, emotionally intense way, but in both cases the underlying principles are the same.  You create a set of characters, define the relationships between them, and come up with a fantasy scenario.

 

A successful roleplaying scene should feel liberating for everyone involved.  Just as the revelers at Mardi Gras put on masks to allow them to do things that they might feel awkward doing otherwise, the process of putting on a persona in a roleplaying scene can give you the freedom to do things that you normally would never do.

 

In addition, roleplaying can give you and your partners the experience of being with someone new and different, thereby fulfilling their need for variety and excitement.

 

An Example

 

To get some insight into roleplaying, let’s start off with a typical scenario – say, a beautiful princess who has fallen into the hands of a pirate.  The princess might have information that the pirate wants in order to attack the kingdom.  The pirate might try any number of things to elicit the information from the princess, from seduction through torture.

 

That’s a fairly basic scenario, and obviously very light-hearted, but it is still rich with possibilities.  The characters are very well-defined – everyone knows what a princess is supposed to be like, just as they know what a pirate is supposed to be like.  The costuming is easy enough – a beautiful dress and tiara (for the princess, of course) and an eyepatch and perhaps a menacing hook for the pirate.  If you want to spend some money, you can of course get more elaborate with the costumes.

 

The other nice thing about this scenario is that each of the characters has a goal.  The pirate wants to get information, the princess wants to protect her kingdom.  This also provides a built-in safeword, since the princess can stop the proceedings at any point by simply revealing the information that the pirate wants.

 

An Actor Prepares

 

Once you’ve chosen a scenario, the next step is to start preparing for it.  The first thing to do is spend some time talking with your partner(s) about the fantasy itself.  Find out what appeals to each of you about it, and what specific elements are required in order to push your buttons.

 

For example, what is there about the image of a princess that is potentially erotic?  Is it the fact that she’s a vision of purity?  If so, then the focus of the scene might be her loss of “virginity” at the hands (or other body parts…) of the pirate.  Is it the fact that she’s normally in a position of power, which she has now lost?  If so, then perhaps some tight, restrictive bondage will serve to emphasize her powerlessness.  Is it the fact that she has a haughty, regal attitude?  If so, then forcing her to do things which debase and humiliate her might be a possible direction to go in.

 

Similarly, what is there about the pirate that arouses your partner’s passion?  Is it a roguish attitude?  If so, then tone of voice, swagger, and some well-chosen lines of dialogue become important.  Is it the fact that he’s dirty and unkempt?  If so, then perhaps skipping a bath or two might be an idea.  Is it all about the general look of the pirate?  If so, then it’s worth spending some time on getting the costume just right.

 

If you’re doing a doctor/patient scenario, what are the triggers?  Is it the starched white lab coat?  The very cold stethoscope?  The feel of the paper on the examining table?  Or is it more about the bedside manner, the calm Marcus Welby attitude that puts the patient at rest even while saying the most alarming things to them.

 

How important is the setting?  If you’re doing a classroom scenario, is it important to have a blackboard?  A wooden stool in the corner?  A clock on the wall, counting down the minutes until recess?

 

No matter what the premise of the scene is, you need to find out what specific aspects are absolutely essential for you and/or your partners, and which elements are not needed.

 

The next step is to go shopping.  There are lots of places to find props and costumes.  If money is no object, find a local costume shop or theatrical supply company.  Costume shops usually have a good selection in September and October, but things are usually on sale after Halloween.  You can also find a lot of good things at your local thrift store or Salvation Army, or even at your local dollar store.  If you’re looking for an official school uniform (male or female), try contacting your local Catholic school.  If you need a lab coat, drop by the bookstore or central stores department of your local university.  Stethoscopes and other medical devices can be found at some of the larger pharmacies as well as at medical supply houses.

 

Depending on what sort of scenario you’re putting together, you may need to go around and scout out some locations, much like they do for a movie shoot.  If you’re doing a “high school cheerleader meets tough biker” scenario, you could go to your local high school playing field at a time when you’re sure it won’t be in use.   If you’re a groupie looking for an autograph, just show up at the rocker’s hotel room after the concert’s over.  Some locations are “safer” than others, but of course “safe” may not always be what you’re looking for.

 

To Script or Not to Script, That is the Question

 

The one thing you shouldn’t do while preparing a scenario is write out a script.  Scripts cause more problems than they solve.  One or both of you will get nervous, forget what comes next, and lose the momentum of the scene.  As we’ll see later, that’s one of the most common reasons for a roleplaying scene not working.  Instead, just brainstorm on a number of things that might happen during the scene, and then mentally file that list away.  It’s sort of like those canned goods you buy that say “may contain…” on the label.  There’s no guarantee that any particular ingredient will be part of a particular scene, but you have a general idea of what might possibly be in there.

 

The only sections of the scene that you should pre-plan in any detail are the first 30 seconds and the last 30 seconds.  You should know ahead of time how you’re going to start, and you should have an agreed-upon ending point that lets you both know the scene is over.  For example, in the “rock star” scenario we looked at earlier, the scene might begin with the groupie knocking on the hotel room door, and end when the rock star autographs her breasts.  In the doctor/patient scenario, it might begin when the doctor comes into the examining room, and end when he sends the patient on her way.  The main thing is that the start and end points of the scene are well-defined, so you both know when you’re “in scene” and when you’re not.

 

Also be sure to spend some time figuring out what your character’s goals are. If you’re playing a police officer arresting a young juvenile delinquent, your goal may be to get them to confess to some crime they’ve committed. If you’re the juvenile delinquent, your goal may be to get the officer to release you because you haven’t done anything wrong.

 

Goals are very important.  Without them you’ll be floundering around, not knowing what to do next.  A strong goal will carry you through the rough patches in a scene, and give you a real sense of forward momentum.

 

Since we’re doing scenes that have a D/s component to them, try to choose goals that have a natural, built-in conflict.  You want it to be a “win-lose” scenario rather than a “win-win”, otherwise there’s no conflict and hence no tension and no resolution.  It’s the conflict that fuels the scene, the interplay of the characters goals that drives it forward.  Each character has a goal they’re pursuing, and each has a reason to prevent the other from reaching their goal.

 

Keep in mind that the “conflict” doesn’t have to be a head-to-head confrontation.  For example, if the patient is shy about being examined in an intimate way by the doctor, she can be reluctant but not flat-out refuse to do it.  She might hem and haw and reluctantly agree to the examination, but without that agreement (however reluctant it may be) the scene will get “stuck” and you won’t be able to progress any further.  Pursue your goals, but be prepared to surrender them at some point in order to advance the scene.

 

Opening Night

 

All the preparation is done, your props and costumes are arranged, you have a location picked out and you’ve got goals for your characters as well as a list of things that might possibly happen in the scene.  What next?

 

Well, the idea to keep in the back of your mind is that you want to gradually escalate the energy in the scene.  Escalation means raising the stakes, increasing the tension, building towards a goal.  A short scene might involve building towards a goal, achieving the goal, and then moving almost immediately to the agreed-upon end point.  A longer scene might consist of a series of increasingly intense build/resolve cycles.  For example, the doctor/patient scene might begin with a discussion of the patient’s problem, followed by her having to unbutton her blouse so the doctor can place the very cold stethoscope against her chest.  That moment would mark the end of the first build/resolve.  The doctor may then decide to move on to a more intimate examination, which involves the patient removing her skirt.  That would be the second build/resolve.  Each cycle involves greater intimacy, and going slightly further than the previous one.  Each time you play the scene (and the scenes may recur over a period of weeks or even months) the escalation can go a little bit further.

 

The onus is generally on the Dominant in the scene to determine how quickly to run each cycle, and how many cycles to do before reaching the endpoint.  However, the Dominant should clearly monitor the responses of the submissives, and use that as a guide as to how far and how fast to proceed.

 

The Dominant should also have a list of perhaps half a dozen specific elements to introduce into the scene.  That way there’ll never be an awkward lull in the proceedings while you both frantically try to think of what to do next.  The submissives can also come up with ideas to keep the scene moving forward, and introduce those ideas as needed.

 

Sustaining the momentum of the scene is absolutely essential.  If you hit a plateau, you need to move past it, and quickly.  That doesn’t mean the scene overall should be rushed, and in fact a slower pace is often very effective (in part because it buys you time to think of the next thing you want to do).  However, when you hit a dry spot you need to jumpstart the scene quickly or it will die right there.  Have a few tricks up your sleeve, and if you still end up stuck, head directly for the ending of the scene.  That’s one reason why the ending point should be pre-planned – it gives you a graceful way out of the scene rather than just abruptly saying “let’s stop”, which is jarring and unsatisfying.

 

After the Curtain

 

Once the scene is over, and you’ve had a chance to recover a bit (if necessary) and perhaps get rid of whatever costumes and other gear you used, you should sit down and talk about the scene.  Be positive and constructive!  Talk first about the elements that worked for each of you, and how you’d like to explore those further.  Then talk about those elements that didn’t work, and how you can make them better.  Avoid blaming each other for things that happened or didn’t happen, and instead focus on the scene itself.

 

In particular, avoid saying “I expected you to…”.  That statement implies that there was some set way the scene had to go, when in facct the whole point is to make the scene spontaneous and natural.  Going in with unstated expectations will inevitably mean those expectations won’t be met, which is why it’s important to communicate with your partners before the scene.  If (for example) you won’t feel satisfied unless there’s a freezing-cold speculum involved, then the time to mention that is before the scene starts rather than after it ends.

 

Common Problems

 

The most common problem is simply staying in the scene.  It’s easy to get the giggles, drop out of the moment, and give up.  So… where do “the giggles” come from?  Well, fundamentally it’s a release of tension.  You’re nervous, the sexual energy is rising, and it has to go somewhere – so it comes out as laughter.  The more successful you are at building the tension in the scene, the more likely it becomes that it will fall apart.

 

So, what do you do about it?  Well, there are two approaches that seem to work well.  The first is to prevent the nervous energy from happening in the first place by slowing the pace of the scene right down.  The change in tension from one moment to the next is very small, so there’s less of a tendency to react by turning it into laughter, and yet there’s continuous forward movement and gradual building of tension (which is what you want).

 

The other approach is to accept the laughter, acknowledge it in the scene, and use it in order to continue.  For example, in a classroom scene the student might get the giggles.  Admonishing them for laughing in class, and perhaps applying some discipline, is one way of integrating the giggles into the scene without letting it keep you from moving forwards.  Note that for this approach to work, the Dominant in the scene has to be able to stay focused, rather than getting caught up in the laughter as well.

 

The other big problem people run into while roleplaying is simply losing their way.  They’re not sure what to do next, they get flustered, and panic.  The secret here is to relax, and remember that time is on your side.  Make sure you have some “idle” activity that you can pursue while you refocus yourself and prepare for the next part of the scene.  Again using a classroom as an example, just stick the student in the corner while you plan what comes next.

 

The main thing in all cases is to have a way to move forwards, and not let yourself get taken off track.  It’s much better to find a graceful way to end a scene than just halt it abruptly, since a sudden stop is not only jarring but also feels like “failure”.  And bailing out of a scene once will set you up to do it again next time.  Stay in it, and take the minute or two necessary to resolve the scene and end it properly, rather than simply giving up.

 

Next Issue

 

In our next issue, we’ll be taking a more in-depth look at the psychology of roleplaying.  We’ll also discuss how to move from light, frivolous scenes like the ones we’ve discussed so far, into more heavy and intense psychological roleplaying.  See you next time!